Ok first of all, why a dancing carrot. Seriously? Don't make me break out into PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME.

My name is Samantha (if you ever see me around you can call me Sammi, but most likely I'll vanish into thin air right after this post). I'm a 23 year old graduate student in Biotechnology. I work in a virus research lab and have a boy who wants to marry me in the future.

Here's the skinny on my fat. I weigh about 245 lbs on average every morning. I've always been big. I don't remember the last time I was under 200 lbs. I was steady at 220 for a while in college, but then my father fell ill with cancer in my junior year and passed away this past August 19. Since then I've eaten anything and everything I could find.

Being fat kinda sucks, but I still have my moments where I think, "Damn I'm sexy," but those moments are few and far between. I really do think I am pretty in my face area, and I think I am well proportioned for my weight, but often I have self esteem issues. I can't even believe my boyfriend when he tells me I'm beautiful or that I'm perfect just the way I am. I just can't seem to comprehend why he would even want to be with someone as disgusting as me. Lately I've been starting to feel so big that I am just uncomfortable in my own skin. I've also started snoring, which I think is attributed to weight as well (I know sleep apnea is, at least, snoring could be the start of that). Not to mention the development of heart burn problems. I never really had that before and that can definitely be a complication of my obesity. Often I get heart burn in the middle of the night and, unfortunately, my body's reaction to heart burn is getting the hiccups, so I end up awake with hiccups all night.

Maybe this is becoming a therapy session, so be it. I love food. It is delicious. But I eat so much of it at meals that after I don't even feel well. I need to work on making good choices and showing a little self restraint with not eating everything I am given. I need to start asking for a take-home box before I even start eating and using a tiny plate to eat dinner at home and only get one helping.

I also hate working out more than anything in the world. I haven't found a single thing I enjoy doing that involves working out. The gym is so boring I can't take it because all I can think about is how much I'd rather die than be in the gym at all (ipods and tv do not help). Work out videos in general just make me feel like a stupid loser because the instructors are twigs and they do everything perfectly. I am very uncoordinated so I just flail around and I can't figure out the moves and I give up easily. There aren't really any outside activities I can do because I have no one to do them with and I live in a slightly shady area. I also work three days a week, getting up at 7am and not getting home until 6pm whereafter I have to make dinner and such, so if I do work out, it has to be quick. Luckily this semester I only have classes two days a week and I am done by 3:15 so if I can find something to do I should have no problem finding the time/energy to do it.

The bottom line is, I suck at eating right, and I suck at exercising, and I need to learn to love myself no matter what. I've tried to ask for advice about these things, but I just seem to become stubborn about it. I think I also have depression, it runs in my family, but have not gotten formally diagnosed out of fear.

I know I'm kind of a negative person, so I don't have very high hopes for myself on this. I will most likely fail like I do every time. My long term goal is somewhere below 200 in whenever I get there, and my short term goal is somewhere below "huge fat cow" by my sister's wedding in June, but I don't even know where to start.

Yep, I'm a downer.

It sounds like you are waiting for motivation. Don't do that! It isn't coming. But the good news is that you decision CAN! Make the decision to become healthier. Then start to take the steps necessary to make that happen for YOU. Your weight will come down if you move towards health--it simply follows what you are commanding it to do. You are the one in control here--NOT the weight and certainly NOT the food.

I am glad you are here. Welcome. There are so many paths to health here at 3FC. There is support but real answers for real people. Surely one of these paths will take you where you want to go.

I read your post and thought OMG this is totally me! Well maybe like 80%.... I'm no longer 23 and my name is not Samantha...

All I can say is that you have to start believing in yourself. I'm a negative person too, but I've been motivating (not "pushing" - you must begin to use more positive self-talk ) myself to go to the gym more often. I've even signed up for a Salsa lesson even though I'm petrified. I know you hate exercise, but you need to develop a better relationship with that word. I used to hate gyms because they made me feel like a gerbil in a wheel... well a gerbil surrounded by skinnier gerbils who were running on ellipticals as if hungry cats were chasing them.

You have to break out of your comfort zone. It's gonna be hard. And you are totally not going to want to do that. But you will have to act in a way totally opposite of what you are used to if you are going to lose the weight and get healthier.

YOO CAHN DOO EET!!!

I hope I'm not the only one who has seen Rob Schneider yelling that in a movie...

Rachel - Thanks, I'm glad you liked my post, haha. My boyfriend used to be 230 in college and since he graduated he's lost about 50 pounds and all he had to do was cut out soda. Gah. Boys.

Sometimes I wish I could have just ONE day of being skinny, like a skinny test drive. So I could know if it is even worth all this hassle.

I attempted to do those Turbo Jam DVDs that are "all the rage" because a couple of my friends do them, but I felt so stupid that I couldn't even bring myself to move like those little twig girls.

I added you to my "buddy list" although I don't really know what that does, lol.

Everyone else - thanks!

Hi Samantha (didn't want to risk calling you Sammi and having you disappear)!
Hey, you've already taken the first step, you're here - make the next a small one, make your priority health, not a diet, not a number - none of us are really good at any of this otherwise we wouldn't be here but we can make changes that move us toward our goal, celebrating the ups, enduring and forgiving the downs but always moving forward, no looking back and no beating ourselves up - the support you need is here - we'll all be here to cheer you on.

