Turning 24 next week and scared to death...
 

I hate to admit I've been here before but I'd given up on weight loss, the goals I set for myself never seemed to be within reach and I felt helpless and to be honest I still do...

My name is Aayden, I'll be 24 next Weds and I'm scared to death that if I don't do something about my health now, I won't be alive to see 30. What scares me even more? I have two children ages 4 and 6. I want to see them grow up and I want to be able to play with my kids but when my 6 year old tells me I'm to fat to play tag, I know I have a problem.

I'm 256 lbs as of this month. I love food but I know I shouldn't eat so much, especially with my families high rate of people with Diabetes and Heart Disease. My own mother had her first heart attack when she was 29 and if I keep it up I'll be headed there even sooner. I apologize for rambling but I've realized I really need support and new friends to help me along the way.

I can't do this on my own. My husband has a high metabolism to the point he is borderline anorexic, eats large meals (enough for probably 5 people) and LOSES weight and I have a growing child who often asks for seconds. She to, easily loses weight. I WISH I COULD!

I'm afraid it will be hard for me to eat healthy around my husband and daughter. Already my husband pushes me to eat when I'm not hungry though I must admit I haven't had much of an appetite lately, in fact in the last two days I've eaten a grilled chicken sandwich and tonight a half a steak at TGI Fridays because some friends took me out for my birthday. I can see his concern but for me, I wish I never had to eat again.

I also find myself afraid that I'll have to make our meals separately or that the meals I need to eat may not sustain the needs of my family. I'm afraid I can't enjoy that yummy slice of pizza or those awesome looking fully loaded hamburgers. I don't want to say goodbye to the foods I love the most. I've been told to try simply making smaller portions but in this house it's not possible. I have two people in my house that with smaller portions will become sick. I feel like the odds are stacked against me.

I am so depressed anymore all I do is sleep...unless forced to get up and then...I do whatever it is that's wanted from me and sleep some more! I'm sick of feeling this way. I want to be able to play with my children, take my dogs for long walks without panting for air after a block of walking. I want people to look at me and not be disgusted...Where do I start?

Well enough rambling, if you've made it this far congrats and I'm sorry you had to read all this bull...I feel so silly...and so sad...Let's hope I can start helping myself and maybe, maybe 3FC can help!

ETA: I did not include my son in this because he lives with his father, therefore he doesn't eat here often.

You're ready to start, it sounds like, Aayden. You don't have to deprive yourself of everything, but you do need to eat in moderation. If you always skip pizza night, there will be nothing you want more than pizza, right? So have a slice of cheese or veggie pizza (go lighter on most meat pizzas because those are calorie hits) and enjoy a large salad with it. Fill your plate up - but do so by making it half full of non-starchy vegetables, then add a small piece of meat and some carb or fruit, etc. Don't go fat free everything, you do need healthy fat like olive oil to absorb nutrients.

If you can't go a block without panting - go for half the block and back, then take the dogs out later going the other way for half a block - they get out twice and you're building stamina. Go one more driveway each time, if you can.

It does sound like you will have to make adjustments between what you eat and what your family eats, but as you said, they're different. You're in charge of your own body and need to do what's right for YOU, regardless of how their bodies handle the fuel from food.

The time and investment in yourself will be worth it. The time is going to pass anyway, if we're lucky. Make use of it. How GREAT will you feel when you're posting next year - I'm going to be 25 and I lost XX pounds this past year and only have XX to go!! Picture yourself succeeding! Picture yourself and your life as you want it when you are at a healthy weight - what will you do with your children? Will you go on hikes on the weekends, exploring parks around your area? Will you be walking the track while they're playing soccer on a field? Create this life that you're after. PLAN for it. Plan to market smartly. Don't buy crap - let the DH and kids eat seconds on fruit and healthier snacks. Set yourself up to succeed by not keeping any junk around that will lure you in.It will take time to think of and prepare healthy meals and snacks. You'll have to set aside time - skip tv and prep a lot one night, even if it's just putting single servings of something in baggies for quick breakfast or lunch options. Get the kids involved.

The main issue will be if you think you cannot do it or if you believe that you can. It will not be easy. There will be hundreds of mental battles with yourself - why did I eat that? Why didn't I get out and walk before it rained? Why did I sneak that when no one was around, my body still knows it was eaten, etc. If you have access to get a book, you might want to try The Beck Diet Solution - not a diet but a way of thinking that will go along with whatever healthy eating plan you get. I'm still working my way through it but the lessons hit home with me. I got my first copy from the library and renewed it a few times then just bought it online.

Why be alive and not live? This next year is about YOU. make it a dang good one!

Thank you so much for your response - I couldn't just read it once, I read it twice and then a third time and you're right. Despite how hard it sounds and the battles I'm already having with myself I want to do this - I can do this. So to start out the morning I'm going to have a nice breakfast but instead of cutting out the good stuff I'll have less. I normally eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, I don't even want to get into how much. This morning I'll have one piece of bacon, an egg and some fruit on the side. After that I'll take the pups on a short walk.

I'm also going to try to sit down with my husband and ask if he can help me. I need all the support I can get and that includes on payday because I have to make smart choices on what to get to eat! Hopefully he'll be on board. Even if it means cooking our meals separately. I'm willing to do this. I'm not just doing it for me but for the people most important in my life.

CONGRATULATIONS! That is a great first step this morning! Do be sure to eat enough to keep you satisfied, don't cut back TOO much and then rebound with a much larger meal. One egg (70 calories), one slice of bacon (35 calories) and maybe a banana (90 calories give or take) - is less than 200 calories, so in a couple of hours, you'll be hungry again. Be prepared for that. Maybe add a slice of higher fiber whole wheat toast or greek yogurt if you like that, etc. Breathe deeply on your walk and think about what a great start you're making to your day!

Don't look back with any guilt. And keep this in mind - there will be a time when you slip. Today? Tomorrow? Monday? We all do. But don't view it as anything like a failure. It's human. We're a work in progress. If this were easy, EVERYONE would be where they wanted to be. But when you drop a plate, you just pick up the pieces, and move on. You don't open the cupboard and throw more on the floor, breaking them all. When you trip and fall, you don't lay there, waiting for morning to get up and start walking again. Same thing if/when you slip up from your plan. Just get restarted right away. Don't beat yourself up. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get right back at it, with another lesson learned. That's what I tell myself.

Try to buy things at the market that are in season to save some money on produce. I used to buy the $2.50 bag of prewashed lettuce but then it started tasting bleh ... so now I buy the $0.99 head lettuce and then just set aside five minutes to rip the lettuce and make a salad. Five minutes for more servings and better tasting lettuce and $1.50 less = win! One thing that I splurge on is my favorite fruit - right now it's gorgeous gala apples, and a few weeks ago, the bag was $6.50 - more than my meat purchase! My husband was like WOW! I said with a tbsp of peanut butter it's a major snack, it's part of a salad, or a lunch, etc. - i had probably 8 apples in there - big ones... so the initial $ hit was a lot, we ate them and LOVED them and they helped us stay on track for the week. Another snack tip - I make homemade popcorn with two tbsp olive oil, kernels and a big pan. It's cheap and I avoid the chemicals in the microwave kind. Different taste, but clean tasting!

Sorry to write so much, but I'm excited for you. What a GREAT Birthday Gift you're giving yourself!

I've seen my patients deal with these same problems for years and years. You are not alone. I'll give you the same advice I give all my patients.

Use the addition rule.

Instead of getting rid of the foods you love, just have one healthy food in each meal to help fill in the void. For example, have an apple with your breakfast. Or have a small side salad with your dinner. Anytime you eat, add one healthy piece of food.

Secondly, I had a patient lose 70 lbs with ever working out or changing the foods she ate. All she did was start eating breakfast everyday, which she didn't before, and she would have regular snacks throughout the day. Try not to go longer then 2 hours without having some sort of food. This will help fuel your metabolism.

In Health,
Dr. J

drofthecause

Hi Aayden! I too have a husband and kids with super fast metabolisms. What works for us is eating whole & organic foods. Making the switch was difficult (we have been at it for several years now), and we are only at about 85-90%, but it works because the only difference in what we eat is portion size. If you stick with meat/veggies/breadside for supper, you can just increase your veggies, choose the size of meat that best suits your caloric and workout needs, then skip the bread, or if you have enough calories available, enjoy the bread as well (whole,half,w or w/o butter etc.). Remember this will benefit your family as well. They may be thin, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't try to be healthy as well. Cutting out the junk may be the best thing you ever did.

If you have a smartphone there are several apps that can help in your journey. Just let me know, I can suggest the few that I am using and I am sure there are others who can suggest even more. But even with just the internet, there are many helpful websites available to help you track your journey and make good decisions.

Good morning Aayden and welcome to the board. You're taking the first step by recognizing that it's time for a change... And congrats for that! However, and I don't mean to bring you down, but re-read all of what you posted... And you too should see that you've listed so many excuses for why you can not lose weight.

First, it is not your husband and your child's fault that they have fast metabolisms. Why is this preventing you from losing? You DON'T have to eat like they do. In fact, you shouldn't and if your husband is pressuring you to eat more than either discuss with him that losing weight is important for you and/or reach for healthier snacks to fill up on instead.

Don't assume that because your husband and child are skinny that that means they are healthy. Skinny does not equal healthy by default. In fact, your whole family will benefit from eating healthier. There is a website www. Skinnytaste. C o m. They have so many healthy and low calorie recipes that are mostly lighter versions of all of our loaded favorites. My family lives on those recipes now and even my thin bf doesn't hardly notice that they are light recipes. There are a lot of options out there for losing weight. What's important is that you realize that there are no more excuses and you owe it to yourself and your family to make healthier choices for everyone. It's a long process... But it will all be worth it in the end. Keep your chin up and your goals within reach.

I think you've gotten tons of great advice and again I want to congratulate you on realizing that you need to change your life. That is the hardest step. I believe in you and it sounds like you are setting yourself up for success!!

Just a side note, don't be too afraid of making separate meals. The most important part of a family dinner is sitting down together and spending that time enjoying each others company. I lived at home with unhealthy parents after college, and my boyfriend now and I consistently eat different foods at meals. I don't even notice anymore because we're usually chatting and enjoying our time. Also, I would try to sometimes have one component usually the lean protein that was the same for all of us and then I'd have different sides so there was less prep work!

Good luck and YOU CAN DO IT!!

Such great advice here already. I just want to say good luck and you can do it. Posting here for your first step is a huge accomplishment, we are here for you. :hug:

thanks everyone for the advice and warm welcome. I think I started off on a decent road this morning. I had one egg, with a piece of bacon, whole wheat toast and an apple. I followed this up with a walk while my DH made him and my daughter breakfast since he's off work today. I took the walk a little slower then normal, took time to see my surroundings instead of trying to rush it. I didn't go the full block but I felt better. I also took a look at when I normally eat and realized something! I rarely eat breakfast despite enjoying my bacon and eggs I usually use the excuse I have to much to do. I never eat lunch...normally I eat one meal a day...dinner, and I gorge on that then eat unhealthy snacks until I go to bed. I know it will probably take some time to get it right but I'm going to start eating each meal a day and having small healthy snacks throughout the day. Here's hoping!

NolaMama ~ Thanks for the website suggestion! What a cool site!

Welcome, and best of luck to you! :cheer3:

Welcome and good luck on your journey!!!