Quote:
Originally Posted by natchamp
I'm terrified. I never thought I would feel these emotions. I broke through my 200lb mind block last week and I weigh in today. I hope I lose another pound, but I'm scared that I will fail. So frustrating and illogical. I haven't weighed this in ten years, I shoudl be excited.
I also pulled out a pair of "goal" jeans last night. I couldn't zip them last month and last night I was able to with just the slightest muffin top. I could easily wear them in public. Muffin top is so small, but I don't want any when I decided to finally wear them.
Then crazy thing is after almost 40lbs lost I hadn't gone down an size (I'm tall). All my petite friends are dropping sizes like crazy. I got used to saying, "No, I still haven't dropped a size." And now here I am so close to actually doing so. Logic says they will be very excited for me and I should be excited for myself. My brain says, "don't tell anyone because you're a fake." Whatever brain! No one can fake fitting into a smaller size. You just can't put 20lbs of potatoes in a 10lb sack. I'm not faking.
So weird. I just don't know what to do with myself. I guess I will just weigh in and move on. In the long run I don't want to be a thin person that still sees a fat person. I want to love my body.
There, I'm done and now I can breath. Thanks for reading.
|
Okay, I've been silly all day. It's time to be serious for a minute.
I've lost over 100 pounds since I've been on IP (I started in April). There are times when I've felt like I wasn't losing, or didn't notice a change in inches, or whatever. But when you're not carrying around an extra 100 lbs., people notice. Everyone around me notices. One of the guys I work with was skeptical at first when I started IP. Now he's said, more than once, that the difference is "night and day." When I run into neighbors and friends, they all say the same thing: "You've lost a lot (a ton, a bunch) of weight. How?"
I don't always feel it, but the change is there in little ways. I can shop in regular stores now, instead of heading into the Big & Tall and feeling like a fat a**. The steering wheel in my Mom's car doesn't rest on my legs anymore (because my legs are smaller). When I look in the mirror, my face looks different, and my body does too. When I'm out in public, people don't look at me the same way they used to. I'm still overweight (I have 55-60 lbs. left to lose), but I'm not the morbidly overweight guy I used to be. My feet don't hurt from carrying 2.5 bags of softener salt around with me every minute of every hour of every day.
We talk a lot about NSVs and not slipping, not cheating, avoiding temptations on this site. We talk about what's allowed and what's not allowed. But we also talk about how IP works, better than any other diet.
But there's something more. As some of you know, I'm not currently on the protocol at the moment (I'm taking a Dr. directed hiatus for a few days due to some social events that would make following the protocol difficult and somewhat rude). It's been said before, but I'll say from my recent experience that I wonder why in the **** I ever ate some of the stuff I ate before. It's nasty. It lacks flavor. It makes me feel sick. And I feel genuinely tired for the first time in months. I used to hate salad. After a couple of days off of IP, it's one of the only things that really sounds good to me right now.
My point is this. I know how to get fat. I've been successful at that for many years. It's not difficult. It's quick and easy and happens one french fry and one double cheeseburger at a time. But I've also learned how to lose fat. And it happens one salad at a time, with the added benefit of finding healthier, more creative ways to eat. If someone had suggested I try shiritaki noodles a year ago, I would have mocked them. Same goes for WF dressings and syrups. Guys don't eat that crap. Guys eat raw meat and scratch themselves in public. It's what we do.
But I'm a guy who's become accustomed to getting what I want in life. I have a successful career built on years of skillful experience. I pursue things in life that make me curious. I'm constantly trying to master new things, and become better at everything I do. So why should losing weight be any different?
When it comes to managing the protocol and the cheats (and I know it's off the topic of what you posted), I am NOT tempted to be an unhealthy fat a** ever again. I don't like that guy. That's not the guy I want to see in the mirror. I don't want to be the guy that people stare at, or the guy who is out of breath after climbing a few stairs. I'm more afraid of being
that guy again than I am of what the scale is going to read this week or next week or the week after, because I've proved that IP works and works well.
It's really as simple as that. So when you say that you don't want to be a thin person who still sees a fat person, I can relate. I used to look in the mirror and wonder where that fat guy came from, because it surely wasn't who I really was. Now I look in the mirror and I can still see that fat guy, but I also see the guy I was so convinced was gone forever that I was ready to put his picture on milk cartons to see if someone could help him turn up.
I guess that stuff really works!
Maybe I'll put a picture of a check for a million bucks on there and see what happens.
One more week....