Glad to have you join us! There are lots & lots of different groups and forums - I'm sure you'll find some that will keep you motivated and inspired - you'll be a wonderful addition to any of them - your intro was witty and entertaining yet still honest and thought provoking (and not a downer) . Try the 20 somethings and the weight loss support forums, they're active and very helpful - also the Success stories are a definite must for motivation.

There are bunches of people here with more to lose and some with less - the bottom line is that we all have to do it a day at a time. The good thing is that we'll have lots of company along the way.

I've only been here since last fall, having NEVER been part of an online forum. What has been so eye-opening is how much it has helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or defeated, I just log on and read some of the success stories, complete with their before & after photos - or read about others still dealing day to day with their challenges - and before I know it, the time has flown by and so have all the thoughts of going off track or giving up. It has made all the difference in my success so far.

So welcome - you 've found the right place - join in by inspiring us and being inspired!

All the best - good luck with your goals,
Lee

I already disappeared...I don't know what to post about or what to reply to because I have nothing to contribute, go me. Thanks for the warm welcome, anyways!

Hi Samantha. Great opening post! I love a sense of humor!

And please don't disappear. We need a few more wise-guys around here, I think.

First, I totally HATE working out. The ONLY exercise I like is taking walks....so that's all I do. I eventually figured-out that if I had to force myself to go to the gym...it wasn't going to be a very good life-long plan for maintenance. Of course, back then, I told myself that I loved working out...every time I actually did it. Tried to convince myself of all the benefits and felt healthy...for about 5 minutes. But who was I kidding? I HATED it.
The only thing worse than working out at the gym is having to do it in physical therapy (if you've ever needed that). I hated that even more, if that's even possible....due to having a physical therapist watch you like a hawk.

This is just me. I do realize that there are women here...plenty of them...who love to exercise...run marathons, etc. But not me. I do love to take walks though...with my ipod. Love to look at the scenery. Good time to think....or meditate, etc.

Just to let you know, I've been losing my weight with Atkins. Low-carbing is the diet for me....but again, many here have had amazing success with low-calorie and other diets. But not me.....I love low-carbing...for a whole host of reasons. Mainly, that I have great success with it.

There is a ton of info here about almost every possible diet out there. Finding the right one for you is critical, I think. And I do not think you necessarily have to work out extensively to lose weight. I've just taken walks and have still been successful. A gal on the Atkin's forum, sarahinparis, recently wrote on her blog that dieting is for losing weight and exercise is more for maintaining health....and I had to say, I totally agree with that/her.

Hope you stick around. This place is extremely motivating and keeps you accountable. Let's face it, you have a huge audience to watch you succeed. Just pick a plan and try it....and use the forums for motivation and accountability. It's apparently worked for a whole lot of people here.

deena

Hi, Samantha, I loved your introduction. Please don't disappear, I'm looking forward to more posts from you and I hope more than anything to see posts about you getting healthier and happier each day!
I love food too - especially anything with a cream sauce or fried - and walking or using the elliptical trainer is about the only exercise I get these days.

The thing about exercise is, is it's really hard to start doing it, but if you make yourself just go for a five-minute walk (park in the far spot rather than the near spot, etc.) it gives you so much more energy for the day, you won't believe it.

I'm determined to lose weight too because I'm uncomfortable at this weight. I don't care about being fashionable, I just want to be comfortable again.

Please stay around. I'm glad you are here and I look forward to seeing more posts from you! You can do it, I believe in you!

Oh...and one other thing.

And I hope nobody takes offense here because I'm going to use a phrase used by anorexic teens but I'm going to alter it a bit because I only condone healthy eating. But back to my point....

I love food too. In fact, I think that most, if not all of us here love food...probably TOO much. The phrase I was thinking of is "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" but I'm altering it to "nothing tastes as good as looking normal feels"......because I have to tell you, finally looking normal now is beyond fabulous. I LOVE it.....and no chocolate, no big Mac's, no french fries, etc.....EVER tasted as good as finally looking normal again feels now.

I can GUARANTEE you of that!

You don't truly GET that until you get here, I now realize.
So you're just gonna have to take my word for it, at the moment.
But it is TOTALLY worth it....trust me.

deena

Hi! I am also a science grad student and understand that part of what you're going through with respect to finding time to eat right and exercise. It's nice to find people in similar situations. Please stick around!

If you need therapy sessions 15 times a day... please post! You need to have a place to vent and there is no better place than a bunch of girls that are living life with struggles as well.

I did get the test drive and gained it all back and still question that. Not as far as health. I know I feel better thin but I ask myself sometimes if I want to be a skinny girl that can't eat my fav foods and not over indulge on the most amazing tastes world wide or be over weight, feel uncomfortable in my own skin but not have to spend 6 hours a day counting up what I eat or planning.

In the end... living longer and being healthy is most important to me. Only because how will I get to Italy to taste homemade italian pasta if I can't fit in the plane seat for 15 hours?? How will I get to the little village in Ireland where I want to eat sea food when you can't take a vehicle?

I know you are dealing with loss and more but it is even more reason to want to prolong your life and health! You can have it and when you are there you are going to ask your self why you waited at all.

It will be gone before you know it and when you look back, you will say "that really wasn't that hard... if I can do it, anyone can!"

I really hope you don't disappear!!
AJ

Thanks again, everyone. Maybe I'll post sometime about my first week since joining...