At least this time it's my fault.
 

I have gone through many extremes of up and down the scale. Some of it was from being forced to eat way too much as a kid, some of it from rebelling against my parents and refusing to eat a normal amount, some of it from having unhealthy food choices around - then as an adult everything from emotional eating, to getting to a good size and then intentionally gaining a bunch of weight after my career fell apart from sexual harassment. Once I got old enough that even if I lose weight, I wouldn't be the target of that kind of nonsense - somehow I just couldn't get the weight back off. So somehow, instead, I gained more. At the point of realizing that it was okay to lose weight but I didn't - it was all my fault. Maybe metabolism changes contributed to making it more difficult, but I can't blame the quantity, nor the food choices, on my metabolism.

My mother died of Pickwickian syndrome, and I'm starting to see my health reflect what my mother's was. More horrible than how she died was how she lived, and I'm starting to go down that path too. I'll never be as bad as my mother mentally because I recognize that there is a lot more important in life than food. The problem is that I can't participate in much of it because I hurt and I can't breathe.

I was reminded today that I have gained a great deal of weight in the past year - but this time he reminded me kindly, and politely. When I get yelled at about my weight, it is counterproductive, but this time it was phrased well, so I credit him rather than fault him.

I'd been making efforts over the last year to lose weight, but each time I'd lose focus and gain more than I'd lost. Now I'm so bad off that the whole prospect seems overwhelming. It's now hard to not give up before I even begin.

:welcome: to 3FC!!! I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I can imagine how difficult that must have been to observe and experience.

I KNOW how overwhelming the feeling can be when you have a significant amount of weight to lose. I've felt that way in the past and some days I still do. And I understand how discouraging it is to gain back weight after having lost it, and then to start to lose those pounds again. But the thing is - it CAN be done. That's what we need to focus on: it CAN be done and is ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE! And you've come to a fabulous place :D One of the things that is so wonderful about these boards is how diverse they are. There are people here who have as little as 5 lbs and as much as over 200 lbs to lose, and everywhere in between. Many boards for different eating plans, TONS of information, and more than anything - unbelivable support and encouragement! If you are ever in need of encouragement, go through the threads, give them a read, or post one of your own. Check out the photo-albums, where people who have lost weight post their photos along with personal stories. It is such an inspiring and motivational experience to see the transformations from before and after!

Take heart and focus on what you can do! In a week, you can lose 2 lbs. In a month, 8-10! While weight loss isn't always static week-to-week, overall if you keep it up you will see fantastic results! And while it might NOW feel like that will take a long time, that time will pass anyways! And in 3 short months, when you experience the positive benefits of your effort and work, it will truly be worth it :D So welcome, browse around, and best of luck! You can do it!!!

And I have to say,

Originally Posted by :
Now I'm so bad off that the whole prospect seems overwhelming.

I admit you have a lot to lose - our stats are practically identical btw. But to me, I don't think you're so bad off. Maybe it's because I've hung around here for so long that I see people of our weight/height and higher do so amazingly and reach their goals.. or maybe it's because of how much I lost at one point and now I know in a short time I'll be there again.. but either way, in the end, it's truly just a matter of time - longer than if you only had a couple of lbs to lose, but really no different :) YOU CAN DO IT!!! :D

Thank you beautifulone. And I love your title, BTW.

And thanks for pointing out our stats. I knew I needed a STG but didn't know how to set one. Your CW looks like a great STG for me. :) Thanks for getting me started!

:welcome: Elizabeth, we're glad you found us.

Good luck on your journey :hug:

Welcome...to you! I am new here as well so I cant comment on any other areas of this forum that can help you, but your in the right spot. Your taking the right steps in understanding that there is a problem. Once you take the plunge forward and begin this Journey you will make a new life for yourself and your family and your "new" family here and you will see the positive changes that come with it.
Keep smiling and reach out to anyone that you can when you need to!