Does anyone else dread Christmas every year?
 

When my children were small I absolutely loved Christmas. Shopping for their favorite toys, decorating and cooking lots of goodies. 8 yrs. ago, I married my DH and he has 4 daughters ages 22, 20, 17 and 14. The older ones want money or gift cards only and every single gift I have ever picked out for them they asked for the receipt and took it back. I have had my feelings hurt numerous times over this. My kids still want me to pick them out surprise gifts and love (or at least pretend to) their presents. Last yr. his 17 yr. old wanted a cell phone or "just don't get me anything" and it was the same with the 20yr. old that wanted a digital camera. I gave each of the older girls a gift card and a box of chocolates and told them to buy whatever they wanted. To me, this just doesn't feel like Christmas. I bought the oldest a beautiful, expensive necklace with her babies birth stones and I have never once saw her wear it. To make matters worse, I have cooked large traditional holiday meals and they show up and say "let's hurry this up, we only have a few minutes to get home". It is so hard, I know my DH wants to spend time with his girls on the holidays too. I have even considered just sending them a gift card the week before Christmas so they don't feel obligated to show up and I can have the Christmas that I remember with my own kids. Sorry to rant, the 13 weeks til Christmas thread got me thinking of this. To me Christmas is about the birth of Christ and gift giving is an expression of love and it seems that these girls have never learned this.

I have tried for 8 yrs to no avail to have my DH take responsibility for the gift giving to his girls. He refuses and says "you are much better at it". DUH, apparently NOT.

Last yr. not one of these girls went and saw their grandmother (my MIL) at Christmas and she had bought for each of them (even with her husband passing away 11 days before Christmas). She was terribly hurt and sobbed over this. I felt so bad for her. She sent their gifts home with us and they opened them 2 months later and left them in boxes at our house and never even took them home or thanked her.

I love Christmas. It has to be my favourtie time of the year - but I hate gift giving. I love buying people presents but I get carried away and always spend too much.

I also HATE giving and recieving money/gift cards. I want a little suprise - for years now I haven't been suprised (well last year by my boyfriend) - I always work so hard to find the perfect gift and it stresses me out. I spent too much time and money trying to find the perfect thing. And not only is there xmas, but my mom, dad's, and boyfriends birthday right around then. This will also be my first christmas with my Gramma (dad's mom). Every year we would sit at her house with the whole family, sign christmas songs, read the christmas story, have her famous rice pudding... god I am crying, but anyway, we didnt do that last year either because she was too sick, but this year she wont be here...

I like christmas, but all this gift buying takes the fun out of it.

Anyway, your DH's daughters sounds like brats - this year buy them nothing. Of course I love the gifts, but just as much I love spending time with my family and Christmas dinner. I wait all year for that dinner - that last thing I want to do is rush it. Sorry about his daughters - I say spend more time worrying about your own children.

Wow...sounds like some very unappreciative girls. At this point, if I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't buy them anything at all. If they can't appreciate the effort you put forth to show that you care about them at such a special time of year, then maybe they don't deserve to have you working so hard to try to please them. Honestly, some people are just never satisfied, and it sounds like this may be the case. They need to learn that holidays are about family, caring, and celebrating together, not about digital cameras and cell phones :dizzy:

As I've gotten older, I know it has become more and more difficult for my parents to choose gifts for my sister and me (I'm 24, and my sister is 29). Of course, I say "my parents," but I know my mother is the one who does all the shopping ;) If I don't hint about what I'd like (sometimes I even send my mother an email with links to things I like since we have such drastically different tastes in things--but it's usually just a cool pillow or silver jewelery or something, not electronics or anything very expensive), then I know she will pick things out herself. She is like you--she feels gifts are more meaningful than gift cards, and I agree...it shows that she really made an effort to find something specifically for me. I may not always fall in love with what she gives me, but I very, VERY rarely have ever asked for a receipt so I could return it (I remember doing it once when she bought me the Disney movie Tarzan, but I actually wanted Aladdin :p ).

