Blue Thanks for sharing about the journaling. I started that and then got away from it as I started getting ready for T'day company. I think I just may start it up again. I am also using the Beck's confession cards again. That helps keep me focused as well. I haven't been faithfully doing them everyday because I get up too late sometimes and if I'm not careful on those days the day slips away without me doing them. I need to be more strict about doing them.
ALO22 I so relate to how you feel. I have experienced that most of my life until this past year when I learned a way to change that. It is late and I have to get the book out to remember some thing that I will come back and share with you tomorrow. Wish I had learned them when I was your age. However, I am thankful that I have learned it now. You might go over to the thread called Beck's Diet Solutions (I think it is called) and read. That book fits in nicely with IE. It is under the same group General Diets as Intuitive Eating. Also there is a IE website that I got a lot of information from, but don't go there much anymore as this is my favorite support group is this one at 3fc. The website is throughthickandthin.com . I think the woman who started that site used to work with the 2 women who wrote the book. You've already gotten a lot of good ideas from others here too. The thing I've learned is that I had to get all the information and ideas I could from others and then take what I felt would work for me and make it personally mine. This is learning to make it fit you the way you can live with it. Just hang in there and don't give up. We are all hear for you.
It's after 2am so I got to get to bed. Catch y'all later.
The thing I've learned is that I had to get all the information and ideas I could from others and then take what I felt would work for me and make it personally mine. This is learning to make it fit you the way you can live with it. Just hang in there and don't give up. We are all hear for you.
Trish, I couldn't agree more! At the beginning of my journal I outlined my goals and eating "plan" in a Who, What, How, When, Why, Where format complete with an introduction to my plan (which I call "I Choose" as a reinforcement of the IE idea.)
It sounds a bit self-centered (because, well, it is! LOL But it has to be to fit my needs) but here's what I wrote ...
My "I choose" eating plan is designed around me, myself and I and is based on everything I have learned about dieting over the years. I have incorporated ideas from many eating plans but ultimately I have designed this program to fit MY exact needs based on my personality and experience with what works and what doesn't work for me. The important thing I want to remember is that I am in control. I call the shots. I choose ...
And the mentality behind that is what I have written here in my journal under the "What" title ...
WHAT?
I choose to implement what I have learned from years of dieting successes and failures. This means there will be some guidelines, which are not meant to hinder, but to aide in weight-loss success. It's for my own good.
And one of the items under my "Why" section is as follows ...
I choose to implement what I have learned from dieting because there is good, sound advice to be found within many different eating plans. I choose to use what I know to achieve maximum satisfaction and results. This does not mean that I am on a diet, just that I am following sound advice and using common sense as with any area of my life.
It has taken me a very long time to understand this concept, that I'm not following what some guru has said, but that I'm just doing what is going to work for me, and only I know what that is (or have to find that out).
ALO, I think that is key for each of us. We each have to be a little self-centered when it comes to how we go about losing weight. I hope that doesn't sound snobbish, but it's true. What works for me may not work for you. I say all of this as I am currently hovering around my highest weight EVER. So I'm not much help in the success story department, I am right there with you experiencing every feeling you have described about feeling like a failure and just being fed up with it all ... but what I have said, I say with hope. Like I said earlier, it has taken me a very long time to figure this out. So I am only now stepping on the path of recovery (depending on how you look at it.) So I am very hopeful that as I diligently "put my hand to the plow" things will turn around for me. Stick with us in this forum, don't go anywhere! These ladies here have been so helpful to me when I'm in that slump (and I go there often)!
Y'all have a great one!
Last edited by Blue Serenity; 12-01-2009 at 09:00 AM.
I've been having th toughest of days. I feel depressed about my body every time I work out. I stare at myself in the mirror and feel like crying. It feels like the more I try to make piece with my body in a natural way, the more I fail whereas all my friends just live on a diet (including diet pills) but they look great all the time. I feel like I will always be the FAT ***. No matter what else I do, I am the FAT one. The "I don't deserve anything I have" feeling is making a horrible comeback.
=(
Now, these are feeling I thought I had learnt to control a long time ago, but they are here again.
In December of last year I move to the US. I got married to my boyfriend of two years and I haven't been back home since then. My mom and brother came to visit me in September. But moving away can take you to sad places in your mind that you didn't even know existed.
I am 24, I'm starting my life, I can't get a job in my field (translation or teaching), I am only now, and very slowly, starting to meet people... So I finished college, I moved away and now I feel like I am strating from zero. My life already is in total chaos. ANd now I have to get rid of the only (false) sennse of control I have? (controling my food)...
Not having gained any weight this year is the only thing that makes me feel like I'm not a failure. But now I feel that I will never be able to get rid of this excess weight that I DON'T WANT. This weight that I feel is a cover for something, that prevents me from being all the woman I could be.
And again... I am all the woman I can be. This weight is not preventing me from doing anything... so, why is it still there? Why doesn't it magically melt away?
I feel like a fat failure today.
ALO, Hi!
I feel as if I could have written your post myself just a few months ago. I think maybe I did. Anyway, I felt compelled to tell you please don't give up! IE is a really long process that you can get through with some support. I read the book and tried IE 5 years ago. 5 years!! I am on my 3rd attempt at making this work and I finally feel as if I have it. The other times I just could not give up the diet mentality and I was very unhappy with my body and my self image. I just now can look in the mirror and not be disgusted with myself.
Here are some tips that helped me. I know you know what to do, and maybe your mistakes are not mine, but I just wanted to share what got me to the point where I am now. I eat anything I want until I am absolutely full. I really do make it to the last bite threshold. I don't mean stuffed, I mean full and satisfied. I find that at that point, I can go for hours afterward without even thinking about food. I can pass up stuff I used to love (cake, cookies, snacks) because #1, I know I can have it if I want it, and #2, right now I'm too full to want it.
I'm telling you this because when I tried IE other times, I would "cheat." I would stop eating before I was really full or I would eat in a "diet" way in an attempt to force it to work. I would also let myself get too hungry or just snack without filling up and it would make me feel really bad when I overate in response. There were some days I would never feel full and I would just keep eating all day because I didn't eat to the point of being satisfied.
As far as body image goes, I'm less focused on it now that the food is not controlling me. I'm able to concentrate on other things and it makes me feel better. Of course, I'm not where I would like to be, but I'm a lot more relaxed about it now. I have made a permanent change and I can't go back.
I hope this helps. If it doesn't, then of course feel free to ignore me, but my intentions are in the right place. Take care of yourself!
Thanks so much for your replies. I've been considering journaling because I feel I need to put my thoughts in order, "tidy up the chaos" =) I thought about starting a blog, but I don't think I should go that public. As Blue said, this is for me, myself and I only.
ALO22 I'm sorry I had to close off this morning. I got my Beck book out and skimmed through it this morning. I have forgotten some of the skills and I couldn't remember the names of the cards I do, because I don't do them as that any more. I did find an interesting skill that I intend to implement. In fact, I think it was Julie who hit on this. If I remember right the book called it a Memory Sheet, but I think I will start Journaling it. Focus on what you do right and write it down. Don't focus on mistakes, slips or what you do wrong. Remember with IE there are no mistakes or slips because there are no "diet rules", in IE there are only learning experiences. If you feel guilty about something, it is probably a
diet thinking thing. However, think about what you ate? Why you ate it? And see if you learn something from the experience. How did the food make you feel? If you enjoyed it then write it down and read what you have written before. You probably will find that there is no justifiable reason to feel guilty. I try to follow 5 Golden Rules. I learned this from another IEr on another site, not my idea. However, I love it because it fits IE exactly. #1 When I am hungry, I will eat. #2 I'll eat what I like, not what I think I should eat. #3. I will eat slow and savour every bite. #4. I will stop eating when I am full. (I changed that to when I start to feel satisfied. This really works for me. Thanksgiving day, I felt so good about my eating and felt I had done a great job because I ate a little bit of everything I wanted to eat and enjoyed it and I was satisfied. Everyone else was talking about how full and stuffed they felt. For me this was a real accomplishment for me. Do I always succeed at this? No, but I figure that every success will get me closer to more successes until one day it will become a habit for me. I lost weight this way years ago before I ever heard of IE. I let it slip and now I'm having to retrain myself. Like theCandEs said, I could have written your post myself a while back and still could in some areas. That is why I learned to do some of the skills from the Beck Diet for life. I did the Response Cards where I say things like "I did so good today" which will now become a Journal thing. I learned to tell myself things like, I deserve to be thin and healthy. I like myself. It is okay to like myself. I am a good person. I looked at the positive things about me and I made cards that said those things and I read them everyday. I needed this because I had become so negative about me that I had no self-confidence at all my self esteem was so low. I even have one that I still read everyday. It says, "I will no longer allow any self-abuse. I will be good to myself. I will treat myself as well as I treat others". I made what Beck calls Advantage cards which reminds me of the advantages my way of eating will give me such as "I will feel good about myself" and "I will feel better physically". Of course you don't have to do any of this. Like the others, I'm sharing with you some of the things that works for me when I don't let that "diet" thinking creep in. It is a process and takes time. Hope this helps.
