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goodnuff 08-12-2008 01:05 AM

I want to say thank you for everyones input. I found it very helpful. I'm going to take the advice on moderation, and a few others and my first choice diet is going to be called The M.O.D Diet (My Own Diet). There are several things i can do that will help me lose weight so I'm going to start with a few and add more as I go.
Good night,
M

BillBlueEyes 08-12-2008 04:20 AM

Tuesday
 
Diet Coaches – Apparently, I'm the last to know about ONQI, but I just read about it in, of all places, National Geographic. A good summary from Wikipdia:
Quote:

ONQI

The Yale Griffin Prevention Research Center has developed an "Overall Nutritional Quality Index" to take into account both the healthy and unhealthy aspects of food. ONQI will rate every food in supermarkets on a scale of 1 to 100. The system has been marketed extensively on the web and in conventional print media and is soliciting licensees. The www.onqi.com website indicates that the ONQI will be available "through thousands of retail grocery stores – on product packaging and point-of-purchase displays" in the second half of 2008, but as of February 2008, the website lists scores for only twenty-four foods. ONQI is intended to be an aid for consumers by "decoding" label information to allow consumers to make nutrition choices based on a sophisticated algorithm developed by a group of well known scientists and academics.
Mixed feelings here. Feel OK with ONQI scores of [blueberries 100, pasta 50, popsicle 1], but a bit annoyed that peanut butter only gets 25, and dark chocolate only gets 10. Oh Well.


MaryBlu - WOW, that's an abundant harvest. My congrats to your choice in DH. You've tweaked my interest, what is a "ratter" type dawg? And thanks for reminding me of a core aspect of nature, mice breed mice.

onebyone – My sympathy for losing your prized melon to a groundhog - that's a sad story. Kudos, Kudos, Kudos for planning your meals for the day. You are so moving forward. And thanks for reminding me of a core aspect of Beck - "success breeds success."

Robin (RobinW) - Yay for the single mouse. Perhaps your mice are nutritionally conscious, so a blueberry would be four times more effective as bait than the peanut butter, LOL. (OK, I should just get over it.)

shrinkin - Happy Anniversary for a dozen years. Double Kudos for twice skipping desserts in your face. And thanks for "interdigitating" - I had to go look it up, LOL.

M (goodnuff) – Yay for the "M.O.D. Diet." Kudos for marching forward.


Readers – "… Then things likely become somewhat more difficult. ...
And you might come up with any number of reasons to stray from your diet. ... " Beck, pg 24.

shrinkin 08-12-2008 07:40 AM

Tuesday report not so good
 
Well, coaches, I fell off the bandwagon yesterday. Fine until afternoon when decided I "deserved some chocolate" for all good behavior and would only have a taste. I did pretty well in that I only had 2 on the tiny dark chocaltes (probably an inch long each and total calories of 85). They didn't really taste like what I remembered. Not really that good. Thought I could probably absorb these into my day without being over calories. Dinner Ok, but after dinner, recorded chocolate, and of course, was 84 calories over my plan. Still, no big deal. But then, I felt empty on some level, wanted something satisfying. Went for some pecans which normally, I love. First handful...not so good. Second handful...not so good. No taste enjoyment even. Asked myself, what I am looking for from this food? Whatever it was, it was not happening. Tried two or three walnuts. Still not happening. Finally, decided I should just quit. I kept seeing that picture in Beck book of the stack of calorie damage (shaped like a tiered cake). Kept trying to convince myself I had not blown it, that I could still work on my health. Feelings of failure crept in. Overtaken by sense that it is too hard to do the kind of eternal vigilance necessary. Went to bed upset with self and the world.

This am, looked at the cake picture of calorie slips (Beck pg 167). Total damage when slip entered this am: 375 calories over limit. Relieved to see that my 347 calories was still on the first "rung". So, maybe not the disaster it seemed last night. I will read Day 20 "Get Back on Track" in addition to Day 34 "Solve Problems". Still troubled by lack of understanding of what was the trigger. I was not emotional and was not bored. Could it just be an overwhelming "I deserve this because I was so good over the weekend?" Can I just be falsely remembering that food tasted better than it really does? So just food desire. Still not sure. Will try to reflect on it today.

Not an exercise day, but was a painful elbow day. That is another source of my discouragement. Also, work not going well. Have to deliver a completed proposal by last week of September, and I have essentially not started. Can't seem to get organized and moving on it. I start and then shift focus. Big stress in my life....and the clock is ticking.

BBE-I had heard of the Index only because one of the diet websites had something similar. I found myself saying "says who"? to the numbers. The extreme foods are easy, but the ones in the middle? Not clear how they decide it. Thought of you last pm when had a very tasty tomato. It is hit and miss here for tomato quality, but we hit upon a very good one.

goodnuf-Sounds like you have the beginnings of a great program! Taking a couple of ideas to start you off and planning to add more. That is exactly how it is done! :bravo:

MaryBlu-Envy that big garden. We live in the woods, so garden not a personal option. Thanks for the "nothing is lost if we keep going!" Needed that today.

RobinW-So, the score has evened. Robin and DH:1, Mice:1. We had a single mouse at our lake house last year. I was shocked after we caught the one, the damage stopped. It was chewing on blankets, towels, etc because there was no food in the house. Amazing that a single mouse can do so much. So, yes you can hope...but keep on setting the traps.

onebyone-Bravo for you and your foodplan! :cp: Credit for picking a good week to get started. Setting up for early success is a good idea. I like your comment: "And even if we are off our programs, we can still do things, samll things, daily to be proud of. And from here, we can grow into what we want to be." Pride spurring personal growth...great thought.

Onward to today! Got to be a better day today than yesterday!

onebyone 08-12-2008 08:57 AM

Happy Tuesday to ya!
 
Good Morning Coaches

Well I completed day one of my plan and am now into day two. Had my breakfast, am about to plan the next 4-5 meals. It wasn't too hard getting in 5 meals. Did not make 6 meals. Not enough hours in my day! haha! (need to have 3-4hrs between meals ideally).

I had the measuring cups out, the weight scale on the counter, my measuring spoon hanging off the cupboard doorknob at easy reach. I'm doing it. 100%. I haven't chosen an easy plan. In fact, in my carb-depleted mind it looks pretty complicated, but as I move forward I'll see what it is really like by doing it. Am not judging this book by it's cover... the proof is in the pudding...
Many cliches apply!

I did not need to use No Choice at all yesterday. I just *know* I have no choice right now, for this week, no for the next 6 days. It's critical to stay on plan. My reward, and I cannot believe I am saying this, is to get to the gym next week! I am so looking forward to it! How did that happen?

Today I see the admissions person at the school to arrange my last year of school with her. Mostly it's to nail down my special project and its requirements and "what the heck am I doing for it?" kind of conversations. I have spoken with one teacher about working with him, last years painting teacher, and also have been emailing with a book arts teacher. Have not had a chance to see her in person yet. we have to do one large final project that is presented at graduation. I want a "blow their socks off" kind of project. I am secretly hoping to get a scholarship to another school for it, or maybe have it be the start of a bigger project that I could apply for a grant to continue it. This is what is pre-occupying me. The painting teacher doesn't have a degree and couldn't care less about that stuff. I didn't know that. So he has little wisdom for me in that realm, but my advisor today does know about all that. I am going to pick her brain on what I should be focused on to try to achieve those goals. Hopefully she'll be helpful. No one can actually tell you anything definitive when it comes to this stuff, but I hope to get a more solid idea of what scale the work should be, and whether making a large 16 x 20 book is more "crafty" than "arty". I need to be as High Art as I can be and that, for me, is tough. I like kitsch. I like funny. I like oddball. But I want to move further to see what I can do.

