It's my last week of school for the year. 3 critiques loom. Today I hand in my final photography portfolio. I think my printer was printing on the red side but c'est la vie. At least the prints look consistent!
I am anxious to get into the next part of my year: making and selling things at the local famers' markets. One starts May 4th, the other May 10th. Soon. Very soon. I have to begin making things to fill my market booth. I have been waiting until the school projects are out of the way. I have 3 paintings to finish for Friday's critique in that class. 1 is more problematic than the others. Much to do yet. And I have a wicked sore throat in the back upper right area of my throat. It's just been sitting there, unwavering, threatening me. Not sure if I am going to get a full blown cold or what. My right eye is also sore. I feel like I was going to get an eye infection. It hasn't developed into that yet either. I'm trying to just keep calm, rest as I can, drink my fluids and hope for the best. Sometimes I just feel on the edge of getting sick cause I am worn out. I feel like I rested this weekend but one day of slacking off probably doesn't account for 2.5 weeks of high energy stress does it?
Foodwise it seemed like a better food day. I did have a dinner that I should have passed on (too big in size/calorie count). But it did fit the plan and today's a new day. Glad to have the week stetching in front of me.
cyclegirl Welcome! I know of the grey sheet. Congratulations on your fantastic weightloss and thanks for the reminder that the things that I have done, relying on my own ideas, is not a wise choice. As you said:
Quote:
I just ate dinner and I could still eat but I guess that's what got me to 243+ pounds. I obviously don't know when enough is enough. That's why I have to have boundaries around my food.
Thanks so much for writing that.
ladybugnessa Hello! How's it going with the Day 18 stuff??
elkfordian I'm glad you feel more hopeful. It's important to face our selves and that includes what we weigh now. Hey that just reminded me of this that someone used to say "We either face our stuff or stuff our face."
It's just the beginning... kudos to you for taking the steps to go forward.
redballoon Hectic schedules are both a blessing and a curse for me. On the one hand, I am so busy that there is no time to graze and eat continuously or be tempted to do so, on the other hand after the schedule lets up I am exhausted and don't feel like exercising, planning my food, making my food from scratch which is what I prefer... I can understand how this definitely leads to gaining weight. Glad you are here! BTW there's no requirement to post anything or long posts or even to do this, reply to individuals. Just post when you can and let us know if you've done something fantastic or figured something out. We all need the help!
coastalsue I hope you're happily swimming as well. I am sure the wonky internet connection is more than made up for by your beautiful rural surroundings... Have a great day!
hbuchwald I'm going to do what you did as soon as I am offline -- re-read the beginning of Beck. haven't done that yet. And I think I'll go scan my response cards. You know, I never did take them out of the book. Maybe I should take them out of my book. I shudder at the thought. I HATE removing things from books. Wanton destruction it feels like! I love books y'know? I'm going to do it. I already wrote in it... filled it up... today I liberate my response cards. Enjoy your day at school!
BillBlueEyes I particularly enjoy reading your posts when one of your rules appears. Like this one:
Quote:
When I nibble every little chance I get, I am nurturing the old continuously grazing relationship with food of my past.
It shows me that you have definite guidelines you live by, created over-time to counter your own specific habits. I want that! You seem so pro-active. I still feel re-active. I think the pre-planning is the single most important action I can take to change things for myself... (besides sticking to it but that goes unsaid doesn't it? ) I think I know why the big quantities of food draw me in. Childhood of course. Living with my Hungarian grandmother she made massive amounts of food, all in big pots like what I like to have. Thinking back I can't recall her ever making something small, a small meal, only once she was very old and didn't have the energy to cook. But that's not the thing I remember or feel comforted by, it's her love of cooking, her joy at feeding us all until we were stuffed, the love she gave me for eating her food. Always a happy time while we were eating... the rest of the time, not so much. True. Anyway, thank you for the insight. Tell me, do you feel afraid you will re-gain your weight? Has that fear lessened if you have it?
