Thanks, ladies. I think I got the impression on this board that, basically, being perfectly 100% isn't that hard so get over yourself and do it already. But, obviously, it IS hard or else there wouldn't be a rousing crowd on the 90% thread, plus the very many people who so badly want this to work but still find themselves struggling and having to restart.
But I guess, in dealing with my own junk, I felt like I can't be 100% and the fact that I already made the choice to eat some peanuts means I'll never really belong. Like I already screwed it up, so what's the point of trying to be 100% when I already blew it? Just that little lie that I CAN'T do it, I'll never be the person who can start a diet like this and lose 120 pounds and keep it off. (Nevermind that I already lost 100 pounds from gastric bypass and kept it off for 5 years. Still, that wasn't even half of my goal.) Maybe my body is just meant to be 220-250 pounds and that's as far as I'll ever get, blah blah blah. Just a defeatist attitude because of the fear...
The fear is that I WILL do this perfectly, stay 100% and not screw up anymore, and it still won't work. My body will fail me...AGAIN. If the majority of 90%ers lose weight and I was 98% (seriously, it was a T of peanuts and a T of trail mix) and I GAINED weight then, clearly, my body just will fail. Why go through the trauma of 100%(and it *is* trauma to have zero ability to find joy in food, I don't care who you are) to not get results?
But that is dumb. How about I give 100% the real shot it deserves? And then see if my fear is true? Everything I read everywhere is that, no matter the body, 100% on this diet DOES burn the fat off. So then, ok. I need to give it the chance. And, really, I need to give me the chance to actually succeed in this and not resign myself to "I have always been fat, I will always be fat."
Last edited by tamila; 06-29-2014 at 06:17 PM.
Reason: Typo edit
Tamila -- Looks like you're getting that fighting spirit back! I know that 3 lb peanut thing is bugging you, but remember, as soon as you get out of ketosis your body restocks the glycogen stores and that 3lbs comes back pretty quick. We know that is going to happen so don't let it surprise you when it does.
Keep up your renewed attitude. You know you'll see results. We all feel frustrated from time to time. As Lisa says - this diet is hard and being overweight is hard. Pick your hard. At least we know, later on, it does get easier!
Happy Birthday Ruth!! I hope you're having a fabulous day and taking it easy.
I was just re-reading the posts about forgetting birthdays and was thinking I needed to post for RuthAnn. Since you beat me to it, I'll join you. Hey! If we count to three and yell surprise, we can make it a surprise party!
I was just re-reading the posts about forgetting birthdays and was thinking I needed to post for RuthAnn. Since you beat me to it, I'll join you. Hey! If we count to three and yell surprise, we can make it a surprise party!
Thanks, ladies. I think I got the impression on this board that, basically, being perfectly 100% isn't that hard so get over yourself and do it already. But, obviously, it IS hard or else there wouldn't be a rousing crowd on the 90% thread, plus the very many people who so badly want this to work but still find themselves struggling and having to restart.
But I guess, in dealing with my own junk, I felt like I can't be 100% and the fact that I already made the choice to eat some peanuts means I'll never really belong. Like I already screwed it up, so what's the point of trying to be 100% when I already blew it? Just that little lie that I CAN'T do it, I'll never be the person who can start a diet like this and lose 120 pounds and keep it off. (Nevermind that I already lost 100 pounds from gastric bypass and kept it off for 5 years. Still, that wasn't even half of my goal.) Maybe my body is just meant to be 220-250 pounds and that's as far as I'll ever get, blah blah blah. Just a defeatist attitude because of the fear...
The fear is that I WILL do this perfectly, stay 100% and not screw up anymore, and it still won't work. My body will fail me...AGAIN. If the majority of 90%ers lose weight and I was 98% (seriously, it was a T of peanuts and a T of trail mix) and I GAINED weight then, clearly, my body just will fail. Why go through the trauma of 100%(and it *is* trauma to have zero ability to find joy in food, I don't care who you are) to not get results?
But that is dumb. How about I give 100% the real shot it deserves? And then see if my fear is true? Everything I read everywhere is that, no matter the body, 100% on this diet DOES burn the fat off. So then, ok. I need to give it the chance. And, really, I need to give me the chance to actually succeed in this and not resign myself to "I have always been fat, I will always be fat."