Oh my. Sorry to subject you guys to all this thinking out loud. For today I am on track and planning my food and my day and, it seems, my next year until next June's graduation.

Gotta go! Will be back later.

QuilterInVA 08-12-2008 02:24 PM

Good afternoon, y'all! I'm happy to report that my health problems are lessening and I'm finally starting to feel better. And I lost another pound.

I congratulate all of you on the great job you are doing. I really think Beck helps us with all areas of our life if we learn it well.

Have any of you tried www.thedailyplate.com? I really like it for tracking my food. It has a huge database and is very easy to use and best of all it is free.

I have been enjoying the bountiful fruits and vegetables that are in season now.

Have a good evening.

freer 08-12-2008 08:34 PM

Good evening, coaches,

onebyone I love the NSV of your chair! You helped me add one more to my advantage list. Fitting into smaller chairs! How horrible is it to go to a concert or event and they have those cheesy little folding chairs and I spill over into the next seat. Yuck!

quilter Welcome back! I've been wondering how you've been. You've been missed.

goodnuff Congrats on choosing a diet that will work for you. I love the name too! Great progress for you.

shrinkin Sorry to hear about the slip. I feel your pain, as you'll see below. Sounds like you're doing what needs to be done to get back on track.

First the good news. The scale finally moved! Phew! :carrot: I am hoping that I will learn from this bout of panic over the scale. As I weigh every day I am creating a weight history that will eventually show patterns that I can learn to trust without panic. Thanks to all of you coaches who really helped me through that one.

The bad news is that I ate off of plan today. Some thoughts on the road leading to this. I started off the day great! Finally hitting a new low on the scale.

No sabotaging thoughts all day until late afternoon. I was having a hard time with my hunger. It didn't seem like it was coming and going, ebbing and flowing, as usual. The dealing with hunger part of Beck has been a cornerstone to my success. When the hunger persisted, I became panicked. Not sure if panicked is the word, but it frightened me on some level.

When it came time for dinner I was alone (hubby is gone for the evening) and adjusted my dinner plans, adding more of the main course in exchange for some of my after dinner fruit. (eating unplanned food - mistake) This made my day's total more than planned but still not over my plan high of 1600 calories. (I give myself 1400-1600 calories per day)

I took a phone call in the middle of eating. I was so hungry that I continued to eat while on the phone. (mindlessly)

After eating I still had cravings. And since I am here alone (DANGER: nobody watching) I went and popped a bag of popcorn. Not on plan at all. It was like my mind was drowning out all of the tools I've been practicing and I didn't care! Then, worse still, I popped ANOTHER bag of popcorn and ate it.

I am really amazed at how I can just let my mind go into eating auto pilot. I didn't WANT to hear what the new me had to say. I'm especially vulnerable when I'm alone and I hadn't prepared sufficiently to set myself up for on plan eating in this circumstance.

I pondered not telling you, my coaches but then thought, wait, that would be just hiding this behavior. It needs to come out into the light. And so here I am. I am now going to listen to a few pertinent passages from the book. I WILL be back on track tomorrow. This I promise you.

RobinW 08-12-2008 08:48 PM

Im here :wave: struggling, but still checking with all of you.

No new mice, but we had a plumbing emergency the other day. Turns out we will need a new bathroom floor, and a new dining room ceiling. :( ...its soaked thru.

The silver lining in all this........Ive been bugging my husband for 8 yrs to get the toilet fixed.....his procrastination has gotten me a new bathroom :) I just dont like the money that is going to be involved in all this. Oh well :D

So this is one of those stress triggers (money) and Im trying very very hard to keep from eating the stress away. Is it better that I bought some wine? No probably not. Is it better than a box of hohos and a bag of chips....I think so. The lesser of 2 evils. I need to work on this more :sorry:

Its been busy at the shop and we've been spending our evenings in home depot and lowes. Fun-Wow :dz: So I havent really had much time to post. But I read what you are all doing everyday.

Im off to enjoy the rest of my evening.

maryblu 08-12-2008 09:09 PM

Random Beckie musings
 
Happy summer eve to all..it is a gloriously beautiful summer evening here.

goodnuff, I love your diet title! May M.O.D. serve you as well as it sounds. I do think that your being in control without the restrictions of most diets will serve you well for some time..as long as you are patient and not glued to the scale and just stay content with a monthly net loss..whatever that may be, I think you won't need to suffer or feel deprived. I do know that if I wake up hungry for breakfast, that is a very good indicator I have been eating well and sensibly.

BillBE, I, too had not heard of ONQI; it sounds so like Nutripoints. I do accept that concept of a #..Nutripoints assigns points to a food based on nutritional value bang for the calorie buck, and lack of bad for ya stuff, like fat and sodium. It seems somehow "fair" to me..that even skinny people should eat healthy food......even if they can get away with the junk and the calories, we all need the healthy nutrional stuff.


As for the "ratter" type dawg; there are specific breeds that were bred to dig out rats. That makes me nervous, though, as I have visions of a dawg digging in my flower beds after whatever their prey of the moment is. Still tempting, as I not only have a mouse problem, but a Red Squirrel problem. They seem determined to chew up the wiring in my car. *sigh....the challenges of country living v. city life challenges.

Speaking of which, BillBE, have you chosen replacement trees for your Norway Maples yet? May I suggest the Autumn Blaze or the Sienna Glen Maple? It is a cross between a Silver Maple (thus fast growing) and a Red Maple (thus good fall color). Since both are hardy here in my Zone 3..stretched by moi to Zone 4, I know they would be hardy for you. I can tell you, I have had 3 in for the past 4 years and they have grown very fast; their fall color is handsome if not as early or as spectacular as all the native Sugar Maples I have.

onebyone, I have been speed reading posts, so I missed your post about the Ground Hog getting your melon. Will have to watch for that, as we have muskmelons up on the garden hill with the Sweet Corn, away from the scrutiny of our dear Karen, the wonder dawg. I am not sure she will be quite the protector of our property bounds that Bear was. It was his job to keep out all things 4 legged...and actually two-legged, as he took a dim view of Wild Turkeys passing through. ..

Keep the faith, all.. you never know what Beck trusism will strike you just right for the moment.

BillBlueEyes 08-13-2008 05:55 AM

Wednesday
 
Diet Coaches – It's been a tad chilly these past few days, odd for August. Found a container of leftover dahl (as in curried lentils, not Roald) deep in the back of the fridge, maybe two weeks old. Apparently, that stuff lasts forever. After weeks of loving my cold lunches, I had the heated dahl to stave off the chill in my office. Nice. Speaking of which, it's been years since I read James and the Giant Peach. Oh Well.

MaryBlu - Thanks for the recommendation of the Sienna Glen Maple; passed that along to DW who will, of course, examine its status as local native. We're big on native these days as our area is so overwhelmed with Fragmites, Purple Loosestrife, and Norway Maples. Currently, River Birch is on DW's "short list." Will let you know.

onebyone – Kudos for having your tools at the ready, and Kudos for internalizing NO CHOICE. Good luck finding that project with "blow their socks off" yet "arty."

Robin (RobinW) - Ouch for the plumbing leak. Yay for the new bathroom. Ouch for its cost. Kudos for staying sane and not trying to use food to salve the pain.

shrinkin - Ouch for the painful elbow. Double Ouch for the proposal hanging over your head - sending you good vibes to do one small thing to get started. Kudos for keeping your perspective for mildly overeating and for working on next time. Speaking of tomatoes: tomato salad last night was made with DW's own "purple" variety - unbelievably tasty. Makes me feel the end of summer approaching.