http://www.peertrainer.com/diet/beck_diet_solution.htm
I found this link last night. It's a good synopsis of the Beck program in one shot. I may refer to it when feel I need a good shot in the arm. Thought I'd pass it on.
just wanted to welcome the new folks and thank everyone for your support and suggestions. i'd love to triage the hot mess, and i thought about what i could do - but of course this was sunday morning and i spent all friday night doing the one thing i could theoretically have put off, my taxes. glad i did, though, because i could really use that refund. the rest of the schedule is driven by school or someone's wedding, with the SOLE exception of the half marathon, the one thing i'm doing for my health. aaargh! thank you so much bill and heidi for coming up with options and a different way to think about it. i have no perspective.
the wedding cake is coming along beautifully, although that wedding is in two weeks. i had to start this far ahead of time to get everything done, since we'll be out of town all weekend and i've got some projects coming due next week. i really wanted this cake to be amazing for a couple of reasons. it's my best friend getting married, so it's important that this one piece of her special day be done right. it's also my first wedding cake, and a whole lot of people will be seeing it and taking pictures of it, so if i have even the slightest thought that i might one day do this professionally, it's important to have good buzz and something in my book i can show people. it's also all i really want to think about these days. sort of relaxing in my head, and i'm completely excited about how well the parts are coming together! i turned my friend onto this israeli jewelry designer michal negrin, and we're both wearing negrin pieces in the wedding. the cake itself is sort of negrin-inspired, which i know liz (bride) will instantly recognize and love. i showed my husband the icing flowers i've been painting, and he said that they reminded him of my necklace. SUCCESS!!! i'm just so excited and proud of this. i really hope that once the school craziness is over, i can focus more on this and maybe make a little extra loot on the side. i'll post pictures when it's all done and assembled.
also managed to do my 10 miler on saturday morning. this week i had my new monitor on, and i was shocked at how many calories i've been burning. might go a little ways to explain some of my bingeing on high-calorie food. also discovered i hit my 10,000 step target without any planned exercise. i may be more successful in my weight loss armed with this knowledge. i was also shocked at how little sleep i'm getting. (it measures that too!) the baby is definitely cutting a tooth and was up at 3:00 am. it took me an hour to get back to sleep after i got him back down at 3:30. unfortunately, this week my fabulous DH is out of town for work. i just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. once this week is over, there's just two left.
i can't address everyone (wish i had the time!) but wanted to let onebyone know i LOVED reading about your process. makes perfect sense and all you have to do is take that way of thinking about challenges, apply it to food, and voila - you got it for good. i had my little booze epiphany, which i keep trying to bring over to the food thinking. whoever figures out how to transfer that kind of constructive, positive thinking from one area to the next, wins! and please let me know how do it.
back to the grind! cheers.
Last edited by kuhljeanie; 04-14-2008 at 12:18 PM.
Our local provider is hopeful all is now well-3rd time I have heard this during the past 4 weeks maybe the 3rd time is the charm!
Northern Cal has a wonderful 2 day heat wave-got so spoiled swimming in warm weather- today is again cold with alot of wind-back to white caps in the pool. Rats!!
I also have my Beck brain back and running again. I do suffer with periodic bouts of depression or at least serious self critical/negative days which are such an energy drain-A good change is that I always return to my food plan but bad new is that I always have a gain which must be lost- take 1-2 weeks to lose a lb and but can regain 3-4 lbs in 2 days.
Any way I use food to self medicate during such stress times-Does any one have any tips they use when stressed/sad/anxious/emotional to break that pattern of using food. Always when I can get out of the negative/bleak mood, the first thing I do is get back on my food plan-it is using food when emotionally exhausted that is my biggest problem-Beck exercises have been so successful in most all of my "habit" areas except this one. I have worked thru not using food in unhealthy ways in so may instances but not during those intense days of being so self critical.
BillBlueeyes-really love the idea of "nuturing" bad habits-interesting way of expressing it versus helpless be controlled by bad habit-we actually are nuturing their existance.
OnebyOne-been enjoying reading your postings-love you decription of your art projects, the food successes and opps, nice page on Beck's info.
Heidi-I so admire the Dali Lama-His practice and teachings in compassion are so critical for the world now. Hope the kids are not too filled with spring fever. I think giving yourself credit for consistantly doing healthy behaviors is great. I use swmming as that way-Even if my food plan isn't perfect an hour swim is good step. Even just reading the advantage cards can halt mindless overeating now. These small step keep getting more and more positive and frequent.
KulhJeanie-You are amazing! Hope soon the little guy will sleepmore and you get more rest soon. Do give yourself alot of credit for the continued exercising-
cyclegirl-Much credit for you 100 lb loss and for working at maintaining it. I agree Beck is so much about learning boundaries about food-missing or have overriden those cues of how much food is best for my body I have to stop listening to my head go gimme, gimme more more to eat.
Redballoon and Elkfordian-glad you are joining us. Elkfordian-glad you just noted your current weight only as a starting point for change and not a figure to about which just to do mindless eating. PS-would love to weight only 248-I have 60 lbs to be that skinny.
success to all
sue
Last edited by coastalsue; 04-14-2008 at 04:10 PM.
Hi everyone. It's so nice coming in here and reading everyone's posts. I will try to comment when I can find the time but thanks for saying it's not a requirement. I MUST find my Beck book but that link onebyone provided is great. I see there are things on that list that are not a big problem for me but other ones are really things I let go ALL the time. I post normally on the 21-day challenge thread over in the support groups forum and one of my challenges has been journaling. As soon as I start eating mindlessly I stop journaling. I write things down when it's not that bad. What's the point?!?!? Mindfulness, being accountable for the consequences of what I put in my mouth, stopping putting off, putting off, putting off the weight loss. I want to lose 15 kgs (about 35 lbs) and I have wanted this for years. Why, oh why, do I NOT just do it. Everything becomes an excuse, I lose 7-8 kgs then gain them back, always stuck in the same rut. It's bizarre. Ok, I'm rambling but just coming in here has started to get my thoughts unstuck being surrounded by all these very prolific people showing great concern and commitment to changing their ways. Thank you!
Hello there,
BillBlueEyes: I cannot wait to hear your response to onebyone’s question about if you fear the weight gain and if so, if it lessens as more time at maintenance is behind you?
Onebyone: Too bad they cannot call it a “viewing” instead of a critique…. I am no artist so am not familiar with art lingo like that… Will you post any pictures of your work? Very neat to think of you selling your works at the farmer’s market where you can see the people who your treasures are going home to. Hope that sore throat is allergies or stress and shortlived! Love the catchy saying: “Face your stuff or stuff your face”… hhaaaa. I know what you mean about “defacing” a book. That is what they are there for but if you really wanted to you could type the responses and print out on your own cards… ??
Kuhljeanie: Your cake sounds so fabulous and special for your friend. It sounds like one of those creative outlets that are so wonderful to have. Wow-that monitor sounds like a real eye opener. I looked it up and am thinking about asking my doc if she has one that I could borrow-sounds like something that doctors use with patients. Otherwise, too spendy for me. I do love the idea of really KNOWING about the sleep and the exercise. 10,000 steps without any planned exercise-your new nickname is “wonderwoman”!
Coastalsue: So glad that your connection is back. What a drag to not be able to rely on it. I would get the shakes I think! It was so wonderful to be in the presence of the Dalai Lama. He has been in and out of news conferences with Tibet while here in Seattle-I really don’t know how he is doing it all under all circumstances. The kids were really great-we had a big discussion when we got back about the conference. They are always so tired on Monday mornings and then it being the first one back from Spring Break..they were MELLOW!
