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Old 09-29-2009, 10:32 AM   #256  
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Good Morning Coaches

My ordinary life is starting to re-assert itself after the month dedicated to getting my mother settled in her new home. I can tell as I have something to say about Dr.Oz, which means I was watching daytime tv yesterday = a sign and I find myself fretting over the difficult to please ceramic instructor = another sign and DH suggested movie day today = one more sign.

And so it's movie day and I am going to the school today, or not, and I guess I haven't decided that yet. hmm. Thought I had. Hmmm. Anyway I stepped on the scale and weighed once (credit) and saw the same number as I saw yesterday: 276.8. I wa 276.4 two days ago so that's 3 days of 276. Am I 276 then? Did I really gain 26 pounds since January due to stress eating alone? Yeah. Looks that way. Which brings me to Dr. Oz. I watched his show for the first time yesterday and they had a FAMILY IN CRISIS!!! and they were all very obese and looking for help. A family member who had obesity related problems recently died and they were all in trouble. Dr. Oz analyzed their health and had them stand by a creen that showed the worst of the results. What got me was the woman whose fat was crowding her organs in her body and the xray that showed how the fat takes up the space that the lungs need to fully inflate (hence causing shortness of breath) and the space the heart needs to do its work in, not to mention the fatty deposits in the abdomen itself. I know my fat is crowding my lungs. I know it. I feel it. There is such a change in my capacity to simply breathe at this weight and even at 10lbs less, 260. I don't/can't walk as far, don't feel as srong or sure of myself because of it and it causes a low level worry in me that just isn't there at lower weights. For the 10billionth time in my life I find myself saying "I can't live like this anymore. I have to change." And for the 10billionth time the sabotaging thought "well you've been dealing with this for 37 years and haven't been able to do it yet...so...." and then my mind runs around the hamster wheel = 1) so? Doesn't mean I can't do it 2) so why bother it's hopeless
3) so? Maybe I know more now about what to do and where to start 4) so? I've done harder things and faced down tons of fears I can do this 5) so? i can make a plan and stick to it as best I can 6) so? I was starting to have success and of course I can do this.

So? Mostly I am hopeful. I just needed things to calm down and it looks like that's happening. Good thing too. Credit moi for simply still wanting to do this. I think I am going to make a meal plan for the week and make my food ahead of time for it. I am really susceptible to food cues and to variety. I have to limit my choices for a while and get my neurons to calm down and dissassociate from the food=fun/relaxation equation. I think I will be freezing meals for those days I am frazzled and tempted to order in. I need to start going to the rec centre to swim and to walk there and back before and after swimming. I need to do some wii fit everyday, even 5 min is better than nothing.
I still have a hurdle to get over with traveling to DH's brother's wedding this weekend - a two day affair of picture taking. We'll be back and then there is nothing on the horizon except perhaps a trip to Key West in the winter (ihopeihopeihope).

Anyway that's how things are this morning. I'll check back in later with personals.
Thanks to everyone who posts here. It helps a lot.
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Old 09-29-2009, 11:35 AM   #257  
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Default (singing) back on the wagon, AGAIN

one day on plan (i HAVE a plan, yay), and i’ve dropped 2.5 lbs. funny thing, huh? i guess it was sodium bloat after all. (will take it regardless.) looking forward to another on-plan day. it’s so wonderful to have a gym at work..i’m hoping i can stay with this client for a while, although it looks like the last one is angling to get me back. we’ll see. either way it’s nice to have a job.

very, very tired this morning. last night my plan required me to prep two dishes, and i also completed a project for my interior design class that’s due today. i really enjoyed the project – wish it hadn’t been after 10:00 pm when i got to it. for whatever reason ye olde sensewear has been reporting many night wakings for me even after getting to bed late, with sleep totals coming in at 5 hrs and less. brain hurts. hope it gets better soon.

