Newbie - Why Don't I Let Myself Do This???
 

Hi Everyone,

I have been overweight most of my adult life. I have lost weight a few times but never a got to my goal and always let the weight pile back on.

I obsess about this weight. I think about it every minute of every day....yet, I still don't do what I know I need to do to actually lose the weight. I can't figure myself out.

I think one of the problems is that I simply can't imagine myself at (or even close) to goal weight. I have 70-80lbs to lose but have no idea what I will look like at that weight or fathom what it will feel like to get there. I don't believe in myself enough to do it....but I excel in so many other things in other areas of my life. This is the one major struggle I've always had, and I want to conquer it.

There is an amazing woman at work who is a few years older than me and she lost 80lbs all on her own a couple of years ago. She sees herself in me and she's taking me under her wing and is helping me out. But the difference is that when she decided to lose weight, she just did it. I am good for a couple of days and then bad for a couple of days and it just goes back and forth and back and forth.

Is anyone here in a similar boat? What is making the difference for you this time?

I need to do this before I regret wasting my life dreaming of something that was completely in my, and ONLY my, power to change...

Any help or encouragement is so appreciated...I'm so stuck...

Welcome, lynncharlene! I know exactly how you feel. I was never really overweight until my 20s. I'd go up and down on the scale, but always ended farther up before. I finally hit my highest this year (232lbs.) and decided this would be the time I did it for real. Usually, I'm good for the first week or so, then I'll slip--just a little--and then completely lose it. It might start with one day of skipping exercise, then eating too much and too poorly the next day. I'll tell myself it's only one day, I'll get back on the wagon the next day, but I may not. Then what was just a one day mistake, turns into a weekend, then a week, then I'm back to where I was. I decided last month I wouldn't do that anymore. I just can't. I didn't realize until then that I was slowly closing myself off more and more, and it's because of this weight. I don't dress up like I used to, I don't take care of my hair or nails, I stopped wearing heels and makeup.... I was never like this. I used to love going out and dressing up and being girly. Now I stay home, by myself, and would order delivery pizza or Chinese because I couldn't even be bothered to go grocery shopping. It happened so subtly over time I didn't realize it till now. I don't want to look back on my life and remember spending it indoors alone. When I realized the correlation between my weight, eating habits, and body, I knew it was time to change. Getting winded easily, having to wear plus-size clothes, hiding under baggy shirts, suddenly breaking out when I always had smooth skin... Just this past month, just with changing my diet, my skin is so much better. I can fit into my pants again. I walk faster and don't get winded as easily. I don't wanna lose this momentum. I did lost it a little last weekend after a pancake incident.... But I hopped right back on my treadmill and am back on track. I won't let one slip-up day derail my whole diet anymore. That's the important part. If you falter, just pick yourself back up and start again.

This site is great because there are so many helpful encouraging ladies (and men) that will cheer you on. I started by joining a couple of challenges, and that accountability has forced me to stay on track. Having to check in daily or weekly helps to make sure you're doing what you're supposed to do. I also like visiting the Goal and Mini Goal threads for inspiration. Goodluck and I hope to read up on your progress!! :carrot:

Hi Lakilaulea,

Thank you for such a supportive and encouraging message. It means a lot to get such a nice response.

I have similar issues from being overweight...just feeling winded and uncomfortable, not being able to dress in clothes I really like but just wearing what fits, wearing mostly black so I won't stand out, feeling insecure all the time about what I look like. I feel confident in so many other aspects of my life and I just want to feel confident in the way I look. I have had that ol' "such a pretty face" cliche for my whole life.

I feel like I have so much to offer in a relationship but refuse to be in the dating world while I'm so angry at myself and so uncomfortable with what I look like. I am getting to the point where I know that if I don't make these changes now, I won't allow myself to find someone and have a family of my own...I don't want my weight to be the thing that stops me from having a family...and I feel like my time is running out quickly for that.

I hope to keep in touch with people on here so I can motivate and be motivated, and have somewhere to turn when things seem unmanageable or i'm about to have my own pancake incident. lol

Good for you, Lakilaulea for making such positive changes and treating yourself well. I hope to be able to do that too.

:) Hi and welcome to the site!

I know looking at such a high number is hard. But you can always split that number up into mini goals.. makes it easier to mentally handle. Like I still have about 40 lbs or so to lose, but since my next goal is 20 lbs from now... I can totally do 20! :)
You need to replace your favorite meals with healthy meals. That way you do not feel cheated. I enjoy every healthy meal that I make... The only thing I do miss occasionally is pizza but I save that for my cheat day.. my next cheat day is towards the end of November. I do not really see it as a free for all or a "cheating" on my diet.. maybe more like a incentive for staying on track :)
I am pretty sure there is a healthy pizza I could make.. I need to look into that more :)

Exercise totally helps me stay on track! How can anyone go out and bust their butt exercising then come inside and say.. ok now I can eat this! I know I can't. I look at it like.... in a hour I just burnt X amount of calories.. no way I am gonna ruin that! :)

You just need to believe in yourself and do it! Sounds like you are ready.. don't wanna look back a month from now and wish you had started then! :) I can say it is an amazing feeling.. also.. everyone you know will be asking you how you did it/ telling you how different you look. Those are both great feelings.. it took me losing about 40 lbs for that to start though. I can run now! I have been overweight my entire life.. I never EVER thought I could be proud of myself for running about a mile.
Good luck!!! :)

Hi. I'm new here, too (in fact it's my first post) and I have the exact same problem. It is so easy to think about and plan and do but then... as you said. I think the biggest thing is to focus on maintaining motivation for change because it is a long road and changes will only seem like the happened fast AFTER and not during. I'm just trying to remind myself that had I kept going all the times I'd stop I wouldn't be dealing with this problem anymore.

I'm not sure what you mean by good and bad but I am assuming with food. Just an FYI you don't have to live on rabbit food everyday (unless you want to) to lose weight. I still eat everything I used to eat only in moderation with tons of exercise. I also make choices that if I am going to eat a burger I skip the added toppings and skip the fries. I do avoid places like McDonald's/Wendys completely...that's an obvious no-no. If I eat pizza (on occasion) I have 2-3 slices instead of 6 but I make sure I bust butt exercising later. I allow myself occasional ice cream but it's not every week like I used to do. Also, never drink your calories! I live on coffee, water and unsweetened iced tea. I eat good for the most part but I most certainly do cheat.

You will need to find a way to eat different and stick with it to maintain long-term weightloss. If I had to live on salad I would've failed within 2 weeks.

It's calories in vs. calories out, end of story. I always tell people first thing is get a myfitnesspal.com acct to track ALL of your calories and start there. Learn what you're actually eating (you'll be surprised) and start making revisions (that you can live with) to keep your calories within allowance.

Next, I highly suggest finding an exercise program...even if you just start with walking you'll make progress.

Good luck!