Redballoon: I have been thinking about the same issue within myself. WHY am I sabotaging myself? I don’t see a pattern of feelings or thoughts or events that trigger overeating. I should write in my journal to record any event that precedes a craving or bout of unplanned eating. I ate just fine today but then had seconds of rice at dinner that was not planned.
Off to bed for me so I can face the music tomorrow. After planning my food for the day of course!
New Problem - last week I wanted to "push" myself a little bit. I've been trying to walk for 35 minutes every day, which was about 5 times a week in reality. But last week I wanted to move up on the exercising so I did a workout video. Well - now I've torn this thing in my knee, metadazie (sp?). I'd been limping all last week and finally went to the dr today - who sent me right way to an MRI.
OK - What kind of exercise can I do without my legs? I don't want to regain the weight I've managed to lose.
Diet Coaches – Simple day: on-plan eating included leftovers for lunch, a yummy couscous with black beans for dinner, and a dynamite Navel Orange for evening snack. CREDIT moi. Walking was only good enough. My pedometer records about 5000 steps on days I don't get a planned walk, a bit less than the 10000 reported by Jean (kuhljeanie) without a planned walk. Oh Well.
Such an interesting question from onebyone
Quote:
Tell me, do you feel afraid you will re-gain your weight? Has that fear lessened if you have it?
Yes, at 13 months maintenance, 31 months in my journey, I still fear the re-gain. Hoping to reduce the part that seems to be a Thinking Error - that any small deviation is the beginning of the slippery slope. However, it's sobering to read the many, many people on 3FC who have regained. And it's sobering to read the studies that show that most people regain. Have to realistically face that keeping it off is going to require something special - it's not like learning to ride a bicycle which most people remember for the rest of their lives without any special attention.
Those sobering observations are what have kept me here on 3FC trying to learn how to acknowledge when I'm drifting away from feeling responsible for my body. For example, it makes me appreciate why Beck is concerned with eating sitting down. I can now observe that when I take my first bite from the plate before I get to the table that I am serving my unconscious feelings that are comforted by food. They don't need that servicing. The same when I grab a cookie crumb even when I'm avoiding platters of cookies. Servicing some old feelings that don't need servicing. It seems that Beck would have me just stay away from them, per the discussion below on pre-planning.
But then again, the fears seem to have lessened in the few months I've been on my journey. I take some solace in this with the natural expectation that they will continue to lesson. But not too much solace - the people who report regaining had kept it off for several years. And I note that there are only a couple of long term maintainers on the maintenance thread. Are they the only ones? Perhaps there are thousands who have kept it off and just don't post on 3FC anymore - all this effort is behind them. I've let go the dream that maintenance will ever be without effort on my part. My current dream is that I'll find a path of effort that I'll continue to pursue.
Sue (CoastalSue) - Kudos for getting your Beck brain back and running, as well as your internet connection, LOL.
RE "Does any one have any tips they use when stressed/sad/anxious/emotional to break that pattern of using food." With stress, the only thing I've found that helps is to focus on the thought that this will end. It will be over tomorrow, or next week. It is the feeling of unbounded stress that hurts me. The example I remember so clearly is walking my DS to sleep so many years ago. As a new father the worst part was the feeling that he would never get to sleep. He always did. By the time of our second, I knew it would end and so walking her to sleep wasn't such a painful experience. Don't know if remembering that the situation is finite could help in the situations you describe.
Heidi (hbuchwald) - Welcome back to your structured teaching week - with MELLOW students no less.
Jean (kuhljeanie) - Kudos for your "negrin-inspired" wedding cake - sounds nothing less than extraordinary! Look forward to pictures of the cake and jewelery (after the two weeks, of course). And Kudos for your 10 miler. I'll just keep sending you supporting thoughts over the next two weeks as you navigate your over-booked time. Good luck with El Nino; my memory is that when nursing babies cut teeth an additional problem is encountered, LOL.
onebyone – Ouch for the sore throat and sore right eye. Kudos for resting this weekend. LOL, you've got enough deadlines to make all the organs rebel, one by one, trying to get your attention to slow down.
Interesting insight, "I think the pre-planning is the single most important action I can take to change things for myself." In the description of your recent painting, without pre-planning you seemed to fall into your unconscious creativity that might not be easily reached by wishing to reach it. It took a little emotional turmoil to get there. So emotional turmoil is good for your creative art and probably not so good for your farmer's market art.
That actually relates to my engineering work; my creative work emerges from the turmoil of unsolvable problems which seems to put me in touch with my best problem solving skills. But completion of an engineering task requires constant planning ahead to avoid turmoil - makes engineering seem boring to many.
Your insight really strikes me when I combine your two thoughts and apply them to food in my life. When facing uncertainty with food, I fall into my unconscious stuff to land on some feelings that have historically been soothed by food. So lack of pre-planning is just an open invitation to feel the desire to be soothed by food. All the wisdom of Beck, and CBT, sidesteps battling the feelings to be soothed by food, by just avoiding them. Perhaps this is obvious, but it strikes me as so profound at the moment. Methinks you've hit on something here.
mom3 - Ouch for your knee. I don't have useful insight on that topic, but you might try the exercise thread. I think there's even an exercising with disabilities thread. Good luck with that.
redballoon - What a great connection you've identified that allows a Beck-like Helpful Response. Perhaps if you put your journaling into the NO CHOICE category you will then record your drift into over eating. That could help to remind you to bring out the Beck strategies to get back on plan. Good luck, I'm so glad you've joined our discussions here.
Readers – "… Anxious patients overestimate the danger in various situations and, thus, feel nervous much of the time. … " From the Forward by Aaron T. Beck, M.D., Beck, pg 11.
__________________ [Note to self: Terse is good.]
XXXXXXX 7 XXXXXXX 14 XXXXXXX 21 XXXXXXX 28 XXXXXXX 35 XXXXXXX 42
Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!
Bill, thank you. Interesting. Yes, no choice sounds like a good thing. I actually did write things down this morning but it's not detailed enough...it's like...uh, LOTS of beer, and THAT is a huge calorie intake. Sigh. I'm going to have to define "journaling" and then put that definition on a no choice. It might not be fun to have to be sitting in a bar counting pints, but if I don't count them, what's the point of all the other counting. I AM fooling myself, thinking that with the light of dawn the calories disappear along with the buzz. Right, think again, chick! Well, thanks Bill.
guys guys guys I have NOT forsaken any of you OR BECK... DH was in the hospital most of sunday afternoon and night... life is a BIT stressful right now... he has several things wrong with him....
i'm fine... just really busy....
holding steady at day 18/19 not ready to move on.... but not losing anything but weight. (yep scale was 221.2 this morning)
This may not be the best place for me to post right now but i just don't know where else to go. kinda sad, isn't it?
my depression is getting out of hand and i am not sure why. i am taking my meds like i am supposed to, nothing has changed, still have a job and a hubby, the whole family is healthy. not sure what's going on with me, but i have just given up! i don't care anymore. i hate when things get like this. any advice would be greatly appreciated. right now i can barely get myself to work let alone the gym and you can forget about making healthy food choices. i wish i could be like those people who stop eating altogether when they get depressed, maybe then i could lose some weight. then again, half of my brain doesn't care if i gain another hundred pounds. will it really make that much difference in my life if i lose 50 pounds? my son will still start school, my daughter will still get her drivers license, i still have to come home form work everynight and do laundry and clean house and cook dinner. i will still make the same amount of money and have the same bills to pay. the cost of groceries and gas will keep going up. the meds i take now i will still have to take even if i lost 100 pounds, so i won't even save any money there. basically nothing will change except the size of my jeans. is that worth all the stress of trying to lose weight? it must be, i keep doing it.
well thanks to all for letting me ramble here. hopefully in a few days i will be back to normal.
