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kuhljeanie 11-22-2008 10:16 PM

weekend everyone! this will be short, because i am exhausted. decided that friday was a good night to go without the ambien, since i wouldn't have to perform on a weekend, and i could also nap when el nino went down for his. we spent all day at an osu-michigan party (it's a big deal for buckeye fans, and DH's friend has a huge annual shindig, replete with miles of junky, fatty, sugary crap food.) el nino (i should start calling him e.n. for short) was on fire the whole day, so no nap. i fell asleep last night sometime around 1:00 am. so, very, very very tired right now, but needed to log my food, and thought i'd check in with y'all.

so after planning far in advance for managing my calories, i did OK. not perfect, but ok, and heaps better than i did last year. i ate the low-fat chicken chili i brought (turned out to be an extremely popular item - glad i started with it since it all got eaten!) and had a few bits and bites of some sweet things that looked wonderful. skipped the wings and the ribs and the chili dip and chips and a bunch of other stuff. yay, me! then, tonight, made my dinner from a bag of microwave popcorn and reduced fat cheddar, and ate a little halloween chocolate. i don't feel out of control - i think i just needed a break from bistro MD meals. tomorrow, right back on plan. it's TOM, too, and i will end the day in deficit. again, yay me. it's kind of a victory to be able to stray a little off plan without an all-out binge.

interesting discussion re: clutter! DH has a similar problem (may have mentioned that in the past.) the reason the piles form a week after he's cleared the last round is that he doesn't have any systems to prevent them. there are methods that you can habituate so the piles don't form in the first place. i'm an organization freak (project manager and a perfectionist, a deadly combination:)) so those kinds of systems come naturally to me. wondering if there's something about the way engineers' brains work that makes it more of a challenge...hmm...and i can also see where the same methods that work so well for me for clutter are also effective for weight. for example, i have a garbage can near the mailbox, and i toss junk mail before it ever comes into the house. bills get paid online immediately and are then tossed, so i have very little mail build-up, and the little i do have gets filed or destroyed on a weekly basis.

anyway, will do personals again on monday! should probably try to go to sleep now - so tired, and i'm a little nervous about tossing and turning for 3 hours like last night. will see if i can focus my mind in a different way and maybe get to sleep a little more easily. i hope so!

twilit tera 11-22-2008 11:19 PM

Hi, all!

Today I found my journal! Of course, the quickest way to turn anything up is to replace it. I was surprised to discover that it's been a week since I tracked. I've been in a fog much of the time, what with that cold.

Pain level is pretty high tonight. At least I was still able to take my government test this morning, and I think I did pretty well on it.

Oh, and because I forgot to mention it, Thinkerbell, but I know what you mean about NO CHOICE. I prefer "I've already decided not to," or "Oh, well" (which you'll get to). In fact, I use "oh well" for almost everything these days. :)

BillBlueEyes 11-23-2008 05:39 AM

Diet Coaches - Great progress on my weekend chores. Took an old dining room table to Good Will - we don't need two dining room tables. CREDIT moi. Wish I could tell you that it was a beautiful, elegant table of fine wood that broke my heart to lose. But it was worn and ugly. Just took a bunch of moving some stuff and discarding some stuff to make enough extra space that major furniture moves seemed like the right thing to do. Now I have the joy of a corner that was previously occupied by a dinning room table that can get a neat bookcase or elliptical machine or computer desk or whatever.

maryblu - Love it, "Zip It!" Terse, to the point. Carries authority. Speaking of authority, what's up with your vote counting for the senate race; the elections are over, the new senate will be meeting in a couple of months, time to finish up. Latest in our newspapers (and what would East Coast paper know about Minnesota elections) is that the difference is 115 votes with 1,893 challenges. Good grief, you gonna still be counting on New Years Eve?

Jeanie (kuhljeanie) - Yay for your "low-fat chicken chili." Neat that when you offer something healthy it gets consumed. McDonalds should take note. Ouch for tired; that does seem to be a frequent component of your standard operating procedure. Yet Kudos for straying a little bit off plan without a binge. That's seriously good Beck stuff there.

Your observation rings true with me that clutter people don't seem to have a strategy to prevent collecting even after they discard. It's takes a full scale conscious decision for me not to pick up an interesting booklet or flyer or other item that will just get added to a stack. I need an airport security station at my front door that checks me for stuff, LOL.

Robin (RobinW) - Now that's a good plan: wake up, coffee, nap, LOL. Hope the pain continues to stay low so that you can face the busy season on your feet.

angelmomma210 - Waving. Sending positive thoughts for the saga.

Tera (twilit tera) - Now that's a good one, "I've already decided not to." I'll have to try that. Ouch for a whole week with the cold; hope things clear up. Would think the good dry Texas air would magically dry out colds.

Anne (wndranne) - day 15, day 16, day 17 - moving right along - Kudos. Boggling observation, "on a typical day we make more than 200 food-related choices." Gotta get most of those onto auto-pilot somehow; can't think clearly that many times a day. I like that as a justification for using NO CHOICE. Good luck with leaving food on your plate. I completed day 17: End Overeating; can't say I've incorporated it into my everyday life. I still depend on limiting what goes onto my plate.

Kim (bennyhannahmama) - BIG Kudos for accepting the compliment without deflecting it. That's great stuff. Neat that you're re-doing your Advantages Response Card. It worked for me to keep tweaking mine until I could clearly see, "Losing weight allows me to focus on the other parts of my life." Fat was serving as a global excuse for anything I wasn't doing in my life - "I'll do that when I'm not fat." And thanks for the tip about flylady. Will pursue that and see if that helps.

Readers -
"In order to successfully lose weight and keep it off, you have to stop eating when you've eaten the amount of food on your plan.." Beck, pg 154.

bennyhannahmama 11-23-2008 09:26 AM

Diet Coaches

1) ARC: Only read once, but I almost skipped it all together so I'm still okay with that.
2) Sit while eating: I know I did this every time, except maybe for a bit or lick here and there. I definitely need to pay better attention to the bites and licks again.
3) Eating slowly and mindfully: I did do this, as a matter of fact I noticed that I did it fairly automatically! :broc:
4) Give myself credit: Still need to work on doing this throughout the day.

A) Bought the kids Burger King for dinner and I got a salad with grilled chicken. :broc:
B) Didn't even nibble on 1 french fry (no matter how yummy they smelled and how hungry I was) :broc:
C) When DS left over almost all his fries and brought them home, I promptly put them down the garbage disposal :broc:
D) Oh and another really big thing: I didn't feel deprived when I ordered/ate the salad for dinner. I didn't feel bad that I couldn't order crap. I honestly didn't even have a desire for the crap (other than some french fries.)

5) Diet Coach: Yep, I posted here yesterday.


Good for you for taking care of yourself. Flaking out on the couch or crawling into bed with a good book both sound marvelous. I have a very difficult time doing those things and they are really just a part of self-care. Hope you got to relax.


"Zip it" I like that too and I love picturing Dr. Evil. It might even make me laugh!

Anne Kudos to you for continuing to work the program so well. I assume Mindless Eating is a book you own, do you recommend it? (Billdo not read her response!)
Do you mind sharing your NO CHOICE card with us? Where are you going to keep it? I worry about when/where I'll actually pull these cards out. I haven't read my ARC in the moment yet, just at planned times throughout the day. I do have those things running through my head though while I'm making my decisions about food, exercise, etc. though.

I think Day 17 will be a tough one for me too. Especially since my "diet" is calories in vs. calories out. I've planned and chosen to eat a certain amount of "x". However, I do know there are times that I have felt satisfied but keep eating just because I know I'm "allowed" to have the rest. Is this what you're struggling with?


In reference to the game, I think to say that it's "a big deal" to Buckeye fans is an understatement! :D I've met some pretty radical U of M fans, but I heard theirs no comparison to OSU, they won't even serve people in a restaurant if you're wearing an opposing teams apparel.

so after planning far in advance for managing my calories
I really think this is such a HUGE factor and kudos to you for doing it. It sounds like you did a great job and you ended up with a deficit-- woo hoo!

As far as clutter, the Flylady refers to you as a BO person (Born Organized) You know, like those perpetually skinny people :) Wish you could just transfer that quality over to us clutter bugs via the computer.

I hope you didn't toss and turn too much last night.

Bill Woo hoo, you got rid of a whole table! Who cares how attached to it you were, you wouldn't have been able to get rid of it had you not done a lot of other hard work to get to it. Sounds like you're making great progress.

Interesting about Day 17 for you and not being able to incorporate it into your life. Do you ever find yourself eating more than you're actually hungry for just because it's on your plate? If not, then I think your strategy works equally well.

