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An Extremely Long Introduction

#1

Hopeless , 03-19-2009 09:57 PM

I just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Hope and I want to weigh less, hence my username “Hopeless” (although I will admit most of the time I feel hopeless or I am hopeless but that’s beside the point!) I also tend to babble, in case you didn't notice.

I just turned 29 less than 2 weeks ago and have been struggling with my weight for almost 8 years now. I was extremely active as a teenager and then settled into an unhealthy relationship at a young age. Depression, a whole lot of driving, and an inability to cook anything even remotely tasty has landed me where I am today. I am happy to say that life in general has taken a major turn for the better and I am now dating the most amazing man with a heart of gold and an “I can eat swiss cake rolls for dinner because no matter what I stuff in my face, I never seem to gain weight” metabolism. Yeah, I am jealous. I gain weight just watching him eat sometimes.

I am approx 40 pounds overweight and I carry every bit of it in my stomach and my chest. I have extremely thin hips and muscular legs but my noodle arms and chunky belly look more like a bowl of pork lo-mein resting on a pair of chop sticks. Even worse than my total dislike of my body shape is the fact that the only thing in my entire body that seems to be turbo charged is my liver as I was diagnosed with a condition where I produce up to 6 times the normal amount of bad cholesterol at any given time. Couple that with a diet of cheeseburgers and French fries and you have a recipe for a quick and easy heart attack (more tasty than mac and cheese.) My doctor is even quoted with saying that if something doesn’t change, given my family history and current cholesterol levels, he penciled in availability on his calendar sometime in the next four years as a heart attack is probable.

I take Lipitor and I stress the word take because 90% of the time I forget to take it with me. I’m not great at handling medication and my schedule makes it hard to develop a routine. I joined a gym 2 years ago and I’ve gone five times. I’ve take maybe half of the one month prescription in the last year and I’m failing at making healthy food choices.

I’d love to be healthy (and thin would also be a lovely thing) as after four years of dating the big question is right around the corner. I want to be proud of my photos and I want to enjoy my wedding when the time comes. I am extremely uncomfortable in my own skin and I’ve watched my Mom lose her battle with her body. She is now considered morbidly obese and is losing the spirit that once made her the “best mom in the world.” I haven’t even had kids yet and I’m already stock piling books on how to be a better Mom.

All joking aside – I do need help. I work a graveyard shift, from 1 AM to 10 AM. I sleep in shifts so as to actually get the chance to see my boyfriend as he works 9 AM to 7 PM. I usually sleep from around noon to 4 then 11 to 1. I’m the type of person who is overly dedicated to friends and as a result if I feel I can’t devote my entire life to them, I tend to avoid having friendships to avoid the disappointment or failure. That means I spend a lot of time alone or on line and having no support system (or anyone to walk, go to the gym, or bad mouth skinny celebrities with) has made this journey difficult. My poor boyfriend at this point has heard me say I am dieting so many times with no results that he just gets frustrated with me now because he knows it means another fridge full of fresh food that I never seem to eat – a waste of money.

I don’t know where to start and my total lack of energy has beaten me down. I’m pretty sure the lack of energy is due to the bad diet but making healthy decisions while working such a late shift has proven difficult. I also do not have a lunch break and I drive from location to location leaving no table time to eat. If I can’t eat it while driving, I don’t have time when it comes to breakfast. I have deadlines I have to meet in order to get through the day. I need healthy finger food that keeps me full and things that are simple to cook as I missed out on the Betty Crocker lessons growing up.

What scares me most is knowing that if I don’t change, my life has a great chance of being cut extremely short and yet I still lack willpower to change. I’m not sure what needs to happen in order for me to be successful but I am looking forward to utilizing the resources found here on the forums.

And if you made it through all that, Thanks for reading!

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#2

futuresurferchick , 03-19-2009 11:07 PM

Hi Hope! Welcome. Love the name.

In your story I think you've identified some issues that are common to a lot of people at 3FC, like living with men who don't have to watch their weight, and working night shifts. I don't have the answers to all the questions you're seeking but I think if you ask questions here and look around the boards you will find answers and great support. I know it seems like you are facing some difficult challenges but you will find that many people here support each other to get over those very same issues. Good luck!