i’m about halfway through Kessler’s book, and realized that the year i spent consulting for a major flavor company as a portfolio manager for Research & Dev and Marketing i actually saw a lot of what he described in action. whoa, the pieces clicked. can’t discuss specifics (confidentiality) but it was pretty amazing technology they were using and developing. at the time, i didn’t think much about what it meant to our collective (or my specific) health. but realize now how incredibly sophisticated a machine the food industry is. i’m glad my protein bars taste exactly like candy, and my turkey bacon tastes like pork, and that i prefer the taste and mouthfeel of low-fat cheese to full-fat versions. i may never eat at a chain restaurant again, though. the description of “pre-chewed” menu items as “adult baby food” that’s basically the cheapest possible substances (corn and soy and god knows what else) chemically “painted” to smell and taste like real food? yuck. and, yuck. i’m ready for the third section.

onebyone, big, big hug. i’m starting over too. for the 18 billionth time. you know which thought is the truth? the one that says “i can do this. i’m already doing it. everything that’s come before, and that will come after, is part of me DOING IT. yes, you CAN. of course you can. there is NO DIFFERENCE between you and people who are successful at this. none at all. you simply are where you are. let me know if i can do anything to support you. i’m also back to my foodsaver and freezer – had a lovely breakfast at work this morning with a protein bagel, egg, bacon and cheese sandwich, and waffles with blueberry sauce, for about 400 calories. will happily share!! bill, all that corn talk…i’m thinking low-fat corn chowder, with scallops and shrimp and a little kick of cayenne. make 12 servings out of it and flash-freeze half – then, not only do you have half the starch with less starch per serving, you’re combining it with protein and non-starchy veggies, always a happy thing. yum…maybe i should make some!

welcome salsa chip!!! this is a wonderful group!

anne, sending a hug. sounds like things still kind of suck for you, which – aargh! hugs! robin, with you in spirit. i wish we were tearing apart one of our bathrooms…china, i’m exhausted too. waiting for science to develop a sleeping pill that makes your brain put itself to sleep, instead of the medication doing it. sigh. hey kara! you’ve totally reined it in over the last few days…did you realize that? hi margaret – i know exactly what you mean about the control thing. it’s all about feeling that you’re in control. carla, isn’t it amazing how hard the sitting down thing is? a LOT of folks on this board (myself included) had the same response. like, “aww, this is easy – i never do that” to realizing i did it ALL THE TIME. crazy, huh? hiya gardnerjoy! did standing up help? what a clever response! mary, i’m with bill. heeeelllllooooo??
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Old 09-29-2009, 11:56 AM   #258  
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Default Tuesday September 29th

Coaches/Buddies: I survived my trip to NY, but today is another difficult day since it would have been my brother's 43rd birthday. I'm struggling with all areas of my life just trying to keep all the balls up in the air. I just keep reminding myself that I'm doing the best I can and I just keep on trying.

So far today I have:

Went for a run and upped my distance from 1.5 to 2 miles!
Came here and checked in
Weighed myself

Oh and last night I had a mini-binge and contemplated purging many times, but didn't. (I hate writing that because it makes me feel like I'm so "messed up", but I do have to acknowledge that I do struggle with bulimia and it doesn't make me a bad person.) That was huge that I didn't and I really need to give myself credit for that.

I was tempted to skip reporting this whole thing, but if I know that I will write about it, maybe it will help motivate me to not do it so I can report it here. Does that make any sense?

Hope to get some personals in soon.
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Old 09-29-2009, 12:04 PM   #259  
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I forgot to add something very important...
After my little binge last night, I gave up on logging my calories (I use Gowear Fit to track calories in vs. calories out). But this morning, I decided I should just enter it and do the best I can (I have a very black/white attitude about logging calories and if I can't figure out how to log something than I give up.) So, I faced the music on my mini binge and I'm moving forward.

This is very helpful because I don't feel as much residual guilt now and it makes it easier to get back on track.
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Old 09-29-2009, 09:54 PM   #260  
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Hi everyone! I can't tell you how happy i was to find a Beck support thread. I stumbled across the diet/book review in the O magazine while getting my hair done. I went immediately to the bookstore after and couldn't believe all the 'truths' about myself i was reading in the program! After reading and rooting through the plan and the workbook, i've started today as my Day 1. I did my Advantages Response Card this morning and have been fine-tuning it all day.

