Hi... just passing by and thought I'd share this tip I heard on NPR a few days ago. People seem to immediately have more success being compassionate with themselves when they talk to themselves in the second ("you") or third (name/"she") person rather than first person ("I"). DH has the most cast-iron self-esteem of anyone I know and I know he talks to himself a lot. I asked him... he uses second person! We are naturally more compassionate to other people and the 2nd/third person gives us distance and objectivity. The trick with the childhood picture is sort of the same idea.
Good luck to us all in finding the path to being more compassionate to ourselves!
Hi... just passing by and thought I'd share this tip I heard on NPR a few days ago. People seem to immediately have more success being compassionate with themselves when they talk to themselves in the second ("you") or third (name/"she") person rather than first person ("I"). DH has the most cast-iron self-esteem of anyone I know and I know he talks to himself a lot. I asked him... he uses second person! We are naturally more compassionate to other people and the 2nd/third person gives us distance and objectivity. The trick with the childhood picture is sort of the same idea.
Good luck to us all in finding the path to being more compassionate to ourselves!
Hi yoyo, your occassional contributions are always welcome! I heard that on npr as well, can't remember if it was a podcast or what. It struck me also as a way of detaching from our inner self and seeing myself as a valid person with needs. I am responsible for "her." I wish I had a link.
I've read the book, I guess I just struggle with the rigidity of the "rules" (I don't like to take anyone else's rules in dieting, I always tweak for myself, so why would that be different for non-dieting?).
I suppose what I'm really willing to do is what is discussed in the book as being short of "intuitive eating" but close - mindful eating, and while I'm not fully ready for "fat acceptance" I am much closer to the "health at every size" mentality than I was in the past - reading that book finally pushed me to go back to exercising and making myself as healthy as I can, and I have no target weight I'm trying to achieve, I just know that 200lbs is too much for my body to be vibrantly healthy, and so losing weight is important to me (but less important than gaining HEALTH).
I find that it's extremely easy to make IE into the "stomach hunger diet", and I don't follow their rules either. I just like reading and posting on this thread because it's the closest thing I've found to the non-dieting that I do now.
I'm more inclined to be on the HAES end of things too because I'm very large, have been this size for a long time, and may never get down to what used to be a "normal" size for me. I've come to the conclusion that that's going to have to be okay, as long as I can keep my mobility, which is more of a goal to me now. (I'm 58.)
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Locke, I recommend the book "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies", by the two women who wrote "Overcoming Overeating". Hirschmann (sp?) and Munter. I bought the book years ago, and remember it being the very first book that helped me start accepting myself no matter what size I was. I used to hate myself with a passion because of my weight, but haven't hated myself for a few years now, which is a good feeling.
I don't know how old the rest of you ladies are, but I found that once I hit 50, and even more when I hit 55, I found myself caring less and less about my size or what people think about it. I think that might happen naturally as we grow a little older, a little wiser.
Do I want to get back down a couple of sizes or so? Yes, I'd love it, but I also won't hate myself if I don't lose another pound.
It's more because it really is easier to move around when you're smaller, and it's certainly easier to find decent clothes that fit, instead of having to settle for "whatever" covers me, whether I like it or not.
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Up 'til now, I've been weighing myself daily and using a "weight smoothing" program to take out the highs and lows and show me more accurately where I am, but I'm thinking today that I'm going to experiment with weighing once a week or less for awhile because I'm noticing some frustration when I can't get the scale to budge down enough to suit me.
I've been so focused on releasing myself from the pressures of the scale and I feel that it's going well. I haven't weighed myself for 3weeks! But there are always outside pressures and situations that affect me too much for my own comfort. A couple of days ago for example a friend of mine told me how much she weighs, it was very out of the blue and I didn't ask, she just told me. Now keep in mind that this friend has been involved in a rigorous diet and exercise program with a trainer and nutritionist for the same amount of time that I've been doing IE. So out of the blue she tells me how much she weighs. Great, very happy for her. But it instantly made me want to go dig out my scale. It instantly made me vow to exercise the next morning. It instantly made m plan on not eating any wheat the next day. It's really scary that that's all it takes to get me into the diet mindset.
I've been struggling with an emotion that I never felt for a long time, and that's jealousy. I'm jealous that she claims it's so easy for her to maintain this diet, she doesn't seem to find it difficult at all. She pretty much eats the same thing every day, salads, grilled chicken, low carbs, the usual "diet" food. Of course this makes me feel weak - eventhough I know that this type of diet would never suit me, I'm not one to eat the same thing every day for life, but some people are really well suited to that! My NT tells me that jealousy is a valid emotion and that I have to go through it to get past it but I'm not so sure. I think of jealousy as immature, petty, and a sign of bad character. How do you all deal with jealousy? It's a kind of new emotion for me.