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#3

angelmom313 , 03-20-2009 08:33 PM

Hello Hope,

Like you, I carry my weight mostly in my stomach. Coupled with being only 5'1", I get asked from time to time "When is your baby due?" It is so humiliating. Now I am new to this site as far as posting goes but have visited it off and on for a couple years. First of all, I don't claim to know all the answers, but I do know a lot about losing weight. In fact, I could teach a class. I know everything I need to do, yet I do not do it! It is so frustrating. I think you have identified several key issues. #1 Working nightshift. I am sure you know that your body needs enough sleep. So, make sure you get enough no matter what. #2 You mentioned foods that are easy to eat (i.e. finger foods). I totally understand that. I am not sure the solution but maybe you could do a search on healthy finger foods and make them before you go to work. Surely there must be an alternative to fries, burgers, and chicken fingers. Trust me, I have been keeping McDonalds and all the fast food restaurants in business so I know exactly what you mean when you speak of convenience. #3 Friends. I am in that boat too. I have sheltered myself from any friends. I have trouble trusting I think and I always end up giving of myself too much. I think you have made a good decision to come to this site because you can have the support you need. I think accountability is key. #4 Don't focus on what other people's bodies do (how much they can eat and not gain weight). Focus on what YOUR body can do, and what your bodies POTENTIAL is IF you treat it right. Lastly, you sound really down about your mom. You have to convince yourself that you will not do that to your body. As long as you are still breathing you (and your mom) have not lost the battle. Also, you could try to help your mom and do this thing "together". Remember little bitty steps. I am taking them with you and I know how hard it is because I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin also. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror! But, having said all that I will never, never, never give up.

Good blessings to you on your journey.
Anita

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#4

Hopeless , 03-21-2009 05:58 PM

Thank you both for the reply.

It's sadly ironic that only hours after posting the information above my Dad called to say that my Mom was being hospitalized and was going to need surgery to remove her gallbladder due to gallstones. She isn't doing well but thankfully the surgery is done by laparoscopy which means less time needed to heal after the fact.

I can't help but wonder if God is not only helping my Mom through this, but also using this as an avenue to remind me that life is precious and fragile and it needs to be taken care of. I am pretty much in the same boat my Mom was in at 29. Same height, same weight, and the same habits. If I continue down the path I'm on, it can be expected that I will have similiar issues in my 50s. It all comes back to the one thing that has been dominate over my life for the past 8 years now. The demon in my closet - Satan's dog and pony show in the form of creative food advertisements or clever restaurant placement. I have to get a handle on this. It's now or never.

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#5

colormerd47 , 03-21-2009 07:38 PM

Hi HOPE not hopeless,
First welcome to this amazing site filled with so much encouragement.
My name is Aggie and was just like you. Always battling my weight since about 23 or so. My mom was overweight also and it just felt like I was destined to follow her path, weight, health issues, losing my determination. I do not even remember I got on this path, I just knew that I needed to get off. Well here I am know 56 years old and it took my 25 year old daughter to tell me that see was so worried about me. She put it in my face, Mom I want to be around for a long time and see me get married and my kids. This and other health issues, my own low self esteem (which I always had and lost that somewhere along the way), I needed to fix these things. So I have started to fix this, and if I can do this anyone can, anyone can.
Now first of all, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, you have to attack this in baby steps. Do not get overwhelmed by this, first choose something you know that you can change and ask God to help you with all. Move just a little more doing something that you like, try, just try to consciously make a better choice of something to eat, even if it is at McDonald's, choose a burger, not a double, or a small fry instead of a large. Or even something grilled. Take it one day at a time, remember small steps.
You spoke of your Mom and here health issues. I followed down my mother's path with that also. I now have diabeties, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and have had three knee surgeries. At some point you have got to stop and think, and then do. You and I have got to stop the maddness and try something else. You have your whole life in front of you and you want to live it to the fullest. Please don't be like me, I have missed so much, doing little things, dancing, hiding myself from the world. Affraid to go to some places, wondering if there will be a seat large enough for me to sit in. Please do not put these restrictions on yourself. LIVE little darling, LIVE your life the way you want to.
I will help you all I can, if it is recipes, tips, encouragement, or just to talk, do not hesitate to contact me. Pm me if you choose, I promise I will be here for you. Also, my 25 year old daughter is on this site, she has lost weight. She is a great motivator and encourager. She hangs out in the 20 something forum, she goes by cakebatter. Give her a shout.
Okay, I have talked long enough for one posting. I am so sorry to have be so long winded. Always here for you.Remeber your name is HOPE!!!!

Aggie

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#6

colormerd47 , 03-21-2009 08:32 PM

Hope,
I meant to tell you, I am 5.3 ht and weighed 359 when I started on Nov. 2008, and now am 300, just have not figured out how to change main ticker yet. The point is, I maybe older, but I was in the same boat, same feelings, same depression, same habits. Your last paragraph says in all, you have owned up to the problem, you see it for just what it is and now you can move on and tackle it. Put Satan under your feet, because you are more than a conquerer, you can and will do this.

Aggie

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#7

Flylorrie3 , 03-22-2009 09:15 PM

Welcome. This is my first post as well. I got the web address in a book and am determined not be be overweight all my life. Good luck and I will watch your journey!

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#8

midwife , 03-23-2009 11:17 AM

Welcome to 3FC! Surf around and settle in! We have subforums based on age, eating plan, exercise and more. I'm glad you're here!

Good luck reaching your goals. Baby steps are a good way to start. And if and when you make an off plan choice, get right back on plan. Consistency is the most important thing.

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