After being on set plans(JC, nutrasystem) and counting plans (WW/Zone/ restriction) and even a short (and embarrassing) go at the hcg protocol-- i finally went to a whole foods nutritionist who gave me a meal plan that is super similar to a diabetes plan with exchanges, three meals, two-three snacks, 1400 c. I have followed this before when i was pregnant and had Gestational Diabetes both times and never felt better. What has been so frustrating for so long is that i *know* this works for me, but i havn't known why i haven't been able to stick on it. Already i can see the Beck plan turning on so many lights for me.

i hope to be an active part of this support thread--i'm really excited to go on this journey and learn to work a diet in a new and skillful way.
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Old 09-29-2009, 10:13 PM   #261  
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Default Jack Frost....

...skipped me last night! Yes, dear Beckies, here in the frozen north land, I escaped his "scattered frost", which means I prolly dogged a bullet for at least a week, meaning more raspberries.

My farmer friend called at 6:36 a.m. to see if I had frost; he reported frost on *his pumpkins. Literally. I had told him, I am the last place in this entire county to freeze, but since he is also an engineer, it is impossible to say anything remotely like that without ABSOLUTE PROOF. NEVER, EVER. lol. Even when I reported a balmy 35 degrees, I got grilled with "Is that accurate?" Well, yes....apparently.. lol. It is now. Raspberries for the foreseeable future.

BillBE, not only are you are our Cyber Sheppard, but you are pretty much full time on the Entertainment Committee. I almost fell off my chair at your proudly declaring you had "survived" a Memorial Service...........considering it would have been a decidedly different service had you not, I was overjoyed to hear that news. That was one thing, but the corn debacle was too much. I felt like a total idiot for making a rare pilgrimage to Trader Joe's and forgetting my always- must- have Pine Nuts and doubling up on other must- have staples, but doubling up on corn in the same market? Only you and I could have done such a thing, but then we *are the seniors in this group!

Kulhjeanie, I continue to admire your pluck, courage, and attitude, so I will overlook your working for the dark side..

Anne, I don't know how you keep going at such a pace; I marvel at you youngsters. Wish I could be of some help. I know it gets difficult to keep your edge when you get close to where you want to be and are "normal" compared to many of our (sadly) over weight friends and colleagues; I guess I can only say, getting down to where *you want to be is such a joy you can't imagine it. I got called a "little thing" today, and he has no idea from where I came; it is such a trip! Oh, sorry, only BillBE and perhaps ChinaMaine would get that reference. I meant, it is such a joy........

Out of respect for our dear Cyber Sheppard, I will recount the anti climax of my drop below goal and my red line. If it is an anti climax for me, I can only imagine how little it enlightens my dear Beckies.

Let me preface this account with 3 things:

1. I had read on the Maintainer thread that it made sense to consider your goal your red line; that just seemed right to me. I just saw no sense in fighting your way down to a goal, and then allowing a 5# swing above it.

2. I had identified 133#s as my target weight..some years ago, in fact. I targeted that at the time I was gaining back from my low of 138#s four and a half years ago.

3. And this is the only one I really want to stress for my dear Beckies:

Do as "THEY" say, and not as I do. I mean that sincerely. My method is the only one that works for me, but it is not the recommended route.

I don't own a scale; I never have. The National Wt. Loss Registry has reams of documentation that the maintainers who regularly, even daily weigh in, do better at maintaining their wt. loss. Our own dear BillBE and plenty of the maintainers do exactly that. I have always found bathroom scales to be fickle and easily swayed by the way in which one distributes one's wt. I trust one of two old fashioned balance scales in one of our two health care labs at whichever office I am in for my reality check. I try to wear clothing that is not too heavy, as obviously, I am not going to strip down to my skivvies.

