Beck Diet For Life/Solution – September 2009 – Support, Discussion, Buddy/Coach - Page 2 - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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Old 09-02-2009, 10:02 AM   #16  
Lovin' Life
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Good Morning

Hi Everybody!!

an 8lb gain over the summer....I can deal with that.

I signed up with weight watchers yesterday, did heaps and heaps of grocery shopping. Didnt get any cooking done but that is on the agenda for today.

Dusted off my gym membership and that is planned for today.

Food is planned and packed!

Stress still really hasnt been dealt with yet. I got thru the summer, and right now we are on a bit of a slow down until the college kids realize they need frat tees in 3 days Usually we are quiet around here in september until a week after labour day. Ive been taking quite a bit of time off work to get things done around the house. Trying to get my home life a bit more organized. Slow going....but its going.

Stress.........need to deal with it better or go bonkers!

We have also finally found someone (who is on the ball and on time!) to remodel our bathroom. That starts in about 2 weeks. We started looking for heating and cooling ppl back in July....its now September and we still havent been able to find someone who will get back to us. I really dont know what is up with these companies. Its almost as if Im not going to spend 10's of thousands of dollars on a new system, they arent interested. I just need what I have FIXED!! Geez!

I should be back into personals within the next couple days once I get caught up with reading.

Last edited by RobinW; 09-02-2009 at 10:04 AM.
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Old 09-02-2009, 01:01 PM   #17  
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hi everyone,

trying to find the energy to post. just sitting at my desk is tiring! acknowledging that it’s due, at least in part, to boredom. not enough to do. my last day here is sept 11 and so am winding down from little to none. i’m walking the parking lot twice a day, but that’s like a single hour out of 9. cripes. i just read “johnny bunko” while eating my lunch (i know…focus on the food…i just feel less self-conscious reading with a bowl of soup at my desk than not, since it implies a lunch break as opposed to just sitting and reading when i should be working. at, something?) would be nice if they find another engagement for me between now and then, or between then and the 8 weeks that they appear to give people on the bench before they’re laid off. which wouldn’t be that big of a deal, unless the house is still on the market in three months. lots of possibilities for things to go all kinds of ways and i could easily make myself crazy thinking about it. which is even less productive than pretending to work. so instead, i just keep telling myself that everything really does work out the way it’s supposed to. wouldn’t it be a **** of thing to get laid off twice, by the same company, in the same year? or not. have no idea at this point. between that, the house, the pregnancy – i can’t let myself think too much about anything because right now it’ll just keep me from sleeping. and i am TIRED.

robin, i feel you, girlfriend! if you stumble across a way to deal with stress, can you shout out? anne, can you refresh my memory on the big RCs? i could use a little boost myself. china, it’s just so absolutely fabulous that you use novels (and good ones, too) the way i used fried chicken and cookies. NICE. erika, lovely way to string two days together, even when it’s not easy! lovely café desserts can sing a mean siren song…muy strengthening to resist the call. bill, inspiring work with portions! i still somehow feel that if i restrict my portions i’m somehow denying myself what i really need. like i’m not already drowning in a sea of calories. hm. hi kara! boy are you hard on yourself! you’ve made so many changes in your approach to food. i’m not saying stop being aware, but it sounds like you’re yelling at yourself for not being perfect. you’re allowed to make mistakes! gardnerjoy, if you figure out a non-caloric way to make errands more fun, can you share? i like being able to check things off my to do list – it’s just no fun when the list is so friggin’ long, know what i mean? welcome back tera! feels like it’s been forever! so glad to hear you’re making progress on the medical front, and that things have stabilized a bit with your mom. happy reading kim!!!

Last edited by kuhljeanie; 09-02-2009 at 01:04 PM.
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Old 09-02-2009, 06:48 PM   #18  
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Default good news/bad news....mostly good

Hi, all,

Glad to see old friends checking in and updating and seeing such commitment from the new Beckie coaches/buddies.

