I'm so frustrated as I write this I hope I don't sound stupid. I moved to Texas 10 yrs ago with my now ex-husband for his job. At the time of the move we were seperated, he came to me telling me he had a great promotion offered to him but it involved him moving to Texas, we are from Alabama. He said he wouldn't move here without me and the kids, we have 2 children, but this was a great chance for "us" and he wanted me to move with him. I agreed to move here because I truly wanted to keep the family together. After less than a year of being here he decided he needed to get a girlfriend, I found out and left him, again. We've been divorced for several years now and i've decided I want to move back to Alabama to be near my family, as I only moved here to be with him. Now that this is going to court, he is refusing to let me move out of state. I understand completely that he wants to see his children, I understand completely that his children need to have him in their lives...BUT...he is more than free to move back to Alabama and/or see the kids as much as he wants. He's pulling this "bully" routine once again and now i'm stuck in Texas until my children are 18 yrs old, unless I get a judge that will go against what my attorney says is "normal texas law" that the judges here will want to keep the children in Texas so they can see their father, nevermind that I HATE it here and want to move. My ex had it made for the entire time we've been divorced...he hasn't had to pay child support, we had it drawn up so that he only had to pay for school and medical expenses, which for the record, he didn't do. That is of course changing now, i'm going for a child support modification so he will have to pay it to me and I can take care of school and medical...so i'm sure that's just ticking him off even more. He's never been one to put his time with the kids above everything else....he's had me watch them on his weekends so he can go on a golf trip, or a vacation with his g/f...or he leaves them home alone so he can go "visit" his g/f who lives about a mile from his house...our kids are 12 and 10...I don't mind them being home alone for an hour or so...BUT..he didn't answer his cell phone when they called him when my daughter fell and hurt her ankle..so they called me...then they got in trouble for calling me...because it basically busted him.
Anyone have any ideas or been through anything like this??
I have been in your shoes on the child custody in Texas. I divocred and my ex-husband tried having stipulations put in my divorce agreement that would prevent me from moving out of Texas. It did not happen. If it's not already in your papers then you have a 95% chance of moving with the kids and fighting him. Almost all judges want the kids to stay with the mom. The only was they would give them to your ex is if there is abuse going on in your home. If you kids would call 911 when he leaves them home alone your case would be a lot easier. In Texas it's not legal for them to be home alone until they are 13. I just went through this with my ex-husband. I left the my boys home with my brother they are 8 and 11. My brother got called to work before I got back. My oldest and my brother butt heads often and my son thought he would be getting uncle Joel into trouble by calling his dad and telling him that Uncle Joel left them alone. My ex called the police and that's who I found with my kids when I got home. They were just about to take the boys when I pulled up infront of the house. I explained that I was two blocks from the house at the church...my brother was there when I left. I didn't know he left. I got the message on my cell phone from my ex when I got in the car after the service was over and cam straight home. They explained the age laws of leaving them home alone. It all got straightened out. If you ex is not one to spend time with them or stay home with them turn the tables on him and tell him your moving he can have them. Call his bluff. Tell him your miserable here and moving back and they can live with him. I promise you he will change his tune!!
Thank you very much for your response. It just seems so unfair that someone can basically dictate where I live. I moved here to be with him...he decided he didn't want to be with me anylonger so i'm just supposed to suck it up and stay? Makes no sense. I've got a really good aggressive attorney...I told her whatever it takes...do it...I can't stand living here.
You could see a lawyer about making a modification to your custody order. Does your current custody order have a geographical restriction? It would help you if you changed your thinking a bit - instead of making this about you make it about the best interest of your kids - not a criticism but a suggestion to help you frame your case to be successful with the court. The court is interested in the best interest of the children, and if you build a case on why the move back to your home state is in their best interest that will help you. Also the court will look at his involvement, monetary, emotional support of them - does he spend time with them etc. So all those things you describe are going to factor in. The court will also look at who the child wants to live with when the child is 12 or older. Just some things to think about.
I'm not in Texas but I do live in a different state than my ex. We lived here in Tennessee together our entire marriage and when we seperated/divorced he moved back to his home state, which is Oklahoma. He was stationed here in the military when we met.
I know you are miserable there but are your kids? Think really long and hard about moving them away of what they've known as home all their lives simply because you would like to be closer to what you knew growing up. My kids had their Dad and now they don't - they see him in the summers only. My son is 12 and he has suffered severely for it - the official diagnosis for my son is major depression with psychotic features - he has good days and bad but the instability of his emotions is horrific. It's been almost 4 years so it's not something they will just get over.
Ask your kids where they want to live. Them wanting to stay doesn't mean you are stuck there for the rest of your life....it just means you are there to raise your children and then you can move back to Alabama. I understand your frustration but we tend to forget who's truly getting hurt when we face these type of issues.
I agree in part with both Rhonda and Carrie. If you want to move, you have to show that it's better for the kids. If he's pawning them off when it's supposed to be his time to spend with them, you need to start documenting that to prove what time he really takes isn't the time he says he does. Then, see if you can show that the AL schools would be any better than the ones in TX. Plus let the courts know that they'll have more family around. But also be sure to work out a workable plan for them to get to their dad's fairly frequently throughout the year. They won't be able to do ever other week or weekend as may be the case now, but they could have holidays and extended summers to make up for the time lost.
