I thought I'd post this here because I have been gone for over two months and I thought I'd reintroduce myself. Here goes: My name is Sara, I am 21. I began my journey when I was 19...I quickly went from 260ish to 199, but struggled with both my body and mental issues since arriving in onderland. In late July of this year I had gotten to a all time low weight of 175, I was looking good, feeling good (physically), and wearing a great fitting size 10.

Then all **** broke loose and it's my fault.

At the end of July I was physically intimate with my best male friend, after we had grown apart and not spoken in a while (I had been in love with him for 2 years). I became so infatuated with him that I couldn't stand it and he was aloof. (I NEVER do that sort of thing by the way).

So as a result of my unrequited love, I developed a new and scary set of feelings and behaviors; extreme self loathing, feeling used, hopeless listless, 0 self worth. For the first time in my life I began compulsive eating (I never did that, it isnt how I got to 260). I was terrified at the amount I was eating, and yet I couldn't stop myself. During all this I moved from NYC to a school in Nashville...and I came home after 2 weeks because I was too crazy to care for myself.

After all was said and done...I went from 175 to 215 in TWO MONTHS!
I am back down to 205, and I am on south beach again, but I am not mentally ok yet. Now I am back for good, and I have 55 pounds to lose instead of 25. I'll get there, but I need your support. Thanks to those who made it this far!
~Sara

Welcome and good luck!

Dhani

Hi and welcome back to 3FC.

I am sorry you had a difficult time and I hope things are better for you

Good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle

I hope you can find the support you need here!

Good luck,

Stacy

Welcome back! I am sorry you had to go through that. That really sucks! Not sure if we can heal a hurt heart but we can support your weight loss and listen.

Welcome. Good luck with your journey. I to struggle with self worth and destructive food behaviors. Anything I can do to be of assistance please do not hesitate to ask.

Welcome back

@Lazylioness: I had never experienced self destructive food behavior before, and I was so scared because I was consciously aware of what I was doing, but I couldnt make myself stop. I think I am over it now, but I would like to explore that behavior because I need to know why I would do that to myself.

Welcome back and hugs to you! I think most of us have had an unrequited love at some point in life, and I know how it can throw you into a tailspin.

Sara, i'm a seasoned veteran of unrequited love! my advice to you is to see other people. it can be very hard to disentangle yourself from that kind of a situation, but if you have other men involved in your life, you'll get the attention you're seeking and you'll get some distance.

i've also found in the last few weeks (i have my own vague non-relationship with a close friend of mine that i won't give up for various reasons) that since i started controlling my food and exercising, i've felt much less compulsive about contacting him. the control you get in one area will creep into your life in other ways.

@mescelestus
Yes, it is crazy. Really I think that most of us have those sorts of food issues. Really in my own opinion, no weight loss is going to be permanent unless we can recognize them and change the tapes in our head. It is similar to an alcoholic, someone can stop drinking and be "sober" but unless they learn what triggers the drinking, and deal with the pain..they are just a dry drunk. So unless we learn what the issues are, we are just skinny fat chicks. Make sense.

For instance, I have a friend at work who had the lap band surgery. She was overweight, but not by so much that I thought that she needed surgery, but ok. That is her journey to make. Anyway, two weeks after surgery I was on the phone with her, and she was at a clients office. We were talking about something, the stress of the day or something. Then she told me "girl you have no idea, I am currently digging through a box of chocolates right now it has been such a bad day" So I asked her why she was eating that, she was not supposed to be (both because that is what made her fact, but also because she was only 2 weeks post op and no sugar allowed) She told em again that it had been "one of those days" a month and a half later, and she is still doing the same behaviors. Sure she is eating less at once but she is still eating crap. So as a result she has only lost about 17 lbs (which in a month and a half is a lot) but she is stuck and does not understand why. To me it is obvious, she has not dealt with her food issues.

Welcome Sara to 3FC, we are glad you are here and know that you will find great support here!

I'm so sorry for what you've been through, Sara, and I'm glad you found your way back here.

Alyssa

Hope everything works out for you. Like some others have said, control over food can seep into control over terrible emotions.