Diet Coaches/Buddies - Ate an unusually good and unusually low cal dinner, CREDIT moi: salmon burgers using the salmon cakes (120 cals) that I had picked up from Whole Foods on sale a week ago on toasted Arnold's 100% whole wheat Sandwich Thins (100 cals) with oodles of lettuce, a small potato salad made with skim milk yogurt substituting for half of the mayonnaise, a big tomato salad made from the fruits of our garden, and cold blanched yellow beans from our garden, consumed outside on our patio. A peak summer experience.
Before gym, CREDIT moi, I made my protein shake using my new jar of Bally's chocolate whey protein - my first venture away from my favorite flavor, vanilla. Good to do some variety I guess. Chocolate was OK, which is good since there are 29 servings left in the two pound jar, LOL.
onebyone - Waving. Persist in Victory.
Robin (RobinW) - Ouch for going in on your planned Saturday off. Double Ouch for having to chase down one more T-Shirt.
I loved Body Worlds. As it happens, I went with my DD and her roommate as well as DW. All of us loved it. I could have stayed for hours. I felt that the bodies were treated with appropriate respect. Local papers published some letters from people complaining, but a bunch seemed most concerned that the bodies were anatomically correct and kids were allowed to see them. The Boston Museum of Science display had some dramatic examples of how fat is stored.
Erika (eusebius) - Yea for restored normality. May it settle in and make itself at home. Glad to hear that Tom Lehrer is still alive.
Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Big Kudos for restraint on the breadbasket recognizing that "it wasn't great bread." Such good sense to avoid wasting calories on mediocre food .
And what's with this "never-ending birthday stuff?" We need to invent some dramatic birthday rituals that involve shared group exercise instead of shared group food. Neat that if you're going to have cake, it be "absolutely fabulous."
Readers -
Quote:
In order to lose weight this time, you'll learn crucial Cognitive Therapy techniques that you'll use for the rest of your life. They include planning what you eat, choosing healthy foods, resisting cravings, soothing yourself without turning to food, using good eating habits, and exercising, to name but a few.
Checking in
Sat: weighed in once (credit) - 1.8lbs 272.6
Sun: weighed in once (credit) + 2.8lbs 275.4 - getting really really close to my all time high now.
I'm about ready to sob in a heap here.
Or I am about ready to stop eating altogether.
Or pull my hair out.
I walked a lot yesterday (credit) and I walked a lot the day before. (credit)
Fridays at art school day camp the whole afternoon is spent out. Lunches are from 12-1:30, out at the park (planned exercise is the walk to and from the park) and then after that the teachers join us at the park and we walk across the market area, about 10 blocks, 20min or so, to the city pool and there is swimming for an hour. And then the walk back to the school, 20 min, and then the rush for the techs (that's me) to get all the supplies the teachers have used all week back into the tech room, cleaned up/sorted and put away.
The school closes at 4:30 on Fridays and we have to move fast to get it all done so we aren't still there at 6. Problem: I am being pressured to join in the swimming on Friday. I am by far the largest person in the group. I feel extremely self-conscious. I won't even go out in shorts or ride a bicycle for Pete's sake these days let alone wear a bathing suit in front of 30+ kids and the staff at the school that I will continue to see after the summer is done. It makes me want to cry. On top of this, after swimming I always feel really really tired and worn out. The thought of having to swim then having to walk to the school, and then work very hard and fast for 2 hours makes me think "I can't do this".
I just feel like giving up.
My body is not shedding the water. I am an emotional wreck this morning after DH came to bed at 5:30 which I read as rejection of me personally and I snapped at him. I just feel so sensitive--like nothing is working for me anywhere. It's just awful.
Anyway I'll leave this note here. Plan for today? More water, wii fit and doing some artwork and updating the blog.
UPDATE at 9:46pm credit for doing all four items listed above on my to-do list. credit for not jumping onto the scale today to see if I "really was that weight still" credit reading my arcs credit eating sitting down 98% today credit no second helpings (tough!) and putting one bowl of leftover stuff away even though I picked a bit at the top of it before I put the foil over it... (tough!) credit no sugar today. I'll take credit for it even though it wasn't a goal for today. credit for reaching out and talking out frustrations this morning instead of eating over them
If I have a problem and I eat over it, then I have two problems.
Tonight after dinner I described in loving detail to a male friend the salad I had just enjoyed.
Listen to this:
My own homegrown lettuce (due to the unseasonably cold summer, still tender, not bitter, and has not bolted), my own raspberries, Trader Joe's Cranberry, Gorgonzola, Walnut dressing, TJ's Goat Cheese crumbles, and TJ's raw pecan halves toasted...TDF. He said, "chick salad". Bah! I say, I already know that BillBE is drooling, and beyond that, "too good for boys". Hah!
