Me vs. the "Wall" - Ready to hit it full force! Again.. :D
 

Okay, so this isn't my second time around with this weight loss game. But, it is indeed my second time around to start posting in 3FC. My first post was on December 31, 2005 with the promise that 2006 was "MY" year. And my, what a successful year I had. I was more than half way to goal when the wall came into full view and I hit it head on. Leaving me crumpled, on the ground with my mind spinning with ALL my self-doubt talk. You see it was becoming harder and harder to believe that I could pull myself through this by staying consistant. I was doing what I needed to do all along but the scales weren't reflecting my effort. That nasty wall. I always seem to hit it at some point and somewhere always in the back of my mind believed that the wall was it. That's it, the end of the road, signs posted everywhere... dead end. I believed I was destined to be what I am, accept it. Even when I want to believe so badly it was absolutely surpassable. To this day I have trouble understanding how others can get over this wall and continue on losing. It looks easy to continue one step and a time, but my steps seems to get stuck in the mud with each one eating away at my confidence.I felt like I was back grade school gym class, left in the dust on the track watching my classmates easily run by. That pretty much sums up my last trek down this weight loss road. Couldn't lose, couldn't motivate and lost the will to try. Eating to make me feel better in the moment was so much more easier. The desire and mindset for this battle was no where in sight and there I sat in the shadow of the wall.

So here I am, again. Am I kidding myself? Ha! Nope, I'm truly here again, 3 years later. I'm within 19lbs of gaining it all back. I try to soothe myself with saying at least I didn't gain it all back. But the reality is, I feel as though I have been placed straight back at the starting line. This time though, with a plan in mind for that wall. I'm bringing a ladder with me sucker! Ha, Ha

My ladder actually happens to be a letter to my beaten down self. I read through my 3 year old posts recently. I was inspired by own success. It was thrilling, it was happy... it has been way too long since I put myself first like that. Taking control and feeling like I was on the winning side. Compare that time to now. Whoa! Everyone always says how trapped they felt at a heavier weight. How depressing, cosuming, suffocating and your life seems to be spinning out of control. So I plan to write myself exactly that. Remind myself in current words of how I feel. The desperation, the urgency, the sadness that has been shadowing me now could be no worse than to make sure I keep those steps going in the mud no matter how stuck I feel. Because whatever that feeling of frustration is, it could never equal the sadness in my heart for letting it all fall back on me again. That's right, my current fat self is going to write to my 'less' pouffy self. LOL Cheer me on and say it doesn't matter how long I stay on that incline it's better to live that life at that weight forever than forever fighting it my old self.

Terribly sorry for the long intro, story, whatever you may call it. I just wanted to give you a little insight to my current mind set and to get to know me. If you're interested in joining me in this battle, I'd love your company. Speaking from experience... support, whether it be cyber or not can make a world of difference. Somewhere you can come and report your day and give and get support!

Thanks for reading!

I think a letter to yourself is a great idea! When you're in the midst of a battle it's easy to forget what you're fighting for when running from the fight sounds so inviting.

Just wanted to say welcome back and I wish you the best of luck in reaching your goals! We're here to support you. :welcome2:

Welcome back! I am glad you came back!

Cheers,

J

:wel3fc: Hi LadyLai!
So many here have lost only to gain it back ( & sometimes more) - there's lots of room on the wagon 'cause many of us have fallen off - but here we are, back on track - no looking back, no beating ourselves up, just moving forward - the support you need is here - we'll all be here to cheer you on.

Glad to have you back with us! You have learned some powerful lessons and gained invaluable insight into what it takes to be successful on this journey - you'll be a wonderful addition to any of the many forums, giving support and encouragement to others that face the same challenges.

There are bunches of people here with more to lose and some with less - the bottom line is that we all have to do it a day at a time. The good thing is that we'll have lots of company along the way.

I've only been here a few months myself, having NEVER been part of an online forum. What has been so eye-opening is how much it has helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or defeated, I just log on and read some of the success stories, complete with their before & after photos - or read about others still dealing day to day with their challenges - and before I know it, the time has flown by and so have all the thoughts of going off track or giving up. It has made all the difference in my success so far.

So welcome back- you're in the right place - jump back in by inspiring us and being inspired! :df:

All the best - good luck with your goals,
Lee

Hi Tina, welcome back! I'm sorry that you hit the wall. You are not alone. :wave: That road seems so much longer the second time around, but it's not, thankfully. Once you get your momentum going you'll feel so much better, and hopefully regain all that enthusiasm and energy that you had once before!

I'm glad you found your old posts. What great motivation to remember all the details. I look forward to seeing you around more in the future!