Hi everyone,

I'm not really sure where to start with my story... I don't really want to drag you (or myself) through the whole sad story. So I'll just say that I'm here to start over. I have gotten to the highest weight of my life (in the 300's) which is something I never thought I'd get to.

I'm 32 years old, work more than full-time and sit in front a computer all day. I work crazy hours and I do mean crazy. Recently I stayed at work for a project until 5:30 AM the next day, went home to sleep for 1 hour and came back in to work for another 12 hours. It's not uncommon to my job to have these insane days but in the past year I've gained over 70 pounds because my work lends to a grab n go lifestyle of eating or more like a "shove it down two minutes before the next conference call". Sometimes I'm lucky if I get a lunch at all and most often I end up taking a five minute lunch at 4:00 PM (my work hours are SUPPOSED to be 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM).

I'm not blaming my job, but it has not helped to have this type of environment.. where breaks are frowned upon (even lunch breaks). It's a stressful job but it's what I've got and I don't have many other options at this point. I do know, however, that I need to put my foot my down and put MYSELF first instead of my work.

I've never been "skinny" but I was not always morbidly obese. I started my job a year ago and I was morbidly obese at that point, too, but I was on a weight loss train and was doing great. I was motivated, eating healthy, working out daily, even took advantage of my break times at my previous job to go for walks. I had a weight problem when I started this job last year but it has skyrocketed my issue. My problem is not my job, it is me... and I know this.

2011 blazed by while I watched others having fun and living life to the fullest. I sat alone inside letting the world spin by even when I could have been out living life.

The past year has been the worst for me as far as depression goes. I've always been somewhat "sad" but I have never felt as lonely as I have in the past year. This has led me to feel very isolated and unmotivated which has led to more self-isolation and depression... it's a cycle.

I live in Southern California and it's freaking gorgeous here but I have no one to enjoy it with. I have no family and very few true friends.

I don't love myself and I know that everyone always says the same cliched old thing of "if you can't love yourself then no one else can"... well, I wish someone would love me despite it.

Anyway, I've said way too much and sound like a major downer. It sucks not living up to your potential and feeling like crap everyday. I just want to feel alive. I am here for whatever support I can get and promise I won't be such a bummer around here

Welcome!
I'm new around here too but it seems like a great place! I know it inspired me to check out the pictures of people who have met their goals. We can do it!!
Jen

Hi Zella,

I am so glad you shared your situation on here. This really is a great place for support and information. It sounds like you really are a busy woman and that is always so tough when you're trying to make yourself a priority (which is what it takes to make this journey work, as far as I can tell). I understand that you don't have time for meals. I was thinking that maybe you could have tiny but filling snacks throughout the day? What if you had some Slimfast Shakes? They're not ideal, but they're easy and available. If they are too expensive, then maybe you could make some sort of protein smoothy at home and bring it with you to work? If there's no refrigerator, maybe you could take a cooler that has some ice packs in it. Other ideas could be portion controlled nuts or yogurt. You could also slice up apples and just put them in ziplock bags.

There are always a million reasons not to eat right. For me, it's chronic daily migraines and a child with special needs. But you know what? binge eating doesn't take my problems away...it only multiplies them, which is so tough. Once you start making small changes you'll find your grove. Just from reading your post, I could gather that you're an intelligent woman. Look for solutions and you'll find your way.

You can absolutely, positively do this and start really enjoying your life.

Hi there!

I find myself in a similar situation! I definitely need support as well! If you'd like to become support buddies, let me know. I'd love to help someone else succeed, as well as have some accountability for myself.

Otherwise, WELCOME! You can do this!!

I can identify with your post in many respects. First, welcome to the 3FC. Don't have friends? Come here, and you just may make some here in the world of the 3FC.

You are going to have to change something. You are going to have to figure a way to plan healthier foods and find a time to move. The good news is, the better you eat and more you move, the less depressed you are going to be.

As for loving yourself please think about this. FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT. Instead of looking for your new BFF or your Prince Charming, be both of them to yourself. Treat yourself like someone you absolutely adore, cherish and LOVE. This will of course include changing your eating habits, planning for ample sleep and getting some exercise in.

You can do this. You got this one. Know it.

What in the world do you actually do for a living? What is your wage compensation/salary package?

My husband used to work for a heavy dirt work construction company, that also picked up trainwrecks anywhere west of the Mississippi, and even they didn't get that horrible treatment.They got fed, got breaks, even when they were on scene for sometimes over 48 hours straight. They also got sleep time. Trainwrecks cost the rail road a million dollars and hour, so effeciency was imperative. Not to mention, now and then, searching for bodies in the wreckage. They worked a butt load of hours, and weekends, but also were compensated with time off and overtime pay.

Although we live in a right to work state. Makes a difference.

After that, he worked for the same employer, but they went into picking up semi wrecks, service work, towing, etc. A 24/7/365 job, but always was given a break, if out all night, it was ok to show up a bit late.

I think you need to check with your labor board and make sure you're not being taken advantage of.

Those hours are nuts unless you are in an emergency service or 24 hour service business. Like driving a tow truck, or U-haul service, or something of that genre.

Even medical professions, for the most part, won't push those kind of hours. Who wants tired Dr.s and nurses?

Your job should not kill you. A job pays for your life, it's NOT your life! I had this argument a few years ago with a boss. I don't work there anymore. I was not willing to work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week!

The job I currently have probably now equals the pay, not the benefits, but, I'm so much happier, doing something I love!

Zella, welcome, glad to have you join us. I suggest you look for a Challenge or Support group to join; small check-in groups make it easier to connect, get involved, and be accountable. We have groups centering around specific diets, themes, or age groups, find one that inspires you and just post to join! be sure to check out the 30-somethings

I love your avatar!!!! Welcome to 3FC We are your new family *hug

Hi zella. I just wanted to say that I can understand and empathize with the kind of work schedule you have. My husband works similarly, far too often staying awake working straight for 30+ hours, napping for an hour in his car in the parking lot, and then going right back to it. It just saps him of any energy to do anything else, including focusing on his health. One thing I'll point out in case your work is similar to my husband's... he doesn't truly HAVE to work the kind of schedule he does, even though he feels that way sometimes. When you get right down to it, he does it because he chooses to. Another thing to keep in mind since you mentioned that you'd really like to have more people or someone special in your life... I think my husband is rather lucky I'm so tolerant of his dedication to his work (most days at least ), as many spouses/partners would not be happy with how working that kind of schedule can impact the amount of time it leaves for the people in your life. I don't say that to be harsh, but just as something to keep in mind. I know, though, how much someone can really rely on their work when it gives them a sense of satisfaction and self-worth that they struggle to find elsewhere in their life. My husband has struggled with depression since his teens, and I know that's a part of the issue for him.

As far as the weight goes and having the time to focus on eating better... maybe start out by making the small changes where you can. If you drink soda and/or juice, switch to water. Bring healthier snacks to work that you can eat instead of fast food for lunch. They can still be convenience foods - try things like pre-packaged apple slices and carrot sticks, low-fat cheese sticks, fat-free or low-fat yogurt (Greek yogurt has a ton of protein!), berries that you can just toss in a ziplock bag to take with you, beef jerky, high fiber english muffins that you can toast in the break/lunch room, individual packets of reduced-sugar oatmeal, things like that. Are they the perfect foods to make a meal out of every day? No. But they're much better than fast food or a higher calorie, less nutrient dense grab-and-go meal for lunch, and are a step in the right direction that can make a definite difference.

As far as the exercise/activity goes, again - you know already that even the small things can make a difference. If you crash in front of the tv when you're not working, try to get up and do something every commercial. A load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, whatever. Or, march in place in front of the television for 20 minutes as you watch it. I know that seems a bit silly, but it's what I do on days when for whatever reason I didn't get any other exercise in. When you park at work or at the store, park further away so that you can walk a bit further to the door. Anything that burns a few more calories every day will help.

Just a few thoughts, for whatever they might be worth. The motto I try to remember when it comes to food/health/fitness as well as other areas of my life is, "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good." Any effort is better than nothing, you know?

I really wish you the best of luck, and hope that 2012 is a year in which you'll give yourself some of the love you deserve.

Hi Zella
Everyones life is crazy..
But remember in the end you have control over what happens to you.. even if it doesnt always seem like it!!
So jump on in. and let us support ya...
you can do it!! your worth it!!

Grace

Hi Zella. i am extending my arms to give you the hugs you deserve. You are honestly facing the dragon and screaming ,"back away!"
The dragon? depression accelerated by sugar cravings. your weapon to defeat the dragon...girlfriend what ever it takes.
These forum are a godsend. so check up in here. Get angry, blow off some steam. tell the dragon to kiss off.
i hope you post more so you will shed the sadness and leave it here to fester, turn putrid and whither away.

Thank you all for your words of kindness and thoughtful replies!

I will take into account all of your very useful suggestions!

Just to clear up the whole job thing... I work for an executive who owns her own business and we deal with some very high-level clientele. We are supposed to be reachable to all clients 24/7 but there are really only 2 of us in the main office making all the magic happen. The 2 of us do enough work for 4 or 5 people (or more) but she won't front the costs for the support we need. She does not adhere to labor laws at all (even threw away a labor poster that came in the mail and said the state laws don't apply to her) and has no respect for her workers' private lives. She repeatedly contacted an employee who was on paid vacation at the time in order for her to work on a new piece of business that had come in. With that said, I actually like the work I do, I just wish I got some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. She only hires women who have no family, kids or other commitments on purpose. What she does IS wrong and probably illegal but it is better than no job at all. Had I known all of this before I started I certainly would not have taken the job. Things will actually be changing very soon in the company and that will make my work hours a lot better. I'm just trying to hold out until then. And I will also be looking for a new job just in case.

I agree with you all and hear you about doing what is right for me and I will be putting my foot down from now on because when it comes down to it this lady doesn't care if I eat myself into a grave, all she cares about is that the work is done. I have to put myself FIRST instead of her business. I got it.

I'm going to start walking everyday. I really enjoy the outdoors and darn it, I'm entitled to take a lunch!

Thank you for listening!

And Rileyy11, I would love to be support buddies and help keep each other accountable!

Lucinda - I'm tellin that dragon to KISS OFF!!!

zella i really can relate to how you feel. at one time i hated myself. i didnt like what i saw in the mirror and i was angry at myself for letting my life spiral out of control. it has been a hard road back to being in love with myself. i started by waking up daily and looking in the mirror and saying 5 great things about myself. it sounds silly but it actually started to work.

i think you are very brave and wonderful for even sharing your story and reaching out to this forum. i am also new here. zella you can turn things around and be the person you want to be! good luck!