I also make the best pesto in the known universe. I am still living on pesto and ww Angel Hair pasta...so far, so good. Did a three day weekend with the girls last weekend, and weighed in on Thursday on my trusty balance scale at 138. Need to buckle down again, this is the time of year that momentum counts..plenty of fresh, seasonal produce, great outdoors weather, the stars are aligned. Truly. For each of us in the northern hemisphere, this is our time!
For wndranne and all who might be interested, Mad Men starts on AMC next Sunday night at 9:00 CDT...:-) I CAN wait, because summer is going waaaayyy too fasssssttttt. I do look forward to its delights..just hope it comes slowly.
Weather forecast is for hot weather this week..may get my August starry night swim in yet!
Tracked food, credit. Gave the bread with my entree to dh and ordered the small pasta rather than the large, credit. 5,000+ steps, credit. Stocked up on healthy snacks at the grocery store today, credit.
Bill--Your summer peak lunch sounds amazing! Not in the least "diet food" but good food. Kudos! I've started eating the Arnold Sandwich thins, and they make a handy vehicle for fillings with minimal calories. My other favorite is corn tortillas. I had to laugh at the ritual birthday "group exercise"--wouldn't it be cool if all holidays included exercise! I also think about Beck's "arranging your environment"--our culture is part of that environment, and a challenge when food pops up constantly and we drive everywhere.
onebyone--Credit for all the walking you are doing. Ouch on the weight and the feelings of despair and stuckness. Oh, and the swimming pressure, which sounds disheartening. Why do they want you to actually get in the pool? From my distance from the situation, my impulse is to say that you have every right to take care of yourself, and protect your limits physically and emotionally. This doesn't make it easy or politically simple. I don't know you, but this sounds like "old" stuff--a visceral fear of being forced into a vulnerable situation, very much like a child would be.
For me, tracking my calories in calorielookup.com made a huge difference in seeing concretely what I was eating and how much it added up to--I really had no clue. I have been ruthless in including every single bite, which is my way of accepting the reality of where I am. And I write down what my thoughts are. Not a judgement, just acceptance. Can you watch all this turmoil for a bit, maybe write it down? The observing part of yourself is in there--or you wouldn't be on this list or reading Beck.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Da good news: I planned to have one cookie, and that's what I had, CREDIT moi, from platters of very top-shelf packaged cookies that I'd never buy for myself. Was a good one.
Da bad news: I wandered past a container of dark chocolate covered roasted almonds and snarfed 5 before I even noticed. Ouch. I wanted even more. Like Harry Potter I whipped out the Not about me curse, but they deflected it by calling my name. Can't use that when they're already looking me in the eye. Tried Persist in Victory, but they kept coming. In desperation I threw NO CHOICE and that stopped them long enough for me to escape.
It gets worse. I had escaped to another room, but they were still there and I was still thinking about them. I thought of stealing the whole quart to put in my freezer because they'd be incredible frozen. Yes, stealing them. Good grief; no bottom to depravity. I left the building.
It boggles that nearly four years into my journey I can still have such powerful feelings about a food. I suppose it'd be appropriate to be grateful that the Beck tools work and to be reassured that I have the strength to face any evil when I get my thoughts together to use them. And even to give myself credit for stopping when I did. But, for the moment, I just remain a tad boggled. Am I the only one who's only an eyeball away from a compulsion to woof down a quart of something?
maryblu - Yep, drooling here over the "Chick Salad." Now that's paying attention to the taste of your lettuce.
onebyone - Persist in Victory because you're winning, my friend. You're winning because you continue counting and walking and being aware. You will continue to continue and the scale, like a two year old having a temper tantrum, will reluctantly follow.
Sending supportive thoughts for all the negative feelings. They too are real and deserve to be honored as such so they can go their way.
Robin (RobinW) - Happy Ex-pat's Civil Holiday. Have a great adventure at Body Worlds.
Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Neat idea to extend Arrange Your Environment to arranging the cultural traditions from food-centric to exercise-centric. I'm on board; lead the way.
Kudos for donating your bread to the hungry, for stocking up on healthy snacks, and for ordering the small pasta.
Readers -
Quote:
The good news is that once you learn these skills, dieting becomes much easier. And so does maintaining your weight loss. The dieters I counseled tell me this all the time. It doesn't require as much effort to maintain your weight as it does to lose it ... if you learn the skills you need along the way.
One thing to report so far before I head off to start a busy week credit moi on and off the scale ONCE this morning
-4.8lbs (270.6) 0.2 to reward of Hans Falada book
Gotta run.
DH made my full lunch today and I have no clue what he made me...
Eccch ... I had a terrible eating weekend, and I'm up 2 lbs on the scale as a result. Mostly sodium, I'll bet. In any event, I am now acclimatizing to this new drug and I believe I'll be able to stay OP this week.
Robin - Hope you're enjoying your weekend!
