Jig,
Thanks, I've always kind of aspired to "stay" close to you in losses since we started out so close to begin with. You were the only person that I've met here (or at my center) that had as much weight to lose, so staying on par with you (not competitively) was motivation that I was "keeping up" with my "brother".
Thanks for being there for me. I'm going to do this. I wrote at the top of my food journal "If I didn't write it down, I don't put it in my mouth." That's at the top page of EVERY page of my journal. Weighed myself on the scale tonight, and I'm down another 2lbs from WI yesterday. Obviously, scales vary, but it was kinda crazy to have *me* standing on the scale and it said 312.
Lucci,
I'm going to rededicate myself to being 100% OP. No extra protein (which is where I was going wrong the past couple weeks. An extra slice of Turkey lunch meat, or having an egg, but not tracking it). That's what I had meant about eating things that were allowed, but not on plan. I'm being accountable to myself, and I'm not going to let my emotional state get the best of me. The best way to deal with this is to accept the fear, and move with it, not paralyze myself with it. I am so much better than a stumbling block on the road to getting healthy. I don't have any long term goals at this point, but I've got a short term goal of making the springtime challenge (5.8lbs to meet that goal) and a second short term goal of making it into the 200's. I haven't been there since my freshman year of high school...
And that really was an AWFUL time (when isn't high school heinous). Maybe I'm still carrying some of the emotional baggage from that timeframe. Makes a certain amount of sense to me..
I appreciate all the kind words from everyone. Thank you so much!!!