[growing wings]

Hello all,

I recently "celebrated" my 30th birthday and it was a very rough month for me. I have finally, after 10+ years, graduated from college but have had no success finding a job with my degree. I am married but terrified of having kids. I struggle deeply with depression and insomnia which leads to most of my weight issues. I am 5'9" tall and weigh around 240 lbs.

I searched for a support forum and this was the first that popped up. I am hoping to find some support and possibly give some if I ever get my feet underneath myself enough to help anyone else.

So. . . yeah, I guess that's all for now.

[Deena52]

It can be quite disastrous to graduate from college, with no real work experience in your field....during a recession (like we are currently in). Unless you are an extremely aggressive and assertive person who can really promote yourself out in the job market, I found the next best thing was trying to get jobs by starting low or going through the back door. You have to be really creative.....and the key word is "contacts".....and you will make all sorts of contacts just by signing on to do ANY job.

I'll give you one example. I had not been able to find a teaching job during a recession (and had subsequently gone to nursing school and was working as a nurse).....and the president of the PTA in the elementary school where my son went happened to be the mother of a child who was good friends at school with my son.....so finding herself in a pinch when their PTA secretary suddenly quit, she asked me if I would be the PTA secretary. Which I agreed to do....but in the process, I met the principal of the school, became friendly with him and he asked me if I would be interested in a teaching job there. Of course, I was already working in nursing.....but had I still been struggling to find a teaching job.....I could have indirectly gotten one this way.....something I'd never even thought of when I'd been out there looking for one. The key here was making the contact with the principal.

I know it's really depressing to be in this situation during a depression. I've been through it....several times, in fact. But creativity can really be helpful.

Also....are you on any psych medications for your depression and insomnia? I ask because many of them can cause weight gain.....and often, weight gain that is almost impossible to control...as they often affect your metabolism.

And....why are you terrified to have children? I ask this just because I'm curious.

deena

[missjewelz]

Good Morning Deena! I was on psych meds for several years and something for insomnia as well. After I realized they were my problem as far as weight gain I slowly took myself off both of them. Question I'm curious about is will my metabolism ever work somewhat normally again? I understand that with age it slows down but I'm seriously in need of a jump start! Thanks for your insight....

[Deena52]

Hi missjewelz~

I'm 58 and I did finally get my metabolism rolling....though it took me almost 3 years to do it. My much younger son, in his early 20's at the time, stopped a med that caused him to gain a huge amount of weight and within weeks he was back to his usually skinny self. I would imagine age can factor in, as it does with most things related to body and health. The other possible factor is that he got himself off the medication very quickly....after several months. Whereas I allowed the doctor to more or less browbeat me into continuing to take it for several years....not appreciating me questioning his decision, it seemed. Wish I had taken myself off it much sooner. So....length of time on it could very well factor in also.

But if I, at 58 and on the med for several years...could get my metabolism up and running again....so can you, believe me. I had the exact same fears as you....that I was doomed to stay that weight due to a damaged metabolism.

Now....this is just me, in terms of what I did. Apparently, these medications can affect the HAP annex (hypothalamus, adrenals, pituitary) in various ways. Since these are all glands in the endocrine system....I surmised that a metabolic (rather than a calorie counting) eating plan would be more likely to help. But....I did not have success right off the bat....and in fact, struggled for almost 3 years. I did Atkins and could not get the ketone sticks to turn.

And I was very experienced with the Atkins diet, having used it years ago to lose all the weight from 3 pregnancies (and kept it off until this medication packed on 65 lbs.).....and getting frustrated, it hit on me to go to a low carb site and ask for advice. And long story short, after trying some of the suggestions, it turned out that for me, there was now a huge problem with the use of artificial sweeteners.....which had not been a problem the last time I'd done Atkins. I had to go down to zero packets for a week, then gradually increase it to maximum of 3 packets per day.
Later, when I hit stalls, I used calorie-cycling to keep my metabolism rolling. It seems to be functioning quite well now....which I am so grateful for.