The last time I had weighed was the first week of Aug. after a wild long girls' weekend with eating and drinking, and not much exercise despite the fact we were on an island in a northern MN lake; the weather had just sucked. I was so happy to see a 138# reading for the second time. When I weighed in last Wednesday, I thought I was seeing 137, which was very OK with me, considering I had been doing nothing but eating what I wanted, maybe less, and gardening as required. Granted, I had gotten in a lot of swimming, but I don't swim for the exercise, I swim for the pleasure. I am not sure when it occurred to me as I stood there that I was seeing 132#s. I went and got a work colleague to confirm that it was indeed 132, and that I had the wts. on the beam in the correct positions. By chance, I went to the doctor that day, and the digital scale there read 131.3. That is the same office that has recorded in my medical records an all time high reading of 227#s. That is enough for me to try to go for 127, just to get there, just to say it, just to officially say 100#s. I still have 5 #s of @#$^@%#$%^%[email protected]$%@#$%@% back fat. @#%@#$^@#$^

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.
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Old 09-29-2009, 11:29 PM   #262  
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Hey! I met my exercise goal for September! Today's exercise was Brazilian Dance. That DVD is my reward for meeting my exercise goal -- I bought it a couple of days early because I had a coupon and I was pretty sure I was going to make my goal.

WI: +0.05kgs , Exercise: +50, 1241/1200 minutes for September, Food: op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

Nuxmaga: Bummer on the surgery schedule; that seems like a lousy way to run things! And yay for all your credits! I also think that the tracking can be a great first step to change -- it helps to know what the baseline is before making a change.

wndranne: sending warm thoughts!

Walking Princess: yay for all the "op"s!

ChinaMaine: glad you enjoyed a mid-day walk -- we're having some beautiful fall days.

BillBlueEyes: oh my! That's a lot of corn. I have to admit that some of mine went into the compost pile late in the season. It just seemed the best way to deal with the excess. Edit: Coming back after seeing kuhljeanie's corn chowder suggestion -- much better than compost!

onebyone: it's nice to "hear" you sounding mostly hopeful. I think mostly hopeful is a good a place to be. The wii fit has a bit of yoga on it, doesn't it? The reason I ask is that one way to reduce worry about breathing is to breathe the way one does with yoga. I'm sure Dr. Oz is right. OTOH, breathing is something that improves with practice at any weight.

kuhljeanie: Yay for having a plan! In fact, that deserves dancing carrots!

bennyhannahmama: First, hugs, for the sad anniversary. Yay for all the dancing broccoli, particularly the one acknowledging the bulimia but still reisting the purge. And heck, yeah, on it making sense to write here as a motivation to not do something that I would then feel obligated to report here. That is exactly why I'm posting everyday.

litalo: welcome! And, yay for the roaring start you already have on the Beck program!

maryblu: Wonderful about the surviving raspberries and the absolute proof to the doubting engineer/farmer. Congratulations on reaching goal and thanks for the story!

Last edited by gardenerjoy; 09-29-2009 at 11:29 PM.
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Old 09-29-2009, 11:55 PM   #263  
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Hi All,
Tracked food, credit. Walked 8,000+ steps. Unfortunately, I gave in to a lot of impulsive snacking as my stress level goes up. Tomorrow I have an event that involves leaving some of my artwork for a panel to assess, and I am nervous! No word from the surgery scheduler. I suspect I will need to call tomorrow ask when the scheduler expects to receive next month's calendar. Hope to do personals soon. Although I will say to Bill right now that you do not have to work in 1000 calories of corn--it's not required. I'm sure Beck would concur with me on that. . .
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:10 AM   #264  
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Default Welcome litalo

litalo

And, in case you didn't get this a year ago,

Neat that Oprah's O Magazine pointed you to Beck - several other posters have mentioned that.

How did you find this thread here on 3FC?
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:33 AM   #265  
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Thumbs up Wednesday

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Facing a work event this evening with VAST quantities of mediocre food including a big commercial sheet cake with icky icing - a great opportunity to practice moderation. I've done this before, I can do it again.

Eating and walking both OP; CREDIT moi.


maryblu - Yay for another week of raspberries for the dawgs; hope they leave you a bowl or two.

LMAO at your story telling. Love the shock of seeing the low number and seeking another person to confirm it. Don't be too anxious to reach for that artificially low 100# number if you then have to make it your new red line. Remember that the last five pounds won't necessarily come from your back, but could come from your toes forcing you to buy all new shoes, LOL.

Thanks for acknowledging forgetting on a trip to Trader Joe's; does seem to be happening of late.


Jean (kuhljeanie) - Thanks for the first hand reminder of "how incredibly sophisticated a machine the food industry is." That reinforces my feeling that we have to fight this stuff. Kudos for one day on plan - you're on your way. It's neat to hear what a chef thinks when faced with an abundance of corn - not just ordinary chowder, but scallops, shrimp, and a kick of cayenne. Drooling.

onebyone - Yay for "ordinary life" after too much of the alternative. Thanks for the vivid description of body fat interfering with the working organs. Does that ever go right onto my Advantage Response Cards.

Kudos for recognizing that you are "still wanting to do this."


Kim (bennyhannamama) - Thinking of you remembering your brother on his birthday.

Kudos for coming back here, writing what's difficult to write, and getting back on your path. Neat that recording what's been eaten helps to get past it.


Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Ouch for the stress of having your artwork evaluated - I suppose that goes with the artistic lifestyle, but shudder. Yep, methinks Beck would concur with you that eating 1000 calories of corn just because I've purchased it is not required, LOL.

Joy (gardenerjoy) - Kudos for rewarding yourself with a Brazilian Dance DVD - that's a stellar Beck-like reward. Thanks for the reminder that the worms in our compost bin can have some of the corn; my DW thinks like that but it just doesn't occur to me.

litalo - Yay for getting your new Beck book and Kudos for starting right in on Day 1. Would you care to share some of your Advantage Response Cards with us?

I think you'll find company around here with folks who have tried a variety of the types of plans you mentioned.


BillBlueEyes - You wrote, "Yay for the benefits of declining short term memory." Do I ever know about that one.

Readers -
Quote:
day 1
Benefits of Weight Loss
. . .
It might mean enjoying outings to the beach or to social functions without worrying about how others think you look.

The Beck Diet Solution, pg 56.
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:59 AM   #266  
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Default Tuesday Report

I was tired enough yesterday that I decided to forgo my usual 1 mile walk. So, I only did my upper body workout. I slept better last night – I was only awake for an hour or so. Food was good though… Work was busy, but not especially stressful. I did force myself to take a couple of short breaks yesterday, even though I was having sabotaging thoughts against it.
WI-down 1.4 lbs. Made a plan, read my cards. Food – op, Exercise – off-plan (30m).
Bill VAST quantities of mediocre food including a big commercial sheet cake with icky icing – at least they are making it easier for you. It would be so much harder if there was lots of delicious food available. It would certainly be harder for me anyway…

Margaret gave in to a lot of impulsive snacking as my stress level goes up’ – ouch! Today is a new day…

gardenerjoy for meeting your September exercise goal!

Maryblu good luck for hitting the 100 lbs lost goal. That would be totally amazing!

litaro We’re glad to have you here!

Kim (bennyhannamama) Ouch for the binge… But kudos for bringing it here and for logging the calories. I too find that logging my ‘mistakes’ helps to reduce guilt and gets me back on track. It’s counter-intuitive but so true.

Kuhljeanie back on plan, 2.5 lbs lost! Let’s hope they make that miracle pill soon!

one by one I started DVRing Dr Oz last week, and saw the episode you mentioned yesterday. It really was stunning to see what the fat was doing to her body. What a cautionary tale! Good luck getting back on track, you can do it!
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:39 AM   #267  
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Wow, I have a bit of catching up to do.

Still on track with the new diet, but still adjusting to the multi-meal schedule. Have been on a new exercise schedule that seems to be working – shorter (20 min) but higher intensity cardio 3-4 days and now doing weights routinely. On the off days I try to get in a walk or bike ride.