I don't know...maybe I'm being too hard on these girls whom I don't even really know, but it seems to me they need to learn to appreciate the fact that people care enough to buy them gifts at all and not focus on WHAT the gift is :^:

I think the only thing I have ever returned/exchanged is clothes. Someone in the family (wont name names) likes to re-gift (crap!). When I was little I got some purple PJ's ment for a 50 year old... I was about 10. And a rusty piece of metal (I think it was a necklace) that had my initals on it - I know, its the thought that counts - but I think you have to draw a line. I mean if the necklace was in the family or something - but she picked it up at a yard sale....

This year I want to try and spent less money. Last year I spent so much and then my boyfriend spent close to $1000 on me - you have to draw the line! it's crazy and stupid.

Lily, I know this is hard for you. One of my GF's has stepdaughters who are the same way. I feel badly for you, and also for them. I'm assuming that they don't give your or their dad presents at all. They obviously don't know the joy of giving/receiving gifts! :hug: I blame their mother! It's not your place to make things right between them and their dad, and I'd be tempted to do what you suggest, send them the gift cards and enjoy your Christmas they way you want!

Jill, when my sister and I got to be too old for my mom to know what to get us, she had everyone in the family made a list of things they'd like - in all price ranges! My nephew had things from under $10 toys to a class corvette on his. :lol:

Lilybelle,

You are not alone with the ungrateful children. My youngest daughter (she is 24) in recent years has taken all the joy out of Christmas. We would get her nice things (within our budget) and no matter what, it was never enough. She would pout and mope around after opening her presents. Discouraging.

I dread the holidays ~ because I end up being alone. I can not get enough time off from work to go be with any of my family (parents and siblings live in Ohio ~ and ~ two of my kids and little grandson live in Houston). My husband goes to Houston, and I am glad he is able to and would not begrudge him the opportunity to go.

One year I was really depressed about it and was so glad when it was over. The next year, I guess I have sort of gotten used to it and I was thankful that at least these people are alive and that I can get to go see them at other times of the year. I was still glad when the holidays were over, but didn't feel as depressed as I had the year before.

Hi Lily,
You have such a kind heart and work so hard to make it a great day for everyone, and I can hear that you are hurt that they are so unappreciative. Try not to let them ruin it for you. Have fun doing the things that are meaningful to you, but don't bend over backwards for them. Spend your time and energy on your daughter, DH and the others who appreciate your efforts. Perhaps you could donate money in their names to a good cause that is close to their hearts..DH is a cop? Maybe donate to a fund that helps educate children of cops killed in the line of duty. They can hardly be ungrateful for that...well they can be, but if they complain is shows them for what they truly are.

It really is a shame that they don't appreciate your efforts.They are old enough to know better so it's not likely they are going to change.One thing is certain time and again they have ruined your Christmas and deeply hurt their grandmother as well.I would like to kick their asses but that's just me.Pledge to yourself to start enjoying Christmas again send them a card and don't invite them for dinner.Maybe{though not likely} they will get a clue.You deserve better.

Dear Lily,

I'm so sorry you feel this way about Christmas. I love it and the joy it brings to us!!

I have a sister-in-law who used to be like your step-daughters. She's 18 now. One year, DH and I took her to a soup kitchen as her Christmas meal and she worked all day. Then, when it was time to give gifts, we gave her a card that read, "A donation of $---- has been made in your name to the Boys and Girls Club." She's never complained about a gift again.

I think it's time for you and DH to use some tough love. Take the money you usually use for gifts, donate it to a cause both of you feel is worthy, and MAKE SURE you get one of those cards for his girls. If they ask why, tell them it's because you know the people receiving the gifts instead will be grateful for whatever gift they get and whatever effort went into it. If you have to, take them to a place where the children/people will never even see a digital camera unless someone's doing a documentary of the proverty-stricken. If that doesn't open their eyes, they really don't deserve your gifts or efforts.

Hey, if they're still the same way next time around, you and DH just use their gift money to rent a cabin in the woods and have an old-fashioned white Christmas!!!! :snow4:

Hope one day the feeling of Christmas comes back to you, Kim

Thanks so much everyone. It isn't that I don't love having the Christmas holiday, it is the gift giving that bothers me. I end up spending a huge amount of money (with 6 children and 2 grand children) and feel so unappreciated. It's tempting to me to rewrap the gifts they never took home last yr. and not buy them a darn thing. I have never tried to buy them clothes because I know this doesn't work. My DH did buy the 17 yr. old a coat and her mom discretely called me and asked for the receipt because the girl didn't like it and she didn't want my DH to get his feelings hurt (she knew he picked it out). Personally, I think they all act like spoiled brats and would be very ashamed if my own children behaved like this.
Courtnie, your post brought tears to my eyes. I miss my mom so much since her passing. She always made Christmas a special family time for us even when money was very tight. She made the best rice pudding in the world and none of us daughters are able to duplicate it, we have tried.
I do love the idea of donating the money that I would normally spend on them to a charity, this is a great thing to do. I am sure others could get some enjoyment from it.
I need to give credit where credit is due, the 14 yr. old still loves getting gifts and not just money or gift card. Last yr. I bought her all the stuff to remodel her bedroom. Sheets, comforter, feather mattress, blanket, curtains, trashcan, posters, throw pillows and such and she loved it. I like buying for her. She's the same age as my DD and they always have similar tastes in what they want. They love arts and crafts type things, scrap books and such.

I like Christmas only because it is a chance to spend time with family. I don't care for gifts much. In my perfect world, I wouldn't give or receive any gifts. Ok that is kind of a lie, I like buying gifts for some people but usually I buy them throughout the year. I also like receiving small gifts throughout the year.

I really enjoyed getting gifts when I was younger but as I grew older, I didn't really care for gifts for Christmas or for my birthday. I've tried to talk my mom out of getting me anything but she usually gets me something. I've also tried to talk to my BF about it and well that just doesn't work. Also, we don't really want gifts for our wedding but that is kind of hard to talk people out of. We didn't do a gift registry because we figure either we'll get memorable gifts or we'll direct people to donate to a charity in our name.

I'm sorry to say that I was once a nightmare early 20's girl. I used to hate, hate, HATE Christmas...it depressed me to the ends of the Earth. My problem wasn't that I didn't like gifts, but that I really, really, REALLY wanted to be married and be having kids. And, to make matters worse, we used to get together with my grandparents (which I loved visiting with THEM) and all my aunts and cousins...which ALL of my cousins were married and having kids...all except me. Every single one. So, I see pictures of our family at Christmas and everyone's smiling and having a grand time except there's me in the corner, literally, near tears. It was soooo depressing, I hated it.

BUT, now that I'm 40 and got a really, really late start to family life, I'm having Christmas with my two young kids (5 and 12), whereas, my brother and sister have less and less kids to celebrate with as they're all off to college. Yes, they come home, but they're young adults now and want things like cell phones and iPods. So, now I love Christmas because life is finally where I want it to be. I'm not this depressed old spinster anymore ;)

Anyhow, Lillybelle, I'd give each of your step kids a $10 gift card and have an open house-type dinner, where people can come and go as they please-type thing. That is IF you still want to invite the cretins for Christmas Dinner. They don't sound worthy, to me. If I were you, I'd have a nice meal with you, hubby and any DESERVING kids out at a nice restaurant. We used to do that on Christmas Eve. It was a bugger to find a restaurant that was open on that night, but my dad would find one. We'd go to church, out to dinner, come home and open one present and it was such a treat to go out to dinner. It was about the only time all year my dad would splurge and take us out. We loved it.

Anyhow...my two cents. By the way, I'm still mad at my self for being a selfish brat when I was young. I'd give just about anything to spend a holiday moment with my grandparents again and to think I wasted quality time with them feeling sorry for myself is really aggrevating. Oh, well....live and learn...

HOpe this year is better for you!! Give gift card to the ungrateful ones!! They should feel lucky to get that!!

Kris

Oh...and I LOVE the idea of taking the ungratefuls to the soup kitchen and saying "An amount has been donated in your name" for a gift. THAT is CLASSIC!! I love it.

Oh, and I hate getting/giving gift cards. Even when I was young, I loved picking out just the right gift for whomever I was shopping for.

My favorite gift I've given was for my dad for Father's Day. We have tons of ships going up and down our river and I was working for the pilots that get on and off the ships in my town to guide them through either the lake or the river at the time. Anyhow, the pilots are transported to/from the ship on a 'pilot boat' and what happens is the pilot boat ties to the ship and the captain (pilot) has to climb up and down this rope-type ladder to board the ship...while it's moving!! Nerve wracking, to say the least. Well, my dad has always been fascinated by this concept and on Father's Day, I had one of the pilot boat drivers call me and let me know when a ship was coming, then I called my mom and she drove my dad to the pilot house (he thought he was coming to my house for his gift) and when she pulled in the pilot house, I was in the parking lot and told him that he was going to take the pilot boat out to the ship and watch the pilot swap. My dad was so excited...I've never seen pure excitement on his face like that in the entire time I've known him. It was great. And it didn't cost at thing, but he still has a picture I took of him on the pilot boat in a frame on his porch. Anyhow..that's the kind of gift I like...the one's that take time to think about and such. Gift cards suck.

Growing up we didn't get much for christmas and my mom was not much into doing fun traditional things, we were always broke. So I am always trying to make the holidays better for my boys than they were for me. But I hate trying to shop for the adults in the family, (MIL, FIL, mom, dad, grandparents ect.....) They buy what they want so they don't need anything and I just don't like shopping. This is why I don't like the holidays. But this year I am not buying them a single thing. I know sound rude and mean, but come on they don't use anythingt that I buy them, never see it again and they think gift cards are too impersonal so I am sending them a nice invite to a big christmas dinner cooked all by myself, they don't have to bring any food and we might do a white elephant gift game with the adults and call it good at that. I am telling all the adults in my family to not buy my husband and I anything, I couldn't even tell you what I want, just buy the boys things if they want to. I am going to stick to my guns on this one and enjoy my family this year instead of getting stressed out and depressed about buying everyone a gift with money I don't have.

For the ungrateful step daughters you shop for, just stop. They don't appreciate what they do get so they shouldn't miss what you don't give them!! If they say anything just tell them they return it anyway so you donated the money to someone who would appreciate it!

LOL I think that's exactly what you should do. :D

I've never been much on shopping for gifts, and so many people are too hard to buy for these days, so I often just do gift cards myself. They never get returned, and everyone seems to like them.

I love shopping for other people at Christmas. It's so exciting to find the exact perfect gift for the person. I spend hours and hours looking because I refuse to just pick up a nice sweater or a gift certificate to a restaurant or something. I love buying holidays for people, too, especially those that really need them. (And I never get young kids clothes! Remember how much you HATED getting clothes when you were little?)

I always receive a lot of gift cards, but not because I ask for them. I'm admittedly quite hard to buy for, so most people, especially my family, think "Hey, she loves reading and cooking, so here's a certificate for Chapters or Williams Sonoma." LOL. The exception has always been my good friends, who always seem to find the perfect thing. I like gifts with heart. Once a boyfriend gave me a boxful of random little things representing stuff we joked about a lot. It's hard to explain but it was lovely.

My stepdad drives me a bit insane at Christmas, though, because he is forever giving my mother gifts like workout gear and exercise DVDs, and she doesn't really exercise, and he also watches if she eats chocolate or plum pudding or whatever. I mean, lay off on her for a day, it's Christmas!

I have 2 sisters and a brother that are still alive out of the 6 of us kids that grew up together.(one sister died at age 21 and a brother at age 23) I think part of my resentment towards the selfishness of my DH's kids is that every yr. every penny affordable is spent on them and I haven't been able to buy my own sisters and brother a gift in our entire marriage. By George,, I'm buying for my family this yr. Both my parents are deceased. I love shopping for my own kids because they appreciate getting gifts. I will continue to always cook the traditional holiday meal, but I don't care if his girls show up or not. My kids still enjoy it and so do me and my DH.

Although I'm in support of the xmas spending to boost the domestic economy, I hate that xmas is now getting more and more commercial (not to mention, controversial! "Holiday Tree"???). I'm not religious, but I really think this is a good time of year to really savor the entire year with your family. I cannot fathom being in your shoes, lilybelle. I feel like I might just abadone everything, the gifts, the fruitcake and the xmas cards along with xmas dinner if NO ONE sees the real meaning of quality time. Your kids should really appreciate what you give them, even if it was just a HUG. I love xmas because each time I think of it, I remember all the great memories I had, not all the great presents I had. To be given a chance to spend time with people that really matter, people that are close to you, that's more than enough. To have some great dinners and brunches wouldnt hurt either.


Maybe I should have a little talk with your hubby's kids. I'm around their age, but I could never agree with their pickiness.

I look forward to it every year! I love making cookies, wrapping gifts, decorating the house. Maybe this is because I still have small children, but I absolutely love it!

My very favorite time of Christmas is the day I spend with my sisters and brother for a holiday get-together. We just all enjoy this day and there isn't any pressure to give or receive gifts, we all just do whatever we want or can afford to do for each other. My own kids and all their kids are there. My step-children aren't with us on this day. We play a white elephant game and all have fun with it. We also sing music and have a great meal together. This yr. I am definitely wanting to buy a nice gift for my siblings, I really miss picking out special things for them.

You are not alone. Christmas is a huge binge inducer for me. Always has been. There's a lot of tension in my family. Dh's family is no better, and it takes six hours to get there to watch his mom have the fit o' the year. I do all the shopping which means rushing around at lunch time, all the wrapping, all the planning, all the cooking, all the cleaning and all the decorating while dh sits around watching tv. My mom wants us to give her a list so she doesn't have to work too hard to get gifts. I just decided to save her even more trouble and ask for a gift card. She prefers that anyway. Now that my sister will finally have a kid, I hope we can stop with the adult gifts altogether. That would be a huge relief.

This year we are living in a tiny rent house. Our tree and all the christmas stuff is in storage. I don't even know what we'll do for christmas this year.

kateful, sorry to hear Christmas is always so stressful for you too. I do all the shopping, wrapping, cooking and cleaning too. I do the inside decorations. My DH helps with the outside decorations. After all, someone has to get on the roof and it's not gonna be me, LOL. I worry that it will cause me to binge eat too. It didn't last year. I do have some recipes for Low Carb cookies and fudge that I want to try this yr. Plus LC cheesecake.
When we were young adults without children me and my sib's all bought for each other. No matter how broke we were. Sometimes it was just socks or something really cheap but it still meant a lot. I miss this.
My MIL is very difficult to shop for. She has a lot of money and buys herself anything that she wants or needs. It is hard to find a gift for her. My DH needs new tires for his Jeep, so this is what I am getting for him. Very impersonal, I know, but he needs them.

I was trying to figure out what I was trying to get at with my post earlier and I think my point is that...and this is a stretch...and not to condone the step kids' behavior...but how have they managed through their parents' divorce? I know you guys have been married for some time now, but are they maybe deep inside resentful that their parents got divorced? I know I was bratty and impossible to please because I was really deeply depressed in my early 20's. Maybe they've got some deep seeded issues and Christmas brings them out? What they really want is their own original family back together, so since they can't have that, they're looking for big gifts to compensate?

I still, really, really like the idea of donating funds in their name and giving them a card telling them so. But it should be coupled with a holiday experience that shows them what it's like to have less than they have...like working with the soup kitchen or meals on wheels or visiting people in nursing homes. Something to help them realize the reason for the season.

In fact, I would like to talk to my husband about that...our daughter is only 12 and our son is 5 (almost 6) and I'd like to start to donate in their name to a charity they choose...maybe we can start with toys for tots. Hmmm...maybe this might be an avenue you can go with your step kids...take them out to Toys R Us and pick out a toy for them to give to Toys for Tots? Or find an Angel Tree in the mall and buy something for that child? Help them to understand what it's all about. I think their age...early 20's...can be a very egocentric time. It's all about them and what they want. YOu should sit them down and tell them that they are invited to dinner, but they should have enough respect for you and all of your family to sit down and enjoy. As for the Grandma's present...I would have taken them aside and told them they were being rude and spell it out for them what's expected of them. Even at 20 years old, they're still growing up and learnign how to be responsible adults and I'm sure you could tell them how to be in a nice way, Lilly. I have an example:

There is a boy named Ezra that lives across the street from us. He used to scare the you-know-what out of me because he had dark, long hair, tattoos and wore baggy, dark clothes. He went to the high school for the bad kids down the street. Anyhow...he aspired to be a roadie for a rock band. Great...so he moved to Florida after he graduated and ended up bottoming out. Well, to make a long story short, he moved back, cut his hair, got a job at the local radio station and is now about 25. Lives with his mother, BUT, he bought her a new lawn mower, mows the lawn all the time, cooks her dinner before she gets home. He's turned out to be a great young man! My point is...kids in their early 20's are still learnign how to be normal adults...teach them the way, Lilly! Tell them what 's expected at Christmas and if they can't conform to YOUR rules, then they should just go to their mother's house. End of story.

I'm rambling...I hope things work out for you this year!

I love and hate christmas both. DH and I are both very close to our families. On DH's side, we spend christmas day with his family, we get up early and watch his 18 and 11 year old (this year) neice and nephew open their gifts. We have breakfast go home and are back for dinner....in between breakfast and dinner our kids open gifts that we didn't take with us to the other place.
We usually do christmas eve with my family which is tricky because my mom and dad are divorced, my mom is remarried, dad is not. We used to have a big dinner with everyone at my house because it is the biggest of my sister's/and mine and it gives both parents a neutral place to come.(my sisters: 11, 13, 27, 31) Last year though we had christmas on the 24, 25, 26 and sepearated my parents. It is just to crazy I love being with my family, DH's family has a big problem with me right now (well since march) and I just dont want the hassle.
Gift giving on the other hand is pretty easy. DH's family only the kids get gifts, the 18yo will get gifts until she's 90 because she is a spoiled brat. but We will stop giving her gifts when she turns 20. My family gives to the kids and each individual family draws a name and we give ornaments. This year we are doing small homemade gifts or low priced gifts for the kids.

techwife, they are definitely resentful of their parents divorcing. Always have been, but it wasn't my fault. I came afterwards. Before that, they had been in a very strict Mormon home and I know it is difficult for them to ever accept things to be different. Their dad is now married to me and their mom lives with her boyfriend. This isn't how they were raised. Every one of them have left their religious upbringing and so have both parents for that matter. To me, they all seem to be way too impressed with monetary things and will only hang out with the "rich kids" even though they aren't "rich". My own kids are so different. Many of their best friends are very poor and it doesn't matter to them.
As far as taking them to a nursing home, angel tree or a soup kitchen, there isn't time. They only show up for 30 min's at most at Christmas time. Long enough to open gifts and refuse the dinner that I cooked and say they have to leave. I don't know how it will turn out this yr. 2 of them are living in Nevada, one is still in OK. and one is in Arkansas.
Believe me, I did let them know how badly they had hurt their grandmothers feelings last Christmas. It was undeniably wrong.

jcatron, I know how this is. We have Christmas at home with my kids and his. Another Christmas with his mom, sister and Aunt. Another Christmas with my family. It is so hectic to do it this way.

I used to buy my older brother (20) birthday gifts and cards. He never thanked me. About two days after his 17th birthday, I found the card I gave him on the floor of the car, covered in dirt and torn.

I've never bought him another thing.

If they don't like what you give them, why bother? If they don't appreciate the effort you put in, then why try? Don't stress out over people that aren't worth it.

Lilly...if you've got it in you, I would LOVE to see you do the "This amount has been donated to <pick a charity> in your name" thing. That would really scorch 'em! Please, please, please..... :cloud9:

What a horrible thing for those girls to do to their grandmother! :( They sound so selfish and thoughtless. It sounds like Christmas is just about getting gifts and being forced to sit through a family visit that they don't want to be at. That is so unfair to their dad.

Maybe you and your DH need to sit down and review what is important to both of you at Christmas and start making some new traditions. One thing you could do is have a Christmas morning breakfast/brunch with your kids and open gifts in the morning, then have his daughters over for tea and biscuits in the afternoon since they just seem to show up to get a gift anyway. That will reduce the amount of work you have to do for the dinner and then you can relax and enjoy the rest of the evening on your own with DH and the kids that want to be there. You will have less hard feelings since you hadn't planned on serving the selfish girls dinner anyway. :lol:

I know gift cards are easy but I prefer getting a gift that someone put some thought into. It doesn't have to be anything expensive it's just the thought behind it. :)

techwife, I would love to do the charity donation with their gift money. It would make me feel good. I am afraid that DH would not like it at all. He is extremely sensitive where his ungrateful kids are concerned and would think I was being mean to them. I am leaning toward just giving him money (I control all the money in our household) and let him give them a gift, gift card or whatever he chooses. I will let them know this is what I did and whatever they get is what their dad chose to give them. I will shop for my DH, my kids, my MIL and Aunt and my siblings and that is it. Oh, I will buy my 2 grandbabies some gifts. Maybe this could help take gift giving pressure off of me.

I think that is a great idea!

HEY LILYBELLE~

Don't let "one bad apple spoil the whole bunch girl!"

Being a christian, I am all for giving to charity or your church during the season of Christ's birth, however, I feel giving to charity in the name of your step-monster kids would be done more to hurt them than benefit the charity ~ although I will say that that is something "I" would do!!:D

Personally, I feel the best thing to do would be to include them in everything just as you are doing your own children, buy them nice presents, just as you are doing for your own ~ if they don't show up (all the better!) too bad for them....take the high road dear...it will pay off at some point..

don't listen to TECHWIFE...she is evil :yes: ...she thinks too much like me! ;)

I sympathize about young adults only wanting money--it really is more fun to pick out gifts. However, my in-laws always gave us a monetary gift in addition to some personal gift and they never knew how much that money helped catch up bills and actually made it so we could afford to come home for Christmas. We never wanted anyone to know how we were struggling. Now that they have passed away, I wonder if I showed my gratitude enough. BJ

I can see where you all are coming from. To me, they do ruin the spirit of Christmas. After all, it is Christmas, not PAYDAY and I have even had them call in advance to ask how much they would be getting for Christmas or B-days before. They usually take the money or gift cards and buy for their boyfriends with it.
EZ-Money, there is no way on earth that I will stress myself out again to pick them out gifts. DH can pick them out gifts if he chooses. After 8 yrs. of this, I surrender.

Good for you Lilybelle! Way to stand up for yourself. Maybe now your H will see what his kids do to you every year!

Lilybelle - I have a similar situation going on but with older children of my bf.
What we have done is each buy for their family & put both our names on the tags. That puts the onus on the individual to buy for their own families. And I know everyone should all be one family, but we are not. This has saved me alot of money & aggravation.

Good luck.

bandit, I completely agree. We should be "one, big happy family" but this is never going to be.

Lilly, I'd advise not skipping on gifts for the girls no matter how ungrateful they are, because it could come back to you in a negative way - "you guys love HER kids more, and the proof is that THEY got gifts for Christmas and WE didn't!" Trust me, I've seen enough blended families, and this could easily happen.

Making DH do shopping for his ego-centric girls is a great idea. I personally LOVE the charity contribution idea.

I think there is still hope for them. Early 20s is still a pretty developmental stage.

I guess my focus this year is going to be less on gifts and more on tradition and togetherness. Gift-giving is so hard, because our economy and standard of living is so opulent that we (at almost any income) can purchase what we want at any time. I tend to purchase consumables for gifts.

I totally agree. Christmas is about spending time with family and friends. Things were getting difficult for us financially a few years back so we decided to tell everyone we were only going to buy gifts for our respective parents and our godchildren (and 3 kids belonging to close friends) due to financial issues.

When we spoke to our friends most of them were relieved to hear it at as they were struggling too and were quite happy to just visit with us and exchange tins of home baked goods and share a glass of wine or two while watching the kids open their gifts. We sometimes do a potluck dinner too.

We've continued this over the last few years and it has taken a lot of pressure off both us and our friends and we look forward to our get togethers and sharing time toghether during the holiday season. :)