I certainly can't say I know the secret to getting the metabolism rolling again. But although the endocrine system is very complex, I believe that the best thing to try is a metabolic diet rather than a calorie-counting one, especially if you are already having trouble losing weight by watching what you eat/counting calories. I would try a strict low-carb induction period for a few weeks and see if that might just do it for you.

deena

[missjewelz]

Thanks for your thoughts and congrats on your success! I'm planning to join WW this morning but I can by all means keep a watch on the carb intake which is a major daily struggle for me...always has been! I've not done any reading on an metabolic diet but i will do that this afternoon.
To only add to complications...I lost my only child in a car accident several years ago and needless to say...I didn't know what day it was for the first year! Of course I had no interest in eating or living. Once I decided to start functioning again I soon realized that I'd lost many, many pounds. Soon after that I went to see a psych. She then out me on Zoloft and Adderall. Well, with that combination I lost even more weight! But, as I started back living and eating as I had done before his death I suddenly gained back all that I'd lost plus much, much more! Crazy thing is that I really did wake up fat one day! I never saw it coming! Looking back I now see that I woke up skinny one day and woke up fat one day! Like I tell my husband..if I'd seen the weight coming then I would have made changes..
My doctor did in fact later put me on Xanex due to insomnia. When I would wake up during the night, even on meds, I'd always go for food. Not quite sure if that was due to boredom or for comfort...probably both!
Needless to say..my body has been thru many phases in the last several years. I'm not taking any meds other than Adderall. Of course depression is always lurking but something I recently realized about myself, ashamed to say, I can't remember the last time I actually heard my stomach growl because I've been grazing on junk so much lately..but that's over. Today is a new day..the hurdles are still there and will always be but I'm still here too and it's time that I start making better choices.
Thanks again for your thoughts!

[missjewelz]

Btw.Im 43

[growing wings]

Hey Deena, Thanks for the welcome. I am currently working full time as a Pharmacy Technician so I am not completely without a job. I am on wellbutrin for my depression and we are currently playing with my dose as I am going through a really rough period.

As for the children, well I some how managed to become nearly a full time baby sitter for my boss at work. I did that for maybe two weeks, and I really was afraid that I might hurt the child. He screamed so much and I just couldn't handle it. I would lay in bed at night and the moment I closed my eyes I would hear him screaming. There were moments when I just wanted to hurt or kill him to make him stop. So I am afraid to have kids for this reason. I could not live with myself if I ever hurt a child. Now, this same child also made another baby sitter say she was reconsidering having kids as well. . .so maybe it is just that he is a very difficult baby.

Of course, my husband really wants to have kids. . .he is not really pressuring me, but I know he wants them. That stress makes it difficult to lose weight as well.

[mandagrl1]

Hi Growing Wings! Good to meet you-I'm new here too.

I also took wellbutrin for about 2 years and also remember having a tough time getting on/off of it. It's a good and effective drug though. I hope it helps you feel better! Not sleeping causes so many issues with our health and also can slow your metabolism and cause you to eat honestly, just out of exhaustion. I took WB for anxiety and depression and it worked for the 2 years I was on it. I didn't gain any weight taking that one, but I gained a lot taking Lexapro prior to the WB. I am on Pristique now and it is fantastic. Barely any s/e at all and it's working well.

I can understand what you mean about kids. I love children and desparately wanted the one I have. I had fertility issues, but finally got pregnant and had her. The first year of her life was the hardest of mine and my husbands by far! She was 3 weeks early, had awful colic, the worst case of GERD (basically the baby equivilent of heartburn but with the added benefit of throwing up everything she put down) one could have and pretty much a constant ear infection. Needless to say, we were frazzled. Many times I remember thinking-"what have I done? Why did I do this?". I remember having to lay her in her crib and literally walk out of the house onto the back porch just to take a few mins to gather myself where I couldn't hear her crying.

Babies are scary and they can be difficult-but I can say with 100% certainty that dealing with such hard times is much, much different when the baby is yours. I think it's great that you're getting your insomnia and depression under control before considering becoming a parent. I do believe you can do it though. There's a lot of meds approved for moms to take during pregnancy. I took WB when I was pregnant with O.

Good luck on your journey! Glad to meet you!!!