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Old 02-21-2013, 08:48 AM   #1  
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Default Anyone Their Parent's Primary Caregiver?

I'm The Sandwich Generation, parents ,me and children.
I am my mom's Primary Caregiver ..she lives with us for years now since she can no longer live on her own. This has been a blessings and a major challenge at times. My mom has a significant health history...that now has both physical and cognitive challenges.

I feel like a Juggler just trying to keep all the balls in the air!

Sometimes I wish there was 2 of me 1 to go to work and the other to take care of the family. Too bad all the weight I lost could not have been turned into a Clone and given me a helping hand....well at least I'm not lugging all that extra weight on my back.

So are any of you your parent's caregiver and working and have husband and kids ? Sometimes I think I'm not doing as much as I should/ want to do!
I have responsibilities to everyone ....I want to be a Dutiful daughter,a good spouse and a good mom..... And trying not to short change anyone.
I work nights so I can be home during the day for my mom and my husband is home with my mom. At night...and he is so good with her.
My mom today is having Altered Mental Status breaks my heart that I can't comfort her,and help alleviate the fear she is experiencing... We have been through this I know the routine.
When people have cognitive issues .the world is not's something no one wants to see.
Please pray for my mom that she gets some comfort.
My grandmother had Alzheimer's and lived with us and we have dealt with the struggles and hard break of seeing someone slip away right in front of your eyes and that is so hard on families ...and not all family members can cope with the stress that is a natural result of the illness.
I pray God will give me strength and wisdom to endure watching my beloved mother go down this path. I am grateful to walk this walk with her..I just feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest...
My family is from the south ..and it is traditional for the daughter to take care of their mom was a very dutiful daughter...I pray I will be enough...
My mom is like a cat with 9 lives she has bounced back when was doubtful..we have a wonderful Doctor that I used to work with in the hospital ICU when he was a Resident ..and he is so compassionate.this is a blessing to have him managing my mom's healthcare needs.I have been training my dogs to be therapy dogs and their interaction with her gets more of a response then with people.
I will wait till Doctor's office opens up is better than taking her through ER
Because that can be very stressful for her.
Thanks guys for listening ...I have to keep my game face on and focus on getting through this ...
Oh and last night driving home from Dog class a group of deer ran across the road and one smashed into the left side of my car ...and had to call the police
Before they came I got out to see if deer hurt and the herd came back and tried to charge me ...I jumped back in my car..
We are expecting a snow storm ....and I got to go back to work tomorrow.
There use to be an old commercial for Calgon bath salts .So. Calgon take me away!!!

Last edited by Roo2; 02-21-2013 at 08:59 AM.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:47 AM   #2  
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I am so sorry for all you are going through

I did take care of my Mom while she had brain cancer, while caring for my family as well. I went from that situation to my current one which involves being a full time caregiver to my husband who has end-stage renal disease (kidney failure) - dialysis and all the other nasty problems that go with it. And this while still working and caring for our young daughter. I don't have any one to turn to, just pretty much take it on myself.

You are a wonderful person for doing this
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:12 AM   #3  
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Thanks Cactus Flower sorry about the loss of your mom
Sorry to here about your husband's ESRD , I've taken care of those type of Patients when working in Adult ICU ..and it can definitely be challenging.
How is your daughter handling everything ? When my mom has been more ill I have not always been able to attend husband would go ..but one of us needed to stay home.
My extended family lives out of state is no one to help,but even if they did live around , I think no one would want to deal with the dirty diapers and such.

Thank you for responding ,generally I just try to push on ...but last night the car accident and this morning the auditory and visual hallucinations broke my heart.
I usually compartmentalize everything and do what I have to do but sometimes I want to be that good daughter that she so richly deserves and fix everything and make it better ...but I know that is not always I pray for strength to walk her final journey not knowing how long it will be or where it will lead.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:48 AM   #4  
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My situation isn't as trying as your guys are. But my fil is disabled due to being hit by a forklift many years ago. He now has two bad knees and require back surgery. He refuses the back surgery because the first 3 knee surgeries did nothing to ease his pain. His health has slowly deteriorated having had pnemonia twice among other things. He is only 52 so they refuse to replace his knees. He is young but makes a lot of mistakes like leaving the gas running, stove going, doors open which with a 3 year old scares me. I have been wanting to get a job but fear leaving him. I used to think he was built like an ox because he was over coming everything, but not he is depressed and in unmotivated. They say that those that are care givers have a higher chance of suffering from depression, but u sound so positive and your story makes me grateful for what I sometimes resent. You sound like a loving daughter and I will pray for your mother!
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:55 AM   #5  
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I really admire you!! I am watching my Parent's take care of my Grandpa. It is really hard on all of them. They are burnt out and my Grandpa is tired of feeling helpless. I am just glad my Parent's are able to take care of him so he does not have to be in a senior living situation because it would not be the best place for such a country boy... My other Grandpa is doing pretty darn good in an assisted living facility at almost 102 years old.

It's great you are doing IP for yourself
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