omg, it's as if i had written that. thank you so much, i really needed this and you helped me tremendously with this
it was a difficult day for me today and negative thoughts were starting to get the best of me but after reading this they're gone and i've been thinking a lot about the exact same things you wrote.
this must be a sign!!!
thank you and great job on your WL.
Okay Ms Sunshine! Aren't you a ray of sunshine. I'mm so glad this resonates with you. I do have to say that I got the best laugh out of your signature line. Very cute.
Okay, so I started writing these letters (my Inner Skinny Chick started writing these letters to me) that really portray a very vulnerable side of weight loss - at least for me.
I wanted to share in case it can really help somebody:
Sweetheart - I know your past. I know how you have yo-yo-dieted for over 15 years. I know that any time you cheat it's a recipe for failure.
I know a cheat sends you spiraling off course until you are no longer on your program, depressed, miserable, and feeling like a failure.
I know that every time you cheat you rob yourself of the beauty that life has to offer and the beauty that you have to offer the world. Your "walls" go up every time you cheat and you feel like a failure.
I know that food can be a drug for you - a drug that is addicting and damaging to your body and your mind. Your struggle is to create a balance so that you can eat foods that nourish and cleanse your body and mind rather than destroy it.
I also know that you are strong and that you have the ability to reach your goals and shine. I know that you will be happier when you have accomplished your goals and your inner beauty will radiate as your outer beauty comes into alignment.
I know that it's not about the food. It's about resolving what's in your mind, your past, and what surfaces with your emotions. It's about staying calm and letting those issues surface without bolting towards food to mask the pain - the issue.
I know that if you stay on this course of losing weight, getting healthy, and maintaining that weight that you will feel more empowered than ever before.
We're getting stronger and overcoming the inner chubby chick. I know you can do this! You have to know it for yourself.
You didn't become over weight because you love food.
First off, love these letters amberjules; thanks for sharing them!
The below post is not meant to take away anything from amberjules letters... I personally just feel different in regards to one aspect of her letter.
Am I the only one???
I honestly don't feel that my weight gain/issue has anything to do with trying to numb emotions. I have great self esteem (always have), had an awesome childhood and have a great life. I 100% feel that I am overweight because I love food, or rather love the taste, texture, color, smell, variety, etc of food. I remember saying to my husband when we were first married, "Here, have a bite of this" and he'd say "I'm not hungry" and I'd always respond "well, what does that have to do with anything!" Meaning, that I enjoy eating because food tastes great. And we have to admit that there are tons of great tasting options around us all the time.
I believe it is a chemical response in my brain (and genetics, too!). When I eat simple carbs, I crave more carbs. I know the happy neurotransmitters are firing off in my brain just as they would be in a drug addicts when they use their cocaine or heroin. Sure, I may have ate out of boredom or habit sometimes, but I was always thinking in my head "what sounds good/what am I in the mood for?!?" ------ Not what feeling am I trying to suppress.
Anyone else out there feel this way about food and what originally drew you to it that caused your weight problem?
There are lots of reasons why we eat, don't eat, overeat, etc.
Sometimes when I am stressed I eat, other times, I don't eat when I am stressed.
Sometimes it's a habit...eating while reading.
Sometimes it's when I am tired.
Sometimes it smells good.
Sometimes it's a social thing.
Sometimes I am really hungry so I eat and at other times I am not hungry at all but I eat or think about eating.
The list could go on and on.
I, like you, had a great childhood and am a generally happy and healthy person. I have a wonderful spouse, grown children, and a fantastic grandson. I have a strong faith or spirituality in my life and great, supportive friends. I have a stable job with good benefits, great colleagues and no debt.
First off, love these letters amberjules; thanks for sharing them!
The below post is not meant to take away anything from amberjules letters... I personally just feel different in regards to one aspect of her letter.
Am I the only one???
I honestly don't feel that my weight gain/issue has anything to do with trying to numb emotions. I have great self esteem (always have), had an awesome childhood and have a great life. I 100% feel that I am overweight because I love food, or rather love the taste, texture, color, smell, variety, etc of food. I remember saying to my husband when we were first married, "Here, have a bite of this" and he'd say "I'm not hungry" and I'd always respond "well, what does that have to do with anything!" Meaning, that I enjoy eating because food tastes great. And we have to admit that there are tons of great tasting options around us all the time.
I believe it is a chemical response in my brain (and genetics, too!). When I eat simple carbs, I crave more carbs. I know the happy neurotransmitters are firing off in my brain just as they would be in a drug addicts when they use their cocaine or heroin. Sure, I may have ate out of boredom or habit sometimes, but I was always thinking in my head "what sounds good/what am I in the mood for?!?" ------ Not what feeling am I trying to suppress.
Anyone else out there feel this way about food and what originally drew you to it that caused your weight problem?
~Jen
Quote:
Originally Posted by swerdna59
There are lots of reasons why we eat, don't eat, overeat, etc.
Sometimes when I am stressed I eat, other times, I don't eat when I am stressed.
Sometimes it's a habit...eating while reading.
Sometimes it's when I am tired.
Sometimes it smells good.
Sometimes it's a social thing.
Sometimes I am really hungry so I eat and at other times I am not hungry at all but I eat or think about eating.
The list could go on and on.
I, like you, had a great childhood and am a generally happy and healthy person. I have a wonderful spouse, grown children, and a fantastic grandson. I have a strong faith or spirituality in my life and great, supportive friends. I have a stable job with good benefits, great colleagues and no debt.
It is what it is.
I totally get that my letters of course don't apply to everyone. We are all over weight for one reason or another whether it be related to childhood issues, past issues, or current issues.
I think that you are on the right path in exploring "why" you eat, because you like the taste, because there are actual chemical reactions that take place when eating certain foods, boredom, associating an activity with eating.
When I go to a movie I immediately crave popcorn, probably because of the smell but it's also something I associate with past times have going to movies with my family and friends, enjoying a movie and eating popcorn.
I wish I could say I had a happy childhood. I didn't. It sucked. I know many of my food issues are related to those hurtful times for me. However I'm almost 42 years old now and it's time for me to stop allowing something that happened 25 years ago to ruin the rest of my life.
Bumping this great thread! Came back to reread it!
Thanks, gives me a chance to reflect on my whys....
I know that in the 5 weeks that I started IP, I've learned the subtle, but distinct difference between "legit hunger" and everything else. And the everything elses differ greatly, from smells to habit, to boredom, to deeper things like stress and sadness. They are becoming CLEARER to me and that's what's important to me.
My worst bad eating habit was at dinner: I would eat a full plate and before I could even swallow the last bite I was up, getting another full plate. Why? Because it tasted good? Wasn't patient enough to wait for the full filling? Not sure, all I know is that now I PREFER the feeling of just being sated and not "full".
Yes, I still see/smell/think of foods that I am doing without, but no, I am not "tempted" or driven to go seek them out.
So that's a sure sign that I am healing, on the outside and on the inside
Last edited by newday2013; 04-14-2013 at 08:50 PM.
This is wonderful. Please keep writing.
I am reading a book called Self Compassion and much of what you are writing emulates the ideas in the book.
Even after years of maintaining I still find fault in how I look.
Instead of being critical I am trying to look in the mirror every day and tell myself I am beautiful and perfect just as I am. That oes not mean I won't change, but I will love myself every step of the way.
First off, love these letters amberjules; thanks for sharing them!
The below post is not meant to take away anything from amberjules letters... I personally just feel different in regards to one aspect of her letter.
Am I the only one???
I honestly don't feel that my weight gain/issue has anything to do with trying to numb emotions. I have great self esteem (always have), had an awesome childhood and have a great life. I 100% feel that I am overweight because I love food, or rather love the taste, texture, color, smell, variety, etc of food. I remember saying to my husband when we were first married, "Here, have a bite of this" and he'd say "I'm not hungry" and I'd always respond "well, what does that have to do with anything!" Meaning, that I enjoy eating because food tastes great. And we have to admit that there are tons of great tasting options around us all the time.