ChinaMaine, we are such kindred spirits! Would so much rather read a good "old favorite" book than see the newest buzz movie. Good books need reading over and over again; I whiz through the great ones way too fast to savor the art, must go back over again to appreciate fully. The one author I forgot to ask if you have read is Frank Herbert. He is definitely in my top five of all time ..and the top for SciFi..never took water for granted, ever, ever, after reading Dune 30 years ago.

Kuhljeanie, wow. So many changes. I have to say once again I am amazed at your resilience and your attitude. That can only come from a lot of self confidence.

Onebyone, thanks for sharing the story of your sister negotiating. I don't know why I enjoyed it so, but I did. I just really got a kick out of it. Glad your mom is OK with things, too; that makes a world of difference for everyone,

Regarding the stress conversation: saw Dr. Oz on TV yesterday morning.....He was talking about alternative/eastern medicine in addition to western medical practices. He said if he had hypertension, the first thing he would do is learn to meditate. He spoke of depression treatment and the fact that only about 30% of patients get better from depression medication alone. The rest require psychotherapy to get better, and we know the #1 most effective treatment is fact, that is why Dr. Judith's father Aaron Beck developed treat depression.

I am going to start practicing what I preach going to find a decent yoga class...not easy to do in this neck of the woods, believe me. Much easier to find an authentic sauna and a lake or a big snow bank to roll in afterward. That is the standard stress relief around here.

So here is my confession, coaches...went to a big bd party bash last night...great band, great buffet.....and my friend was, yup, you guessed it.........drank beer, no restraint with fattening pot luck, none. ..and didn't enjoy the food that much..I caught myself and just ditched the plate.....don't know what I was thinking; I never eat like that when there is a chance to dance. The good news is an acceptable dance partner found me, was a pretty good fit for me ( didn't try to do a bunch of stupid stuff and pretty much let me dance the way I want to, which is to enjoy the music, not try to impress people) and so I got to dance as much as I wanted...which is every dance...NO CHOICE there! Got a chance to wear my $3.50 red dress..fitted, straight, marked $6.99 at Goodwill, but it was Monday, so half price. Love it! The expensive one I ordered from Boston Proper looked terrible on me..without implants and Victoria's Secret, it just sorta "fell flat." Just didn't look the way it did on that model.

The really good news is that today I got 2 pairs of pants, two blouses and a pair of sandals for 96 bucks! The pants are size 6, but the one pair was actually a bit loose...I actually went and looked to see if there was a 4 on the rack; there was not, and it may not have fit, but that would have really been a kick. And I know, I know, vanity sizing. True, true, but great fun nonetheless. Came home and threw some of my fat clothes in a bag for Goodwill; am not gonna gain this weight back. Am back on track today. I still think the most effective tool of all is writing everything down. I really do. The other part of what works for me, especially now with these last stubborn pounds is to let myself be hungry for a while before I eat. I know that goes against conventional wisdom, but it is what I need to do.
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Old 09-02-2009, 10:45 PM   #19  
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Walked at the mall before my reward movie. The aroma of the orange chicken wafting from the food court was more enticing than I expected. It's a good thing that Dr. Kessler talked about orange chicken in The End of Overeating. His description was something like sugar on fat on salt on fat. Thinking of that kept me on plan.

I highly recommend Julia & Julia -- the topics explored are food and love, two of my favorite things!

WI: -0.05kgs, Exercise: +42, 84/1200 minutes for September, Food: op

Walking Princess: short walks sounds like a very intelligent strategy with that much heat.

BillBlueEyes: love your spiritually advanced view! Even if it didn't really happen that way.

eusebius: hope the yeti stayed away today!

ChinaMaine: huge credit for 'no choice' used at the appropriate moment. Your description of reading a novel for a mood-booster made my little librarian heart go pitter-pat.

wndranne: yay for all your efforts to get back on plan.

kuhljeanie: you have a lot going on! Be kind and patient with yourself!

maryblu: yay for all the wonderful clothes in new sizes!
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Old 09-02-2009, 10:48 PM   #20  
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Hi All,
8900+ steps, yay! Missing my Zumba--have to wait until next Wednesday when it starts again. Tracked food, credit. Resisted buying caramel corn at the check out counter--reminded myself that it's there to encourage impulse purchases, and if I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't want it. Ate a lot of yummy stuff today and still came in under my calories!

maryblu--I hope you find a yoga class. Credit for planning to find one.

kuhljeanie--Credit for walking the parking lot, even though you are tired.

RobinW--Welcome back! Yay for planning your food and exercise. Sorry to hear about the stress.

wndranne--credit for "doing what you can."

ChinaMaine--Credit for using "no choice" and finding yourself a good book to read.

eusebius--Kudos for saying no to dessert. That's a hard one for me.

Bill--credit for your "spiritual advancement" Nice idea to walk to the store, even though it was closed.

WalkingPrincess--104 degrees and you walked! Wow! I'd melt. Credit for becoming aware of unplanned eating. You could think of it this way: Why wouldn't you take a bite? You just started this practice of Beck skills, and the old pathways are well worn. Fussing at yourself won't help you learn the skills. Believe me, I know about self criticism. . .You noticed your eating--that's a victory!

gardenerjoy--Oh man, that's going to be part of my vocabulary now, "Foraging for treats"--that describes my mentality about errands exactly! In fact, for awhile I was fearful of doing any errands at all because of what I might forage for, and how much damage it would do!

Tera--Welcome back!
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Old 09-03-2009, 06:18 AM   #21  
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Thumbs up Thursday

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Portion sizes continued: The farmer's market was selling a plate of grilled veggies for $5 - bargain of the year. I arrived with a thermos bag and a Glad container since I knew it was gonna happen, CREDIT moi for being that organized. Did gym, CREDIT moi, and did my errand of the closed store from the previous day all on the same excursion.

Then went home and had the grilled veggies over broccoli slaw. Absolutely to die for. Kicking myself that I didn't buy several batches. And the big deal is that I only served myself half, I've already loaded the remainder in the covered Pyrex dish for lunch today. So CREDIT moi for another experiment in portion control.

maryblu - Yay for the $3.50 red dress - I really like that. It does create the tension that to have it dry cleaned will cost more than the dress. Yay for all that dancing even if Oh Well for the buffet.

Jean (kuhljeanie) - Ouch that "TIRED" continues, but Kudos for working to contain the stress. Good call that you continue to maintain your professional appearance - ya never know what little thing will trigger a good impression that causes your contract to be extended rather than some elses. Sending supportive thoughts to the great divider.

Robin (RobinW) - Kudos for the full start into September: WW, gym, heaps of good food. Sending supportive thoughts for the stress; I, too, would like your solution when you find one. Know the frustration with the HVAC guys for your heating system. I'm trying to fix my own since the last two guys I've had out told me I had to have a new boiler because they don't know this brand. Yay for a remodeled bathroom. Ya picked your colors and everything already?

Anne (wndranne) - Glad that you've recovered enough to leave the house.

ChinaMaine - Yay for reading To Kill a Mockingbird - I loved that book, still have my copy from the sixties. That book appeared on my Amazon recommendation list one day after I had looked over some birding guides - an insight into the wisdom and folly of their recommendations, LOL. And Kudos for slapping your giving-in-muscle upside the head with a NO CHOICE.

Erika (eusebius) - Kudos for fighting off the Yeti - that getting organized after vacation challenges me big time. I've still got stacks to put away from my June trip, LOL. And yep, Kudos for that quick change in dinner plans.

Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Ouch that you have to wait for your gym to become Zumbable. Kudos for passing up the caramel corn.

Joy (gardenerjoy) - Kudos for pulling up Kessler to counter the smell of orange chicken - that description certainly makes me want to avoid it now. I really enjoyed Julie and Julia also. It's been fun talking about the movie because people bring up their encounters with Julia Child around town. She was hard to miss because of her height, especially in the theater, LOL.

Readers -
Looking Forward

And, of course, you'll be able to enjoy other benefits, too.

. . .
• You'll have more energy.
. . .

The Beck Diet Solution, pg 47.
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Old 09-03-2009, 07:04 AM   #22  
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Morning Coaches -

Day 3 OP, somewhat easier this time as I made dinner. Being back in the home routine is tiring me out somewhat - ended up needing a nap yesterday afternoon. Credit for doing that instead of eating. Also credit for walking past all the snacks in the drugstore and buying a G2 (sugar-free gatorade) instead.

Saw my doctor yesterday. Waited 45 minutes for him to tell me that my medications were OK as is and no, he hadn't made that referral he said he'd make a month ago. Ah the Canadian health care system. I am still grateful for it, though.

ChinaMaine - Kudos for staying on plan! I hope more energy is coming your way today

wndranne - LOL "I grow weary of my own nonsense" - I think I might steal that for my gravestone! big credit to you for recognizing your limitations while sick and being kind to yourself.

Robin - Awesome to have you back. Great to see your lovely face in your avatar. You're stunning!

kuhljeanie - I know what you mean about being tired when you're bored. I hope things improve with your work situation. Hang in there ...

maryblu - Nice job ditching your plate at the party. I bet you looked fab in that red dress. Are you really only 3 pounds from goal? That's amazing! If you can't find a yoga class I can recommend some excellent videos - just let me know.

gardenerjoy - Wow, great description of orange chicken. I really do have to read that book (after the 50 that are already on my reading list, LOL). Great job staying OP once again!

Nuxmaga - Great job sticking to your plan and steering clear of the caramel corn! Are there Zumba DVDs you could use in the non-Zumbable off-season?

Bill - Wow, awesome that you showed up at the farmer's market with containers. You really are getting this portion thing down.

OK, time for strength training #2 this week. Coffee is then sorely needed (probably more sorely after I lift weights, LOL!) Happy Thursday all!
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Old 09-03-2009, 10:05 AM   #23  
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Good Morning!

maryblu~ Ive thought about meditation often....I havent a clue where to start. It would be so helpful to learn how to stop my brain from racing!

gardenerjoy~ Awesome job staying away from the enticing food in the food court.

Nuxmaga~ Kudos for your steps, and great choices!!

Bill~ Big Kudos for getting your grilled veggies all packed and portioned!! As for our heating...we dont need a new boiler either, but that's what they wanted us to do. The guy today, called the wrong number and hubby had to run back over to the house so he wouldnt miss him. (lost points on that one) We think we just need the ancient radiators cleaned out or replaced. We'll see. On the bathroom front, (we started this last august before the market fell) if any of last years contractors would have been on the ball, we would have had the new bathroom done and paid for before the market crash. Anyway, we found a one stop shopping place with an awesome sales girl!! Hubby and I even went out last night and picked out paint colors and we were done within 5 min! and no arguing!! We actually agreed on the color! Wonders never cease!

Erika~ Awesome job walking past the goodies in the drug store!! I always find once Im past day 3 it gets easier. Hopefully today will be a breeze!

Thanks for the welcome back everyone!

I did pretty good yesterday! I did have my wine yesterday, but I had decided that I'd keep it to just wednesday nights during ghost hunters. Kind of my treat.

Food was good....salmon and grilled asparagus for dinner. Even made it to the gym yesterday Yah me!

We picked up 2 huge orders yesterday....thankfully each of them said "I dont need them right away"

Hubby's brand new pc now has a virus. I dont know if I had mentioned this a while pc and the home pc picked up big nasty virus' a couple months ago (adding to the stress) Pc's had to be removed and wiped completely. Then dh's pc decided it just wasnt going to turn on anymore. Pc dr. couldnt fix that one. Now the new one is infected. *sigh* This puts everything on hold....which I dont like because it takes my control away. Yes I have control issues

Im off to get busy....have an awesome day everyone!!
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Old 09-03-2009, 12:41 PM   #24  
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Smile Wednesday, Hump Day

