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Old 12-27-2006, 01:52 AM   #1  
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: Frozen Tootsies, Maine
Posts: 3,466

Default For diehard Star Trek fans....

SIGNS THAT THE ENTERPRISE IS NEARING THE END OF ITS WARRANTY
  • Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

  • Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

  • Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

  • Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.

  • Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

  • Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

  • Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.

  • Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
  • Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

  • Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
  • Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.

  • Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand Care Bears.

  • Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.

  • Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.

  • Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.

  • Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.

  • Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.

  • Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please with sugar on it".

  • Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.

  • Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.


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