Well, I did so good during the holiday. I am up a bit today. Need to get rid of the scales. I'm going to try to go a month without weighing. This would probably help me a lot. I got over into the "diet" thinking yesterday and almost did that again today. Sharing with ALO, has helped me to get back on focus. It does help us to help others.
Hello all. Such an interesting discussion I have been missing! We were out of town for the holiday, and then my computer burned itself up (smoke and everything!!) yesterday. Thankfully when we got it DH insisted on the extended warranty, and it still has 15 days left. So they're sending me a brand new one!!
Carol, !! Liam Wallace is such an adult-sounding name. I'll bet he grows up to work on Wall Street or something international.
ALO22, I soooooo sympathize with the "what do I do with my time now?" feeling. I've been on a diet in one way or another for most of my life. I've read all the books, studied all the diets...I even have two degrees in exercise-based sciences. To say I was obsessed is really minimizing my reality! When I finally, finally decided I had had enough, I found myself with piles of free time on my hands and free energy in my brain cells. I was, needless to say, a little bit lost.
I reached out to friends I had been neglecting. I paid more attention to my house, to cleaning and care around here. I had more time to spend with my husband. I picked up my journal again (as mentioned by others) and started keeping that again. I've started some other writing projects. Basically what I did was ask myself what I had been "putting on hold" until I was thin/had more time, and did all of that. I'm busy and happier, now, and food is slowly receeding as the center of my life. Some days it screams at me, but some days I honestly forget to eat until hours have passed and my stomach is seriously screaming at me. Some days I'm content with part of an apple with peanut butter for breakfast, and other days I'll look down and realize that I've completely forgotten to drink my now-stone-cold soy hot chocolate with a shot of orange flavoring because I'm so busy chatting with my friend and playing with her 3 year old.
You've had a lot of changes lately, and you're in a fantastic spot. This is your opportunity to make some solid, healthy decisions about where you want your life to go (or to continue going). Use this time. Try things you've always wanted to try. Put time into your marriage, of course, but also shape and define who you are as an individual. Dont' let food be the center of your life.
Wow, I either sound wise, or like I'm lecturing.
lharvey, welcome to IE! Perfectionism is a bear of me, too. I've had it drummed into me ever since I was little that I had to be perfect, smart, always have the right answer, never let my weaknesses show...it's **** trying to live that way. Part of what has been helping me deal with it is consciously telling myself that I am okay, that my choices are okay. Like if I eat something, my mantra is "eat what you want, no judgment and move on." If I'm at the gym and I'm judging another person (one of my bad habits) or myself, I snap my attention back and think, "everyone is doing what is right for them."
I figure perfectionism is a bad habit, and I'm very consciously trying to break it.
... my computer burned itself up (smoke and everything!!) yesterday. Thankfully when we got it DH insisted on the extended warranty, and it still has 15 days left. So they're sending me a brand new one!!
Whoa! Good for you! (Not that the computer broke!) What timing! Glad you can get a new one.
Really tired from babysitting but it is worth it. We've been eating out a lot lately but now I'm home again and getting back to regular food. We live quite a ways from restraunts so home cooking fits the bill.
Carolr I understand about the babysitting. I'm like a friend at church said to me one day, there comes a time when it is time for the younger ones to do it. I used to babysit all the time and I love being with our grandchildren, but don't have the stamina to do full time any more. Tony's DD is having a baby boy in April or May and there is a part of me that wishes we still lived in FL so I could take care of him instead of putting him with someone else. I did that with the youngest girl and I'm disappointed he won't know us like the others do. I feel that way about my great grandaughters. But DH reminds me that I am not physically able to do it any more. Someone recently sent me one of those question things and one of the questions was "Where is your favorite places to east?" I was really shocked when I found myself answering "at home". At home I have more control of what I eat and how it is prepared. No surprise ingredients I don't know about.
sidhe Sorry about your pc. Samething happened to my monitor not long after Tony and I first married. His little grandaughter was playing a game on it and it started smoking. Tony grabbed it up and took it outside. She knew she hadn't done anything, but just knew she was going to blamed for it. I spent the rest of the afternoon assuring her that it wasn't her fault and that it would have happened with me or anyone else. I ended up with a new and better one out of it. So glad you can get it replaced.
Blue
I am definitely past dieting the last few days. I'm not spending time thinking about food all the time. It feels like something has happened and I felt like some sort of a change in feelings and thoughts has come over me and my whole attitude is different about food and diets. Maybe it could be a feeling of peace concerning food. It is a wonderful feeling. I just hope I can keep it and don't lose the focus that I feel I've suddenly been blessed with.
So small triumph last night went out to dinner with the hubby. We ordered onion rings..(Which are fantastic!!) And our entree. Usually would have eaten the appetizer and most if not all the meal. But last night after sharing the app and two bites of my meal..I was done!! AND had leftovers for lunch the next day! Nothing huge!! But it was so nice to not leave a restaraunt stuffed to the gills and feeling sick!!
I do need some advice though. First I am a coffee adict!! Love the stuff...I can easily have three or more cups a day..but these add up (calorie wise) how do you manage non food type of urges?? I mean coffe doesn't fill you up..so if I am not particularly hungry should I avoid having a cup??
2nd...usually I pack a lunch for work..I have a certain time in which to eat my lunch. What do I do if I am not hungry at that time? I work in a service/retail type of environment. (I'm an optician) If I don't eat during my scheduled lunch time, its hard to get the time in later on which leads me to be famished later on?
Any suggestions?? Thanks!!
BTW...am very happy to have found this forum!! Everyone seems so helpful and supportive!! Which coming back from the brink of a eating disorder and major depression means wonders!!
I hope I can give back in some way once I am better aclimated to this lifestyle!!
So small triumph last night went out to dinner with the hubby. We ordered onion rings..(Which are fantastic!!) And our entree. Usually would have eaten the appetizer and most if not all the meal. But last night after sharing the app and two bites of my meal..I was done!! AND had leftovers for lunch the next day! Nothing huge!! But it was so nice to not leave a restaraunt stuffed to the gills and feeling sick!!
I do need some advice though. First I am a coffee adict!! Love the stuff...I can easily have three or more cups a day..but these add up (calorie wise) how do you manage non food type of urges?? I mean coffe doesn't fill you up..so if I am not particularly hungry should I avoid having a cup??
2nd...usually I pack a lunch for work..I have a certain time in which to eat my lunch. What do I do if I am not hungry at that time? I work in a service/retail type of environment. (I'm an optician) If I don't eat during my scheduled lunch time, its hard to get the time in later on which leads me to be famished later on?
Any suggestions?? Thanks!!
BTW...am very happy to have found this forum!! Everyone seems so helpful and supportive!! Which coming back from the brink of a eating disorder and major depression means wonders!!
I hope I can give back in some way once I am better aclimated to this lifestyle!!
Great victory there, lharvey! I love bringing leftovers home from a restaurant! Especially when it's something I really, really enjoyed. It's like - BONUS! lol
Coffee. Hmmm. I'm a tea drinker myself and can easily drink a whole pot of iced tea a day. (I make it decaf with just a touch of "caf" for more flavor.) I use splenda in my tea, so I don't worry about calories. Are you opposed to using artificial sweeteners? If not, that may be the way to go. (There are also stevia products on the market now, which is a natural no calorie sweetener.) I bought a box of Sun Crystals to try, which is a mixture of sugar and stevia that I am using when I drink hot tea. There's only 5 calories per packet. (Not that I'm counting calories, but I do try to avoid drinking too many as in regular sodas, they can add up!)
Another thing you could try is adding a glass of water between coffees. You may find that you don't need or want as much coffee. I did this for a while with my tea and I did find that I wasn't drinking as much tea by adding the water.
The lunch thing can be tricky. There's different ways you could handle that situation. One thing you could do is lighten up on breakfast so that you are hungry when it is time for lunch. This may solve the problem easily.
