In law from hell !
 

My mother in law is the devil (but doesn't wear prada) ! :devil:

Sorry to rant but I need to get this out :
My mother in law texted me happy birthday one week ago, and now, she's furious against me because I didn't reply a thank you. I know it is rude, but I completly forgot, because I received 3 text messages and 2 voice messages at the same time, and didn't answer any because I was very late to my birthday party.
Ok, now she says I'm really rude and egoist, that I am bad behaved (dunno if that's a word) and haughty.:(
Furthermore, she said I wasn't invited to MY BOYFRIEND's birthday party, whereas his brother's girlfriend will be (we've been together for 2 years now). She even said I would never go with them on holidays ever again because I was "horrible". :o

I don't think I am horrible or haughty, and I try not to say anything against her, because she's the mother of my boyfriend. And she thinks she can say whatever she wants about me and still get away with it.:mad:
Now she said that I can go to the restaurant with them, without any apology or anything, as if nothing happened.:?:

Seriously, I don't want to go to her house ever again, but I know her behaviour is hurting my boy. (luckily, he's on my side, because even he admits what a horrible woman she is).

I don't know what I should do, any advice?

(and I'm not going to his birthay party. I'm working till 8pm anyway)

Oh my, a text message? There's someone rude here, and it ain't you!

There's really nothing you can do and stay true to yourself, I think. You could, if you thought it would smooth things over, give one of those politician apologies--"I"m sorry if you were offended" sort of thing.

Frankly, though, I'd be seriously minimizing my contact. That's what we're doing with my FIL, who's another one of those toxic folks. I'd tell him to take a long walk off a short pier if it wasn't for my MIL, who's a sweetie.

Originally Posted by GreatBigMonsterMomma:
Frankly, though, I'd be seriously minimizing my contact. That's what we're doing with my FIL, who's another one of those toxic folks. I'd tell him to take a long walk off a short pier if it wasn't for my MIL, who's a sweetie.

I try to avoid going at her place, but then she asks me why I don't seem to want to talk to her! :^:

Maybe because she's the rudest person I know! She once said I was alright for his son because he likes fat girl. :o I think that was the worst.
I managed to lose 40 pounds (before meeting him), and I am now 140 pounds for 5'8. Of course I am still struggling with maintenance and being called fat still hurts me a lot.

Anyway, I know someone who's not going to see her grandchildren much ! lol
(she's divorced twice and she says her other daughter in law is stupid.)

YIKES! GBMM said it best - toxic folks. Personally, I think she thrives on conflict and that's why she flipped about the text message. She could also not understand that a text message is a WAY more informal way of communicating. Heck, perhaps you could even say you wanted to wait to see her in PERSON to thank her for the message.

The fact that your BF understands how psychotic she is speaks volumes.

She called you fat? That woman has problems to be sure.Ignore her best you can,stay away as much as possible.Don't let her get to you,she isn't worth the effort.

Okay, the one who was rude was her, not you. I think anyone who sends a text message to someone on their birthday is rude, and lazy. Did she send you a card by chance? And to call you fat, well, that is just unacceptable. I too would stay as far away from the woman as possible.

I don't know why some in-laws are just horrible. Mine are the same. Started a bunch of crap and now dislike me and my kids...actually don't think they thought I was ever good enough for DH to begin with. I am not one to sit back and take any crap and so spoke up (the went after my kids and stillborn son-no one disses my DH and kids) and this is where it got us...going on three years of not talking which is sad. I cut off any contact with them and the last two e-mails and letter I told DH they are his family and he can deal with it. Of course they think I am behind all of it, poppycock. I tried to fit in and not even sure why I bothered. They had their minds made up from the get go. What is sad is I have never spent any substancial amount of time around them to warrant the treatment/behavior. So, there ya go.

Just be careful...in-laws are funny creatures, and I do mean creatures, lol.

Just tell her you'll pray for her....in a text message.

she calls you FAT?? dude, 140, 5'8 is FAR from FAT!

