Hello! I'm new and in need of affirmations...
 

Hi! Just a quick introduction to myself - love this forum and everything I've read so far!

I am a 24 yr old female... recently got married on Dec 9th and looking at my wedding photos makes me cry. I have never weighed this much before and it makes me so mad and embarassed to see myself in our wedding photos.

Anyway, just a re-cap..I have been "chubby" my entire life. Weighed around 150 in high school... it wasn't that I ate a lot, just that I didn't exercise at all. When I went to college, I learned that late-night trips to taco bell and ordering pizza in the dorms were much tastier than dorm food. I put on about 15 lbs that year and went up to 167.

At that point I remember looking in the mirror and figured that since everyone else had a boyfriend and I didn't, it MUST be because I was fat. I wish I knew then at the ripe age of 19 what a self-destructive mantra that was, but the only two and two I put together was that skinny girls = a boyfriend. And I really wanted a boyfriend. Sigh.

So I started "dieting." I starved myself only to give in and eat fast food or pizza. I tried ephedra pills and lost about 10lbs but I felt like I was on speed (or imagine that's what it feels like!). I tended to attract guys that would date me for a few weeks and then disappear. At 20 I finally had my first real, serious boyfriend and things were great! I was so "in love" (hahaha) and happy. Then after 3 months he dumped me out of the blue. :?:

I should mention that I also have generalized anxiety disorder. Well, I was so depressed/anxious he dumped me that I didn't eat for days. I was so anxious over things that I made myself sick to my stomach. I lost about 40 lbs and subsequently, became bulemic. I figured out that I loved food enough to eat it, but as long as I threw it back up, I wouldn't gain anything. I would binge, and barf.. plain as that. But I loved the way I looked - I was 130 lbs and so skinny, skinnier than I'd ever been. All these guys wanted to date me! I was popular, I had many friends and many boyfriends. Nevermind I was depressed to the bone on the inside, lonely and miserable.

THEN I met my husband in 2003. He loved me so much despite everything, that I stopped caring how I looked and started caring about making myself happy. Great improvement emotionally/spiritually, but not so much physically. I had gallbladder surgery in 2004 and I put on about 20 lbs. A year later I started birth control and put on another 20 lbs. And then we got engaged and with the stress of work, graduate school and planning a wedding, I put on another 20 lbs. Before I knew it, I had gained almost 70 lbs and I had to buy a size 24 wedding gown. I know they are european sizes, but still...

I am lucky that I married a guy who loves me, 60 lbs heavier or lighter, but now I want to love me for me!

I know that I don't need to be thin to be happy, but I need to be thin to be healthy. Thus I have developed my five reasons for losing weight:

1. I want to get pregnant someday, and women who are not overweight can conceive more easily than overweight women.

2. I want to lower my breast cancer risk. Women who are overweight and have more fatty tissue in their breasts have a higher risk of breast cancer.

3. I want strangers to think I'm hot enough to be my husband's wife, not a sister or "friend."

4. I want to reduce my heart disease risk. I found out through routine bloodwork that I have a gene in my blood that causes clots to form more easily than regular people.

5. I want to get back to 135 lbs because I WORKED for it and earned it, not because I took the "easy" way like I did before.

Sorry, this is really long! :^:

Colorado;


:welcome: This is a great place, I've only been around for two weeks and feel the support is so GREAT!!! You've had a tough road as many people here have and that helps everyone!! So make yourself at home pull up a chair and a glass a water and chat for awhile.

I wouldn't worry about it being long, I am very long-winded . . . UGH!! just remember we all have to change things -long term - and never give up. You'll have good days and bad. Days where you eat perfectly and days where . . . ummmm you slip up, but we just pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and keep going . . .

:welcome:

Bless that man for loving you for you! :love: and congrats on realizing that's it's not all about the weight! That was a biggie for me and only found out after I had lost over 100 pounds on a past attempt. We do have other things to work on as well.

You have come to the right place enjoy the support and fun. :hug: