What should I do?
 

Hello to everyone who reads this. I always feel awkward writing these things, but I really don't know what else to do now. I guess I just need to find some sort of support, because nothing seems to be working for me at this point. Bear with me, because I tend to write a lot... Hopefully it won't be too boring for everyone.

First, I'll tell a little bit about myself. I'm a 21 year old mother of three girls, one of whom is severely disabled.
At one point in time, I was relatively healthy, though I've always been on the bigger side. I think I weighed 153lbs in high school, but when I made the mistake of getting married at 16, that completely changed. I went from being 153lbs to about 260lbs. Then I got pregnant and gained another 20lbs. After I had my first daughter, I somehow managed to lose 76 lbs, and felt absolutely great.
However, my ex-husband was verbally and physically abusive and didn't support me at all. I was constantly being referred to as "the fat wh*re," the "fat b*tch," "whale," "cow" and pretty much anything you can think of. Needless to say, living with that for several years destroyed my self esteem, caused me to become depressed, as well as caused me to get up to over 300lbs. After I left my husband, I started losing weight, but I still didn't feel good about myself. I met my current boyfriend and had two more kids, which brought on even more weight. Right now, I weigh about 290lbs.
It's hard for me to get motivated now. Most days, I barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone do much more than that. I've tried dieting, but I always seem to fail. My boyfriend is supportive, but not in the way that I need. He's a bigger guy, but doesn't do the whole "diet" thing. His solution is simply cut back portions, whether it's candy, fried foods, whatever, and it will work. But it doesn't seem to work for me, and never has.
Lately, I've become depressed again and sometimes just don't see any point in trying because I feel like it'll never get noticed. I go to bed every night hating myself because of how disgusting I am. I hate looking in the mirror because the person I see is not myself.
Anyway, I hope everyone hasn't fallen asleep by this point. Thanks for reading.
-Brenna

I didn't fall asleep at all!

Please make yourself at home. Read lots and ask questions. You'll find lots of support here.
Here's a couple of forums you might like. But we're happy you've joined us anywhere!
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/100-lb-club-55/
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings-56/

You have definitely come to the right place. Commit to making yourself healthy. Find a simple program (many do simple calorie counting) that you can stay on. It's better to find something simple and sustainable than to focus on the number of pouns, it is essential to focus on the process - everything else will follow, sooner or later.

You sound like you have a lot on your plate, so cut yourself some slack. The best thing about having a plan and taking action is that you gain some control. Starting is the hardest part.

And no one needs to "notice" but you.

:welcome:

Welcome! I know it's confusing and seems like a daunting challenge but it's totally doable. You're obviously a strong woman to take that kind of abuse and raise 3 babies. You sound like you need some support in your weight loss struggle and you'll find lots of support here.

:wel3fc:

Sounds like you have a lot going on, but be kind to yourself.

Start with a physical with your doc and go talk about the depression. You don't mention the ages of the children, so check into post partum depression as well. Get you bloodwork done and tell doc about the lack of energy. Check iron, B12, Vit D3 and so on. You aren't going to feel energetic if you are deficient. Also look at thyroid. That can also affect energy.

Next think about EASY exercise. Something simple like walking. Or a beginner DVD at the library that's not fancy steps and is just 20 min or so. (You can peek at the levels for LOTS of titles at http://www.collagevideo.com I always suggest the Kim Lyons for newbies to exercise. http://www.collagevideo.com/item.asp...=1#reviewstart).

But don't be jumping into intermediate or advanced if that's not where you are at yet -- that's a fast way to get discouraged again or get injured.

Then keep a food log. No changes. Just track. You don't know what changes to make if you don't know what you are doing NOW. Then come back for advice when you are ready to deal with food log changes. Drinking more water is always an easy first step since most of us could use that.

If you don't want to do calorie counting you can try diabetic exchanges or the plate method. Plate method is easy to start out -- 1/4 protein, 1/4 starchy grain or veg, then the rest of the plate veg or veg/fruit. You could even use a divided plate like the Rubbermaid one that's in most groceries to keep the measuring simple. (There are other brands or just visually divide your basic dinner plate. )

http://www.amazon.com/Rubbermaid-7K7.../dp/B001R6Z1TG

Take it one thing at a time. It doesn't have to be overnight. What little area you want to work on first is up to you.

GL!
A.