My Final Day One
Hello everyone! I am new here and just thought I would introduce myself. I am sharing something I wrote on my personal blog yesterday. Its me speaking from the heart about my struggles with food. Hope to meet others here who can relate. "Well, here we are. The beginning of a new me. I cannot begin to count how many "diets" I have tried and failed at. For whatever reason I seem to just pick myself up, dust myself off and try something new, again. My main issue with being able to stick to a weight loss plan is willpower; or the lack thereof. I just seem to not have any willpower. I'm full of excuses and reasons why I have to have that second sandwich or piece of fried chicken. After indulging myself and feeling like I am about to bust, then I am immediately filled with all those negative thoughts about why I ate that particular food. I mean, I wasn't really hungry, it just tasted good and I wanted it. Let's be honest and real here. I am a food addict and I am not afraid to admit it. I could come up with a gazillion excuses or justifiable reasons as to why I am overeating. They all sound wonderful to me at the time. Its that few minutes that follow the overindulgence in which I will begin to kick myself in the pants and realize that they are nothing more than excuses to justify what I have done. It's a never ending circle. So how do I stop? I dont want to feel sorry for myself because I have no one to blame but me. I didn't get fat over night, it was a long drawn out process of me eating copious amounts of the wrong unhealthy food aka garbage. I can spend one day a week making up healthy meals to take to work and watching Keto and Weight Loss Videos for inspiration. I can commit with all the determination in my mind at that particular moment and swear to never look back again. But you let one weak moment, a moment where one of my favorite foods suddenly appears on the counter at work or in the fridge and what do I find myself doing? Caving in and telling myself that one bite won't hurt and I can get back on my "diet" tomorrow, then tomorrow never comes. I dont know why I struggle so hard like I do. It just seems to be such a roller coaster of up and down emotions. I dont want to be fat for the rest of my life. I dont want to have all the health issues that I have that are directly related to obesity. But when those weak moments come, I just literally dont care. I dont think about it, I just eat it and then for those brief moments I feel good. Then, when I look at myself in the mirror or a photograph I shriek at the horrid person staring back at me. I get angry at myself and vow I am going to quit doing this to my body. Yet here we are, another day where I have decided this is my day one. Do you know how many day ones I have had this past year? I cannot even begin to count. How do I break this cycle? I just tell myself that starting over again and not giving up must count for something right? We shall see. I hope that one year from today I can look back and say that this was my last day one. This was the day where I finally "got it" and kicked myself into gear with more determination than ever and saw it through."
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