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Old 04-16-2014, 11:05 PM   #106  
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So I have a behaviorally challenging 4 year old. We struggle, she was doing really good in preschool this year until January, now it's almost back to square one. It's hard for me because I am a teacher and I work in special education and many of my students are behaviorally challenging. I have all the tools and tricks of my trade at my disposal, I know all the ways to deal with these things, I have other experts as friends, yet I can't seem to manage with my own kid. It breaks my heart and it makes me want to pull my hair out at the same time. Today we had a total melt down while going to rent movies then pick up some steak for dinner. By total meltdown I mean kicking, screaming, hitting, at one point lying in the street of the strip mall, just a mess, when I got her in to safety it continued, we left the store with no movies and sat with her strapped into her seat for 45 minutes carrying on. It was almost a serious moment of weakness because after about 30 minutes my friend text me to say the walk was canceled they were going for a beer and I should come... a cocktail sounded so relaxing, an hour away from the struggle, forgetting that even though I am a professional I can not handle my own child. Would it make me feel better tomorrow, no, but thinking in the moment it was near disaster, she calmed down as I drove her to my moms, I needed a break. But as I pulled up I thought to myself if I go in there I'm not coming out till they drag me out, that's going to be a lot of calories, a hangover, probably be sick, and a week of IP lost... all I can say is at this moment the end of IP can't come soon enough.
Two things
1. IP P1 may end but monitoring our intake may not

2. I'm an early intervention specialist as well. You've probably told parents a zillion times that school is different than home. School (and managing students) is WAY more structured and home is more "open"....especially with all of the unexpecteds out in the community.

Just because your child had a melt-down (a big one it sounds like!) does not mean that you are unable to manage your child. It means that sometimes even the best strategies don't work. It means that a tired mom (who worked all day) may not have seen a setting event. It means that there are countless precipitating factors and environmental inputs that could have contributed to her behavior.

How many times at school has our whole "basket of tricks" not worked in a given situation? We do our best as professionals and parents do their best at home. And sometimes kids have tantrums. And many times parents are tired. And this is your child and sometimes it hurts. And it hurts more than it does when strategies don't work for a student b/c you just want her to be healthy and happy and it breaks your heart when she isn't. She's your baby and she's part of you. And sometimes you just want to be "mom" and not a professional.

And its okay. And I'm very sorry you had a tough evening.
What can you do for you that is relaxing? There are lots of things besides alcohol (it is just quick and easy).
A bubble bath? Some meditation or journaling? Stretching? Sit in the silence? Chamomile tea? Quiet music?

My friend who told me about IP told me I might want an Rx for Xanax for the tough days when a double martini sounds like the only solution. I never got it but I've used Bach Rescue Remedy many times. It seems to help, if only in my head.

Take care. I'm sure you're a great mom & you'll keep working on getting her the help she needs until you get it figured out.
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Old 04-16-2014, 11:38 PM   #107  
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Originally Posted by lisa32989 View Post
Two things
1. IP P1 may end but monitoring our intake may not

2. I'm an early intervention specialist as well. You've probably told parents a zillion times that school is different than home. School (and managing students) is WAY more structured and home is more "open"....especially with all of the unexpecteds out in the community.

Just because your child had a melt-down (a big one it sounds like!) does not mean that you are unable to manage your child. It means that sometimes even the best strategies don't work. It means that a tired mom (who worked all day) may not have seen a setting event. It means that there are countless precipitating factors and environmental inputs that could have contributed to her behavior.

How many times at school has our whole "basket of tricks" not worked in a given situation? We do our best as professionals and parents do their best at home. And sometimes kids have tantrums. And many times parents are tired. And this is your child and sometimes it hurts. And it hurts more than it does when strategies don't work for a student b/c you just want her to be healthy and happy and it breaks your heart when she isn't. She's your baby and she's part of you. And sometimes you just want to be "mom" and not a professional.

And its okay. And I'm very sorry you had a tough evening.
What can you do for you that is relaxing? There are lots of things besides alcohol (it is just quick and easy).
A bubble bath? Some meditation or journaling? Stretching? Sit in the silence? Chamomile tea? Quiet music?

My friend who told me about IP told me I might want an Rx for Xanax for the tough days when a double martini sounds like the only solution. I never got it but I've used Bach Rescue Remedy many times. It seems to help, if only in my head.

Take care. I'm sure you're a great mom & you'll kee
p working on getting her the help she needs until you get it figured out.
That was a very thoughtful and encouraging response. I think we as parents are too hard on ourselves and if we make mistakes in parenting we need to know it's ok to aknowledge them and appologize to our children. It shows them that everyone makes mistakes and you take ownersip of them and try and correct them.

Hang in there!
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Old 04-17-2014, 02:29 AM   #108  
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Stress of finishing up the school year (and my degree!) are killing me, and all my progress! I am in a stall this last week and this week.... Probably from the lack of sleep, and the gallons of coffee I keep drinking... Thank goodness I graduate in 23 days!
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