Tera Too funny about the food diary showing up-- Murphy's Law! Glad you got your test completed and great that you think you did well. Hope you're in less pain today.

Hello to everyone else. Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

maryblu 11-23-2008 03:16 PM

Yo, Beckies,

Kudos to all the coaches who are serious about Beck and CBT. Bennyhannamama, wow! Kudos on taking every step seriously and letting each one work for you. It is just a joy to see. Beck's Diet Solution using CBT does work, if we let it! It gives us every single tool we need, if we will only follow it. I am currently working on helpful responses for "I don't want to". ~

BillBE, kudos as always for such success in maintenance. Sore subject on the recount, times two! First, DS informed me on the way out of our polling place that he could not bring himself to vote for my choice. He said, "If he loses by one vote, you are going to have to kick me." Who knew?? As far as I am concerned, it can take until New Year's Eve if it leads to the right outcome! lol

Sore subject reason # 2: I ran for office two years ago and lost by 8 votes. 8 votes out of almost 5,000 cast in my district. 8 votes. And yes, I asked for a recount! 8 votes. Took me a long time to get over it. Not so much rejection as failure, because I truly could have worked harder and smarter. *sigh

Am happy we are still talking about clutter, as I know there is a link for some of us. In fact, my friend's psychologist told her that sometimes a cluttered house is a sign of a cluttered mind. Hmmmm.

And speaking of clutter, here is a helpful response: catalogchoice.org. You can opt out of the catalogs you don't want coming to your house. It turns out that the average person gets 41 pounds of junk mail and catalogs each year, most of which end up in the land fill.

Let's make it a good week.

RobinW 11-23-2008 05:54 PM

just another quick hello today. Im staying away from the pc to stay away from work stuff.

Coffee this morning, a holiday open house, and Im off to do a little christmas shopping.

Food is good and Im op

Have a nice evening everyone!

AnneWonders 11-23-2008 11:22 PM

Diet Coaches: I basically didn't do squat today with BDS. I did what I normally do, logging food, planning the week's meals, eating to satisfaction without going crazy. Probably a zero calorie deficit. Not bad, but not getting me anywhere either. I have a puzzle I'm enjoying working and that kind of consumed all my free time today. That and searching for my favorite nurse practitioner, who has left my doctor's practice and I may try to follow her since she was the only good thing about the office.

Oh yeah, leaving something on my plate was easy. Now talk to me about giving DD a bite of something after I've already logged it and it's MINE. That's hard.

The NO CHOICE thing may have turned a corner on my lack of ability to floss consistently though. I'm no longer fighting it in my head. Weird. Small steps, I guess.

I did read Day 18: Change Your Definition of Full, but I normally don't stuff myself anyway--I'm a grazer and eat a little bit at a time, all day long. So interesting, but not one of my issues. Tomorrow is one of my issues.

So tomorrow I will: Figure out if I want to join the Y or not, so I have a swimming option if my foot is broken; read and work Day 19 pretty hard; and do the new paperwork so I can use my gym at work.

Mindless Eating by Brian Wansink was a real eye opener of a book for me. I lost the weight in 2003 by deciding not to worry about why I was eating, and just focus on the behavior. It didn't feel to me like I was an emotional eater (for the most part), but I had no other explanation. Then I read that book and OH! I absolutely recommend the book (my review is here). I really cleaned my environment after that, and am very aware of the issues when I'm in a 'danger' situation, and it was a huge help.

Hi RobinW!

maryblu: LOL, my friend's psychologist told her that sometimes a cluttered house is a sign of a cluttered mind. And sometimes it isn't? That cost, what, a couple hundred bucks an hour?? Yikes.

bennyhannamama: I admire your dedication. I seem to be incapable of sitting to eat, except at mealtimes! Doing really well about paying attention though. Hmmm, my NO CHOICE card basically says NO CHOICE. I keep it in an envelope with the rest of my cards in my BDS journal, which is with me a lot of the time. I'm considering posting it to my bathroom mirror to reinforce the flossing thing. :) Personally, I think my 15 minute rule works better for me on the eating front, because I do have a choice (which I like), but I make it after the spur of the moment. I think the reality is that not all the BDS steps are equally useful to each of us, some more meaningful to some people. I guess having made and kept this lifestyle change for 6 years now, I have some confidence to say, yeah, I have to work this one (for me Days 1,5,7,8,12,19,23,25-27,34,36,40 and the Maintenance Chapters, as well as various odds and ends), and take what I need from the others and leave the rest. It took some time to get from there to here for me, and I'm always learning something new, so I'm open to trying almost anything, except possibly a low-carb diet and maybe yoga (OK I tried yoga a couple times--not happening for me).

