Oh the struggles! Lets see. I am 36 years old and have had enough. I have been overweight my entire adult life. In highschool I was a solid muscular 175 lbs which my doctors were ok with even though I was still considered overweight for my height. After that, the weight just piled on non stop. I've tired every diet known to man, and every pill known to woman. I've lost weight on them all but have given them all up within 2 weeks. I guess I could be considered a yo-yo dieter, though I am not sure if that's true since I give up so easy........

Feb 20th of this year something in me snapped. I didn't want to look the way I did anymore. I found myself disgusting. I was out of control. I was scared of dying. I started counting calories, starting exercising, got a fitbit, and haven't turned back. I am not sure what is different this time. I am motivated, agitated, and find deciphering all the emotions complicated. Even though I am down 18 lbs in a month, I get angry at myself for weighing in every day. Gaining .5 a pound or not nudging the scale at all frustrates me to no end. I might be a little obsessed with it all. I need some mental support because beating myself up isn't helping anything. I want to do this positively,and I have the motivation, I just need some kindness.

Thanks for reading...xoxo

Good for you for taking care of your health. I had to MAKE myself stop weighing everyday. It's ok for those who do no obsess about it, but for those who obsess then I suggest not weighing in everyday. My hubby and I weigh in on Saturdays. To stop from weighing in I hurry up and get in the shower and get dressed. The scale is in another room other than the bathroom. It is too cold to walk around the house naked just to weigh in! So try different things and use what works for you. God Bless.

Excellent ideas. I might try moving the scale. My husband is dieting to. He has less to lose, and he is losing faster even though I am eating better and working out harder....that complicates my emotions too. I have to remind myself I cannot compare myself to him. Thank you for your reply. I am praying that the motivation lasts. Hopefully the Midwest will warm up a little soon so I can get outside more. Take care. Xoxo

Good luck with your efforts!

Thank you. I just finished my work out, walk/ran 1.8 miles out in the cold. I feel good.

Welcome... I am pretty much in the same stage as you are.. This place is supportive and I am sure we can all do it!!

Yes. And thank you for the welcome. Its not easy. I am looking forward to making some friends.

Hi

That self-disgust thing you refer to, i find that very useful: motivating, for kick starting me if I get fat again. I haven't looked back either since i started this time. But i've had a bit more success than you in the past and here's some of what i've learnt. I would add that each time i do a diet, i refine what i did the time before, and try to learn more about nutrition and what works. but i do have some rules that i keep each time.

My present diet is actually less restrictive than my previous diets. I"ve learnt what i can trust myself with and what i can't. For instance now i can eat cheese!

I always eat healthy whole foods as my basic diet. (when i'm not on a diet, i always slide back into a total diet of ice-cream, lollies and cake, practically - oddly i can't enjoy cooking or healthy foods much when i'm in that state) I don't eat little packets of this and that or bars or any of that kind of what i consider to be non-food because calorie for nutrition, the ratio is too low.

Oh you will probably be pleased to know that all men lose weight more easily than women. I mean as a general rule. Its because they carry more muscle than us naturally. At least that's what i read and i thought it sounded credible. Your hubby has to live with the fact that he's a bloke so that's the down side of being a husband. ;-) While you are an awesome member of the more gorgeous gender.

But back to losing weight.

Understanding and managing your emotions is a good thing to get a grip on. Its been a key new component of my current effort. I think it sounds as though a lot of the worry you have this time could be resolved with more/better knowledge. For instance, there is nothing to be afraid of in seeing the scales fluctuate everyday when you understand what causes the mysterious fluctuations you see even though you think you've been doing everything right.

salt, menstruation, muscle inflammation from a lot of exercise, illness, constipation are all things that can make the scales jump around from day to day because of water retention. When you can calm down about all that, its not so bad seeing it go up from time to time even day after day for a few days, when you know you are eating right. And so you need to know where the biggest salt culprits are and i will give you a clue - take away food, processed food, junk food, asian restaurant and packet food. So if you go out once a week for asian or something, why get upset when the scale is up a heap the next morning.

The business of exercising with dieting does indeed complicate matters. We see a lot of people on these boards struggle to get the relationship between calories and exercise right. One of the things that seems to go on quite often is people's calories are too low when they are exercising and they are not getting enough protein + carbs. I think if you really get stuck on this, go see a dietician. They will help you determine the right calorie intake for you, although the online calculators always seem to work for me. Probably because i am not trying to lose 2 kilograms a week! Don't be in a hurry. But i say don't try to restrict your calories too much. Eat as much you can while still being able to lose weight, rather than eating as little as you can because ironically that seems to lead a lot of people into a bog. I find that works for me whether or not i exercise. I can't see your details at the moment but i lost my first 20 pounds eating 1650 per day for about 2 months and with no regular formal exercise. EAting high like this helps me avoid hunger and cravings.