This may not be the best place for me to post right now but i just don't know where else to go. kinda sad, isn't it?
my depression is getting out of hand and i am not sure why. i am taking my meds like i am supposed to, nothing has changed, still have a job and a hubby, the whole family is healthy. not sure what's going on with me, but i have just given up! i don't care anymore. i hate when things get like this. any advice would be greatly appreciated. right now i can barely get myself to work let alone the gym and you can forget about making healthy food choices. i wish i could be like those people who stop eating altogether when they get depressed, maybe then i could lose some weight. then again, half of my brain doesn't care if i gain another hundred pounds. will it really make that much difference in my life if i lose 50 pounds? my son will still start school, my daughter will still get her drivers license, i still have to come home form work everynight and do laundry and clean house and cook dinner. i will still make the same amount of money and have the same bills to pay. the cost of groceries and gas will keep going up. the meds i take now i will still have to take even if i lost 100 pounds, so i won't even save any money there. basically nothing will change except the size of my jeans. is that worth all the stress of trying to lose weight? it must be, i keep doing it.
well thanks to all for letting me ramble here. hopefully in a few days i will be back to normal.
BTDT.... again.
so nothing has changed physically for you either? no colds, flus, PMS etc... cause if it was me and it's not a situation making it worse maybe it's time for a med check???
no physical probs either...period stopped, sinuses cleared up, the only physical complaint i have is a lingering headache. still trying to figure those out too. i just had my meds doubled about two months ago. maybe it's just time to check myself into the local crazy house.
amy (gahundy) – Hi amy - just a quick wave from the office. Ouch that it feel so beat up on yourself time. Yes, it's time to seek support from every where; no, it's not time to check yourself in. Feeling down comes and goes and when feeling down you just have to trust your previous feelings. You have shown yourself to be an aware, caring, responsible person who chose an eating plan with care and thoughtfully wrote her Advantages Card. Your can refer to your Advantages Card to remind yourself of how you feel when you're not hit by the blues.
And you have your Beck strategies, including:
Quote:
When discouraged, I'll focus on what I can do today.
Keep the faith, amy, keep yourself going so this can pass - you're still in there.
Hi Amy, Hugs to you.
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. Is there an Employee Assistance Program at work, where you can go and talk to someone.
I will keep you in my prayers you deserve to be happy. Take good care of yourself.
I am thinking of you.
Ann
Monday morning
) I think I know why the big quantities of food draw me in. Childhood of course. Living with my Hungarian grandmother she made massive amounts of food, all in big pots like what I like to have. Thinking back I can't recall her ever making something small, a small meal, only once she was very old and didn't have the energy to cook. But that's not the thing I remember or feel comforted by, it's her love of cooking, her joy at feeding us all until we were stuffed, the love she gave me for eating her food. Always a happy time while we were eating... the rest of the time, not so much. True. Anyway, thank you for the insight. Tell me, do you feel afraid you will re-gain your weight? Has that fear lessened if you have it?
) but wanted to let onebyone know i LOVED reading about your process. makes perfect sense and all you have to do is take that way of thinking about challenges, apply it to food, and voila - you got it for good. i had my little booze epiphany, which i keep trying to bring over to the food thinking. whoever figures out how to transfer that kind of constructive, positive thinking from one area to the next, wins! and please let me know how do it. 
Mindfulness, being accountable for the consequences of what I put in my mouth, stopping putting off, putting off, putting off the weight loss. I want to lose 15 kgs (about 35 lbs) and I have wanted this for years. Why, oh why, do I NOT just do it. Everything becomes an excuse, I lose 7-8 kgs then gain them back, always stuck in the same rut. It's bizarre. Ok, I'm rambling but just coming in here has started to get my thoughts unstuck being surrounded by all these very prolific people showing great concern and commitment to changing their ways. Thank you!
Tuesday
Well, thanks Bill.