Tamila - So many thoughts swirling through my head as I read this. First - the 100% thread is not "only" for people who are always 100% - many of us have gone off, struggled, come back. My interpretation of it is that it is for people who plan and intend to try to be 100% OP - i.e. not planning and intending to go off with specific times and foods. Just my take on it, but plenty of room for interpretation.
In regards to going off, whether small or large, the skill we are all trying to develop is to put it behind us, say "OK, I messed up but that does not mean that I cannot jump back on and have a better day". It is a coping skill that will help us when we DO go off what we intend to eat in life, not just on the IP.
As far as failure, if you are 100%, or even close, you will NOT fail. Read through the postings here and you will see the proof of that. And you might find it works if you can restyle your thinking to knowing that you CAN and WILL succeed. Power of positive thinking?
Last, I discovered that my tastes and interests changed the longer I have been on IP. I do find joy in roasted garlic cabbage, chocolate shake with chopped frozen spinach, hot chocolate cake in a mug, rotini in my salad, etc. I do not lead a life without enjoyment of these foods, but they are acquired tastes and come after a while.
What I DO enjoy is the health, energy, and excitement for life that my weight loss has brought me. It does not matter how much you have to lose or how long you have weighed what you do. I suffered for decades, all my marriage, from obesity. But I never gave up. It does and did work.
schenectady -- you've got great advice and it's easy to take it because you know of what you speak! It's people like you -- who have done so well-- even with admitted struggles -- that keep us grounded.
Have a good night all. This night owl just may go to bed early tonight (but probably not. LOL)
Happy Birthday RuthAnn!! I hope you're having a fabulous day and taking it easy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IP43
I was just re-reading the posts about forgetting birthdays and was thinking I needed to post for RuthAnn. Since you beat me to it, I'll join you. Hey! If we count to three and yell surprise, we can make it a surprise party!
One, Two, Three.... SURPRISE!!
Yeah! I love surprise parties! Thank you guys! Had a great day and took things easy - went to the ballgame and relaxed. We even won!
tamila - first off to you! You obviously want so much to do this and do it right and it is hard to get yourself into the mindset that you can do it. But you can - we (meaning the board) have talked a lot about the "determination muscle". Every time you work that muscle and stay OP the easier it is the next time to do the same and before you know it, you have several weeks OP and several pounds gone. If you slip, make the very next bite you put in your mouth IP and keep going.
I found it helped not to think of P1 as a lifestyle change which implies that it's something I am going to do the rest of my life. P1 is a short-term plan that I thought of as a reset and learning phase along with weight loss (and a year really is short term when you think of how long I was extremely fat). I knew I was not going to eat the P1 way forever. BUT it did reset my thinking about food and my tastes. And I learned so much about what I am capable of doing, what I thought I couldn't live without that I really can live without and why I had fallen into unhealthy routines.
I still eat some of my favorites from P1 - I don't think I'll ever give up roasted veggies, mockamole, cauliflower hummus. That stuff just tastes too good!
Hang in there and maybe give yourself permission to not beat yourself up so much. This is hard work and you need to be gentle with yourself right now - take baths with nice oils, take a walk, read a good book. I believe you have kids so finding time for yourself can be hard, but make a real effort to do nice, non-food related things you can do for yourself.
You really can do this - remember, it's not how many times you fall that count, it's how many times you pick yourself back up.
Tamila -- I am rushing around today getting ready for out of town guests, but I had to chime in a bit . . .
I recognize every single thing you said. I, too, was really leery to trust my body . . . to give it my all and then still fail . . . I was afraid of finding out that I was truly a phenomenon, the only person honestly unable to lose weight. Giving over to this plan and trusting it was the very hardest part. It was also, however, the most crucial part. Just jump in, Tamila, and do it. I had to consciously apply myself to stopping the negative self-talk. Since I wasn't exercising physically, I looked at the mental work as the exercise of P1. It is work, you are breaking a very bad habit, and it takes a lot of time and effort, but it is so worth it when you do.
