Now, for the last time!
 

I am doing this for the last time! Really, I am. This has got to be it.

My weight loss journey has been very frustrating, like everyone's I'm sure.

I had a poor body image growing up, fluctuating between 113 lbs and a size 3 to 145 lbs and a size 12. I felt no different between being a 12 and a 3. I remember standing in the dressing room having just slipped into a size 3 (yes, slipped) and I thought to myself, "Huh, these are marked wrong". How sad. I never knew I was thin.

On my wedding day I thought I was fat at 135 lbs and struggled to lose any weight before the wedding. Then, I had my first baby and was a size 16 after he was born. I never lost that weight and had another baby 16 months later. From there, I have not been able to lose. I went to my doctor and asked about my thyroid. He told me some women just have a hard time losing weight after a pregnancy. Then I stopped having a period at age 30. He told me I was in early menopause. Fortunately I sought a different opinion and found I have PCOS. I did a lot of research and thought that finally I had a reason for not losing weight. I had an excuse, and I latched onto it with all my might.

I did try, and I tried very, very hard. I tried too hard. I tried South Beach and I tried working out like a maniac. I lost some weight and got down to 185. I felt good about myself, so I'm really not sure why I quit, except that I hit a dreaded plateau and didn't give it enough time. I surrendered to the plateau and ended up back where I started plus about 15 lbs. :mad:

I gave up. Pure and simple, I gave up. That was it. I was gong to be fat forever. I tried to make my peace with it, but my personality was at war with myself. It still is. I have social phobias and do not like crowds. When I'm in a crowd, I want desperately to shrink into the shadows. I want to be invisible. I think it's very ironic because who is more visible than me? People have to walk around me, and I just can't stand it. I feel like a piece of furniture someone stock inconveniently in everyone's way. Will these fears subside if I lose weight? I don't know. But I have to try.

Then my cousin came to visit on November 9th and she has lost 100 lbs just by counting calories. I was skeptical. I told her I don't lose weight, whine, whine, whine. But I decided I was going to give it the old college try. So I started out with 1200 calories spread across 6 meals in a day. Boy was I surprised at how little food that is! I honestly always thought I didn't eat that much, until I saw how difficult it is to make a full meal out of 200 calories!

I didn't weigh myself that first day, and now I wish I had. But I estimate I was around 235 lbs because that's what I weighed at another time when my clothes fit the same way. If that's true, I have lost 14 lbs since November 9th. My pants, which were tight enough that the flap at the button was digging into my belly button such that I had to unbutton them to watch TV. Now, they are very loose and I can pull them off without undoing them. Not easily, mind you, but I can wiggle out of them. :^: It's a good feeling.

Right now, I am struggling with my emotions. In the morning I always feel great about myself, beginning the day with an I-can attitude, and marveling at how great my clothes fit and how far I've come in such a short time. Then within a few hours, the self-hate starts as I tell myself how ridiculous I am to be so proud of just 14 lbs, and that I'm still fat, who am I trying to kid? I will never get where I want to be. I'm going to give up before I do. All it takes is a plateau and I'm gone.

It's that kind of talk that made me sign up. I am in need of encouragement and like minds. :hug: Though honestly for all of your sakes, I hope you are not like minded!! LOL! It's a terrible place to be!

Hello Eliana and Welcome. Yes, we are all of "like minds" around here, but that's why we all come here. Everybody here gets it.

You can do this! You have already lost 14 pounds. That is great! Congratulations. If you can lose 14, you can lose the rest. This isn't a race. It is a lifestyle choice. Be patient with yourself.

I am curious how you set the daily calorie goal for 1200 calories. That seems low to me, and it will be very hard to maintain what you are doing if you are hungry all the time.

I chose 1200 simply because that is what my cousin did. Nothing else has worked, but this seems to be working. And actually, now that I'm three weeks in, I'm not hungry at all. It helps to spread it out over six meals. My next meal is always about 2.5 hours away. And I have a pretty good sense of nutrition and know better than to eat 1200 calories of cupcakes. I eat pretty well within my calorie range. The real shocker was looking at how many calories I am allotted and how many calories are in a McDonald's value meal. That is when the lightbulb went off.

I realize 1200 is low. I figure that what I will do is if/when I plateau, I'll increase the calories slowly for a while and be content to maintain. Then I'll back off again.

I don't know. I have to try something. Losing weight just doesn't happen easily for me.

Welcome to 3FC and good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle

Eliana, welcome! I am glad you are joining us. This is a great site; you will get the support, encouragement, and advice that you need.

I wish you the best on your weight loss journey!

Cheers,

J

Thank you very much! And despite the depressing post above, I'm actually a very positive person in all other aspects of my life. So I look forward to giving as much encouragement as I receive. I thought I'd write the above post in complete honesty to look back at one day.

:wel3fc: Hi Eliana!
Sounds like you're ready to go and off to a great start (14 pounds gone is 14 pounds closer to your goal) - no looking back, just moving forward -the support you need is here - you can do this - and we'll all be here to cheer you on!

Glad to have you join us! There are lots & lots of different groups and forums - I'm sure you'll find some that will keep you motivated, inspired and entertained! There's also info and first hand advice on different plans to help you get through the ups and downs.

There are bunches of people here with more to lose and some with less - the bottom line is that we all have to do it a day at a time. The good thing is that we'll have lots of company along the way.

I've only been here a few months myself, having NEVER been part of an online forum. What has been so eye-opening is how much it has helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or defeated, I just log on and read some of the success stories, complete with their before & after photos - or read about others still dealing day to day with their challenges - and before I know it, the time has flown by and so have all the thoughts of cheating or giving up.

So welcome - you 've found the right place - join in by inspiring us and being inspired! :df: