I don't think emailing to text messaging (although I've never done that) is not an acceptable way to acknowledge a birthday in this busy world. I think it's assinine, though, to get mad for not receiving a thanks for that.

I agree with the others who have said to stay away from her. I would caution you to really look at your relationship and determine if you want to have her in your life for years and years to come. It took years for my dh to stand up to his mother for me. Those were not fun years.

Well, seems like I'm in the minority on this, but I don't consider text messaging rude actually. I mean, you can even send birthday cards online these days. I have done that myself because most of my pals are living far from me. Heck, I'm lucky if I even remember their birthdays half the time, so being able to do it quickly online is a blessing for me! :)

That being said, I think your mother in law was just looking for a fight. Everyone has that one person in the family just like her, believe me. To keep your sanity, keep contact with her to a bare minimum. I just spent the past decade dealing with my mother's ex-boyfriend who wanted to start stuff all the time, and it really gets you down and depressed when you're constantly arguing. Just let it go, and avoid her. Since she's your boyfriend's mother, have him deal with her for you.

Yes, but she's a grown woman. And she's a mother-in-law, not a friend from work or school. Whether this is the "new technology" or not, she could have taken the time to send a card or at least give her a ring on the phone.

And the way she's acting simply because her DIL forgot to acknowledge her cheesey text message is extremely immature.

oh For Crying Out Loud! The Girl Was Wished "happy Birthday"...why Does It Matter How It Was Wished? What Makes A Phone Call ~ Card ~ Verbal Face To Face ~ Etc Any More Of A "happy Birthday Wish!"....what Next Gals? Oh My Goodness...the Card Was Too Cheap, It Wasn't
A Hallmark? What Is The Big Deal Here...it Isn't Her Mother In Law, Doesn't Even Sound Like It Is Her Friend.

Um, I believe you missed the point.

It's not the text message that's the issue. The issue was that the "MIL" freaked out and called her a horrible person for not sending a Thank You right away. She completely over reacted.

It's the woman's attitude and behavior which is the problem, not the stupid text message.

nah...I got that.... I can read...the thread switched as it went along to include wether or not text message was an appropriate way to say Happy B-Day.

Thank you.

Would YOU consider that appropriate?

Honestly.

We're not talking from a friend here, okay? We're talking from a MOTHER-IN-LAW, who should be mature enough by now to be able to take the time to send a card or at least call her on the phone, for God's sake.

Would I send my daughter-in-law a text message to wish her happy birthday? No way. In fact I wouldn't send ANYONE I know a text message for the sole reason of wishing them a happy birthday.

Sorry, but whether any of you agree with me or not (and I don't expect anyone to) I still think the text message was extremely lame, inconsiderate, lazy and just plain tacky.

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Well if someone's gonna freak to that extent, it's not a proper way to say it. No way to say it would be proper for someone like that. If they go over the edge that easily, they should be in a room with padded walls, minus the capability to text message or even shop for a proper card.

Um, yup.

I've been married going on 16 years and I don't recall my MIL ever sending a card or calling. If I ever got an acknowledgement of my birthday it would have been electronically. However, I don't recall ever receiving any acknowledgement. And you know what else? I don't care. I'm not eight. I don't need anybody making a big thing out of my birthday. I know where the bakery is if I want cake. At this point in my life there are only two people who I expect to even remember it. They are my mom, who was there the first time, and my husband.

I do know that some people freak out over their birthdays. Someone at work starts talking about her birthday, reminding people of the date, two months in advance. Dude, you're 42 years old. Get over it. :D

Oh. I could share my evil mil birthday story....

A week before I get an email asking me where I want to go. I pick a place, medium price, one I like very much but don't get to go to often. A day before I get another email from her saying that place is too expensive, and to pick something else. So she decides on some place I have never been to, food I don't really care for... we get there, I order something cheap that I don't even like that much because obviously money is a problem... and at the end... she doesn't even offer to pick up the tab! On my birthday dinner that she invited me out for!

And this is not even the worst thing she has done to me. Needless to day, birthdays are just for me and my husband now. :)

bad Mother in laws - to be or otherwise - are hard to deal with. You don't want to upset your husband, or the family... you try to go along with things until you just can't anymore... for us it means limiting time to holidays and other peoples birthdays - NOT MINE! - and it's iffy for holidays much longer too... once we have a house they can come to us, or do something on their own.

My SO's mother is also very difficult to deal with and I've found that the best solution is to just not engage with her. For the most part, we see her only two or three times year (and when we are with her, we spend most of the time holding our tongues) and never speak with her over the phone. We actually got caller ID just so that we would know when it was her calling (before that, we had to let everything ring through to the answering machine). My SO has found that the best way to communicate with her is through email, that way he can ignore the things that she says that are designed to instigate a fight. She is very manipulative and always looking to get into a discussion about why he isn't a better son. Responding to people like this is a no-win situation and, in the end, it just makes you stressed and frustrated. It can be hard, but the best thing to do is just ignore them. And I guess you could say it's working. She isn't getting easier to deal with, but because we refuse to give in to her manipulations, she wants to spend less and less time with us.

As for the text message, I think whether or not it is rude depends on the family. My family is not close, we all have an aversion to talking on the phone, and we live in different time zones so phone conversations are hard timing-wise (they have gone to bed by the time I am ready to talk on the phone). I keep in touch with my family almost exclusively through emails with my step mom. The only time we ever talk on the phone is if something bad has happened. That's just the way we prefer things. So in my family, no one would think an email or text message was rude (well, we're not so technologically savvy as to have figured out text messaging yet--and it sounds a lot like talking on the phone, which we don't like to do, so we probably won't be text messaging any time soon).

- Barbara

Well, in this case it's not an issue of the text message being rude. It wouldn't bother me if my MIL didn't send me a card, much less a text message for my birthday.

However, if you're going to send someone a text message, it is extremely unrealistic to expect that person to make a big deal about it. The problem here is that made a half assed attempt at saying Happy Birthday and expected a big deal in return.

That is what the original poster was upset about. Not about receiving a mere text message.

You know what would be funny? If she had hand written a thank you note for the text message

lol, OMG.

I never remind people of my birthday. In fact, most times, I hope they forget.