<walks up to the podium>
<clears throat> Hi. I'm BuggyBear81 and I'm morbidly obese.
<crowd says "Hi, Buggybear81!">

I've always known I was fat. When I was little, my mother once threw a piece of gum at me in the middle of a store because I had bought it out of the candy machine. She screamed out, "THIS IS THE PROBLEM! YOU CAN'T STOP!" As I got older, she started to treat me different by making me eat salads or small sandwiches when the rest of the family had 'real' food. By doing this, she taught me how to hide my eating. Once I learned how to drive a car, I would go to Taco Bell or McDonalds and order TEN of the dollar menu items and yes, I would eat every single item I bought, casting the trash on the side of the road so that no one would see.

In front of people, I rarely eat. They see the good habits. No one ever sees the whole bag of chips that I cannot stop eating until it is all gone or the huge hamburger helper meals that I can eat the entire box of. They all ask why I am so big and all I can say is - PCOS and I just don't eat enough calories.

But in reality, that's not true. On Weight Watchers, I have lost 75 lbs, but I can see it coming back... I can see the old habits fighting their way in there. I want more food. If its near me, I just cannot stop. I have tried.. I have zero will power.

So here I am... yet another forum to join and hope no one in my real life sees me post this, that they will not know my horrible secret, that they will continue to see what I want them to see. I know they know.. just as we all know they do, but denial is the best friend to some fat people. I know it is to me ... right up there next to peanut butter cookies.

So, yes, my name is Buggybear81 and I am morbidly obese. Its now my time to change that, to get up and DO something about it. Wish me luck.

Welcome to 3fc!

I'm sure you'll find a lot of support here. If you haven't already, I'd recommend you check out the Chicks in Control section, which is where a lot of people struggling with binge eating post their concerns and support each other.

Good luck!

Hey BuggyBear81! Welcome! I hope this is the one place that makes u stay I too am a comvulsive eater/binger. I started similarly to you...I had to eat "diet food" at a young age and hid food because I was made to be embarrassed of being hungry. I went from getting pushed into diet pills at 13 sans good ole' skinny mom to going from one adddiction to another as I grew older. The verdict? An unhealthy approach to food and extreme weight gain.

There are so many people to help support here. Good luck...things will get better

Hello BuggyBear81!! My mother was pretty much the same way. She would scold me for being bigger, which was actually her doing (VERY long story that I won't get into at the moment). Then came the diets and the pills and the doctors. She would forbid me to eat certain foods (but keep them "hidden" in the house for her and my brother), but of course I found them and binged on them. At school, I'd have extra desserts or extra grilled cheese or whatever. I'm still struggling with that mentality. Even though many years have passed and I'm on my own now, I find myself eating most of a pizza and bread sticks myself, as though they won't be there when I return or something. Good luck with everything!!

Yeah, I've had all of that happen to me, except I really don't eat a lot. I wish I did, because then at least I would know what I can change that can help me.

I think that sometimes parents don't understand the harm they can do to their children even though they mean well. Both my parents are overweight, mum struggled after her pregnancies and then gave up, she looks a lot heavier than the 68kgs that she is, and my dad has a huge gut, even though he has a healthy weight and fat %. They are both diabetic, but when their weight goes down their sugar is in check. As their health is beginning to spiral, they are both really worried about my weight. But even then, they have done the same things that your parents have. The difference is my mum yells at me for eating sweet stuff, but when I say "no" she says "you can have a little bit, it's not like you get to eat this when you are at school". There is no consistency with their treatment.

Anyways. Sorry about the mini-rant.

I hope you can find the support you need. It is so important to have support. But you need to remember that YOU are the only one who is accountable for your actions. If you sway from your diet program, your can't blame someone else for not giving you the support you need. But at the same time, if you do sway, you shouldn't throw your arms in the air and say "to **** with it, its too hard, I can't do it" because you can. We all can. And THAT is when you come here and say "Look I tried, I don't think I can do it, someone slap some sense into me." and we say it like we see it and get you to do what needs doing.

Cheers!

<3

Hi BuggyBear!

Welcome to the forums. Congratulations on the 75lbs that you have already lost! That is absolutely fantastic.

I found that alot of the things in your story I was nodding my head to and saying "me too".

I hope that you find all the support that you need on this site, I have found everyone here absolutley wonderful and really inspiring.

Welcome to 3FC =)

You aren't alone on your journey. I just wanted to say Hello! And Congrats! on taking the control.

Can't wait to see you around the boards!

Thank you to all of you for the words of encouragement. It always helps to be around those who are going through the same thing