The other thing that I'm dealing with is coming to terms with my own weight loss. Evidence suggests that I'm losing weight - I fit into a size smaller pants, I'm fitting into some old clothes I haven't fit into for a while, I'm getting compliments from people who haven't seen me in a while. But for me, weightloss is not real or valid until the scale says so and I have no scale now. I seem to repel evidence of anything good and attract evidence of anything bad. If I stop to think that I may have lost weight my immediate inner voice says "but you had a brownie yesterday, no way you lost."
So everything is going well, I'm just not feeling like it is.
I know what you mean Wannabe. I myself struggle with jealousy and the only way to get over it, I have found is to feel good about myself. I only feel jealousy when I feel bad about myself or like I am not enough. I have to realize we are all equal and that weight gain or weight loss does not make someone better or worse.
I have been struggling lately and I have been very slowly gaining weight. Its not a lot of weight, all my clothes still fit but they are a little more snug lately. I think for some reason that I can't figure out, I am uncomfortable when I am a certain thinness. I noticed that when I was a little thinner I felt uncomfortable looking in the mirror. Even though I loved what I saw. I don't really understand that. I think when I am thinner I actually feel more vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable. I have been doing more work on emotional eating and I realized last night that just like Geneen Roth says, food really IS love for me. It's how I give myself love and acceptance. When I was growing up I didn't feel loved or accepted by anyone. I still struggle with feelings of worthiness and feeling like people don't like me.
Anyway, so I was doing that work last night and then I went to sleep and had a dream. It involved my family and I was standing apart from them and I was much bigger. In my dream, I realized that I felt unloved and unwanted and that my bigger body was a manifestation of that. It's hard to explain how powerful it was. Im not sure exactly what to do with the realization but it was definitely a big one.
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 10-14-2014 at 10:57 AM.
I'm a little panicked right now. I've had some indigestion and heartburn and my doctor urged me to eat a restrictive diet. No citrus, vinegraitte, onions, garlic, spicy food, fried food, high fat dairy, or tomatoes. No alcohol, no coffee, no carbonated beverages. I'm ready for my body to feel better but I'm so scared of what this will do for my progress with IE. One of the reasons I am doing IE is so that I could get to a comfortable enough stage with food choices so that I could make healthy choices myself. I was always afraid is get sick and that a doctor would tell me what not to eat. And now this is happening, am I strong enough to make these changes and not trigger something dire?
Wannabe, sorry to hear about your doctors recommendation. I'm struggling with the same issue but with high cholesterol. Back in June I found out it's really high. I already struggle with the LC mentality and I've read so many times how LC can lower cholesterol. So I keep going back to the LC diet only to give in because of rebellion. I know all of that yo yoing is only making my chol higher. This IE stuff is very hard work!
Wannabe, sorry to hear about your doctors recommendation. I'm struggling with the same issue but with high cholesterol. Back in June I found out it's really high. I already struggle with the LC mentality and I've read so many times how LC can lower cholesterol. So I keep going back to the LC diet only to give in because of rebellion. I know all of that yo yoing is only making my chol higher. This IE stuff is very hard work!
LC cures everything. Too bad it also triggers me to binge. I will say my anxiety is running pretty high right now and my appetite is way down. I've never been diagnosed but I have suffered with anxiety attacks before. My body reacts to stress and I don't know how to handle stress and fear. I tried meditating a little today but was feeling too anxious I don't even know how to meditate. Of course I was googling symptoms and treatments and one thing that is recommended to battle heartburn is slow and mindful eating. Ok at least I can do that.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I think intention can be really important. I don't eat chocolate because caffeine triggers my migraines. I don't think I'm triggered to restrict by not partaking because I'm not restricting it because it's "bad" or because I want to lose weight. I just don't want to get migraines. So maybe when you think "damn, I really want some of that curry but I can't have any" you can also remind yourself that you're doing it to honor your health because you love your body and want to take care of and nourish it.
I just got back from my appointment with a psychologist. I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder along with some other things. The psychologist is a strong believer in intuitive eating. I'll be seeing her along with a nutritionist who also specializes in treating people with eating disorders with IE along with group therapy. I'm really excited about it! I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. She said that I'm young enough that I should still be able to find my way to my natural weight but only if I stop restricting.
My homework for the next few weeks is a few sheets on mindfulness activities and rereading Overcoming Overeating.
I just got back from my appointment with a psychologist. I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder along with some other things. The psychologist is a strong believer in intuitive eating. I'll be seeing her along with a nutritionist who also specializes in treating people with eating disorders with IE along with group therapy. I'm really excited about it! I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. She said that I'm young enough that I should still be able to find my way to my natural weight but only if I stop restricting.
My homework for the next few weeks is a few sheets on mindfulness activities and rereading Overcoming Overeating.
This is fantastic news! Keep us posted on how it goes and good luck!
Locke, I benefited a lot from reading "Health At Every Size" by Linda Bacon
I think a lot of people think it's "fat acceptance" but it's not - it's about getting past self-hatred, and finding a way to make the body you have healthy. It was a good book - I recommend it.
I hadn't exercised in many years and this book made me re-think that (totally independent of any weight loss thoughts).