Bill: you are reminding me of the dejunking project I did my first few weeks of maternity leave. I cleaned out one closet, shelf, cabinet, horizontal surface, or something almost every day. I felt great afterward!!

tera: I hope your pain improves and you don't have to 'oh well' that for long.

Jeanie: bills get paid online immediately and are then tossed, so i have very little mail build-up, and the little i do have gets filed or destroyed on a weekly basis. Wow! This boggles my mind. I had phone bills from 1986 I had to junk in my dejunking project I mentioned above! Of course they were all very neatly filed, in chronological order, but who needs that stuff? I was about to write something about what I should do, but I'm shoulding myself to death these days, so I won't.

Finally, I won't give too many graphic details, but I think nursing DS may be coming to an end. My body isn't responding properly with work, fatigue, and stress, and I'm having issues. Perhaps I'm worrying needlessly and this is just a bad patch, and it isn't necessarily an all-or-nothing thing for many families even if it is more than a bad patch, but I have some perfectionist tendencies and it is on my mind. I can't say I don't have mixed feelings about it, but I'm generally not ready for this to end yet, and certainly not this way, and it is bothering me. I suppose I'll do whatever is best for us, and muddle through the best I can, and it'll be what it'll be. :(


BillBlueEyes 11-24-2008 05:51 AM

Diet Coaches - More progress on getting ready for Thanksgiving; CREDIT moi. A minor victory last night: we had dinner with friends and I had half a sliver ("That's why he stays svelte" comment, LOL) of the centerpiece pecan cranberry tart AND I left the crust edge on my plate. CREDIT moi. I never leave anything on my plate, so a bit of crust is a good step for me. Otherwise ate sanely, with the exception of bluefish pate - which is so good it should be banned from the planet. Oh Well. Fortunately I go years between encounters.

maryblu - Ouch for a DS who accepted your gift of an independent mind but doesn't understand that he's to vote per his mother's vision, LOL. And Double Ouch for 8 votes two years ago; that's one bitter pill. It'd be hard for me to look at any of my friends who didn't vote without a sneer.

Thanks for the pointer to catalogchoice.org; we can use that for some companies we bought one thing from, but don't plan to order from again. What DW really wants is for places she regularly orders from to send her only one catalog per season; she currently gets two or three. All of this reminds me of the old Sears Roebuck catalogs. Now those were great!!

Robin (RobinW) - Yay for staying away from work.

angelmomma210 - Waving. Sending positive thoughts that this is the week that the saga concludes - in a way good for your DH.

Anne (wndranne) - LOL at the image of your DD screaming for a bite and mommy saying that it's already logged into her computer so she can't have one.

What a dynamite use of maternity leave - cleaning out a shelf or closet or surface each day. For me, nine months would just about do it.

And thanks for the link to your review of Mindless Eating; compelling review. Even though I've know about the book, your review tipped me over the edge and I just ordered it from Amazon.

Kim (bennyhannahmama) - Big Kudos for not feeling deprived when you had salad for dinner. Re: will I clean my plate even when I'm no longer hungry? Sadly, yes. I will stop before I am stuffed, or really full. But I'll eat more than what I would have served myself. My progress in this is glacially slow, but I continue to work on it.

Readers -
"When I feel anxious about extra food on my plate, I'll remind myself that even if I want to eat it, I can use anti-craving techniques." Beck, pg 156.

twilit tera 11-24-2008 10:24 AM

Good morning, Becksters:

:yay: OP Food

Stayed most the day at Mom's house watching DVR'd episodes of Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. Today I'll be finishing up what reports I can and trying to put as little pressure on the Joint as I can. Music Appreciation is a three hour class, and I already missed last week. I'm going to show up and put as much time in as I can handle.

Bill: Way to go on continuing to declutter, and for marvalous self-control over dessert!

Anne: Thanks for the link to your review of Mindless Eating. I especially liked the advice of creating new positive associations with healthy food.

Have a good day, folks!