Courts won't always ask a 12 yo which parent they want to live with, but they sometimes do. And that doesn't mean they'll necessarily allow the child to choose, but what the child says can weigh heavily in their decision.
But considering that they've lived there for 10 years, what would the kids think of such a move? To them, TX is probably home. And it's not that your ex, or the courts, would be restricting you from moving. But the restriction is on the kids moving.
I also agree with most of the advice. No one can keep YOU from moving...bottom line ~ if you focus only on what is BEST for the kids ~ don't bad mouth their father ~ take all $$$ issues to court and get them resolved ~ and be THRILLED when the kids are dumped on you, because their father is flaking out, because it gives YOU more time to be with them, and not focus on what HE should be doing ~ continue to go church and seek help for whatever issues you may need assistance in ~~ well, my guess is that it will all work for the best in the long run. My prayers are with you....
Thank you all for your comments. Please know that if my children were not ok with the move I would not consider it at all. I wanted to move a few years ago but my son was not ready, so I put it off. Both children are very excited about the possiblity of moving, they understand they will not see their father as much as they do now but both have said "It's not like we're never going to see him again mom" so that gives me a little more comfort knowing they understand. I know that no one can tell me where I personally can live, but my ex knows that if I can't move with the kids i'm not moving.
My current custody order states that I have sole right to establish residency for the children, he agreed to that so I would agree that he would not have to pay child support to me. He's paid nothing at all for the past 2 1/2 yrs or so, before he was covering the cost of after school care, that is no longer an issue. My attorney said he probably agreed to that because his attorney told him that if and when I decided to move that he could fight it and he knew he would win....unforunately I was stupid enough to not get an attorney during our divorce, I just wanted it over with. I was never in this about the money, if I was I would have fought for child support all along.
I think he's trying to get me to hurt him. Just got a call from my attorney, not only is he trying to keep me from moving, he's now going for custody so he has the right to establish residency and he's trying to keep me in ONE school district. Ok, I live in a suburb of Houston and we have many school districts, so basically I have to either move to his neighborhood OR drive back and forth again to get my kids to school. I've never heard of such crap, my attorney was actually laughing when she told me this. She said "I think someone forgot to tell him his last name isn't god" . I know it's a very slim chance he may actually get this, but the shear thought of it terrifies me beyond belief. He has absolutely NOTHING he can use against me, i'm a great mother, put my kids above everything else in the world, never spank them, I don't believe in it, but they are disciplined, I have only one time had to have him watch them for me, that is when my father passed away and I had to go back to Alabama for the funeral. I don't get it, I must be missing something somewhere.
This isn't about you, but about him... his need to control and intimidate you. I am quite sure that you're a great mom. You don't deserve any of this - it's a reminder of why you're no longer with him (as if you needed one). I believe that what goes around comes around... keep living your life in a positive manner - both you and the kids will benefit. I like that saying - living well is the best revenge. Take care.
I hope it all gets worked out soon. Do you have employment in AL? If you can show that you have employment, I think that would make your case stronger. I'm not in TX but I know that in OK, if a parent relocates for employment reasons, it weighs into the court's decision.
make sure you have documentation of everytime he chooses not to take the kids because of "golf" or his "girlfriend" everything from day 1....that shows his lack of interest..
Ask your attorney what would happen if you secured a job back home...And had to move back there for reasons of income to support the kids which he isn't doing...
I hope it all gets worked out soon. Do you have employment in AL? If you can show that you have employment, I think that would make your case stronger. I'm not in TX but I know that in OK, if a parent relocates for employment reasons, it weighs into the court's decision.
Anyone up on Texas child custody laws?
I'm so frustrated as I write this I hope I don't sound stupid. I moved to Texas 10 yrs ago with my now ex-husband for his job. At the time of the move we were seperated, he came to me telling me he had a great promotion offered to him but it involved him moving to Texas, we are from Alabama. He said he wouldn't move here without me and the kids, we have 2 children, but this was a great chance for "us" and he wanted me to move with him. I agreed to move here because I truly wanted to keep the family together. After less than a year of being here he decided he needed to get a girlfriend, I found out and left him, again. We've been divorced for several years now and i've decided I want to move back to Alabama to be near my family, as I only moved here to be with him. Now that this is going to court, he is refusing to let me move out of state. I understand completely that he wants to see his children, I understand completely that his children need to have him in their lives...BUT...he is more than free to move back to Alabama and/or see the kids as much as he wants. He's pulling this "bully" routine once again and now i'm stuck in Texas until my children are 18 yrs old, unless I get a judge that will go against what my attorney says is "normal texas law" that the judges here will want to keep the children in Texas so they can see their father, nevermind that I HATE it here and want to move. My ex had it made for the entire time we've been divorced...he hasn't had to pay child support, we had it drawn up so that he only had to pay for school and medical expenses, which for the record, he didn't do. That is of course changing now, i'm going for a child support modification so he will have to pay it to me and I can take care of school and medical...so i'm sure that's just ticking him off even more. He's never been one to put his time with the kids above everything else....he's had me watch them on his weekends so he can go on a golf trip, or a vacation with his g/f...or he leaves them home alone so he can go "visit" his g/f who lives about a mile from his house...our kids are 12 and 10...I don't mind them being home alone for an hour or so...BUT..he didn't answer his cell phone when they called him when my daughter fell and hurt her ankle..so they called me...then they got in trouble for calling me...because it basically busted him.
