New here.
 

Maybe here I'll find the right combination to motivate me.

Hi. I never know how much to say, and usually end up saying too much or too little. I have Asperger's, PTSD, and I've been struggling to lose weight since 2012. I lost to 174, gained it all back. Lost to 169, gained it all back. Lost to 174 again, and now I'm at 185.

I've tried Paleo. I tried a nutritionist. I saw a non-surgical weight loss doctor along with an exercise physiologist. Nothing seems to make a difference for me. I'm not able to take prescription diet medication thanks to a heart murmur and severe restless leg syndrome, or I'd have tried that too.

I binge hard. It's absolutely uncontrollable. The more I try to restrict my calories, the worse my eating becomes. Just reading about food, seeing it, smelling it will bring it on. My food brain is insatiable.

So I'm here, because surely there's someone else out there who's struggled as hard as I am right now. Who struggles to leave the house because she thinks she's hideous and is ashamed to be seen in public. Who is terrified of gyms because people. Yes, I do see a therapist. Not much help there, and I don't have a lot of options with my lovely insurance (Medicare/Medicaid).

I hike. I force myself to do it now, because my hormones are through the floor and I'm miserably hot even on estrogen. But it's so hard. I love nature, love being out in the woods, but the heat is killing me.

Just hoping to find some advice here that maybe, just maybe I can actually follow.

:welcome:

First off, :hugs: Have you ever tried food journalling? I imagine there are certain foods/moods/things that happen during the day that are triggering the binge reaction. If you can identify them, it will go a long way towards you being able to avoid giving into the temptation. Maybe don't try and restrict right now. Just track your food and try and make connections between your eating and your mood. Then just start making slightly healthier choices. Is a daily dessert your big weakness? Maybe just cut it down to every other day. Drink lots of water. Anytime you want to eat something, drink a full glass of water and wait 10minutes. If you aren't truly hungry, that may just do the trick.

Hiking is great, it gets you moving, gets you out of the house, and you get to relax in nature. It's hot as heck here in Arkansas, and I'm sure Georgia is more of the same. Can you hike early morning? Just make sure you bring a bazooka for the mosquitoes! :)

Good luck to you!

I was food journaling for my nutritionist. It didn't help me. I ended up *really* rebelling and overeating by 2k calories.

I eat because I have nothing to do and no one here to keep me motivated. My room-mate is a male, and eats his head off. There's always junk food here and he doesn't care that I'm struggling. And no, I cannot move. He's my beneficiary payee for SSDI, and I need to live with someone. I have no family. I have no friends. I realize people like to say they don't have friends, but in my case it's true. There is no one here for me. No support group, nothing. No one to help me eat healthy, eat less, stay moving. I'm two hours away from anyone who might even be inclined to help.

I eat regardless of mood. No rhyme or reason to it. I can't eat "mindfully" - I tried that. Still ate more than I needed to because my food brain is completely disconnected from my stomach and won't shut up.

I drink enough water to float a boat, and it doesn't help. I'll drink 32 ounces of water trying to shut up the food brain and ... nope.

I went to PT today (my left arm and wrist), and had a meltdown because they seated me in front of the mirror. I avoid mirrors, so seeing myself in full like that was traumatic. All lumps and bumps and bulges and it's just absolutely the most disgusting thing. I want to wear a burlap bag. No, I wish I were invisible so no one saw what I look like.

I can't do morning hikes because of appointments and insomnia. It's just as hot here in the morning as it is any other time of day anyhow. 8 am and 90 degrees already ... and to top it off, today on my hike the cross country team from the local high school literally ran me off the hiking trail because they wouldn't do the right thing and yield to a pedestrian going the opposite way. I'm not joking - this young boy ran right into me and knocked me sideways, and I was on *my* side of the trail. Really inspires me to want to hike there again ....

I'm a wreck, I realize. I just have to find some way, something that clicks hopefully to make this work. My entire family is overweight. I don't want to be like that. I look awful in anything I put on now.