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Brookiecookie90 12-04-2017 06:56 PM

Hate "skinny" compliments
 
Does anyone else hate the constant compliments from people?

I work customer service & people constantly bring up my weight now. I know they think they're being nice, but I find it embarrassing coming from strangers. It's like "Hey I noticed you were fat & now your skinnier & "better looking"!". The you look good compliments just make me feel like I didn't before.

It's totally different coming from family & friends

Wannabehealthy 12-05-2017 08:59 AM

People who don't know you should refrain from making comments. The weight loss could be from illness. They don't know. I realize it makes you feel uncomfortable but I believe they truly are tying to be nice. Try to enjoy the flattery. Eventually people will grow accustomed to seeing you that way and the comments should stop.

Why don't you jump in here and tell us more about yourself and how you accomplished this. Your story might inspire others to do the same.

EagleRiverDee 12-06-2017 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wannabehealthy (Post 5341022)
Why don't you jump in here and tell us more about yourself and how you accomplished this. Your story might inspire others to do the same.

+1
I do understand the discomfort, though.

Brookiecookie90 12-13-2017 11:42 PM

I don't really feel like I have much of a story. I literally just woke up one morning and decided I wanted to get healthy. That day I quit smoking, drinking anything other than water ( I was a huge Mt. Dew drinker), working out and started counting calories. I think it helped me to quit all my bad habits at once because one craving (smoking, caffeine, food) was always strongest so I only had to resist that one. Caffeine was by far the hardest thing for me to quit.

We put up a punching bag in the basement which is still my favorite workout. We also had an elliptical, & bowflex from other times I tried lose weight. I also bought a treadmill this year but prefer hiking with my dog.

I never thought of it as a diet as I still eat whatever I want just considerably less. I changed my lifestyle this time. All the other times I just wanted to lose weight, & had so many restrictions in my diet.

It also helps a lot to compare before and after pictures. Even after reaching my goal weight I still have things I want to improve and get so focused on I forget to be proud of how far I've come. Sometimes I need to just sit back and look at the comparisons and just be happy with myself. Which I think is one of the reasons the compliments make me so uncomfortable because I'm still not where I want to be and they say things like "If you get any smaller your going to disappear." or "You're so tiny your not going to lose any more weight right?". I know they're trying to be nice, just wasn't sure if i'm weird for not liking the attention on my weight.

Chanticleer 12-14-2017 10:48 PM

Brookie, I also dislike an attention paid to my weight loss. This may be because the reason I'm doing it is for myself and I really don't want or require others' input. Also, many people around me get overly invested in my weight loss and get very controlling of me (trying to force me to eat more/less, lose more/less, etc. - they've given me orders before). It's like my weight loss gives them license to dictate my actions. I don't understand it or like it.

Thanks for sharing your story. It's always nice to hear the experiences and methods of other people.

kiwi1222 12-16-2017 11:02 AM

I totally understand. I was in a plateau for 1 year which was frustrating, but then tried a new way of eating and the weight has been falling off of me since the summer and my goal is so close that I can really start to relish in my new normal, but when people mention it, its awkward. It does only make me think, "what did they think of me when I was over 300lbs?....since I look so good now....." It was also annoying bc when I was in a plateau and a coworker would ask me about my weight and I would say that I still have about 60lbs to lose, I think, they would be like, "you can't have 60lbs to lose...I don't think so...." As if I wasn't still fatter than everybody at my office...lol. Its just weird. I think people that aren't close friends or close family should just keep their comments to themselves or learn a way to give a compliment without making somebody feel weird and on the spot. Perhaps, "hey, I've noticed you've lost some weight. did you change up your diet or workout routine?" even that is sketchy bc what if my answer is, "no, I've been pretty ill....I'm trying to live." Just do what i've been doing, smile and keep it moving or change the subject. I do a, "thanks, those are cute shoes. where did you find them?" hahaha :D

EagleRiverDee 12-18-2017 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kiwi1222 (Post 5342104)
Perhaps, "hey, I've noticed you've lost some weight. did you change up your diet or workout routine?" even that is sketchy bc what if my answer is, "no, I've been pretty ill....I'm trying to live."