Nuxmaga - Your consistency is inspiring!! Big credit to you!
Bill - Salmon burgers sound extremely yummy! Tomatoes and beans from the garden must be scrumptious. There really is nothing like fresh veggies that haven't been on a truck for days. I love the idea of No Choice, Persist in Victory, and so on as Harry Potter-style charms. No, you are not alone in your nearness to compulsion. I wonder if mine will ever go away.
onebyone - congrats on the 4.8lbs!! Persist in victory! I am so proud of you for sticking it out through those awful emotions and I'm extremely happy to see that it paid off for you. Kudos for rewarding yourself as well!
maryblu - OMG. Can I come live at your house and eat your salad and pesto for the rest of my life? Oh good, I knew you wouldn't mind. I hope you have a piano
OK coaches, I am off to a fresh start this week. Glad to have you with me!
cheers
Erika
We are happily ensconced in our lodge, prepping for the day. One person in the shower, one blow drying their hair, a third processing digitial pictures we took this AM, and me on the balcony trying to catch up on our group. It is indeed a new century...
From a exercise perspective, I've been doing great. (credit!) Before we got out to the hills, I did 45-70 minutes of exercise a day (walking + weights). I've already tromped around Sylvan Lake for an hour this AM and we have Mt Rushmore in our future. I don't think we'll do a real hike today, but we'll see.
From a food perspective, I've been okay but not great. But I'll take okay - credit!
My MIL and her sister look and act better than when I visited in February. June (the sister) was taking benadryl and sleeping all day. Now that she's weaned off, she's awake and happy all day long. May has lost a lot of weight, but is very happy -- so much so that she's happily giving my DH grief every chance she can.
After Rushmore this AM, my DH will probably head into town to pick them up. Then we'll all meet up for a couple of hours. Maybe do some drives in the hills. Nothing makes the ladies happier than driving around and seeing their favorite sites...
I don't have time for personals, but say 'hi' to you all!
so-so weekend. so much to do, so little time…i spent most of yesterday cooking, and still have a couple of dishes to make today. pickles from the cukes our neighbors hoisting off from their garden (mine went nowhere in a hurry except to feed the deer. first attempt though, wasn’t expecting much.) also need to make tomato soup and this citrusy cold borscht my uncle developed, once he coughs up the recipe. we ate out a LOT this weekend, and i made mostly good choices, didn’t stuff myself – but was over my calories by a few hundred on Saturday, then Sunday was in my range but did it eating waaay too many of the vegan chocolate chip cookies i baked for the teahouse. will freeze the rest and save for future marketing efforts at other places. and dinner saturday was truly fantastic. i never had an "eggplant cutlet" before, and it was pan-fried and crunchy yet creamy on the inside, as advertised in the menu. but i don't eat like that every day, the rest of the meal and portions were healthy, and DH and i split an incredible dessert made mostly from fresh cherries. didn’t do any planned exercise either, but cooking and laundry burn a surprising amount of calories. thanks, sensewear! i wouldn’t have thought housework would be enough, but there you go. will have to do some balancing this week between the few dishes i have left to cook, and the exercise i mean to do. i’m not worried though. enough work walking and it’s all gravy.
MAZEL TOV onebyone! it’s so crazy great that you held on and didn’t lose your grip while the scale was playing fast and loose with your mental health. i can’t help but think about how valuable a lesson learned this must be for you! you didn’t pull your hair out, sob in a heap, or GIVE UP. nope, didn’t do it. and now, don’t you feel like saying, ha! HA! good on ya!!! and very good advice from margaret. bill, i love those arnold’s thins. they make good low-cal hamburger buns too. there was some ingredient in there that wasn’t making me super happy – bleached flour or HFCS or some preservative or something – but i can live with it, whatever it was. those thins are great for hummus and spinach sandwiches. i think i’m going to use them for an heirloom tomato side sandwich with my tomato soup, with goat cheese and basil (the only thing the deer left alone.) yummy! nope, you’re far from the only one still fighting the demon. there are days when i think i don’t have the energy to fight and will just go down on my shield of extra weight, but most days the ARCs and easy techniques rise up and take over for me. but not always, or it wouldn’t be taking me this long to lose the last 30ish lbs. oh well! but yeah, no, nothing unusual in feeling that way over chocolate. it’s chemical. and mary, would love that pesto recipe! we’re stocked to the gills with fibergourmet pasta, and i’d love something new to do with it (again, seeing how’s the only thing to survive the deer was our basil.) erika, save me a seat next to you at mary's place! sorry to hear you had a rough time this weekend but it sounds like you’ve got the best possible attitude about it. better than mine would be, for sure! i’m losing patience with the scale myself. will take a page from your book.
cheers, everyone!
Last edited by kuhljeanie; 08-10-2009 at 01:55 PM.
I haven't been here in quite some time, but just had to stop in and give an update. I played around trying different diets etc and finally ended up back on Intuitive Eating. But this is to share with you Beck's part in my journey since I don't think I would have made it to where I am without Beck Skills.
I wanted to drop in and say that even Intuitive Eating did not work for me until I applied the Beck Skills to it. In fact the Beck Skills actually helped me learn which eating plan fits me. As I tried each diet, I would use the Beck Skills. I made more Response Cards and Advantage Decks than you could imagine to fit each diet that I tried. It lead me back to Intuitive Eating which I find is the "Normal" way of eatig for me. I would and I often do greatly recommend that anyone who is having trouble finding and staying on any diet should read one of the Beck books and learn the Beck Skills and add them to their diet/eating plan. It seems to be the glue that actually holds any diet plan together so to speak and also seems to even make it easier. I am so thankful to have found Beck's way of doing things. IT WORKS!!! My weight loss is slow, but steady and even feels effortless (don't feel like I'm dieting) and I attribute it all to the Beck Skills.
Zumba today, in spite of miserable heat and wanting to stay home, credit. Tracked food, credit.
Another altercation with a large bag of potato chips, with all sorts of negative predictions about my future. Sigh. I think of Brian Wansink's book Mindless Eating, and his research that shows whatever the package size is becomes a serving in our mind(ie. Bill's quart of chocolate almonds=one serving!), and as much as I rationalize that I might not eat the entire bag, I do anyway. Now I need to deal with the sabotaging thoughts that say "A small bag isn't enough. You need the big bag."
Just a quick check in. Sorry I've been MIA. My dh is getting ready to go camping with some friends for 5 days and is leaving on Wednesday morning so we are trying to get him all ready to go. Plus, we are in the process of trying to buy a new car so I've had no free time to myself to sit down and chat.
I'll try to write personals and more info tomorrow.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Food OP, Gym done; CREDIT moi, CREDIT moi. Lunch included corn on the cob, lentils with kale, and curried zucchini, all of which I had cooked over the weekend, along with a fresh batch of granola. By my standards, that's a lot of food prep, so CREDIT moi for that.
Tonight we have tickets to the Red Sox vs. the Detroit Tigers at Fenway Park in Boston. The challenge for me is to have some ballpark snacks without trying to consume a whole bag of kettle corn.
Jean (kuhljeanie) - Kudos for "mostly good choices" with all your eating out. Did you remember how to live without El Nino, LOL?
Thanks for the solace with "no, nothing unusual in feeling that way over chocolate. its chemical." Some days I still naively think my brain is in charge. Perhaps personal growth requires losing that illusion.
onebyone - Honking BIG Congrats to your scale for finally catching up with you. Which Hans Falada book are you going to buy?
Anne (wndranne) - Waving back. Sending cool thoughts to your desert for your bike riding.
ChinaMaine - Kudos for giving yourself credit for "food ... okay but not great." Your Black Hills scene sounds both calming and exciting. Seems like you're getting plenty of exercise. Are you seeing different birds than you see in Maine?
Erika (eusebius) - Yea for "acclimatizing." Re "I wonder if mine will ever go away." My thought this morning is that we had best be prepared for these food desires and craving to reappear without warning - forever. Recall reading stories of long time ex-smokers who were offered a cigarette and, without thinking, went right back to their previous pack-a-day habit. So, keep your yeti wand at hand.
Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Kudos for Zumba; Bigger Kudos for Zumba when the Sabotaging Thoughts are whispering why you shouldn't bother.
Ouch for the chips. Good that you can look at it to devise strategies for next time. Yep, I do know that feeling that the bag is the serving size.
Kara (Walking Princess) - Yea for being too busy to sit down; now that's one way to get exercise. Good luck in your quest for a new car. Will you grab one of those clunker rebates?
Trish (pattygirl63) - Great to hear from you. Kudos for settling into Intuitive Eating as your diet plan - hope it works for you. It has great appeal to me, and I occasionally lurk on their thread here on 3FC.
If memory serves me, you had a real life Diet Coach/Buddy; is that still happening?
Readers -
Quote:
in sessionwith Dr. Beck . . . Megan: I guess. But that's pretty discouraging. Dr. Beck: Yet, it is, but I think you'll be so much less discouraged if you realize three things: One, you can always plan to have at least small portions of pizza and doughnuts if you want. Two, your craving for these foods is going to go way down. Three, the payoff for not eating these foods whenever you want them is huge. You've told me how important it is to you to lose weight. . . .
Sunday
just about to lose it
have a great sunday everyone!
*HA* to YOU scale
credit moi 
congrats on the 4.8lbs!! Persist in victory! I am so proud of you for sticking it out through those awful emotions and I'm extremely happy to see that it paid off for you. Kudos for rewarding yourself as well!
Hello from the Black Hills!