My experiment with alcohol denial is going well – surprising myself that I held onto this habit so long thinking I couldn’t do it. I’m starting to wonder what other things in my life I have avoided with this thinking. Since this has been cut down I am coming in under calories on many days…and am now trying to make sure I am getting enough (gosh am I worried I might not be getting enough calories? – who am I???)

I was at the school yesterday, and one of the staff came to tell me there was chocolate cake in the teachers’ room. My response was “Thanks, I’ll be sure to stay out of there”. I felt the way she announced it could be taken as an invitation or a warning – I took the latter. Kudos to Bill for facing this kind of thing everyday, and lucky for you to only remember it long enough to report it here.

BillBlueEyes; Enjoy your hoard of corn! You took a very short path from denial to indulgance I think.

Kuhljeanie; Glad to hear things are starting to come together. The scale is a big motivator to keep doing what your doing.

ChinaMaine; Great that work is calming down, hopefully sleep patterns will follow.

WndrAnne; yay, for hanging in!

WalkingPrincess; Glad to see you back and doing well.

OnebyOne; Yay for ordinary life coming back for you. Saw that Dr. Oz episode as well, and was quite amazed. The body struggles to adapt and function despite what we do to it.

Nuxmaga; Sympathic thoughts to you over the stress of “waiting”.

Gardenerjoy; Yay for meeting your exercise goal and nice choice on the reward!

Maryblu; Loved you story, it is what it is. We are all here now, cheering for you, making it a big deal

Bennyhannahmama; Good for you facing the binge and logging it in as hard as it was.

RobinW; Wow to the prospect of a personal chef – and kudos for building his confidence so he might do it.

Carla70; Sitting down and eating is still a tough one for me too. Like anything else, repetition will make it a habit.

Litalo; Welcome! Sounds like you are off to a great start!

Salsa Chip; Welcome! Good for you for realizing skipping steps is not the quicker path. I am at a snail’s pace through the book trying to follow the steps.


And against my own advice I have stalled long enough and jumped past DAY 12, skipping meals (she calls it tolerating hunger & cravings). I know it is important, but I am not ready to throw my new eating plan out the window even for a few hours (which is why she does not have you diet until after, I know). I will have to revisit this step at another time. Moving on.

Have a great day,
Kim
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:55 AM   #268  
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Food stinks! Do I have an excuse...of course I do. Should I use it? Probably not.

I dont have a bathroom! They gutted it all out yesterday and we are thanking the powers that be, that they didnt find any "surprises" They even gave us a quote to have all the living room and dining room walls skim coated (because we live in a house pushing 100yrs old) Another happy dance over the pricing for that one!!

Lack of sleep, excess of food and wine...but there isnt a lack of movement. So why are my jeans getting tighter?!?!

Im going to have a new soaker tub <~~~ more happy dancers! My fav stress reliever is to soak in a tub with a book, some candles and a lovely glass of wine

Ok....I have days and days of work that need to be done by 4pm today!

Have a great day everyone!
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:17 PM   #269  
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hey everyone,

Sorry I've been absent for a few days. Life pushed me down and then started kicking me for a while there and I've had a hard time (emotionally and physically) committing to continue on with the skills Im learning as well as posting in here. The good news is,

I've managed to keep from overeating, and eating when I'm not hungry or not supposed to eat.

I've maintained or lost weight every day since I started the program.

I've done some things right, like filling out my food chart and recording my thoughts and feelings on paper, but its time to buckle down and start putting even more effort in.

Thank you all for your continued support
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:39 PM   #270  
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Hi All,
Tracked food, credit. 10,000 steps, credit. Leaving some pasta on my plate, credit. Bright spots in a hard day, including an offer of a donut that I didn't want, but still accepted and ate, and dinner at an Italian restaurant because I'm sad my artwork session didn't go well. . .I'm exhausted. I know I'll keep making art, and many people like my work, but it still stings to be rejected. And all that anticipatory anxious eating was such a waste--didn't soften the blow at all. When I bounce back a bit, I'll be sure to do personals.
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