I believe it is a chemical response in my brain (and genetics, too!). When I eat simple carbs, I crave more carbs. I know the happy neurotransmitters are firing off in my brain just as they would be in a drug addicts when they use their cocaine or heroin. Sure, I may have ate out of boredom or habit sometimes, but I was always thinking in my head "what sounds good/what am I in the mood for?!?" ------ Not what feeling am I trying to suppress.
Anyone else out there feel this way about food and what originally drew you to it that caused your weight problem?
~Jen
I like your post Jen. Not everyone that needs to lose weight has emotional eating issues. Sounds like yours was more portion control than anything else.
I'm an emotional eater and I never though I'm going to eat something to suppress this emotion. It is what I did, but never consciously made the decision. The emotions triggered a need in me to eat those delicious foods that were so bad for me. When I craved something it was always something loaded with simple carbs, sugar and fat, and it wasn't because of hunger. Then there was the problem that once I got started eating something yummy, I wasn't going to stop until it was all gone.I didn't recognize that it was emotional eating until a few years ago when reading a book about weight loss. The book didn't help me with the issues, although it did help me to answer the question I often asked myself of "what's wrong with me, why can't I stick to a diet?" IP actually helped me by removing the emotional eating part from the diet.
Bumping this great thread! Came back to reread it!
So glad you're enjoying it. Let me just say that it's a very vulnerable situation for me writing these letters. Getting my feelings out and allowing others to see inside. A little scary, but also empowering to know others have some of the same difficult times.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newday2013
Thanks, gives me a chance to reflect on my whys....
I know that in the 5 weeks that I started IP, I've learned the subtle, but distinct difference between "legit hunger" and everything else. And the everything elses differ greatly, from smells to habit, to boredom, to deeper things like stress and sadness. They are becoming CLEARER to me and that's what's important to me.
My worst bad eating habit was at dinner: I would eat a full plate and before I could even swallow the last bite I was up, getting another full plate. Why? Because it tasted good? Wasn't patient enough to wait for the full filling? Not sure, all I know is that now I PREFER the feeling of just being sated and not "full".
Yes, I still see/smell/think of foods that I am doing without, but no, I am not "tempted" or driven to go seek them out.
So that's a sure sign that I am healing, on the outside and on the inside
What an amazing mind shift to recognize the differences and feelings surrounding your hunger levels. Sometimes I remember eating and eating and then almost "waking up" in the midst of eating and thinking, "Why am I still eating? I'm not hungry; I'm actually quite full".
I'm really seriously happy for you! What a huge dramatic difference in your journey with food.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momto2cs
This is wonderful. Please keep writing.
I am reading a book called Self Compassion and much of what you are writing emulates the ideas in the book.
Even after years of maintaining I still find fault in how I look.
Instead of being critical I am trying to look in the mirror every day and tell myself I am beautiful and perfect just as I am. That oes not mean I won't change, but I will love myself every step of the way.
Thnk you for the reminder!
Thank you so much. Yes yes....I love that you're looking in the mirror. Did you find it difficult the first time to say this in the mirror to yourself?
I'll never forget the first time I looked in the mirror to tell myself, "I love you". It was a lie and cried for an hour! Brings me to tears just thinking about it. I couldn't imagine why I had so much disdain for myself. I later realized why. I had lost myself. Abandoned myself for many reasons as a child that are too horrible to mention here. But nonetheless, I did to myself what others did to me. It was a horrible feeling when I realized it, but the healing started to begin in that moment.
I'm so glad you posted your experience. I keep thinking that when I get to goal that everything will be alright, no more hard times during maintenance. But I'm beginning to realize that this could be a life long struggle. Maybe not always a struggle as much as something I have to focus on to keep me in maintenance and at goal.
I think my inner chubby chick will always be there, but I know her voice is starting to be only a whisper now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ragdoll74
I like your post Jen. Not everyone that needs to lose weight has emotional eating issues. Sounds like yours was more portion control than anything else.
I'm an emotional eater and I never though I'm going to eat something to suppress this emotion. It is what I did, but never consciously made the decision. The emotions triggered a need in me to eat those delicious foods that were so bad for me. When I craved something it was always something loaded with simple carbs, sugar and fat, and it wasn't because of hunger. Then there was the problem that once I got started eating something yummy, I wasn't going to stop until it was all gone.I didn't recognize that it was emotional eating until a few years ago when reading a book about weight loss. The book didn't help me with the issues, although it did help me to answer the question I often asked myself of "what's wrong with me, why can't I stick to a diet?" IP actually helped me by removing the emotional eating part from the diet.
Emotional eating is an interesting phrase. When I think of emotions I think anger, love, hate, sadness, but it could also be just plain love of food too. Food produces some kind of an emotion in us right? Else we wouldn't eat it. For instance, if you know that you really love cheesecake and when you eat it, it produces a feeling/emotion of happiness to taste how good it is. It could even be tied to a happy memory of an event in your life. For example, if your mom always made cheesecake for you everytime you made a A on your report card. That's a great memory of not only your mom loving you and supporting you, but then you get to have this yummy tasting cheesecake. So lots of emotions tied to a memory can be triggers for why we eat.
I don't think emotional eating is always about some issue we had as a child or even an adult, but a simple love of something too much that can cause harm to us if we don't portion control it.
It's a journey for all of us no matter what those reasons are.
This is such an interesting thread. I find myself relating to both sides. Eating emotionally and eating because I just love food! Growing up, I remember being berated because I had eaten too much of something then going in secret to steal some more of it from the cupboards when no one was looking! LOL! I wasn't brought up with realistic or healthy eating habits, it's something I really had to wrap my head around, and it's taken so... dang... long! I too will eat when frustrated, or when I'm in a argument and sometimes when these situation arise I don't. But since I started this program I have been asking myself when I get negative feelings exactly what I expect this food item to give me once I'm finished with it. I don't like the answer! So I don't eat it. I am finally over the movies and popcorn connection. My dad and I regularly go to the movies, have since I was a kid. Now he doesn't even look at me cross eyed when I pull out my bottled water and south west cheese curls.
On the plain I just love food side of things.... that was/is super hard to get over. I'm a real food connoisseur and up until February I was certain that good food had to involve in some way a lovely cheese, bread, balsamic and a glass of good wine. Thanks to the folks here and my search abilities, I've come up with some great recipes that still taste like gourmet to me. So I don't feel like I'm losing out on anything! This is a good thing, because I was certain that my new way of life and new way of eating was going to have me living a life that I was sure I wasn't interested in, nor could I keep up long term!
A big hats off to all of you who have helped me on my journey as well as others!
It was hard to talk to myself in the mirror,, but I had been reading the book and had already begun to switch the negative voice in my head for the positive...
Unfortunately when you finish losing everything in your life does not suddenly get better. Sure, you can wear nicer clothes and you feel better, but your job will still be the same, your bills will still be there and ll those other life challenges will still exist. It can be a struggle to suddenly have the freedom from a strict diet.
The more you can learn about yourself and your triggers with food along the way the better!
Sweetheart - As you get rid of the pounds - the coat that keeps you from being your authentic self - you will start to see life with new eyes. You're moving into uncharted territory. Territory filled with unknowns as you move into a lower weight you haven't seen in years.
Your body is changing. People are looking at you differently.
Are you different or the same?
Will you allow yourself to be vulnerable during this journey so you can deepen your understanding of why you are traveling down this road?
It will be easy for you to listen to your inner chubby chick as you see an unfamiliar face and body staring back at you in the mirror. You can listen to her tell you that you are abandoning yourself once again because this new person isn't you - the overweight girl is who you know and trust.
Or...
You can listen to me and let me guide you through this uncharted territory step-by-step, hand-in-hand.
I want to remind you of a quote from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I want you to know that your light is bright and with each pound you lose it's shining brighter and brighter. You are releasing past hurts, past feelings of failure, past emotional eating issues. You are liberating yourself to reveal your authentic self - your empowered self.