Originally Posted by DoonieD:
she says I'm really rude and egoist, that I am bad behaved (dunno if that's a word) and haughty.:(
Furthermore, she said I wasn't invited to MY BOYFRIEND's birthday party, whereas his brother's girlfriend will be (we've been together for 2 years now). She even said I would never go with them on holidays ever again because I was "horrible". :o

New text message:

Dear evil MIL, I find it very rude that you did not so much as send me a card on my birthday. I also find you to be extremely egotistical in thinking a mere text message was all that was required for you to be praised and bowed to. Furthermore, you are no longer invited to text message me. You will NEVER be permitted to text message me ever again because you were "horrible".

:D :D :D

Ok, don't send it. But maybe it's one of those you can type and get it out of your system.

Originally Posted by almostheaven:
Ok, don't send it.

I would.

That's just ridiculous, text-messaging someone wishing them a happy birthday. I mean, it's okay if it's a friend and you've already talked to that friend and they've wished you a happy b-day otherwise, but it's downright rude, thoughtless and lazy for a MIL (or equivalent) to do that.

What an egotisitcal :censored:

Even with today's technology, text message and e-mails etc. I still think it is rude to text message a Happy Birthday to someone, don't care if it is your mother, soon to be MIL, brother, etc. I think it is just plain laziness that someone who supposedly cares about you can't take the time to go to the store and buy a card and send it. I myself would send a card AND e-mail a message...would never text message anything.

Persoanlly I have only texted message 3 times in my life...just learned how being 52 and all...not sure how much I will use it, wasn't going to ever get a cell phone, computer, etc ~ times change..I think most cell phone users are rude! at some point...

I guess my point that I failed to make was ~ I just think it is gosh darn silly to spend all this time debating wether or not it was rude to say Happy Birthday or not this way...at least it was said...the thank-you wasn't returned...

there are MUCH bigger issues at hand here.

5'8" is NOT FAT!!!And this horrible woman is not your MIL do not think of her that way. I would stay away from her as much as possible. I am afraid that in her eyes nothing you do will be right.Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking that she has the upper hand if she learns that she can't upset you it will frustrate the heck out of her. Stay as far away from her as much as you can.

oops. meant to say 140 lbs for 5'8 is not fat, gosh, this ridiculous woman got ME upset!

I don't think emailing to text messaging (although I've never done that) is not an acceptable way to acknowledge a birthday in this busy world. I think it's assinine, though, to get mad for not receiving a thanks for that.

I agree with the others who have said to stay away from her. I would caution you to really look at your relationship and determine if you want to have her in your life for years and years to come. It took years for my dh to stand up to his mother for me. Those were not fun years.

Well, seems like I'm in the minority on this, but I don't consider text messaging rude actually. I mean, you can even send birthday cards online these days. I have done that myself because most of my pals are living far from me. Heck, I'm lucky if I even remember their birthdays half the time, so being able to do it quickly online is a blessing for me! :)

That being said, I think your mother in law was just looking for a fight. Everyone has that one person in the family just like her, believe me. To keep your sanity, keep contact with her to a bare minimum. I just spent the past decade dealing with my mother's ex-boyfriend who wanted to start stuff all the time, and it really gets you down and depressed when you're constantly arguing. Just let it go, and avoid her. Since she's your boyfriend's mother, have him deal with her for you.

Originally Posted by EZMONEY:

Second Of All, In Today's World, I Don't Feel That The Text Message Was "all That" Rude ~ That Is How Kids Communicate These Days,

Yes, but she's a grown woman. And she's a mother-in-law, not a friend from work or school. Whether this is the "new technology" or not, she could have taken the time to send a card or at least give her a ring on the phone.

And the way she's acting simply because her DIL forgot to acknowledge her cheesey text message is extremely immature.

oh For Crying Out Loud! The Girl Was Wished "happy Birthday"...why Does It Matter How It Was Wished? What Makes A Phone Call ~ Card ~ Verbal Face To Face ~ Etc Any More Of A "happy Birthday Wish!"....what Next Gals? Oh My Goodness...the Card Was Too Cheap, It Wasn't
A Hallmark? What Is The Big Deal Here...it Isn't Her Mother In Law, Doesn't Even Sound Like It Is Her Friend.