Hello, I'm new here and registered just to join this thread. I have been doing intuitive eating for a couple of years after reading Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon. After being in therapy working on self-esteem issues, I had read some fat acceptance blogs online and came across the recommendation for the book. I also came across a recommendation for the fat nutritionist, whose blog I really love reading. I would describe my views to be pretty in line with size acceptance, but I am not anti-weight-loss, just anti-diet. I think that people come in all shapes and sizes and that sometimes people are above where they naturally should be and sometimes they are below.
Anyway, I joined because I have been doing well with IE, but I have been at a consistent weight pretty much since I started. My main goal was to improve my health and well-being, and it has definitely helped with my mental health. But the last few months have been hard. I have been eating just fine and have little anxiety about that, but I don't feel healthy. I clearly have some hormonal issues that are causing some unpleasant symptoms like facial hair, fatigue, acne, and menstrual cycle issues--possibly PCOS or thyroid issues. It stresses me out to think about these problems because I want to have children in the next few years, and I worry I won't be able to. The last time I brought these issues to the doctor, she told me that losing even 5-10% of my weight (about 20-25 lbs) would help improve my hormone function. I had just started doing IE when she told me this so I was hopeful, but I haven't lost any weight. Just stayed exactly the same. I have weighed myself only intermittently, but my clothes have fit the same consistently.
Over the last year, I have also gotten far more active. I have gotten into hiking and cycling and go to the gym and walk in my neighborhood. I know that my strength and endurance has improved and my hope was that this, in addition to IE would bring my weight down and resolve my hormonal issues. Besides having kids, I have a big hiking trip planned and I know it would be much easier to keep up with the group if I weighed less. I know dieting won't work for me, it would be a short term solution at best and bad for my mental health. I actually ended up on this board because I was looking at the thread of diet I used to do. I lost 20 lbs on it but gained 60 after that. I was reading their messages and they were so desperate and hard on themselves that just reading made me feel the way I did then.
I guess I am just writing hoping for some support to avoid diets and keep eating intuitively. I have a doctors appointment next week and I am hopeful that I will be able to get moving in the right direction on my hormonal issues, whatever is causing them. At this point, I feel fairly certain my resistance to losing is because of some underlying issue and not the other way around. Anyone else dealing or dealt with similar issues?
Locke, I benefited a lot from reading "Health At Every Size" by Linda Bacon
I think a lot of people think it's "fat acceptance" but it's not - it's about getting past self-hatred, and finding a way to make the body you have healthy. It was a good book - I recommend it.
I hadn't exercised in many years and this book made me re-think that (totally independent of any weight loss thoughts).
I enjoyed "Health At Every Size" too, and found several tips in it that were helpful to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heftyhiker
Hello, I'm new here and registered just to join this thread. I have been doing intuitive eating for a couple of years after reading Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon. After being in therapy working on self-esteem issues, I had read some fat acceptance blogs online and came across the recommendation for the book. I also came across a recommendation for the fat nutritionist, whose blog I really love reading. I would describe my views to be pretty in line with size acceptance, but I am not anti-weight-loss, just anti-diet. I think that people come in all shapes and sizes and that sometimes people are above where they naturally should be and sometimes they are below.
I guess I am just writing hoping for some support to avoid diets and keep eating intuitively. I have a doctors appointment next week and I am hopeful that I will be able to get moving in the right direction on my hormonal issues, whatever is causing them. At this point, I feel fairly certain my resistance to losing is because of some underlying issue and not the other way around. Anyone else dealing or dealt with similar issues?
Welcome, Heftyhiker. I've had similar thoughts and experiences to what you've written about. At one point, I thought I might join the "fat acceptance" movement because I liked a lot of what they said. I read many fat acceptance blogs, looked at loads of "fatshion" posts for ideas of how to dress at the size I was, but in the end I'm not really one of the fat acceptance people. Like you, I'm just more anti-diet.
I still want to get smaller myself, but it's no longer the driving force it once was for me. I find, especially now that I'm 58, that it's more important to me to try to stave off whatever illnesses I can, and keep as much of my mobility as I can.
I wear my Fitbit every day and have noticed that my daily steps have improved noticeably since this past Spring, and I keep working at increasing them even more.
I still weigh myself daily at this point, but I don't diet. I also don't do the "intuitive eating" that's talked about on this thread because I find it's too easy to turn it into the stomach hunger diet.
I guess I'm doing a custom method of different things that strike a chord with me, but stay as far away as possible from anything remotely like a diet.
The most important thing, for me anyway, was to get beyond the self-hatred over my size. Realizing that I have skills and gifts and talents and worth apart from whatever my size is has helped me stop the constant gaining that I've been experiencing for many years.
Over the last year I've taken off 15 pounds, which is a mere drop in the bucket when you've reached just about 300 pounds, but for the most part, I've kept it off. I go up and down a few pounds, but have been able to keep coming back to the 15 off so far. This is a MAJOR accomplishment for me.
I'm hoping to fit into the next size down during the coming year, but if I don't, it won't be the end of the world.
I'm glad to see more people here who are not dieting, but not following the formal Intuitive Eating principles either.