Develop a little faith in yourself and really learn to let go the fear that you might gain a pound. Do this for the long haul. Its requires being gentle with yourself, patience, persistence, a little bit of obsession, preparedness for unexpected events, forgiveness (of self), optimism, commitment. Eat for the long haul, not for the day after tomorrow because you know, if you want to keep it off forever, you have to change the way you eat forever. You won't be able to return to eating the sorts of things as often as you have done in the past because a lot of the problem is the type of foods people eat. By way of explanation, i'm quitting sweets, ice-cream etc for life. I've had it with yo yo ing. And that stuff is my downfall. It took me a while to feel this committed about it and that came as i went along. I can go six months of eating great, getting skinny, and super fit then my lifestyle changes and bam, i'm back to where i started from or worse in no time. Now i have to learn to manage those sudden changes. And one way i think i can do that is by continuing to stay away from sweet foods. Not fruit . Fruit is great for me. It doesn't cause binging.

sorry you probably didn't want to know all this. But now you do. Good luck on your journey.

Wow. Can I keep you in my pocket? I need a you in my life! This is such a great helpful post. The time you put into it makes me feel a little more worth while than I have lately. Thank you for that. You have so much knowledge and this is the perfect example of why I am here and why I want to be here. I have so much to learn. Thank you.I hope our paths cross continuously on here. Keep doing what you are doing. Thank you so much. Xoxo

I read somewhere once that once the weight starts coming off, that is the easiest part of the process. THe hardest is finding out who YOU are without the fat, without the guilt, without the self shaming. I am finding that to be true.
Like you I am 36 and have been overweight by at least 30 pounds my whole life. I just had a baby and now have about 60 to lose. I look forward to updates on your progress and wish you all the luck in the world!!

Thank you! I just had a baby too! Well, over a year ago now! I cannot wait to find out if what you've heard is true! I have noticed a positive change in my mentality. I still have a long way to go, but have never before felt so motivated. I think my baby has a ton to do with it. I look forward to sharing this journey with you!

my baby is my joy too. Her and my son keep me going. I really want to do this for them. I am the only fat one in my family and it SUCKS!

Me and you both (to the only fat one in the family). Its very hard. I find myself in several situations both at work and in my personal life where I am literally the heaviest person in the room. Sometimes i am so stressed out over it I cannot focus on what is going on around me. I need to do this for my kids. I feel like my age, compounded by my weight, make me a ticking time bomb. I'm scared. I want to be there for my baby.

Learn about the concept of letting go and how to use it in every day life in all aspects of your life. You could start learning about this in a yoga class (yoga classes are all different. if you head down this path try a few different classes and do some research into different styles some may not suit at this stage). you can learn a lot about how to do letting go in yoga. You may start with how to do it in your body but then move on to how to do it in your mind. The buddhists are the best at it in my opinion. They use fewer idioms and can be more concrete in the way they teach but most yoga is not buddhist.

When people talk about letting go, ask them to explain it if you are not getting it. Ask them how to do it if you can't figure it out.

IN terms of the office situation you described. Just push all those comparing judging type thoughts away. Just say to yourself ok so i'm the biggest one here and it feels a bit uncomfortable but it is what it is and turn your attention to the sensations in your body. Your breath in particular. Take some slow deep breaths with your mind focused on the sensations of breathing. FEel the relaxation start to move through your body. Try to experience your body intensely. the tension turning inot relaxation. this will calm your heart rate, take your mind of your negativity, bring you in the present in a non-judgeing way. After you've taken a few breaths, feeling the sensations of the lungs expanding and contracting, Try to consciously relax each of your muscle groups. Just run your mind over each section of your body from head down or toes up and loosen the muscles as you go. When you've released the tension tied up with your negative thoughts, you determine on focusing no longer on yourself. Just focus on everyone else. Now that you are a bit more relaxed this will be easier.

No one will notice if you do this in a meeting. At worst someone may say something and you may miss it but as you said, you are not really paying attention to the meeting anyway.

But better still, prepare yourself for a group situation by doing this before you go in to any room, before you arrive at work, before you go into the bank, or supermarket or anywhere there are other people about, before arriving at home as well. Do it every time and gradually you will develop a habit of non-judgemental thinking and being and will start to learn how to relax.

Well first all i have to say is great job! Losing 18lbs in only a month is amazing! That is really good. But don't weigh yourself in everyday, if you do, it will drive you nuts, and you'll just be setting yourself up for failure. Trust me, i know, i used to do it too. Also, you need to know that everyday our body weight flucuates between 1 to 2 pounds everyday, so just minus two pounds each time you want to weigh in. Also if you want to know your true weight, weigh yourself once a week, on the same day, at the same time, that way you know if you've lost or gained weight it helps relieve stress of constantly monitoring your weight and you'll feel less depressed if you didn't lose anything. Remember, it takes at least a month, for your body to start changing and for you to notice. So keep up the good work, and good luck!