I did okay yesterday, but not as good as I’d like. I was on plan food-wise until dinner (credit!), and then made some poor off-plan choices. Today, I've paid closer attention to my cards, and am committed to strengthening my resistance muscle. On exercise, I usually get it all done before work starts, but I’ve been sleeping late to try and ‘catch up’ -- to get past my tiredness. I did feel much better in terms of tiredness yesterday, so that’s great. But I just didn’t get in my planned 45 mins of walking… Credit for doing 35 mins though.
WI-down 1.3 lbs. Did make a plan, read my cards. Food – off-plan (+200 calories), Exercise – off-plan (35m).
Still no personals yet –

Last edited by ChinaMaine; 09-03-2009 at 12:52 PM.
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Old 09-03-2009, 03:59 PM   #25  
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Default week’s winding down…

robin, how delightful that you’ve got a picture up as your avatar! so nice to see what you look like! (this is, of course, assuming that it’s a picture of you. ) i’ve got one too in my profile but i don’t know if anyone actually ever looks at profiles. sorry to hear about the PC. that sucks. china, i’ve been in the same conundrum. two critical elements of weight loss – exercise and rest – which one wins? my own diet coach lynn was pretty clear on this when i struggled with it: rest first. if that’s getter better for you, and you still managed to work in 35 min of exercise, you’re doing GREAT! erika, what is it about being OP at home that’s tiring? is the cooking? and how wonderful that you’re in a position to take a nap during the afternoon. i’d KILL someone for that right now!!! bill, you are rocking that portion control. keep doing it and it may start to feel normal! you’re getting that little thrill of accomplishment, aren’t you? mary, go ON with your bad, skinny, size 6 in a smoking-red hot dress self. was just thinking about how nice it is to buy size 10 and 12 after a lifetime in 14-16s (and then some.) i wish i was in a position to shop for 10s for fall, but alas, not this year. as we say at passover, next year in new york & company. margaret’s on a roll! whoo hoo! gardnerjoy, i’m going to remember your description of the orange chicken as well. that’s plenty to keep me out of the trough. yipes.

indulged in some stress eating yesterday with a skinny cow mint ice cream sandwich and a PILE of watermelon to keep the damage to a minimum. came in at 40 cals over for the day, which isn’t bad at all, given all the walking i did. (apologizing in advance for the TMI) i’ve been spotting and cramping the last two days, and kinda sorta concerned but cognizant that it could easily be nothing, and i really don’t want to overreact. went in to see the doc today. nothing seems to be terribly off, but i got some blood drawn and will need another draw for comparison in a day or two, and was scheduled for my first sonogram next week. it’s too early this week for it to be meaningful, so it waits. i must admit - i love getting those. fairly excited to see the little yolk sac.

off to the last ballgame of the season. sad!
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Old 09-03-2009, 08:14 PM   #26  
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Default Thursday

Feeling a bit better again today. My shoulders are stiff and twinging a bit now and then, but much better than on Monday. I did yoga this morning to see how it felt – it felt great! By the time I finished work I was pretty tired and very stiff. So, no kayak ride tonight. I think DH was relieved.
I almost forgot to tell you all my NSV. I've been wearing size 14 / XL for a couple of months now. But I've been able to fit into a bunch of my Large clothes lately and decided to pull some size 12s up from the vaults to see how close they were to fitting. All the shirts were too small, so maybe a few more lbs to wear those. But 2 out of 3 bottoms fit perfectly.
WI-up .4 lbs. Made a plan, read my cards. Food – op, Exercise – op (50m).
Kuhljeanie I hope all is well with your ‘OTHER kind of body building’. I’m sorry to hear about your job – it’s tough. My DH has been out of work for 3 months now…

Robin That’s a great picture of you! And it’s great to see you back. Running a small business must be so stressful, I can’t imagine what you go through… Sounds like you are taking some great steps though – credit!

Erika It sounds like you had a great trip! Were you able to get some good deals in Freeport? It looks as though you are hitting the ground running after vacation. Credit!

Bill Grilled veggies on broccoli slaw sound good. It’s really interesting to see you dealing with portion control day in and day out. I’m pretty good at gauging a single serving of meat, veggies, rice, etc. But for a single pot meal like Pesto or a casserole, I find it much harder. I had pesto tonight and know I took more than a serving, but I don’t know how to eyeball it. How do you do it?

Margaret Finally googled zumba – looks like fun and quite a workout!

gardenerjoy Kudos for using Kessler’s description of Orange Chicken to say ‘no choice’! lol – at making your ‘librarian heart go pitter pat’.

Maryblu I resonate to ‘ I whiz through the great ones way too fast to savor the art. DH says I read so fast that I must be reading every other word. I have to admit that I enjoyed Dune when I read it 30-some years ago, but it wasn’t one of my favorites.

It’s interesting that you’re thinking of taking up yoga. I get bored with it sometimes, but I really miss it when I don’t do it for a few days. This morning it felt great to do it again after 5 days off.

Wonderful story about dancing the night away in your red dress – nice! And size 4 – fantastic! I agree that writing everything down is integral to success. The Beck skills are just as important, but if I didn’t write it all down, I’d eat more than I ‘planned’.

Last edited by ChinaMaine; 09-03-2009 at 08:18 PM.
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Old 09-03-2009, 09:14 PM   #27  
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Wrote out my ARC’s today. Easy to make the list, hard to put them in order of importance. I’m liking the idea of having something to do each day.

Yesterday loaded the bike and went down for a ride along the river. Stopped at a farm stand and went overboard on the quantity of produce…serious eye roll from DH when I got home. With 50 varieties of tomatoes to choose from it’s hard to not to get carried away. Anyhow, the treasure was a tiny paper husked tomato that tastes like candy. Even the kids loved them.

Today, no formal exercise as I battled the new to me seasonal allergies with sinusitis and headache. Never knew I’d get that bomb dropped on me at my age. Wasn’t enough to get me off the hook for lawn mowing, so an hour before dark I gave in and got it done, thinking maybe I sucked up all the pollen and dumped it under the grass clippings (I don’t need to know I stirred it all up into the air)

BillBlueEyes; Sounds like you are winning the struggles with portion control. Have had the same type of bizarre Amazon offerings, I now almost look forward to it.
Kuhljeanie; Sneak in those naps when you can – even 10 minutes can be good. Unless you’re like me yesterday at the 10 min mark, dog barking at a toad outside the window, DS #1 wakes me for the 4th time to ask if it’s okay to wake his dad….gave up at that point. Hope all is well with the little WIP.
ChinaMaine; Congrats on the old pants fitting. That always thrills me more than the scale!
RobinW & eusebius; welcome back! I look forward to getting to know you both. I started hanging around here last week, reading the book now, and just getting going.
Nuxmaga; Good for you passing on the caramel corn. Hoping your Zumba room is back open soon.
Gardenerjoy; That book is on my must read list. Interesting description of the orange chicken.
Maryblu; Wow, it must feel great - and good for you ditching the “big size” clothes. Makes it pretty final.

Feel lucky to have a bit of free time to get going on this plan. I work at home and have only had a few jobs since the spring. I’ve taken to thinking of myself as self-unemployed…off to watch some TV and unwind.


Last edited by Kim in NH; 09-03-2009 at 09:17 PM.
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Old 09-03-2009, 10:00 PM   #28  
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I'm falling asleep at my computer today and haven't had time to go through and read everyone's week but will try tomorrow. Just got back from a very anxiety-ridden trip to MN (my 7 year old had a surgical follow-up). I found it really difficult to predict what I would eat given that I didn't know where we'd be eating at any given time, but I did my best. Got a little carried away with the dip that came up (unrequested) with my lunch; also made the fatal error of getting a piece of the richest chocolate mousse cake I could find (in theory for my son...ha!). But at least I didn't finish it... Just as Beck suggests, recommitted to my plan on the flight home and am back on board. Hope everyone's had a good week!
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Old 09-03-2009, 10:11 PM   #29  
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Something to be thankful for:

Guy comes in pacing back and forth. Im thinking he's either a nervous crack head or a seriously stressed out customer.

He hollers at me "How much are your shirts!"
"I need much?"
"I want dark much?"
(all while doing some very fast paced pacing)
"Total that up for me!"
"How much?"
"I'll be back with cash!"
....he came back within 1/2 hour with cash. Plunked several hundred down on the counter, barked out the sizes he wanted and what he wanted the shirts to say. Barked out his request for a receipt (I gave it to him) and he left!

Im very thankful Im not functioning on that level of stress!! (Id be in the looney bin)
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Old 09-03-2009, 10:42 PM   #30  
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Question thursday

Hello Coaches

I'm checking in and need to say I am unhappy with my weight yet again. I am now feeling myself to be a solid 275.

Geez Louise

The past three days: 275.0, 275.4, 275.6 this morning. I CAN'T STAND this creeping sensation of "getting used to this" = getting used to feeling like I am carrying a big round beach ball in front of me all the time
=getting used to having sore ankles and sore thigh muscles cause I am still over-fat for my hip joints and the nerves continue to be compressed in there
=getting used to avoiding all cameras and making sure I am the one with the camera and I get to take the picture so I'm not in it. 90% of the time this strategy works.
=getting used to feeling tired and sleeping way more and not moving as much due to feeling tired and sleepy and my body hurts easier
=getting used to just giving up, or seeing myself give up, or not complete any one day well foodwise.
=getting used to choosing from three shirts and two pants, soon to be 2 sweatshirts and also getting used to the size of my shirts - men's 3x - lalalala sticking my fingers in my ears Did I just admit that here? yeah I did. My upper arms fie! they need those extra x's... and so I dread meeting new people and showing my work as seeing my work and seeing me may be a letdown? Not what people expect? bring the value of my work down? before you all tell me this ain't so it's okay. I see what I am doing and how wrong this is. I still feel it though. My fat is draining away my power. I want my power back. That thought is what keeps me from giving up. It's pretty abstract I know but it keeps me trying and that's a credit moi if I ever heard one. Now to just try a little harder

So that's the bad Yeti side of the equation.

On the more positive Beck side credit moi for: weighing only once everyday and recording it
credit moi for continuing to track down the landlord and arranging to have a copy of my lease at the rental office for me tomorrow so I can then go to the pool and get my pass to swim here for free (Adult swim: 7:45 to 8:30pm every night during the week) as well as signing up for a 4 month pass to the weight/workout room upstairs, newly cleaned and rarely used for $60; a sum I can afford right now. credit moi for reading the Kessler book Ending Overeating. It's too bad I don;t find the descriptions of stuff like salt over fat over salt off-putting. But I grew up eating fried bacon fat fried in bacon fat sprinkled with salt. *sigh* alas these things taste good to me not scary. Many a new neural pathway to be formed in my future methinks.
also credit moi for reading Steering by Starlight, a sort of a self-help book for those of us wanting to find our true path. It was lent to me by a friend and I just enjoyed it so much I wanted my own copy to write in and mark up and just have. I've done most of the exercises in the book and I am hoping it gives me another way to come at this weight issue. She frequently mentions re-writing our beliefs and making what we truly wish come about for us, mostly through re-arranging our thoughts and desires and so we just believe we will oh, be a healthy weight perchance? She says a lot of what others have said before in other books and some of her writing is very creative and very funny and some of it makes me go "I'm not so sure that's right..." but it's a book I will turn to frequently I think as this year yawns open ahead of me and I face several new challenges.
And on another positive note, I am glad not to returning to school. I'm happy to just work there and be of service to the current students as I focus on making things for the coming year, and I'm not just talking making artwork but making headway with this weight issue and the body issues and the cleaning issues and the financial issues. Plenty for me to do.

Thanks for reading.
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