brummie |
07-19-2011 03:21 PM |
Hello All,
I have been on the program for almost 4 months and have done really well on it. I am truly grateful for that.
When I first started, I had a dream that I would be able to go clothes shopping with my mom and for the first time in my life, I would be happy to try on clothes. Since childhood (I was always a bigger than average girl) clothes shopping was a constant struggle for me...nothing ever made me happy, I never felt pretty in anything and more often then not, my mom would be more upset for me than I was. She was a single mom to four kids, life was difficult financially, but everytime we went into a clothes store my mom would say 'I will buy you anything you want, I just want you to be happy'...in hindsight, I think she wanted me to have the same ecstatic reaction that my skinny older sisters had when buying clothes. Needless to say, even with the offer of anything I want, we left empty handed every single time. (I was born and raised in England, and I actually thank God for school uniforms!! It was my saving grace for many many years)
When I started to lose weight on IP, my mom asked if she could come clothes shopping with me, when I was ready. I know that all she wanted to see was her baby happy in an environment that would usually have me sprinting (and panting and sprinting) in the opposite direction.
Well, I went to Winners this weekend and I took me ol' ma with me. She helped me pick out dresses, pants, blouses and sleepwear. As we walked to the fitting rooms, I asked if she would come in with me. She was shocked, who wouldn't be...this lovely lady has not seen me in my underwear since I was a small child when she was still dressing me. She helped me in and out of the clothes...I didn't need it...but it was an incredible bonding moment. I loved every second of it, I loved every item I tried on. She was beaming!
When I was ready to get back into my regular clothes, she said she would wait outside the fitting room for me and took the stuff that I tried on with her. After getting dressed, I literally skipped out of the fitting room area....but didn't see mom. I looked around the entire store and I finally found her at the checkout paying for ALL my stuff. She is on a government pension, I knew this was a big purchase for her...I wanted to give her the money to cover it, I could afford it. She wouldn't take it. As we walked through the parking lot back to my car, she held my hand looked at me and told me that she knew that I had worked really hard to lose this weight, she was proud that I had done it for myself and I deserved to reward myself, but she felt like she had won something too and being able to do this for me was a reward for herself. She had waited almost my whole life to do it, afterall.
I don't need to tell you that I am utterly crazy in love with my mom, she's been our quiet supporter all our lives, worked 4 jobs to support her four kids, never asked for anything in return, but always pushed us to achieve our dreams whatever they may be. She's taught me a lot. But this weekend she taught me the about the power that I have inside me to make the people that love me truly happy - it's as simple as living MY dream, loving MYSELF and treating ME with the respect and compassion that I deserve. Isn't that all any of us want for the people that we love?
I see now that the years of misery and self doubt didn't just take a toll on me, but the people I love to.
So, I ask you all to remember that as you continue on the journey, as you either breeze through the protocol, or struggle along slowly...keep on keeping on. Do it for yourself, and watch the amazing transformation of those that love you so much that all they want is for you to be happy. So be happy no matter what your weekly WI or Scale Addiction results may be - be happy that you're on the path to being a better you and without even trying will become a happy wife, happy mother, happy daughter, happy friend etc.
Thank you to all of you for the support you have inadvertantly given me while supporting each other. I think we learned this morning on a different thread that sometimes no matter what support you give to someone, they will take it negatively if it isn't what they have wanted to hear. For the record, I'm a true appreciater of tough love...because it is just that...love.
Thanks again and good luck to all of you.
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