YOU HAVE NOT FAILED!!!!!!!!!
To fail is to give up - you haven't done that. What did you do last time to lose the weight? I happen to be a calorie counter who lifts weights....but everyone needs what works for them. We are here for you whatever you chose to do!
on catching yourself at 187...you are still down 30 pounds from your highest. Be proud of that!
Have you mentioned the bulemia to your doctor? That worries me...you need to find a HEALTHY way to lose weight.
Hope to hear more from you, Mimi!