Or you could eat lunch anyways and forget about it. IE doesn't have to be perfect (this is a biggie that I'm learning as a perfectionist). You may find that sometimes it is necessary to eat when you're not truly belly-growling hungry, as in your case of restricted time. The thing is to make it work for you and your lifestyle and not get hung up with "Oh no, I ate and I wasn't hungry, I can't do this." The "rules" aren't carved in stone. IE has to be flexible. And if you do find yourself eating when it's lunch time and you're not truly hungry, try experimenting to see how much you can get by on. It may be that all you need is a light lunch to get you thru until snack or dinner time if breakfast is holding you over.
Personally, I wouldn't skip lunch if I know that there isn't an opportunity to eat it later due to a work schedule. The problem with skipping is that you may end up with low blood sugar, a headache, jittery-feeling and irritable and that would just make the rest of your day uncomfortable for you.
Great advice, Blue, I can't think of anything else to add. I'm hungry now and going to fix myself a bowl of homemade soup. Great day for it with snow flakes blowing around.
Coffee actually acts as a hunger suppressant -- but only if you drink it black! So as long as you are drinking black coffee, you shouldn't worry about it for diet reasons. (Being overstimulated has its own drawbacks, of course... but that's a separate matter, or at least it is to me.)
Ladies, thanks to everyone for all the replies! A lot of valuable advise =)
I also feel very tempted to cheat and actually diet, eating considerably smaller portions. I should just relax and nt think about it until I actually get hungry and then eat something yummy and then forget about food until the next time I'm hungry!
You know what I noticed? I am eating more than usual because I feel guilty about the foods I'm eating! It's something I used to do: when I think I shouldn't be eating something, I eat it faster and finish the whole thing! ahhahaha, i have so many issues it's ridiculous!!!
The other thing I've noticed is that I am really bloated! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnants but my pants are falling off... anyway, now I'm babbling.
Thanks again for all your advice. I was really feeling sad. I am feeling much better now =)
ALO22- The dieting mentality can be hard to shake huh! Yesterday I found myself eating carrot sticks and hummus (a diet food combo I used to eat all the time) I actually really like hummus, but I like it more with pita bread slices! Its silly the things we are so conditioned to do after years of dieting! I am still having a hard time stopping myself from adding up calories in my head..like a running taly for the day.
I guess I am just worried that my body will settle at a natural weight and I still won't be happy there..But I guess that's part of accepting your body the way it is...which I haven't done! Ugh, this IE is quite the learning process!
Anyways..moving on! Accomplishment for yesterday..I ate 1 cookie for desert last night..just 1..amazing! Cookies were always a forbidden food, so allowing them into my house was terrifying! But turns out its just a cookie..not some evil entity that is out to malke me fat..lol!
Hope everyone has a good weekend..I'm off to go Christmas Shoping! Tis the Season for crowded malls!
I so relate to how you feel. I have experienced that most of my life until this past year when I learned a way to change that. It is late and I have to get the book out to remember some thing that I will come back and share with you tomorrow. Wish I had learned them when I was your age. However, I am thankful that I have learned it now. You might go over to the thread called Beck's Diet Solutions (I think it is called) and read. That book fits in nicely with IE. It is under the same group General Diets as Intuitive Eating. Also there is a IE website that I got a lot of information from, but don't go there much anymore as this is my favorite support group is this one at 3fc. The website is throughthickandthin.com . I think the woman who started that site used to work with the 2 women who wrote the book. You've already gotten a lot of good ideas from others here too. The thing I've learned is that I had to get all the information and ideas I could from others and then take what I felt would work for me and make it personally mine. This is learning to make it fit you the way you can live with it. Just hang in there and don't give up. We are all hear for you.
Anyway, I felt compelled to tell you please don't give up! IE is a really long process that you can get through with some support. I read the book and tried IE 5 years ago. 5 years!! I am on my 3rd attempt at making this work and I finally feel as if I have it. The other times I just could not give up the diet mentality and I was very unhappy with my body and my self image. I just now can look in the mirror and not be disgusted with myself. 
If it doesn't, then of course feel free to ignore me, but my intentions are in the right place. Take care of yourself!
!! Liam Wallace is such an adult-sounding name. I'll bet he grows up to work on Wall Street or something international. 