Also, I had to work on the all-or-nothing thinking. It was a longggg time into the plan before I ate/did something that I perceived to be off-plan and it was very difficult for me since I am also an all-or-nothing person. As Slipfree once said to me, "This is not about perfection. This is about a lifestyle." No one can be perfect all the time -- living with the imperfection and finding a way to make it fit the plan is all part of it.
Being 100% means not planning to fail/cheat. It doesn't mean never failing. It means planning your way through everything that you can foresee. No "oh, this one time" and no "this is a special occasion." It is finding a way no matter what, because those are the skills that will get you through to the end and, by the end, you will have acquired a whole new set of skills and will be ready to keep to them all your life. And what the others are saying has also been my experience -- it gets easier. You will derive joy from OP foods if you comply (surrender) long enough. A plate of 93% lean ground beef with sauteed cabbage and a 1 tsp of olive oil over the top IS my comfort food now (are you laughing at me?). It really is. Very little makes me happier, foodwise, than my blessed jicama or rutabaga fries. Don't forget about the satisfaction/joy of knowing that the food you are enjoying is actually good for you and is getting you closer -- not farther -- from your goal. That is an extra layer of enjoyment that is not felt with non-program eating.
You can do this -- don't be afraid. Jump in, give over to it. I am telling you -- it will absolutely be the best thing you have ever done for yourself. (And you DO deserve it.)
I am realizing just how much I still used food for comfort. No, I don't eat packages of Oreos, but a handful of nuts or a fish stick when making my kids dinner felt like little ways to reward myself just for surviving life. Both my kids, ages 3 & almost 2, have autism. I am always torn between "it could be worse" and realizing how not honest I am with myself about how incredibly hard this is. And Starbucks mochas used to be my JAM. Now I can't have them and it sucks. But that used to be my, "Hey, we made it through another week of this painful, exhausting, delightful journey. Enjoy a mocha, girl!"
On the upside, this morning I made an IP iced coffee with aeropress coffee, a vanilla premade, some cinnamon, and a scant hint of Stevita. I was amazed that I LOVED it. And it's completely OP so it wasn't even a reward, just breakfast. Part of the mind change I need is to find joy in this process making me healthy while figuring out what foods feel like a joy and not a burden to eat.
Ahhhh...I love this thread! Keep up the hard work, Tamila! I think the emotional part of eating is 100% harder than the taste part. "Food Peace" is such a great way to describe how what IP has given me.
Ahhhh...I love this thread! Keep up the hard work, Tamila! I think the emotional part of eating is 100% harder than the taste part. "Food Peace" is such a great way to describe how what IP has given me.
Well I don't have food peace yet because I still WANT to eat little scrapings if avocado when I dish up for my family. But I DIDN'T eat then nor even lick my fingers, so BAM.
And gah! Happy birthday, RuthAnn! I hope it's been FABULOUS!
Well I don't have food peace yet because I still WANT to eat little scrapings if avocado when I dish up for my family. But I DIDN'T eat then nor even lick my fingers, so BAM.
And gah! Happy birthday, RuthAnn! I hope it's been FABULOUS!
And this is how you make it. It is just little steps at a time, that added together become the big steps that get you to goal. I am a person who given a huge overwhelming thing to think about manage it by breaking it down and tackling small pieces. Then it is not overwhelming. I feel that works well in this diet.
Well I don't have food peace yet because I still WANT to eat little scrapings if avocado when I dish up for my family. But I DIDN'T eat then nor even lick my fingers, so BAM.
And gah! Happy birthday, RuthAnn! I hope it's been FABULOUS!
Yeah you! drd is right - it's the little steps that count because they all add up. It really is the key to success on this diet I think.
And thank you for the birthday wishes! I had a wonderful day - even got to watch the Mariners win! Hooray!
Happy Birthday RuthAnn!! I hope you're having a fabulous day and taking it easy.
SURPRISE!!
to you! You obviously want so much to do this and do it right and it is hard to get yourself into the mindset that you can do it. But you can - we (meaning the board) have talked a lot about the "determination muscle". Every time you work that muscle and stay OP the easier it is the next time to do the same and before you know it, you have several weeks OP and several pounds gone. If you slip, make the very next bite you put in your mouth IP and keep going.
