Overwhelmed but still fighting - returning member!
 

It has been a LONG time since I was posting on 3FC - I was in college, living in the US, and lost a lot of weight, but unfortunately a good chunk of it was through purging along with diet and exercise. It's been what, 6 years now? 8? I'm now going to be 26 in two days, living in East Africa, with my husband and two recently adopted children, 4 and 5 years old. I'm also running a nonprofit supporting their orphanage and trying to raise enough money to create a children's village for the kids to stay in when they reach five and would otherwise start boarding school (PM me if you want the website!). I'm stupidly busy and WAY over committed and generally exhausted, and back up to about 190 pounds.

I have no energy to spend on eating well, and eating at ALL in this country can be difficult - everything is made from scratch, and the power and water are intermittent at best. We're currently on day 7 (YES, seven) without running water in the house, for example. Fruit is great and cheap and easy to get, but can make you really sick if you don't wash it well enough, and I still don't eat enough of it. My husband and I are usually so tired at the end of the day that we cook the kids spaghetti and hot dogs or something similarly uninspired, and then around 9 or 10 pm drag ourselves out of bed for whatever food we can throw together. And chocolate is one of the few luxuries we can get, so it's hard to resist!

The internet often only works in the middle of the night, so my sleep patterns are also seriously messed up because I'll stay up all night working and then try to sleep during the day. I am a million miles from my normal support system and have a billion people counting on me, and I'm terrified I'm going to let them all down. Finding the energy to care about how I eat when I'm going through all of this is really hard, but I think I need to do it if I want to start feeling better.

I am really hoping to get a few things out of being back on the forum - paying more attention to what I'm eating, getting tips and ideas from other members on how to eat healthy when you're insanely stressed and overwhelmed, and maybe even some social support - it's SO TOUGH in this country and I feel alone a lot of the time. It would be great to connect with other moms, especially adoptive moms, and pick your brains on how not to totally screw up my kids. I adore them beyond all reason, and they know that without a shadow of a doubt, but I worry that my stress and anxiety is affecting them. Which of course makes me more stressed and anxious. Love it.

Thanks for reading, I'm trying hard to take the first steps to feeling better, so it would mean a lot to hear from you!

That's a lot of challenges, improbable! Can I first say that I think you are totally awesome? Because I think that may be a really good starting point for you. You're are attempting something more difficult and helpful and interesting than most people ever do. So, give yourself a break from this: "a billion people counting on me." As important as your work is, it's still not going to effect a billion people -- at least, not today.

There's you and there's 24 hours and there's what you can get done in that time. That's it, so give yourself a break. I'm sure you know that the burn out rate is high in this sort of work. Aim for longevity -- and that means making yourself as much of a priority as everything else. Even if things don't happen as fast as you would like.

Do you have a support network among other people doing similar work?

Welcome back to 3FC! It's a great place for social support and we're here 24/7.

I think you do need to cut yourself some slack. You have so many responsibilities and challenges that you need to go easy on yourself. Remember, there are no perfect mothers. You only have to be good enough, not perfect. Diet wise, pick a plan that you can reasonably stick to under the circumstances, and if I were you, it would include fruit, since that is ready available. Remember, your kids don't care what you weigh. They need you healthy and less stressed, however. I have raised two adopted kids to the age of 18. I can tell you that I started out this journey believing that love and nurturing care would conquer all. I now believe that genetics predetermines a lot more of a person's personality and potential than I previously thought. I had to surrender a lot of unrealistic expectations. Anyway, good luck!

I just had a random thought for you, improbable -- could you hire a local person to cook for your family? Aside from saving you some time, you would be hiring an expert in local food gathering and cuisine. And providing someone with a bit of an income. It might cost less than those of us living in the US would think.

Hi Improbable! :welcome2: BACK! Wow, you really do have your hands full! No wonder you feel overwhelmed! But you are an amazing person for doing what you're doing, and at such a young age! So very impressive! 3FC is a great place for you to come socialize and take some time for yourself. Jump into a few forums and see what gives you motivation and solace. I wish I knew how to advise you on what to eat over there. You said you can get fruit readily. Can you get vegetables? Any chance at adding salads to those spaghetti dinners? As for being a good mother, I'm sure you are a very good mother! No mother is perfect. We all make mistakes. Our kids usually see all of us stressed out as we juggle trying to be supermoms. Cross that worry off your list. You love your kids and I'm sure they know it and love you dearly too. I agree with Gardenerjoy that you need to make yourself a priority. As much as you want to give and accomplish, if you break down, you won't be able to do any of it, so try not to carry all the burden on your shoulders. Take care of yourself and do what you can, in that order. I wish you the best! :hug: