[KristyMcB]

Hello ladies (and gents if there are any here),

I am a long time repeat offender and emotional eater. I have never been skinny, not once. But being fat still feels new to me. I was always big, but athletic. My breaking point was a six month period right before I graduated from undergrad where my dad had a heart attack and went through a quintuple bypass, my mom had a hysterectomy, I was assaulted, my sister found a lump in her breast, my good friend/adopted grandfather had a stroke and passed away, and I ended up with a nervous breakdown. Strike that, a breakdown might have been better. I held it all in. I stuffed it all away with double cheeseburgers. I had panic attacks and gained 60 pounds in that time.

Know how people say you did not put the weight on in a few months, so you can't expect to take it off that quickly either... I think its bunk. I put my weight on super fast. I sadly have the stretch marks to prove that-- a scar from bottling everything it.

From there I spent the next 5 years obese. Yes obese. But I never saw it. Well I saw it all the time, but my weight wasn't a part of me. It was a scab. It would come off when I was healed. But the truth is, you can't heal when you are hiding behind the fat. It is an abscess it festers.

I think I am ready to heal now. I think I am ready to love myself and admit that sometimes life sucks, but I cannot survive bottling it up and stuffing it down with food.

I am ready to change my life. And I hope I can find people here who will encourage me along the way. People who we can celebrate each others' victories and pick one another up when we stumble.

I am a writer, filmmaker, in my early 30's getting ready to get married (in 28 days), just barely squeezing into a size 12 (today-- haven't worn twelves for 5 years, I had been a 14 for the last 6 months) and looking to lose 70 pounds from what I weigh today. Then I will weigh what I did in high school.

My first mini goal since joining the forum is 15 pounds in the next 4 weeks. I know its tough. But today, I feel tougher.

[TamTam]

Kristy! I am so sorry for all your heartache! Remember what does not kill you only makes you stronger! You have survived much heartache and still here you are so that proves you are a strong person, build on that strength. Lurk around on all the discussions and you will find your place and make wonderful new friends. Take things one day at a time. Pray the Serenity Prayer. Journal may be a good way for you to release those bottled up emotions. And on the wedding. God Bless.