Susan (QuilterInVA) - Congrats, Congrats, Congrats for health improvements, feeling better, and losing the pound. Love to hear another person raveling in the bountiful fruits and vegetables in season.

freer - Congrats on the scale movement. Big Kudos for facing the planning issue and the circumstances that led to eating off plan. Getting right back on track is so neat.


Readers – "If you just keep practicing the skills described in this program, however, you’ll do fine. …" Beck, pg 24.

shrinkin 08-13-2008 08:21 AM

Wednesday
 
Good morning, coaches!

Yesterday on plan for calories. Worked a home made Bobli pizza into my limit yesterday. It was great with fresh mushrooms and onion and Canadian Bacon. Just a small amount of Wisconsin part skim mozarella and parmesan. I am not a pizza fanatatic, but it was a nice change.

I am also thinking that long term diet is going to have to include some level of foods that were formerly enjoyed. Yes, maybe even chocolate. Issue is really one of control and moderation? Have to think some more about that. As we have observed, thin people eat these, but they stay in control.

Went to pool early am yesterday before work. What a difference! Shared a lane with a great swimmer. He was incredibly smooth both arm stroke and feet. Water hardly seemed to move, but he sure did. Nice to see....and easy to workout in same lane. May have to consider switching to am swimming.

BBE-I missed out on James and the Giant Peach. From Google input, sounds like it is not quite my reading genre. :) Are those tomatoes really
purple? We can feel a change in summer here too. Already cool in the house in the morning even with the windows closed. Thanks for your good vibes on the proposal. I need all the encouragement of this task. I understand the role stress plays in my healthy behaviors and need to lower my stress level. Even DH has noted this to me in recent days. Like the quote for today..."keep practicing the skills." Applies to my recent history. A slip just means one needs more practice. Label it, move on and practice again.

MaryBlu-Sienna Glen Maple sounds lovely, but then so does BBE's river birch. I love trees. We probably have a thousand trees on the property, but we keep having to take out elms at the rate of 4 or 5 a year. Dutch Elm Disease just keeps getting them. We grieve as they come down. The oaks, hickories and maples are all healthy though.

RobinW-Sorry to hear of the plumbing problem, but kudos for finding something good about it! Pat on the back for not giving in to eating in the face of stress. Maybe it was only one mouse? :D Time will tell.

freer-Horray, the scale moved! But, bigger HORRAY that you have adjusted your thinking about the scale. Relying on it really will play with your brain. I don't get too excited about being off my food plan, if my intake still matches my limit. Not sure if that is right or not, but I cut myself that much slack. Otherwise, my brain goes to that all or none place which is bad for me. Kudos for noticing the mindless phone eating and the need to be more vigilant practicing control in the absence of spouse. Beck teaches the first step to dealing with a challenge is to label it. You are doing great!

QuilterInVA-Glad you are back and that health is better. :cp::cp: We have missed you on the board. Looked at dailyplate. It looks very nice, but right now, can't find the time to enter my past data from fitday.

Onebyone-Big credits to you for planning your food and your next year's work. Best wishes on getting that special project planned and done! Neat that you are looking forward to the gym as a reward.

Got to run. Breakfast and DH await. Happy Wednesday to all!

onebyone 08-13-2008 10:44 AM

Wednesday 3/56
 
Hello Coaches

BillBlueEyes It's chilly here too. We're going down to 9C tonight! Into the single digits. Ugh. It's overcast and thunderstorms are in the forecast again. I actually don't mind that. Makes me think I could live on the west coast afterall, in Vancouver. And I am happy to hear Roald Dahl in not in your fridge in tiny containers being heated up at the office. Methinks your posts would stop very quickly... That would be no good, for me, for you, or for R.Dahl!

maryblu Red squirrels are rare here. I have heard they are the smartest of all the squirrels. We have an abundance of black squirrels and some grey ones. When I first moved here I fed the squirrels. I love to watch them. One day one of them chewed through the screen door. I was upstairs and kept hearing the sounds of peanut shells cracking open. Came down, saw the squirrel, caught him red-handed, little paws in the peanut bag by the door. I yelled "You don't live here squirrel!" (which always makes me laugh...) and he looked up at me, froze for a second and went out the way he came in, through the hole in the screen (now duct-taped up). I still didn't stop feeding them until one day I went to the screen door and Kitty X was laying right at the door on the porch outside and a squirrel jumped onto her head trying to get to the door first for food. The cat went nuts, I thought "I've created a monster", and I no longer, sadly, feed squirrels. My sympathies for having a squirrel chew your wires in your car!

RobinW Sorry to hear of your money stress. I relate to that bigtime. It's great you realize that "food will not solve this". I am learning that too.

freer Oh I know how you feel to see yourself eating stuff you know is off plan, and to push aside everything you know about how to stop doing those things. I've done that a million times. I wonder if you are like me... when I struggle and finally get to my goal, like you when you finally broke your plateau, well that's exactly when I eat. I don't know if it's from relief that I got my wish, or anger that it-took-so-long-I'll-show-you, or just celebrating that I reached a goal. I never know but I do know this is always a danger time for me. Your experience echoes my own. I know you are back on track already... just put it behind you and move on.

QuilterInVA Happy to hear you're feeling better :) Glad you're back.

I experienced some of that wake-up-at-3-am-stressed-out stuff last night. Funny. Didn't feel like that when I went to bed. I think I am balancing everything just so and can manage all the things I need to do right now, just barely, and yesterday at my admissions meeting for my last year of school two things happened. I found out who my new ceramic studio boss will be. I met him once. Apparently he is a "prima donna" used to be treated well... and he may expect of me more than I am supposed to do. Actually, any change in that job right now is unnerving. With a full course load and markets on Saturday and Sunday until Halloween...those first two months will be tough, and with the new guy I'll probably be facing a few confrontations. At least I am anticipating that in my "worst case scenario" moments, found always at 3am. Of course it may be just great. I'm tucking that issue away until I actually have to deal with him right after Labour Day.

AND boy. Are artists senstive. Wow. I mentioned yesterday that I was trying to get a handle on a great project and wanting to have it lead me into a scholarship or funding or something and so I asked my painting treacher who had no wisdom for me. So yesterday I mentioned this to my admissions advisor, who has an MFA and boy. Apparently wanting to "go further" leads right into the conversation of "success in the world out there as an artist after school" and THAT is a minefield! I knew she was having a tough time. Galleries locally are not interested in her work. She told me that when the Ottawa Art Gallery sees her coming they lock the doors. She is extremely hurt and feeling rejected and cause her art is very personal, it always is, she is deeply hurt. I know, we are supposed to have thick skins. I know we're supposed to keep trying. I know but if your work is judged unsaleable by several outside forces? Very hard. Especially cause when you make these kinds of things you make them cause you love them, and it is hard to make anything else. BUT what goes with this is that there is no guarantee anyone has to ever want/like/love/value your work. Somehow you just have to keep going anyway. Believe in yourself. I am too influenced by market forces as I sell directly to the public and really try to please them and also please me. It's a constant compromise. Anyway, she was almost in tears by the time I left. She didn't want me to even think about "what's next" or to try to add that into the mix as I was working on my project this year. It was a minefield my friends. Yikes! And I think this also soaked deep into me and popped up at 3am. Nothing like seeds of doubt you can't do anything about to tie you into a knot.

And on the bright side, and something I can do something about:D, I stayed OP yesterday even with my foray out into the world. Today is the start of Day 3 Week 1 of an 8 week program. Yay! Almost halfway through week 1. I bought food for myself yesterday. Ate at 3-4hr intervals, small meals, wrote it all down and said NO to the urgings to have sugar. They just popped up. I know that I never want to do this week 1 thing again. I don't have it in me to do it twice. I know that. So it is critical for me to stick with it. NO CHOICE for real. And I find myself eating everything sitting down again. It's just what I've been doing. Very happy to see some of these basic Beck strategies kicking-in again!

Everyone, enjoy your day.

onebyone 08-13-2008 10:53 AM

Wednesday 3/56
 
Hello Coaches

BillBlueEyes It's chilly here too. We're going down to 9C tonight! Into the single digits. Ugh. It's overcast and thunderstorms are in the forecast again. I actually don't mind that. Makes me think I could live on the west coast afterall, in Vancouver. And I am happy to hear Roald Dahl in not in your fridge in tiny containers being heated up at the office. Methinks your posts would stop very quickly... That would be no good, for me, for you, or for R.Dahl!

maryblu Red squirrels are rare here. I have heard they are the smartest of all the squirrels. We have an abundance of black squirrels and some grey ones. When I first moved here I fed the squirrels. I love to watch them. One day one of them chewed through the screen door. I was upstairs and kept hearing the sounds of peanut shells cracking open. Came down, saw the squirrel, caught him red-handed, little paws in the peanut bag by the door. I yelled "You don't live here squirrel!" (which always makes me laugh...) and he looked up at me, froze for a second and went out the way he came in, through the hole in the screen (now duct-taped up). I still didn't stop feeding them until one day I went to the screen door and Kitty X was laying right at the door on the porch outside and a squirrel jumped onto her head trying to get to the door first for food. The cat went nuts, I thought "I've created a monster", and I no longer, sadly, feed squirrels. My sympathies for having a squirrel chew your wires in your car!

RobinW Sorry to hear of your money stress. I relate to that bigtime. It's great you realize that "food will not solve this". I am learning that too.

freer Oh I know how you feel to see yourself eating stuff you know is off plan, and to push aside everything you know about how to stop doing those things. I've done that a million times. I wonder if you are like me... when I struggle and finally get to my goal, like you when you finally broke your plateau, well that's exactly when I eat. I don't know if it's from relief that I got my wish, or anger that it-took-so-long-I'll-show-you, or just celebrating that I reached a goal. I never know but I do know this is always a danger time for me. Your experience echoes my own. I know you are back on track already... just put it behind you and move on.

QuilterInVA Happy to hear you're feeling better :) Glad you're back.

I experienced some of that wake-up-at-3-am-stressed-out stuff last night. Funny. Didn't feel like that when I went to bed. I think I am balancing everything just so and can manage all the things I need to do right now, just barely, and yesterday at my admissions meeting for my last year of school two things happened. I found out who my new ceramic studio boss will be. I met him once. Apparently he is a "prima donna" used to be treated well... and he may expect of me more than I am supposed to do. Actually, any change in that job right now is unnerving. With a full course load and markets on Saturday and Sunday until Halloween...those first two months will be tough, and with the new guy I'll probably be facing a few confrontations. At least I am anticipating that in my "worst case scenario" moments, found always at 3am. Of course it may be just great. I'm tucking that issue away until I actually have to deal with him right after Labour Day.

AND boy. Are artists senstive. Wow. I mentioned yesterday that I was trying to get a handle on a great project and wanting to have it lead me into a scholarship or funding or something and so I asked my painting treacher who had no wisdom for me. So yesterday I mentioned this to my admissions advisor, who has an MFA and boy. Apparently wanting to "go further" leads right into the conversation of "success in the world out there as an artist after school" and THAT is a minefield! I knew she was having a tough time. Galleries locally are not interested in her work. She told me that when the Ottawa Art Gallery sees her coming they lock the doors. She is extremely hurt and feeling rejected and cause her art is very personal, it always is, she is deeply hurt. I know, we are supposed to have thick skins. I know we're supposed to keep trying. I know but if your work is judged unsaleable by several outside forces? Very hard. Especially cause when you make these kinds of things you make them cause you love them, and it is hard to make anything else. BUT what goes with this is that there is no guarantee anyone has to ever want/like/love/value your work. Somehow you just have to keep going anyway. Believe in yourself. I am too influenced by market forces as I sell directly to the public and really try to please them and also please me. It's a constant compromise. Anyway, she was almost in tears by the time I left. She didn't want me to even think about "what's next" or to try to add that into the mix as I was working on my project this year. It was a minefield my friends. Yikes! And I think this also soaked deep into me and popped up at 3am. Nothing like seeds of doubt you can't do anything about to tie you into a knot.

