I convince myself I don't look too bad straight on, but in profile, LOOK OUT! My goal some days is to get down to "obese" from "morbidly obese". Baby steps, I guess

Hmm...I was similar but with a twist. I too rationalized when I got heavier - hitting 175 ish at my highest, but I was very aware of my double chin, my flabbier arms, my fatter thighs and my ever expanding tummy. I just thought nobody ELSE would notice while I did. Silly me. I think my turning point was when I stopped looking in the mirror because I just couldn't face the thought of looking at my ugly self. That's when I decided to make some changes for the better.

I've always felt fat... even when I wasn't really fat, but now I am fat, and I know I'm fat. But last summer when I was 138 (3 lbs from goal weight!) I STILL felt fat-fat-fat.

When I was in hi-school & college (yearsssss ago, LOL) I was 103-115, and STILL felt incredibly fat.

I really don't know WHY I feel this way about me. But just for the moment, at 158 lbs, I KNOW I AM FAT. And I hate myself for it.:?:

I am nearing my goal and still feel fat. I have considered lowering my goal to 135 to see if that would make me feel better. I was feeling pretty good about myself until my DH got out the video cam. the other night and I have way more loose skin than I thought. I still think my tummy is bigger than I want. It's weird that I am more critical of my looks now than before I started losing weight.

Oh, I'm much more critical of my looks now than I was when I was fat...especially all the loose skin on my stomach. I KNOW that if it wasn't there, I would feel better about myself. But, it just hangs and I can't wear certain shirts and certain fabrics because you can see the dimpling. That right there makes me feel fat. The extra skin on my arms has gotten a lot better, but on my upper, inner thighs it's terrible. I hate it all.
When I complain or get depressed about it my DH always says that I should be happy because I accomplished so much and I look fantastic. He said to me, "If you did have the surgery to remove the extra skin, do you think that would cure all of your worries? That you would be happy with your body then?" I thought about it and realized that I probably wouldn't be. There's always going to be something about my body that I don't like.

That's how I feel, too. Even when I'm not focused on my weight, I'm having a hate-affair with my hair, or my skin, or my feet... :rolleyes: I swear, it's always something.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?? :?:

Because we're women! LOL

Thank you for posting this; as I read your original post, I was sure you were in my head! I've been struggling with this lately (well, ok--more like 2 years). I don't even know how much I weigh at this point; I'm guessing around 175-180, but I've managed to delude myself for a while, even as I've had to by ever-larger sizes. I've had to re-outfit myself this summer because the "fat clothes" I had to buy last summer are no longer fat enough.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks, and that it's nice to know that so many others are feeling the same way.