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onebyone 06-16-2008 09:18 PM

Monday Night
Hi Coaches.

Well not much to report. Staying on the wagon continues to be slippery... think the seat has been waxed or something. Or maybe it's the heavy downpours of rain lately that's made it hard to hang on to...

I found myself very mopey over the weekend, questioning why it is I do what I do. Hot humid weather punctuated by torrential downpours = low market sales. I'll feel better when sales pick up again. Ever since I went back to work at the end of school it seems we don't have enough $! How'd that happen? Everything feels worse. We've even talked of cancelling our vacation in August. It seems rational and reasonable but it's killing me inside. I have not had a real break for over a year now. Not really. I take half days here and there. It's not enough. I can deal with it, it's just getting to me.

And it's reflected in my food. General mopiness translates into a "who cares" attitude. Doing my best does not seem to be working so why bother?
1) because I am lucky to be able to do what I do.
2) because I have a partner who supports me 100% and really does see me going to art school as an "investment"
3) becasue we/I've made it this far doing what I do
4) because my mood is due to heat and exhaustion and financial stress
5)because this too shall pass

Tomorrow's another day and this one draws to an end. This week I was 65% on plan. I think I need to start adding back the exercise again. I dropped it about 2 months ago when the top of my foot hurt too much. to my credit, I did walk a fair distance today. Credit moi. I had a decent breakfast. Credit moi. I posted here. Credit moi. And I will read my book tonight. Credit moi.

maryblu 06-16-2008 10:54 PM

some random Beckie thoughts
Greetings, all. Great to see all of you who are posting.

Kudos, Kuljeanie, for exercising your resistance muscle. Next time it will be stronger!

onebyone, kudos for making a list of the positives in your world.

Wendylan, will be very interested in your doctor's recommendation.

Coastalsue, hoping your swimming will get you "afloat" so to speak.

Northwest, I agree with your conclusion about strawberries not counting as anything but a heavenly treat.

BillBE, good for you! Enjoy, enjoy.

My shake -your- head -in-wonder-triumph of the season (if you can call what we have had so far a "season" The average high temp. in June has been under 60..by a bit!) is that our compost, due entirely to SO's heroic efforts and artful skill at "cooking" said same...it is cooking at 143.5 degrees! Yes! Can't wait to see how hot we can get it if it ever hits 80 degrees here. Will report in for sure! (and yes, I used the instant meat thermometer...lol)

I dug in there tonight and saw heat vapor coming out! Just shook my head!

Yeah, I know, it doesn't take much for me.......

coastalsue 06-17-2008 01:35 AM

Hello all,

While not gaining I really need to "tighten my belt" and lose another 50 lbs -can feel the fatigue of carrying so much weight-

OnebyOne can understand the stress of living on a tight budget-every month we scramble to get all the expenses covered-have a hugh monthly increase in medical premium along with the gas and propane increase-I think at times I react to the following a strict food plan that it feels so similiar to following our strict budget-just no money for playing-going out- taking a drive- ect. Thing will not change soon-But so agree with you about looking at our blessings and giving ourselves credit for what we do- I have still have lost weight and have one heck of a great ocean view-along with 4 days of craft sales during July.-alway got to remain hopeful.

kulhjeane-right after being worried of our finances the next biggest diet sabateur is fatigue. That remain one of fiercest old brain behaviors-if tired eat sugar-

love to hear how you folks deal with not using food when overtired and/or stressed.

BillBlueEyes-may your computer annoyance quickly get resolved. I have 3-4 days of perfect internet service-however propane people "forgot" to deliver to us so another day we have not hot water again in the morning. On the up side I can't do the dishes either-such a boring task!

maryblu-hey our compost is just getting harvestable also-going to try doing veggies on containers on our deck-just too many deers, racoons and rabbits to be on ground level.

Wendylan-It sould like you need a well deserved rest and time to figure out the best plan of action for you. enjoy


BillBlueEyes 06-17-2008 05:33 AM

Diet Coaches – Vitamins are 2 for the price of one at my local CVS this week AND I had a $5 off any $25 purchase coupon. So, I'm restocked at a bargain. CREDIT moi. I am so easily amused.

Sue (CoastalSue) - Need to post this little bit of self awareness on the wall: "if tired eat sugar."

MaryBlu - LOL at using your meat thermometer in the compost; can't wait to tell DW - she'll wonder why I think it's odd. (I'm married to a woman who gets visibly excited when a friend brings her a bag of horse manure.) Are you harvesting anything yet?

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Waving. Keep the faith; the school year will end.

wendy (wendylan) - Kudos for having the good food in the house - that's giving yourself the support you need.

Jean (kuhljeanie) - Does this ever describe where it's easy for me to go astray, "you can't really eat on plan if you don't have a plan." Ouch for the stomach bug. Kudos for working to stay focused.

onebyone – Yes, yes, "this too shall pass." Kudos for giving yourself credit and writing out your reasons for staying on plan. Where are you with your bicycle riding?

Readers – "I now know:

• I can do it! I have the skills now. I know how to do it, and I’ll have these skills forever." From the Introduction, Beck, pg 13.

Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

onebyone 06-17-2008 07:48 PM

Good evening coaches.

I had an okay day today. Ate stuff and stopped. I find myself pulled back, and back again, into the fridge though. It's okay. I'll consider it extra walking as my trips to the fridge will be for browsing only.

Went in to work today. Accomplished several things on the perpetual to-do list. That was good. Even threw two pots: two small bowls with fantastic swirls in their bottoms. My favorite part of a thrown pot is that swirl. I got sad news yesterday. My great ceramic studio boss Penelope is leaving in two weeks for a full time job. So that means new boss and who knows what expectations by the new person. All happening when the studio gets crazy due to children's classes. The new person will have to start on the ground running. Will be interesting to see and somewhat stressful.

I hope I can get back on track foodwise. I don't feel so good and I thought to myself this morning that perhaps all this heavy eating is actually stressing my body out in itself, not just the potential weight gain and all that but the constant digesting of heavy food. Fatty foods. Big carbs. Salty things. I need a plan and I need a goal to motivate me.

BillBlueEyes I have not been able to get my butt onto the bicycle seat yet. I just feel too embarassed. And self-conscious. I do get up at 6am and have thought to go as soon as I am up. Not many folks out at that hour. I have everything I need except the courage to do it. I do, still, literally, feel like I am going to wreck the tires and/or the frame. Feel is the critical word here cause until I actually do it I won't know. Why am I so afraid?

coastalsue You wrote

I think at times I react to the following a strict food plan that it feels so similiar to following our strict budget
I am rebelling these days. I can feel it. What is bothering me I am not sure of. (Actually I was re-reading this and I think what's getting to me is not having a day off during the week. I really don't. I just work work think about work and then work some more. I think I use food for 'mini-vacation, time out, and time away... yikes! Need a new strategy...and some acceptance that this is a temporary summer situation...) My food rebellion only hurts me. I sometimes wonder if I am at war with my own body, daring it to gain more weight. Is this nuts? It goes with the bravado of an "I don't care. I can't do this, it isn't working, might as well just gain more weight" attitude. This is a MASSIVE thinking error. A classic case of all or nothing thinking! As if all is ever lost - NO. NEVER. So after I am done the tantrum I try again but meanwhile I have gained 5lbs cause my body is extremely efficient at gaining weight. Really, as far as challenges go, it ain't much. A better one would be to, oh, say, ride the bike. Sheesh.

maryblu Love hearing your gardening adventures and your joy in every stage of it. I would be the same regarding the compost pile. It is incredible.

Thanks for reading. I'm hanging in there, determined to get this...

maryblu 06-17-2008 11:18 PM

Musings from a Joyful Beckie
Dear Beckies,

I am irrationally exuberant tonight, as I had a perfect horseback ride in the park. No cars, no bugs, just jogging along and galloping up hills among the lakes and trees. As we unsaddled, the mosquitoes made a half hearted attempt to annoy, but really were pretty inept; I laughed at their antics.

CoastalSue and all who are feeling the economic struggle: the reality of the situation we are all in evokes all-out terror in me at times; I share your anxiety. I do relate as well to the to the money worry as a diet saboteur. Kudos to you for sucking every minute of pleasure from your great ocean view. Enjoying the moment, squeezing every bit of joy from that is so child-like, yet so wise. Now if we can just convert that to the same sensation as eating dark chocolate.......hmmm...

