The last couple of days have been emotionally draining. Yesterday I went to a concert and ran into my ex-boyfriend with the girlfriend that he left me for 3 months ago. Today I went to the doctor for a pap smear and physical and discovered that after 3 months of eating healthy, exercising, and losing what surely must be at least 30 pounds (I don't weigh myself, but I have gone from a size 24 to a very loose size 18), my blood pressure is now higher than before.

I have spent the last 3 months trying to use the breakup as an opportunity to do something more positive with my life, when honestly, I don't feel like there is even any life left in me. But I go through all the motions: eat healthy, go to the gym, nurture my career, go lots of places to try to meet new friends, go see my counselor every week, etc.

My counselor says that I am doing all the right things. But I am literally exhausted trying to fit all this stuff into my schedule, and I am still terribly lonely and depressed, and all it seems to have accomplished is that I am now losing weight at an almost alarming rate because I'm too upset to eat a lot of the time.

And no, the guy is not worth being this upset about. At least I keep telling myself that. I certainly wouldn't want him back. But I miss having SOMEONE in my life. We were together for five years and it was the first time in my adult life that I had the security of knowing that if my car broke down or something someone would notice that I didn't make it home. And I think the part that is really upsetting to me is that this was the only guy who has ever been in love with me. Which would not be a big deal if I were 21 years old, but I'm more than twice that.

Yes, I have terrible luck attracting men. Everyone tells me that I'm a nice person and I have so much to offer, but none of it seems to matter to the opposite sex. And for the brief time in my life that I was thin, it wasn't any better. The only difference was that then the men I knew wanted to be friends "with benefits" instead of just friends.

If there is anything you can tell me that will make me believe that this will get better, please do, because I am SO discouraged right now....

I'm sorry. Breakups are tough, and huge life stressers. So is changing your lifestyle to healthful eating/exercising. Everything at once may be what is making you feel so exhausted. I understand how you're feeling and I can only say I'm really sorry and I'm sure it will get better. Could you take a day and just have it totally be about you, and what makes you feel good? Could you just check into a hotel and totally relax?

I agree with your counselor that you are doing all the right things to become truly engaged in life. But I think you also need to evaluate your personality and what you need for you to be happy. Sometimes the formula for a happy life isn't one size fits all. I'm kind of a home-body, so while I like to go see theatre, movies, concerts, go to dinner etc, I'm happy with a tight circle of friends and most nights am fine with being home or at a close friends house. One of my best friends probably has 200 numbers in his speed dial and is out at clubs most nights. If we traded lives we'd be miserable. I hope I'm not rambling. I guess I'm just saying to find what makes you happy. I hope this is just a bump in the road and things will look up for you soon.

depression is the pitts, believe me I know!

I think you are doing everything right, and as much as it hurts, it is going to take time for you to heal.

Instead of looking at the breakup with your boyfriend as an ending, try looking at it as a time to re evaluate your life. Now is the time for you to figure out what is working in your life ---- are you happy in your job? Should you go back to school or change directions career wise? What makes you happy? Do you like to golf? Volunteer? Active in your church? Sing? Whatever it is, there is bound to be a group of likeminded individuals that you could join. That would be a great place to not only make more friends, but also potentially meet Mr Right. Your counselor can help you find these places.

I hope I'm not coming across as to simplistic. I understand the pain you are going thru, and I feel for you. It's just that now is the time for you to empower yourself, in fact you already started! As for your ex and his honey --- G-- help her that she has to be with this loser You my friend are free!!!

Thank you for your kind words. I WANT to believe that this is just a bump in the road, and that I'm not destined to spend the rest of my life alone. But as more time goes on with not much in the way of results I'm having a hard time maintaining a positive outlook.

I am sort of in the same boat. I am around your age and have not had a man in my life in a long long time. Three months isn't really a long enough time to get though what essentially is a mourning process. Good or bad, you just had a five year relationship end. It's a big change and it will take time to get over it. But you will. :-)

I have come to terms with the fact I may not have a man in my life again. Or I may. There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I am sure plenty of married women would tell you they get lonely, I've made a life for myself that is rich and full and if someone comes along, great. If not, I have a life with friends, work, church, a nice home.. etc. Create the life you want NOW and if someone wonderful comes along. But do give yourself time to mourn right now.

Fiddler, We miss you at IE. If you have been reading there you will notice that we've all been kinda down. Isn't that something? Just starting to feel better again. I have a daughters, 33, charming, good looking, who has never married. She dates guys off and on but she, too, never seems to find the right one. She is a potter and loves her work keeping very busy. She is one of 10 children so there are always people in her life. When I am down, I call her. She always cheers me up.

I can identify with much of this, and it sounds to me like you're still grieving a loss and that's very understandable. When I started to get frustrated with the going-through-the-motions thing, my therapist suggested I explore my spirituality, whatever that means to you. I was puzzled with her comment, but it gave me something to chew on for a while.