Over the past 15 years or so it seems that someone very near to me has gotten lost!

I see an old and fat homely wife when I look in the mirror. I often hear this mean old lady hollering at the kids. But no matter how hard I look or how closely I listen, I still cannot find Rie anywhere!

Sometimes I think I hear her at the bottom of my drawer. I believe she is hiding under that killer pair of size 16 Levis 501 Button Fly jeans! Boy it has been forever since I saw her or those jeans.

It started years ago right after I got married. It all came to a head this past week.

Two weeks ago I went in for my annual gyn exam. Of course the nurse just had to weigh me. She kept moving that bar up and up. I turned my head away in heartbreak. A few moments later when she had stepped away I glanced over at her notes. My weight was 251 pounds! ! ! I just about broke out in tears sitting there right in the office. Well I knew that I was getting heavy, but had not idea I was on the upper end of the 200's. This past week I went back in to follow up on some tests and to schedule for a tubal. Again that dang nurse had to weigh me, this time the number was 253. 2 pounds in one week...how did this happen!

That's it not another pound will I gain. I must take control now. I know that if I don't get this weight off of me in the next couple of years, it is going to be with me forever.

I need to find support, I need motivation and I need a plan of attack! ! !

This is the highest my weight has ever been. Up until now the highest number had been 233, and that was the day I went into the hospital to deliver my daughter 9 1/2 years ago. My scale here at home just told me 260 pounds! ! !

So I have decided to come here. I want to learn, share and find myself again.

My eating habits are poor. I live on coffee and water. During the day I tend to eat only enough to keep me from feeling faint. Usually that is a piece of fruit, yogurt or a handful of cheese cubes. It is coffee for me until the pot runs dry. I do the things that need to be done around the house. Next it is time to get the children home and started on homework. After that I finish up undone tasks.

Wow now it is time to cook. So I get onto that adventure. Serve up the plates to dh and the children. I usually go and sit and wait on them to get done so I can begin clean up. While cleaning up I tend to graze on the food that is left in pots. Rarely do I ever sit down with a plate and eat. I clean up and soon head off to bed to get up tomorrow and do the same all over again.

I have a nice dvd set of Winsor Pilates. Well I kept up with that faithfully until I began to see results. Nobody else even noticed, so soon I gave up on that.

I did a run of Atkins. Close to 20 pounds came off with that plan. I saw no change in my body though. So I shortly ended that adventure.

I have no support. Sure I have a family and a very dear friend. But when I take it upon myself to "diet" or begin an exercise routine I tend to keep it to myself. I fear failure, so I decide not to share what I am doing with anyone. I don't want to have them see me accomplish...nothing.

There is a person that I miss greatly hiding around here somewhere...I've decided to send out a search party to find her and bring her back.

I do hope that through this community I can find the tools I need to succeed!

Thank you for having me and I look forward to all that is offered here.

Rie

I know just how you feel. About a month ago, I weighed what I weighed right after I delivered my sons (214). I too feel like I've lost myself somehow and wonder how I got like this. Does that happen to all moms at some point? You are definitely not alone. You are taking control of your life and your weight by taking this first step. (It's a tough thing to do and I am proud of you for it.) Feel free to contact me at anytime if you are feeling low.
Jen

Jen

You sound like me! It's almost like overnight I got "lost" inside this fat body!! When I met my husband I was 156 and before I started my "lifestyle change" I was 256. No wonder he gets frustrated with me. Don't not tell anyway because you are afraid you will fail, I've done that too often. If you want to keep it to yourself and wait for them to notice, that's fine. It does take some pressure off. One trick I've learned is that we can all eat the same meals. I think making seperate dinners for everyone makes a "dieter" feel like they are missing something. It doesn't hurt my kids to eat lower fat foods and more vegetables. Good luck, let us know how you are doing and more importantly, how we can help.

Rie...

I'm glad to "see" you here! I hope you can find some good ideas and support!

When do you eat, by the way? Your description makes it sound like you never sit down to a meal--do you get carried away with snacks?

One suggestion I'd make right off the bat is that you start to eat a regular breakfast every morning at a set time. It can be at 7 a.m. or at 10 a.m. (probably not later than that), but start there. Make it a good-quality breakfast--all the good food groups--protein, carbohydrate, and even a teeny amount of fat (e.g., a lowfat milk or yogurt). Your body probably doesn't know whether it's coming or going because it never knows when the food is going to appear.

There are many weight loss plans to try. Please read some of the reviews on 3FC, and visit some of the forums in Diet Central and ask questions. Then choose a plan and make a commitment to stay with it for a month to see how it turns out. I myself am a calorie-counter, but others join Weight Watchers or try LA Weight Loss or Sugar Busters--there are many, as you know.

Take it one day at a time. You can do it, and we'll try to help!

Jay