Um, I believe you missed the point.

It's not the text message that's the issue. The issue was that the "MIL" freaked out and called her a horrible person for not sending a Thank You right away. She completely over reacted.

It's the woman's attitude and behavior which is the problem, not the stupid text message.

nah...I got that.... I can read...the thread switched as it went along to include wether or not text message was an appropriate way to say Happy B-Day.

Originally Posted by Hale_Mary:
Um, I believe you missed the point.

It's not the text message that's the issue. The issue was that the "MIL" freaked out and called her a horrible person for not sending a Thank You right away. She completely over reacted.

It's the woman's attitude and behavior which is the problem, not the stupid text message.

Thank you.

Originally Posted by EZMONEY:
nah...I got that.... I can read...the thread switched as it went along to include wether or not text message was an appropriate way to say Happy B-Day.

Would YOU consider that appropriate?

Honestly.

We're not talking from a friend here, okay? We're talking from a MOTHER-IN-LAW, who should be mature enough by now to be able to take the time to send a card or at least call her on the phone, for God's sake.

Would I send my daughter-in-law a text message to wish her happy birthday? No way. In fact I wouldn't send ANYONE I know a text message for the sole reason of wishing them a happy birthday.

Sorry, but whether any of you agree with me or not (and I don't expect anyone to) I still think the text message was extremely lame, inconsiderate, lazy and just plain tacky.

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Well if someone's gonna freak to that extent, it's not a proper way to say it. No way to say it would be proper for someone like that. If they go over the edge that easily, they should be in a room with padded walls, minus the capability to text message or even shop for a proper card.

Originally Posted by LLV:
Would YOU consider that appropriate?

Honestly.

We're not talking from a friend here, okay? We're talking from a MOTHER-IN-LAW, who should be mature enough by now to be able to take the time to send a card or at least call her on the phone, for God's sake.

Would I send my daughter-in-law a text message to wish her happy birthday? No way. In fact I wouldn't send ANYONE I know a text message for the sole reason of wishing them a happy birthday.

Sorry, but whether any of you agree with me or not (and I don't expect anyone to) I still think the text message was extremely lame, inconsiderate, lazy and just plain tacky.

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Um, yup.

I've been married going on 16 years and I don't recall my MIL ever sending a card or calling. If I ever got an acknowledgement of my birthday it would have been electronically. However, I don't recall ever receiving any acknowledgement. And you know what else? I don't care. I'm not eight. I don't need anybody making a big thing out of my birthday. I know where the bakery is if I want cake. At this point in my life there are only two people who I expect to even remember it. They are my mom, who was there the first time, and my husband.

I do know that some people freak out over their birthdays. Someone at work starts talking about her birthday, reminding people of the date, two months in advance. Dude, you're 42 years old. Get over it. :D

Oh. I could share my evil mil birthday story....

A week before I get an email asking me where I want to go. I pick a place, medium price, one I like very much but don't get to go to often. A day before I get another email from her saying that place is too expensive, and to pick something else. So she decides on some place I have never been to, food I don't really care for... we get there, I order something cheap that I don't even like that much because obviously money is a problem... and at the end... she doesn't even offer to pick up the tab! On my birthday dinner that she invited me out for!

And this is not even the worst thing she has done to me. Needless to day, birthdays are just for me and my husband now. :)

bad Mother in laws - to be or otherwise - are hard to deal with. You don't want to upset your husband, or the family... you try to go along with things until you just can't anymore... for us it means limiting time to holidays and other peoples birthdays - NOT MINE! - and it's iffy for holidays much longer too... once we have a house they can come to us, or do something on their own.

My SO's mother is also very difficult to deal with and I've found that the best solution is to just not engage with her. For the most part, we see her only two or three times year (and when we are with her, we spend most of the time holding our tongues) and never speak with her over the phone. We actually got caller ID just so that we would know when it was her calling (before that, we had to let everything ring through to the answering machine). My SO has found that the best way to communicate with her is through email, that way he can ignore the things that she says that are designed to instigate a fight. She is very manipulative and always looking to get into a discussion about why he isn't a better son. Responding to people like this is a no-win situation and, in the end, it just makes you stressed and frustrated. It can be hard, but the best thing to do is just ignore them. And I guess you could say it's working. She isn't getting easier to deal with, but because we refuse to give in to her manipulations, she wants to spend less and less time with us.

