Well...this is a plea. I know what I need to do. I try. I stray. I don't excersise. It's a catch 22. I feel like crap with no energy...so don't FEEL like walking. KNOW I should do it...don't. I did medifast...went from 258 to 181. Wow...was I happy! I quit Medifast (too expensive long term)...now I weighed in at 250 again this morning! I really am disgusted with myself. I feel ugly. I'm tired. Tired of the roller coaster ride. Tired of people looking down on me...treating me different. I cannot believe the difference in the way people treated me when I was getting thinner! I have to ambition. No drive. It's like I don't care...BUT I DO CARE! I hate my body. I don't want to play my piano anymore in front of people...I don't want to go out in public. I don't want to do anything that involves people (even my NEW husband) seeing me. I hate it when he touches me, cuz, I know, he is disgusted too. His ex was skinny. I feel like a cow and hate it when he might feel my fat.
I need menu's. I think if I could have ready made healthy menu's and what time to eat the food....I might make it. I need help! I know I have to help myself, but, my denial is stopping me dead in my tracks.
Please don't tell me I need to eat smaller meals more often. I need someone to flat give me a menu. Daily with times to eat. I can follow that. Can you help me??????