I was listening to NPR on my short drive home tonight, and the segment was on the famine in ...not even sure..somewhere in Africa, I think, but the discourse was on how to tell how bad it is by what the population is eating...eating grass is the second worst, and that is what is being consumed...the last thing that humans in that region turn to is bark.

Gulp. Bark. The world is flat..am just not sure how that situation and many like it can just escape us. No nukes, no oil, no notice, I guess.

Just heard a Loon; I am blessed.

BillBlueEyes 06-18-2008 05:26 AM

Diet Coaches – Missed my walk - I was stewing because I let it get to me that a contractor left a message that he is arriving on Thursday yet still hasn't submitted his quote for the work. Of course he can't start work without a plan, but it's a pain to have to make a scene to get the obvious. And I don't look forward to making an expensive decision with only hours to review. Need to get my attitude straight here or I'll wallow into the doldrums. MaryBlu's post was just what I needed to get some perspective. OK, I missed my walk, but I didn't stuff my face about it. In fact, I didn't even think about eating my way out of it. So, for that, CREDIT moi.

On the bright side, the Celtics won their 17th NBA Championship in a blowout final game last night. I'm trying to count that as Program-day 40: Enrich Your Life, LOL.

MaryBlu - It just doesn't get better that this: "Just heard a Loon; I am blessed." Reveling in your horse ride. Love the positive spirit. Do figure out a way to let our simple joys give us the dark chocolate pleasure.

onebyone – Sending supportive thoughts for just Doing It and getting on the bike. Kudos for hanging in there when the going is tough.

Readers – "If I’d told these dieters – at our first sessions – that they would one day make these statements, they wouldn’t have believed me. ..." From the Introduction, Beck, pg 13.

Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

kuhljeanie 06-18-2008 02:53 PM

cat pee...sigh...
hi everyone,

maryblu, thank you for some much-needed perspective! it's absolutely appalling that such a scale even exists - and that so many are at the low end of it. glad that you're feeling happy! i love it when i'm just in a good mood for no good reason. bill, sorry to hear that you've got vendor mgmt issues; however, big KUDOS! for getting to the point where eating to ease the stress didn't even occur to you. that's huge! onebyone, i'm of the strong opinion that you should just get on that damned bike, even if it's for three minutes, and even if it does collapse. the odds are excellent that it won't, but so what if it does? :doh:

i'm doing a great job staying with the daily visits to the gym at work. it makes a massive difference to have it as part of the routine! it's also motivation to do my job well, so i'll never get reassigned to a less desirable client who may not be so generous as to provide contractors with free use of the company gym (and that wonderful yoga class twice a week.) if only they didn't provide doughnuts at the meetings and quesadillas at the cafeteria...:^:moving more seems to be a lot easier for me than eating less. i'm averaging about 2000 calories a day, and according to the magic monitor, i should be losing about a pound a week. it's not working out that way but i'm going to stay with it another couple of weeks, and if nothing changes, i'll try tweaking something.

my quest for sleep hasn't met with immediate success. the last two nights i've gotten a lot closer to 7 hours, but still haven't quite made it. last night one of the cats peed on my bed again right before i was planning on getting in it, so instead of resting in the sweet arms of morpheus, i was doing YET ANOTHER f%&^*ing load of laundry and cursing both the cats' names. DH would kill the pee-er, but lucky for her, we're not sure which cat is doing it. we are running out of ideas, though. if any of the brilliant beckies has some thoughts, i'd love to hear them because nature's miracle and baking soda doesn't seem to be doing the trick.

cheers everyone!

BillBlueEyes 06-19-2008 05:46 AM

Diet Coaches – Replaced my stewing about not having an estimate from the contractor to stewing about how much the estimate is. I need a course in facing what it costs to have professionals do work. Reality 101, LOL. But, we need to have the driveway repaved with the proper slope so that it doesn't collect puddles of ice in the winter. Oh Well. There is, however, that strong feeling of moving forward on an important issue. CREDIT moi. Did my walk and my gym. CREDIT moi.

