Another "I'll get serious about this on Monday."
 

What can I say? I have been doing this dieting thing for about 10 years now. I thought it was bad when I had 20 pounds to lose, but now I find myself facing 50 pounds that need to drop.

My goal is to have almost reached that goal on April 13, 2012 when I turn 30. I would love it if I can be at goal on that day, but I know 50 pounds is a lot in only 6 months.

I am currently working out with a trainer twice a week and I run 2-3 miles on non-training days.

My weakness is will power. If I get a craving for something, I can't say no and I overeat. I have tried Weight Watchers, Abs Diet, IF and Calorie Counting and haven't stuck with any of them for more than a week. I am not sure where to go now, but I know I need to do something about my food intake.

Anyway, I have been reading here for a few weeks now and decided to formally introduce myself and begin posting.

Thanks for reading!

Katie

good morning everyone! it's my first time on this kind of forum, but i have realized i really need someone to speak to and to share my failures with. someone who knws how i feel.
story short: i am 47, single mother of a teenager, i have been fit and in good shape for the last 10 years or so (i was fat when i was young, but i lost a lot of weight after my daughter's birth). Last January 2011 i decided to give myself the biggest gift of my life and quit smoking - i had smoked for over 30 years. good choice, everyone says. of course. but in the last 9 months i gained about 15 kilos (about 33 pounds). I just cant stop eating. i find myself eating food i've never eaten in my life and that i am not even fond of. i've stopped excercising because i feel stupid in that tracksuit, i've stopped going out with friends, i can't recognize myself in the mirror. yet, any time i try to go on a diet or simply eat less, i fail after a couple of days and eat even more. last april i started to see a psychologist but this hasn't stopped my weight to increase. i dont want to go back on smoke, the worst has gone. but i dont want to become obese. hope reading you will help a bit. and i will try again tomorrow.

Katiebellah, you came here and that means that there is a small, serious and almost-determined switch you are seconds away from turning on that will hold you true to yourself and your goals. All it takes is for you to believe in yourself. I totally sympathise with your cravings but, unfortunately, at least for now all it takes is not having them satisfied which is so hard. It means you don't have those temptations in your house and you avoid that deli counter where you can get them. I cannot tell you how often I crave ice cream, and I mean the Ben and Jerrys stuffed with yum and calories, but it is not in the fridge and, after a few stomach clenching seconds, I feel so glad it is not there! You are here ... that means you are doing this.

Magraba, I was a smoker and I weighed 8 stone. I quit nigh on ten years ago and within a couple of months I blipped out by nigh on three stone. With nothing to combat the calory intake over the next years I gained and gained and stand before you at 16 stone ... and losing. One very important thing was said to me by my partner and I picked it up and clung to it because it was profound in its simplicity ...

You have to learn to like yourself

Your fat is not who you are. You can dislike being fat but please don't dislike yourself. You are worth more respect and affection than that. I am totally sympathetic and can identify with everything you say and I still feel vulnerable when I am out and nothing I ever put on feels like it looks good. But, you know what? Far fewer people than you think are actually looking at you in the way you feel they are and those that do ... well it is them who have a problem, not you. I know it is hard to change feelings to see this.

I am obese, Magraba, and like you I was a thin smoker and after the weight gain full of feelings of failure and self loathing. I was wrong, I took all my raison d'etre from all the wrong places, other people's places. I needed to like myself and that is the only place to start from because once you like yourself you begin to treat yourself with respect and all else follows. This is our one life and we will muck up, let ourselves down and perhaps even others but we do have time, now, to make it different for ourselves.

Like the original poster, you are here .... something in you made it here and reached out to this safe place. You can do this.

thank you Sinoia. it seems to have become a sort of "spiral": the less i like my image the more I eat; the more i eat, the more i gain weight; the more i gain gain weight the less i like my image. and even though i lose a few pounds, instead of considering this as a mini-goal, i think of how far i have to go and start bingeing. alone, when my daughter cant see me. it's something incontrollable and horrible, which makes me sick and guilty and stupid. and i keep on wondering where the nice and sociable and cheerful and active woman who used to be me has gone.

Hi magraba!
I know exactly how you feel, I am right around the same weight range and just want to look on the outside the same way i feel on the inside - like a sexy, skinny girl!
I read your post and wasn't going to reply, but then I saw your city is Milan? Io c'ho vissuto a Milano! Il mondo, anche qui in internet, e' piccolo!!
best of luck on your journey! and in a few short months I will be moving back to Milan. Hopefully by then, both you and I will be where we want to!

magraba, I really truly, understand. There is one ... thing ... that happened during my `decline' which changed things and I still have feelings of shame and utter vulnerability about it, which are way in excess of the event but perhaps it allows a different perspective.

I was binging and there was a desperation about it and eventually I found the courage to tell a doctor. I tried to make him understand how out of control I was and I confessed an example ... that I had opened a can of sweetened condensed milk and could not stop until I had spooned the lot. He just said `Yes, I have heard people say this sort of thing before.' I waited and he said nothing else, just looked at me. I guess he was waiting for me to go on. I realised then that he was not going to help me.

It was not the eating that was the problem, it was the circumstances of my life and eating was merely a symptom. I know we have heard this over and over again. For me, I was just emerging from an abusive, ten year relationship, the loss of my home to fire and other stuff. It was no wonder I was out of control.

I am hoping that your therapist will help you find the balance in your life to deal with a compulsion that is so often symptomatic of other issues that need attention. Whatever it is please don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes, even when all things around us seem impossible or unkind we just need to be kind to ourselves and remember we are worth that kindness and no one is allowed to take that from us.

Just one day at a time, even one minute at a time is all it takes for us to find the best way through difficult times.

Thanks for the support, warm welcome and great advice. Today has been a pretty good day and I managed to get in some pretty great runs over the weekend.

As far as the trainer goes, I am lucky. It is not terribly expensive where I live for two 30 minute sessions a week but it isn't cheap either. My husband is totally supportive of my efforts so he supports the cost of the trainer. It is just like anything else though, we make sacrifices in other areas of our lives so we can afford it.

Katie