RobinW 11-24-2008 11:18 AM

ok......the turkey trott t's banner and signs have been up for 3 weeks.....Ive been bombarded with ttt orders all morning. Everything needs to be done by wednesday :dizzy:

:wave: Im op........have a great day everyone!

kuhljeanie 11-24-2008 11:52 AM

clutter and weight
happy monday my coaches!

have been thinking about how i approach my house and how some of that correlates to thin thinking. interesting exercise! i had a couple of ah ha moments. the first, that yes, i probably am "born organized" (although i'd never heard the term, yeah, i am.) even so, every once in a while i find i've got little piles building up here and there. it usually happens when i am overstressed, depressed, and/or tired. i certainly don't beat myself up over some laundry that hasn't been folded. once i notice that it's happening (it doesn't take a lot) i just start cleaning it back up. DH, on the other hand, thinks about it all the time, and has piles everywhere. he constantly thinks about it and feels overwhelmed by all of it. i just start folding or sorting, and get through it. the only time i felt overwhelmed was when i was packing up an entire house, but even then, it didn't last long once i got started. i also do have systems - lots of them, things i've been doing forever and i'm comfortable with them. i put things away IMMEDIATELY. i don't rebel because i like my house nice, and this is the only way it stays nice. my systems are generally pretty simple and habitual - i have a place for clothes, a way i unload groceries, a system for folding laundry, dealing with mail, putting dishes away. it's just what i do and i tend to find it comforting rather than overwhelming. i also tend to think about the end result while i'm working with something. DH sort of tosses things around to get to something, whereas i will think about later to plan out now. a stupid little example: he just jams plates and bowls together in the dishwasher, while i arrange them by size. it makes them easier to put away after it's run, and you can fit more in there at a time. he just doesn't think about that when he's loading.

another difference i noticed between DH and myself regarding our stuff is that he tends to use it more to "maintain his memories." he keeps things because they remind him of something, or he thinks they might be useful some day. i figure if i need it at some point, i can always get it then, so why keep it around now? also, i like digital pictures for memories - not t-shirts. they certainly take up less space. there are very few things that i'm really attached to.

weight loss lessons for me? yeah, kind of obvious, huh? :) the environmental stuff is huge, and so is the routine part. and simply accepting that it's what i have to do to continue losing weight. i went to the kitchenette this morning to get coffee, and forgot that i'd be confronted with the monday morning doughnuts. I LOVE DOUGHNUTS. got away quickly, and went to a meeting, but found myself wondering if they were still there when i got back, and coming up with all sort of reasons it would be ok just this time to have one. my grown-up self (who is THRILLED to have busted through my stall!) told my little-girl self to stop whining justifying, because it ain't gonna work. no doughnuts today. they're not good for me.

and YAY! i'm officially through my stall! weighed in this morning at 172. closing in on a new decade!!! finally excited about it - it seems more real this week than last. 2 more lbs to my new charm (although once again, i can't find my bracelet. arrggh.) all my clothes are too big, but i don't want to buy new ones until i'm down another size. having a BELIEVE IT kind of day. :hyper:

feel better, tera! it's so good to take care of yourself! i'm starting to sleep better, myself, rest is good. :)

anne, my heart goes out to you. my DS is almost two, and my upcoming trip to india will most likely be the reason we stop nursing, and i won't even call my feelings mixed. i'm heartsick about it. i'll try to handpump to keep my supply up, but at this point, i can't imagine my body will keep going. it is sad and i completely understand! i keep having to remember - my DH got 5 DAYS of nursing back in the 60's, and he turned out just fine (if a bit of a clutter fiend.:)) it's still tough. everything will turn out fine, because your intentions are exactly right. :hug:

hiya kim! yeah, "enthusiastic" might be a bit of an understatement. they're completely rabid and crazed, and every year i'm relieved when the bucks win because they yell, instead of smashing up the furniture in their blind grief. this year, i am grateful that i'm not that into college football. ;) and yes, very happy indeed that i brought party-friendly food to fill up on and keep myself on plan! will do that again next year. sounds like you're really staying on task with Beck. go you!

mary, what a heartbreaker! will you ever try it again? i'd vote for you!!! also appreciate the heads up on catalogchoice. i signed up - will see if i can sign up DH too. slowly but surely i'm pulling him to The Other Side, if only because i can't stand HIS piles everywhere, and we don't have enough money to build him a separate house to leave crap everywhere. :)

waving at robin's blur! also waving at onebyone and olive.

bill, mazel tov on your left crust! that's the best part, too. just wonderful work!

must get back to it - so much to do before the break!

cheers, all!

onebyone 11-24-2008 02:58 PM

just not great.

I'm worse than at a standstill, I seem to be working very hard to reverse any gains I have made, I am deeply self-sabotaging. My self-esteem is very low. I sometimes wonder if that isn't the whole point of this eating behaviour; to simply feel bad.
It does work to do that. I just do so much physical damage to myself before I smarten up. I go for the sweet things with a vengenace, no green things, no fresh things, no breaks between meals, no small amounts--day after day. For about a week now I guess...maybe a bit more. And no surprise but it took a while and now my weight is climbing.

I did manage to get away to the country this past weekend, of course it was for a craft show so this means it wasn't school stress, or ceramic room stress, but craft business stress. Luckily school is wrapping up with two weeks to go and SEVERAL projects not done yet. Very disturbing. I end up at school bringing a lunch but I spend the break between classes working as the ceramic tech so I don't have to stay after school to do the minimum. I feel like quitting that job. I feel I am not doing a good job. I feel like the 2 new teachers want me to never break a ceramic object and to never have a blow up in the kiln and to always be on top of everything even though they initiate projects for me to complete but by the time I can do that they have already done it; so I feel less than. I just feel not good enough all over the place: with my food, with looking after myself, with family relations, with school projects, with looking after the ceramic room. I feel like I am missing the mark on all fronts. My perception of things must be very skewed though... I think I am looking at the world through a lens of low self esteem.

And the solution? Action. Do one good thing for myself. Just one. I wish my beck book was blank so I could write in it again. Maybe I'll write in it with a different pen colour. There are still borders and edges to be filled. I sure don't feel up to committing to a foodplan but maybe I can committ to re-starting the book and doing that a day at a time. I will try that today.

Sorry coaches for being so low. I've taken too much on and it's beaten me down. My craft business will be done in two weekends. School will be wrapped up come what may. But you know what? I am so beating myself up for not sticking to my plan that was working because it's already been very cold here and I am now farther rather than closer to wearing that warm fake fur coat which was my goal. I now doubt I will fit it before winter is over again. It will be 3 years since I got it for my birthday from DH. It is my dream coat. I love it's look and style and the feel of it. I have not been able to wear it once. It was too small when I got it (I asked DH to get me it for my birthday) but not that small... I was supposed to fit into it "soon". That was three years ago. I'm just so frustrated with myself and definitely do not want to run these thoughts and feelings by DH yet again. He loves me and supports me but has heard this all before so many times. I just wish I could get past this issue physically, mentally and emotionally. And I know, wishing won't do it, working it will. I sense a new saying here.

Don't wish for it. Work for it.

Thanks for listening. Maybe I can go again.

BillBlueEyes 11-25-2008 05:46 AM

Tuesday before US Thanksgiving
Diet Coaches - Did gym workout with my trainer. CREDIT moi and Ouch for the poor muscles that I've spent years ignoring. He focused for the full sixty minutes on lunges, stretches, and other simple stuff that hurt and hurt. Exactly what I needed and exactly what I don't seem to be able to do for myself. Even push ups. I'm at a gym with millions of dollars of equipment doing push ups, LOL. I'm concentrating on the power end - getting my nose to the floor and back up, while he's yelling at me to get my back straight, which, of course, I don't want to do because that stresses the unused muscles in my back that need the workout much more than my arms.

I was happy to see a very large woman getting her introductory lesson in the gym. Oddly enough, there are a good handful of overweight men in the gym, but no overweight women. There are a bunch in the water aerobics class, and they are particularly encouraging to see because they universally are smiling. They work their buns off and grin like they've never had such fun - such a pleasure to see happening.

onebyone - Ouch that you don't right now see yourself as the person who can find the wagon and climb back on. Sending hugs and warm supportive thoughts to help you see the onebyone who has done this before and will do it again. It's hard, and especially hard before the vision of your own competence arises again in your brain. Think of yourself counseling a teenage girl who can't image that life will ever get good again after someone calls her a name. And you have to step back and give her the bigger picture to let her see herself a full and grand person - even with a zit on her nose.

I suggest that you focus smaller than the dream coat of three years. Focus on today. Find your journal, or start a new one. Just today, do your three meals. Just today do your planned snacks. Just today walk a little bit further than the minimum. And, just today, give yourself credit for one specific act. Then come back and tell us what that was.

You're still in there, just not visible to yourself. Allow yourself to feel the support beaming toward you from the diet coaches on this thread. And laugh today that you're more resilient than one zit on the tip of your nose.

Jeanie (kuhljeanie) - Interesting thoughts from a "born organized" person. Kudos for recognizing that about yourself and being able to see how your DH is different, not inferior - particularly in using stuff to "maintain his memories." Boy do I recognize that. And Kudos for seeing that your environment and your routine are crucial for staying on plan. Amazing that we're all so different.

Robin (RobinW) - Yay for good business. Yay for being a smart business person who lets people order later than anybody else. Ouch that the two of those combine to bring out the worst procrastination in mankind to want to order custom t-shirts the day before the race. Hope your hip is feeling standable.

angelmomma210 - Waving. Sending positive thoughts that this is the week that the saga concludes - in a way good for your DH. But if it doesn't, since nothing has ever happened in the government during Thanksgiving week, that you'll focus on a relaxing Thanksgiving and days without school kids who need to be bussed.

Tera (twilit tera) - Three cheers for a three hour Music Appreciation class. Sending positive thoughts for your joints and additional positive thoughts that you're able to find them a way to the pool so you can continue your exercise plan. I am so jealous of that music class. You're making me want to become a full time student again. Of course so much more fun as an adult without all the angst about why don't I have a girl friend and what will I be when I grow up.

Readers -
"Once I've learned to stop eating even though there's still food on my plate, dieting will be easier." Beck, pg 157.

bennyhannahmama 11-25-2008 08:24 AM

Good morning coaches! I knew that I would not get a chance to post yesterday during the day due to a busy work schedule, but was hoping to get on at night. Unfortunately, after work, I needed to go food shopping for Thanksgiving. I got home late and after eating some dinner decided sleep was truly the most important need at that time. It's interesting that I was able to decide to go to sleep without coming on here, writing in my journal or reading my ARC for the 2nd time without feeling guilty or beating myself up. I knew that the decision was based on what was truly best for me and was not sabotaging or making excuses (at least I hope not! ;)) Part of the decision was based on the fact that I knew I had to be at Ross' house (that's my eventually-to-be ex-husband, I figured if you know his name I don't have to worry about how to refer to him!) at 6:30am and I needed to get my workout and shower in before that. Which, I did! :broc:

Some other highlights from the past couple of days include:

- Running (some walking mixed in too) 4.25 miles around town!! :broc:
- Putting myself out there again by trying another new social situation (the local chapter of the Jaycees) :broc:
- Eating at a potluck dinner (Thanksgiving dinner for the Jaycees) in a new social situation and doing very well with choices, amounts, mindful eating, etc. :broc:
-Taking care of myself by going to a support group :broc:
- Getting NOTHING to eat at a Chinese restaurant while out with friends because I had already had dinner and wasn't hungry (no matter how good the food smelled!) :broc:
- Making sure to count the fortune cookie that I did eat :broc:

I still need to work on re-vamping my ARC and making up some other response cards. I also need to move past this first week, but still don't quite feel ready. I'm okay with that though because I feel like I'm doing really well. I'm PMS for the first time since working the program and for the first time since finally feeling pretty stable emotionally. I can tell there are more sabotaging thoughts coming up and just more of an overall blah feeling. It helps to know what it is though and that it's not nearly as bad as usual. Oh and I am seeing a little increase in the scale (.5 lb) that I'm sure is due to that.

My DD has off from school this whole week so today she will join DS and me when we go to his gymnastics class. Maybe afterwards I will take them to an indoor play place and I'll sit with my laptop and/or book while they run around!

Hope you all have a great day!


Thanks for the recognition. I'm trying to deal with the awkward and embarrassed feelings around it :D Seriously though, it's good practice because I think soon enough people will start to notice the changes and that's when I tend to freak out.

I think some day you should run for office again to get rid of that sour experience of the 8 votes :(



my friend's psychologist told her that sometimes a cluttered house is a sign of a cluttered mind. And sometimes it isn't? That cost, what, a couple hundred bucks an hour?? Yikes.
This made me LOL-- thanks!

I think that you're not giving yourself enough credit for all that you do without even trying! Even though you said you did nothing in terms of BDS, you:

I did what I normally do, logging food, planning the week's meals, eating to satisfaction without going crazy. Probably a zero calorie deficit.
That's big stuff!

I appreciate your insight about knowing yourself and knowing what steps you really need to focus on. For me, eating sitting down is one of those "easy button" ones for me. I was already doing this because I usually sit at the computer when I eat. I can't tell you how valuable I find it to have someone like you (and others) who have BTDT sharing your experiences with some of us who are just finally getting it!

If you don't mind me asking, how old is your DS? I nursed my DD until she was 2.5 (she only stopped b/c I was pregnant with DS and had no milk left) and DS until he was over 3. I'm one of those freaky people :D Anyway, I know of lots of little tricks to increase milk supply including some yummy (healthy) cookies you can make. I'm assuming you're referring to a supply issue.

Oh and I'm going to read your book review as soon as I'm done with this post (thanks for the link), but I'm scared if I stop now the kids will wake up and I won't ever get to finish!

Did you end up making a decision about the gym?


Good luck with all those shirts (I remember the days of last minute orders and the major rushing!), I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes smoothly. I think it's great that you are making sure to pop your head in here if only for a moment. I need to remind myself that even if I don't have time to post my usual novella it doesn't mean I have to skip it all together! Keep on keeping on.


Hooray for you for only taking a sliver of the pie (it sounds yummy!) AND leaving some over. And thank you for reminding me that I did the same with 2 different types of desserts I tried at the potluck. :broc:

Your anecdotes about lunges, pushups, stretching may either motivate me to do more than my cardio or it may scare me and make me run in the other direction! Remember when you're feeling your sore muscles how hard you worked and how you are continuing to take care of you.

And I just have to tell you how much I enjoy reading your posts-- you make me smile and feel warm fuzzies. Your advice to onebyone is so great and compassionate. I hope your kids and DW realize how fortunate they are!

[/B]Tera[/B] Yeah for being OP with food and checking in here!


I love hearing about your thought process behind your systems and keeping your house clean. I'm working on it and I think slowly starting to make some progress. I know eliminating my perfectionist thinking is key to this.

Hooray for you for passing up the doughnuts (twice!) and I love how your grown-up self spoke to your child. That's a great reminder to me.

Oh and if you read my response to Anne as far as nursing, I can totally relate to feeling sad about that special time coming to a close. Who knows, it may end up that you keep up your supply some and he keeps up his interest. We have helped our children by decreasing their chances of having to deal with obesity-- yeah us! (Besides the millions of other physical and emotional benefits we and they get!)

onebyone I'm sending you a virtual hug. Please don't apologize for being low, you are human, right? :D There wouldn't be much point in having diet coaches if we were only there when things were going smoothly.

For many months before I discovered BDS and this group, I could have written your post. I can very much relate to the low self-esteem leading to poor choices for myself leading to lower self-esteem. That snowball effect sucks! But, you've already done something to change that, you're here! You seriously should give yourself great credit for coming here and posting.

Have you ever stopped to think about what benefits you get from being at your present weight? I know it sounds crazy, but there are some benefits to being overweight and we need to figure out what those are in order to get past them.

I think starting with day 1 today is a great idea. I'd also recommend taking as many days as you need though for each step-- don't pressure yourself to do one a day if you still are feeling really lost. Get yourself grounded again. Remember, you are not alone and you DESERVE to be happy!

AnneWonders 11-25-2008 09:36 AM

Hi everyone. Just a quick fly by this morning and I'll check back later. I let myself get lost in this online logic puzzle and worked it in every spare second. I have resolved not to do one that big again unless I'm on vacation.

I sat with Day 19 Stop Fooling Yourself yesterday. Even though there weren't any exercises to do with it, I thought the list at the beginning of the section was very powerful. Any one of those little lies/excuses is pretty benign by itself, but in that format with all its friends, it is obvious what damage they can do. Anyway, I copied that whole list, plus the couple extras I know I use onto a RC and put it with my ARC.

Day 20 is Get Back on Track. Beck's suggested response card just doesn't speak to me. Anybody do something different with it? I'm stewing over useful wording for me for today.

Two quick ones: onebyone :hug: Some days things that were easy yesterday are hard today and vice versa. bennyhannamama, I'll try to PM you tonight about my nursing issues--I'd love some help brainstorming the issues (not a supply problem), but don't want to turn this into a breastfeeding support group! LOL.


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