As for the text message, I think whether or not it is rude depends on the family. My family is not close, we all have an aversion to talking on the phone, and we live in different time zones so phone conversations are hard timing-wise (they have gone to bed by the time I am ready to talk on the phone). I keep in touch with my family almost exclusively through emails with my step mom. The only time we ever talk on the phone is if something bad has happened. That's just the way we prefer things. So in my family, no one would think an email or text message was rude (well, we're not so technologically savvy as to have figured out text messaging yet--and it sounds a lot like talking on the phone, which we don't like to do, so we probably won't be text messaging any time soon).

- Barbara

Well, in this case it's not an issue of the text message being rude. It wouldn't bother me if my MIL didn't send me a card, much less a text message for my birthday.

However, if you're going to send someone a text message, it is extremely unrealistic to expect that person to make a big deal about it. The problem here is that made a half assed attempt at saying Happy Birthday and expected a big deal in return.

That is what the original poster was upset about. Not about receiving a mere text message.

You know what would be funny? If she had hand written a thank you note for the text message

Originally Posted by kateful:

I do know that some people freak out over their birthdays. Someone at work starts talking about her birthday, reminding people of the date, two months in advance. Dude, you're 42 years old. Get over it. :D

lol, OMG.

I never remind people of my birthday. In fact, most times, I hope they forget.

Originally Posted by WeighToGo:
You know what would be funny? If she had hand written a thank you note for the text message

:rofl:

With maybe a fancy wax seal... or a gold embossed sticker to seal it...

:devil:

be sure to hand deliver it, because mail is awfully impersonal... LMAO

Originally Posted by BerkshireGrl:
:rofl:

With maybe a fancy wax seal... or a gold embossed sticker to seal it...

:devil:

Oooo, good idea, hun.

lol!

:rofl:

Okay...I think whether or not it is appropriate to text message someone "Happy Birthday" depends on the people. If it is a buddy/girlfriend...but not your "best" friend-I think texting or emailing it is fine-BUT-I think that because there is the minimal effort involved-you should not expect a "Thank You" for the text or email. Now, if they sent you a card in the mail, or sent a gift-or what have you-THAT is when you reply with an official thank you.

In my case-I don't want anyone texting me Happy Birthday-because I am CHARGED for it-10 cents a text message or something like that. If my MIL texted me-what am I supposed to thank her for, raising my cell phone bill??? :rofl:

For a closer friend or relative-I don't think it hurts to actually take the time to make a personal phone call (preferably from your home phone-not your cell phone while you are in your SUV in the drive thru at McDonalds.) When you hear the engine and the cashier in the background-it sort of takes away from the "thoughtfulness" of it all. :lol: To the recipient it equates your birthday, and their cheeseburger value meal on equal levels of importance. :devil:

A card from a close friend or relative does not hurt, either.

All in all-it isn't really about what is appropriate-it is about the fact that the woman overreacted expecting the "thank you" for the text. A thank you for a wedding/shower/birthday GIFT...yes...but a 3 second text message does not require the same thank you as someone who went out and bought you the crystal vase for your bridal shower. ;)

I think it is all about who has the power in the mother-in-law/other half relationship. My MIL was a great friend at first. Then I heard the rumors she spread about me, then it was instigating things between the rest of the family. When she realized she was losing ground, things got INSANE. All of a sudden I was a drug addict, a slut, I wasted money on stupid things, etc, etc. Lucky for me DH was on my side. I never got involved, spread lies, etc etc. Now she has lost all contact with me and DH, only talks to her grandson occasionally (our nephew) and is in the middle of a divorce. I do feel badly, but she pushed us all away.

Just be careful...if she's gonna lose it, she will. Luckily my reputation preceded her misinformation to others. Your boyfriend's loyalty will come out then and there. Until then, I'd stay neutral. Saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing!!