Jean (kuhljeanie) - Ouch for cat pee. No suggestions from here - not a cat person - but much sympathy. Midnight laundry of sheets should be reserved for projectile vomiting by smiling children, LOL. Kudos for daily gym - that's really good.

Readers – "… You, too, might not believe it at first, but one day soon you will. …" From the Introduction, Beck, pg 13.

Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

onebyone 06-19-2008 10:53 AM

Not much progress to report
Hi coaches.

Wow we're quiet here aren't we? Hello to all who are reading and not posting! You must be out there.

On the agenda today is a walk. :running: It's still cool and overcast. I've been caught in every downpour we have had since Sunday. It's true! I figure, what's one more?

I haven't had any willingness to curb my food and any ability to say no to myself this past week. Today, my new skirt feels the result of my actions. I'm all puffed up again and at the high end of my regular 10lb travels across the scale: 261 this morning. Down from 263 two days ago. I really feel lousy at 260+. I feel ill, hence the motivation to take a walk today.
Have salad for lunch. Try.

And that's where I am as I write this at 10:52am.

wendylan 06-19-2008 06:38 PM

I am still keeping up reading the posts but not a whole lot to report.I had my 3 days off and got alot of work done around the house,takes some stress and pressure off.I am torn between working more and getting nothing done or having less work = less money and more time to get things done.We go to Virginia in Aug and we have to get some money saved.I cut back to 4 days a week to have more time at home but then I pick time up because we don't have enough money.My husband works alot as well.Prices just keep rising and it is hard to keep up even with two incomes especially with children.All that adds alot of stress and emotional eating.I asked the kids to swim tonight at Y and they don't want to go.Eating has been so-so.Like my friend told me at work,I eat a healthy diet for the most part,I just need to stop the sweets.I always eat lots of fruit and veggies,yogurt and chicken and drink my water.Trouble is the candy in the afternoon and icecream ect... after work.Our new schedule just came out and I should be able to make an appt in about 2 weeks at the diet doctor.Hate to waste money if he won't give me the Phentermine,there are some posts about it on this website.

SPIRITANGEL 06-19-2008 11:29 PM

I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!
Hello everyone again. I'm so unhappy with my weight but even more unhappy about my out of control eating. HELP!!!!
I've been hanging around the Overeaters Anonymous forums but they depress me. It's one thing to call myself an emotional eater but another to call myself powerless over food.
Do you think the Beck Diet can help a serious binge eater??????
I know it's all about my thinking and I guess that's why I like the Beck Diet.

It's very inspiring to see most of you still here and very lovely to see some newcomers too.
Nice to be back
Luv Spirit- (Sue #2)

BillBlueEyes 06-20-2008 05:46 AM

Diet Coaches – Rode my bike to pick up a container of soy nuts - roasted, salt free, soybeans. CREDIT moi. I just love them for my morning snack - 1/4 cup (30 grams), 130 calories, 11 g protein, 0 g sugar, 0 mg sodium. It works for me to leave the 21 ounce container (595 grams), $2.99 USD, in my office so it only costs about 15 cents per serving. Hope I stay hooked on them because when I have them as a snack around 9:30am I'm not in a panic to have lunch so I'm free to take a good walk before lunch.

wendy (wendylan) - Kudos for getting so much work done - a great way to get the brain on track for staying on eating and exercising plans. That seems like a good foundation for you however you decide about the prescription stuff.

onebyone – LOL that your post reminded me of:

The Truth is Out There FBI agents Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), The X Files.
Congrats for the down two. Kudos for the plan to take a walk and have a salad. You've been good in the past at shaking yourself out of a slump; you can do it again.

Sue #2 (SPIRITANGEL) - Nice to see you back again. Yes, the Beck Diet Solution can help a serious binge eater. The strategies attack that by a series of small steps. Each step can clearly be accomplished. Do you have the book? Have you written your Advantages Card? That's a great first step. Would you share some of your most important Advantages here?

Readers – "… Slowly, step-by-step, the Beck Diet Solution will build your confidence. …" From the Introduction, Beck, pg 13.

Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

barbpos 06-20-2008 07:17 AM

Hi everyone,

It has been quiet around here lately....I wonder why? Thought I'd do a little something about that and say hi.

I'm still going strong, though a some extra veggies have found their way into my afternoons...gotta stop that...it's the snacking behavior beyond planned snacks, not the calories that concern me. Also, I'm continuing to walk and go to Curves for most of my exercise. I want to get swimming and biking more, and there seems to be a little resistance going on that I don't understand. But overall, things are good...actually very good. It's great to be lighter and more comfortable in my body at the start of summer.

Thought I'd share my cholesterol results from my visit to the doctor last week. The first test was after I'd dropped a few pounds from my highest, but right before I started Beck and back on South Beach:

2/14/08: LDL 146, HDL 28, trigs 290, total 232, total/HDL ratio 8.2

6/4/08: LDL 109, HDL 28, trigs 100, total 157, total/HDL ratio 5.6

So, the good news is a pretty dramatic decrease in bad cholesterol (LDL) and triglycerides. The bad news is my good cholesterol (HDL) is still too low. It's hereditary - my brother has the same situation - and very hard to move. But more weight loss, exericise, and some diet adjustments can help. So, I have 4 months to see what happens, and if there isn't enough improvement, I'll have to go on either a statin or high dose niacin.

The amazing thing is that I'm already eating all of the recommended foods for improving cholesterol results, and nothing that they say to absolutely avoid. I just have to do some tweaking (a little more good fats, almonds and walnuts for my nuts, a little more red wine, a little less egg white, a little more soy, a little more oats, a little less animal protein). It's also amazing that I'm so aware of what I'm eating and in what quantities, from journaling everything I eat for the past 4 months, that I can make these kinds of conscious adjustments.

I'm still working, but their looking for my replacement, and I've cut back to 21 hours a week, going in to the office 3 days a week, from 24 hours, in the office 4 days a week. I'm looking forward to the summer, with a couple of long weekends away and a two week road trip in August.

Someone asked here a while ago why this all has clicked for me. If I knew, I'd bottle it, or write a book about it, and be very rich. I don't know...my frustration with the weight gain, reaction to the cardiac diagnosis, and starting Beck all came together at the same time. I've also been doing some work with a therapist who uses a model that looks at your different parts in a way that has helped me have more awareness and understanding of the part of me that overeats/binges, without having that part be in charge. It hasn't been totally easy...but it hasn't been all that difficult either. As I'm continuing to work on, I certainly hope this will continue, and it's possible that it will. One thing that's helped in that regard is to look at some of the before and after pictures, here and elsewhere, of people who've made it all the way to goal and maintained.

kuhljeanie 06-20-2008 09:35 AM

morning everyone! i'm dragging today...a chance encounter at a craft shop yesterday to buy edible marker has led to scheduling a tasting with a bride who may book me for her august wedding. i was so excited last night i couldn't sleep get to sleep. i'm hoping that the more business i do, the less worked up i get over every cake and design. otherwise, this new side business is going to be much more tiring than just doing the work! :) i find myself thinking about the design when i should be sleeping. onebyone, does this ever happen to you and how do you stop?

barb, so good to hear from you! and how FABULOUS??? i'm still batting the same 4 lbs around that i have been for months. not gaining, though, and my exercise has been much more consistent in the last few weeks. the improvements in your numbers are astonishing. mazel tov!

spiritangel, welcome back! ditto on what bill said. i understand what you're saying. i can't imagine that anyone is truly powerless over their own actions; we may experience urges that feel strong and uncontrollable, and we may not understand what's driving our actions, but that doesn't make us powerless. the oa program has been a lifesaver for many people, but i personally believe that everything i do is a choice, whether conscious or not. hey wendy! the world does feel like a tougher place to be sometimes. i was listening to a story on NPR last night where they interviewed a lot of people on how they were adjusting to the increases in fuel and food costs, and some of them had some great ideas. things like biking instead of driving, and eating less meat and more beans, growing their own vegetables. i was thinking to myself, how funny that being more cost-conscious seems like it would make you healthier. :)

it's a short day at work, then home for the afternoon to bake a sheet cake and make a fondant crawfish for a cajun party tomorrow night. if it comes out nicely i'll post a picture...

have a great weekend, everyone!

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