And on the bright side, and something I can do something about:D, I stayed OP yesterday even with my foray out into the world. Today is the start of Day 3 Week 1 of an 8 week program. Yay! Almost halfway through week 1. I bought food for myself yesterday. Ate at 3-4hr intervals, small meals, wrote it all down and said NO to the urgings to have sugar. They just popped up. I know that I never want to do this week 1 thing again. I don't have it in me to do it twice. I know that. So it is critical for me to stick with it. NO CHOICE for real. And I find myself eating everything sitting down again. It's just what I've been doing. Very happy to see some of these basic Beck strategies kicking-in again!

Everyone, enjoy your day.

QuilterInVA 08-13-2008 02:46 PM

Good afternoon, y'all! Cool and overcast today - makes me think of fall.

Freer - Congratulations on getting the scale going down again. I know those feelings of being alone and able to eat with no one knowing. Been there and done that myself. I was terrified after my husband died that I'd be eating all the time but I actually do better now because I have no excuse to have the wrong foods in my house and I don't have to cook foods on his renal diet anymore.

Robin - sending good vibes your way to help you avoid eating your stress. That can be a hard one. Won't it be nice to have a new bathroom, though!

BBE - Don't you know were experiencing global warming? That's why I'm sitting here in my office with a sweater on in August!

Shrinkin - I allow myself a fabulous dessert on Sunday - half the time I don't eat it but I can if I have a good week. These days I'd rather have some air-popped popcorn; sweets have lost their appeal. Even the daily food pyramid allows some discretionary calories everyday for stuff like that.

Onebyone - Congratulations on your day OP yesterday. The more you do it the easier it will become. I have a friend whose sister is an artist. It isn't easy but it's doeable. Then again, think about some of the great masters - unfortunately they weren't appreciated in their own day but now their works fetch millions.

I credit moi today for saying NO CHOICE to a hot pretzel to go with my morning decaf at WaWa. I was actually reaching for it and NO CHOICE flashed up in my brain and I walked on. I must actually be learning something!

I'm going to Curves this afternoon. Getting back into exercise is something I need to do.

Have a great evening!

freer 08-13-2008 08:39 PM

Hello Coaches,

BBE you are so lucky to have a chill in the air! We are approaching our 50th day of 100 + degrees this summer. This is the 3rd most ever recorded here. Note to Quilter: the global warming is in full swing down here. :)

Well I'm happy to report that I jumped right back on plan today. It was actually easy because my day was really busy. I've been in the classroom setting it up. Since I just moved into a new room, this entails unpacking 40 boxes. I'm through probably all but 5, but those 5 will be the 'evil' ones. You know, similar to that catch-all kitchen drawer of yours times 5.

Just wanted to check in...have a great evening.

maryblu 08-13-2008 10:34 PM

Beckie weather, critters, and trees!
 
Well, all, I am having survivor guilt....weather survivor guilt......our weather has been perfect. Enough rain..it looks like early July; everything is still bright green.

Highs in the low 80s. We haven't had one day over 90 here, not one.

Just came up from a blissful swim. *sigh..

The farm girl is me is holding my breath with my farmer friends....just a few days and the wheat will be in.....corn could still get nailed by hail. ..just a waiting game.

Produce is awesome..giving away tomatoes like crazy.

Onebyone...still laughing at the best squirrel story EVER!

BillBE, River Birch is definitely on my short list, too. Just thought you were wanting to replace shade; that is never a quick process.

Not much Beck wisdom to share tonight; just too darned relaxed. :D


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