This is true. I lost about 40 of the 70 lbs I've lost in the past year and a half due to illness. Everyone wanted to know my secret and it was really uncomfortable because it wasn't a diet or a pill, it was illness. And then later the illness forced me to change my diet, which is how the rest came off. Only one person every asked if the weight loss was due to illness, and it was actually a relief to have someone ask that instead of trying to get my "secret".

Brookiecookie90 12-18-2017 06:26 PM

I'm glad i'm not the only one who feels on the spot when people want to know my "secret". Also I feel like so many times weight loss/ gain is due to some kind of illness or emotional. I think I originally gained because of illness but not 100% sure, I also ate like crap so that didn't help.

I don't like the reminder of how unhealthy I used to be & it makes you wonder what these people thought of you before. I don't have a problem with the "You look great." comments it's when they bring up the weight in the compliments "You lost weight, your looking good." skinnier does not = prettier.

Also I would love a "You look healthy." comment from anybody, but never gotten one of those. After all healthy is the ultimate goal.

Warrior 12-22-2017 07:07 AM

Couldn't agree more! When I first lost weight and people commented, I really enjoyed the comments. But then I gained some weight back, and starved myself to lose it again and then some. People were making comments of how healthy and good I was looking, but they seriously didn't have a clue that I had actually never been so unhealthy in my entire life. The 'you look healthy' comments especially annoy me now.

I did have one customer though, ask me if I was alright, and told me 'to be careful'. By the tone in which she said it, I got the feeling she may have been through something similar.

Like you, i'm in customer service and people automatically think they have a right to make comments, not only about your weight, but about everything.

Sophclement 01-26-2018 11:57 AM

I believe it is a way to show their attention toward you. They have noticed you have made a lot of effort and they want to encourage you. Everybody's different and take compliments differently so it is a little delicate, I think to give them to someone you don't know.

fastlan 02-03-2018 04:13 AM

i like skinny

ChickieBoom 06-07-2019 10:13 AM

I went to my fathers office to visit and one of his clients was there. I hadn’t seen her in years and she felt the need to tell me how fat I’d gotten and that I really should try to lose weight. I had already lost around 18 pounds and the whole interaction was devastating to me. I had moved home a week earlier when my engagement ended and I was extremely fragile.

People giving compliments is decidedly better than “well intentioned” insults. You’ve worked hard for your success.

Keika 06-08-2019 10:41 AM

I was in Japan when I had my dramatic weight loss. Japan, as you may or may not know, is literally the skinniest country in the world (based on average BMI). Weight has a lot of emphasis there. As an American, people kind of just expected me to be heavy, which was hurtful in and of itself, and occasionally I would get the comment that I needed to eat more vegetables or such, but generally people kept it to themselves.

After I lost weight, everybody and their grandmother commented on it. It was kind of nice, in that I knew because of their comments that I had made a noticeable difference, but it was also rather embarrassing. It threw into relief that everyone around me was very aware that I was overweight before, that it was a cultural stereotype, and as the only representative of my country around, I was essentially responsible for those cultural stereotypes.

There was one really nice thing about losing weight there, though. I came off the plane back to the States right after losing 57 pounds, and I was a new person! Everyone who knew me made very flattering comments once or twice, and the people who didn't know me... had no idea I was ever overweight, so no unwelcome comments. :D Of course, now I've rubber-banded a little (which is why I'm back here, haha), so maybe I'll have to deal with that again. I hope not.

CrazyTrain 09-29-2019 05:54 PM

Unsolicited input on my appearance is disconcerting to me although I realize those are the 'typical manners' of many. I'm in OA for ME. I wear make-up for ME. I exercise for ME. I get the annoyance completely. People are fixated on approval from others and that transcends into those people who seek approval making comments about everyone's else's 'appearance'.

I don't have an answer except to know in your heart (mind) that it isn't you. They have issues with approval. People who take care of their health and appearance ONLY for themselves, feel less of a drive to make those kinds of comments to people. They just don't come to mind. We are more inclined to say things that are uplifting in a human way. For example complementing you on the great service you provided and thanking you for it, and then wishing you an amazing day.

I'm done babbling but I feel ya! I do!

topbykas 10-05-2019 11:07 AM

Wow
 
i wish you good luck


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