"tapped her on the bottom"? What does this mean, exactly?
I take it to mean he spanked her--not that he beat her to a bloody pulp or that he whipped her with a belt or anything crazy, just exactly what it said--tapped her on the bottom.
The way I see it, we have a bigger problem with violence in the world today than ever before in history (and I don't just mean war, but violence in the home and on the streets). Parents have been spanking their kids as punishment for thousands of years, so who am I to dispute that? I'll spank my children when necessary, but I'm completely confident that my spanking them will not turn them into violent, insane criminals when they get older. After all, I was spanked as a child, and I'm quite the opposite! I don't hate my parents for spanking me, and I don't think they were wrong to have done it.
Man, I LOVE Nanny 911 (haven't seen Super Nanny, but I think it's about the same thing). I know they don't use any kind of spanking at all (after all, it's someone else's kids!), but I still think that once in a while, it may be necessary. I only hope that I have the good fortune to be able to spend my days at home with my children instead of at work like most of the parents on those shows.
IMO-The words we use do have the power to shape the way we think of things. I believe in this case tap is a euphemism for hit. Not punch or slap but not pat either. If I wanted to get a strangers attention in public, I might tap them on the shoulder. When I used to try to get my baby back to sleep, I would tap (pat) him on the bottom repeatedly. I doubt that is what was being described in this instance. Calling something by a nicer name can allow us not to be truthful about the reality of what is happening.
IMO-The words we use do have the power to shape the way we think of things. I believe in this case tap is a euphemism for hit. Not punch or slap but not pat either. If I wanted to get a strangers attention in public, I might tap them on the shoulder. When I used to try to get my baby back to sleep, I would tap (pat) him on the bottom repeatedly. I doubt that is what was being described in this instance. Calling something by a nicer name can allow us not to be truthful about the reality of what is happening.
Diane, I agree with you. For me, denial is a way of life. I lied to myself when I gained NINETY pounds in four years. I used excuses and euphemisms and phoniness and just pretended it wasn't happening. I'm trying to stop lying to myself at least about what's going on, and it has been very profound and humbling.
I think using euphemisms is a similar form of denial and a form of shaping opinions. A tap to me is a tap on the shoulder to get someone's attention. A spanking is a spanking. A slap is a slap. A tap is something different. But the OP knows what she was talking about, so we really should ask her. She knows what she meant better than we do.
For me, denial is a way of life. I lied to myself when I gained NINETY pounds in four years. I used excuses and euphemisms and phoniness and just pretended it wasn't happening.
Sorry to hijack the thread, but isn't that the truth?! At 220 lbs., I wasn't fat, I was "fluffy" or "chubby" or a million others.
I'm not even stating an opinion on spanking, I'm just commenting on euphemisms. From the description of trying everything to end a tantrum, I was surprised that a tap (gentle touch) would end it.
My parents didn't spank me much - a few times when I was doing dangerous things, or once when I lied to my father about breaking something (lesson learned there!) We were more a family of VERY LOUD yellers, which, personally, I found worse than the rare spanks.
Tantrums - my mother told me she dealt with those in the home by taking me or my sister, when we were fully dressed, and gently putting us into a tepid full bath. The shock of suddenly being in water apparently immediately stopped the tantrums (I'm not talking very hot or cold water - warm!)
I dunno, I don't have kids, but I can see where spanking could be ok. I understand there are strong feelings on the subject here, and everyone has their own way - which is cool. Personally, I do not feel I was abused by being spanked... and if reasoning or time-outs may work better, I'd prefer that if I had kids.
But for immediate dangers like... sticking a knife in an electrical outlet, about to climb a wall covered in poison ivy while wearing a bathing suit... some short physical force may be needed. Maybe not spanking, but a powerful removal from the situation (Both were personal lessons from my childhood, heh!) I also once grabbed my little sister by the hood of her coat and dragged her off her feet back when she was about to walk off a rock cliff. But then, that's justified! Poor kid almost got strangulated but then, beats the alternative!
Has anyone here used to spank and changed over to not, or used to not spank and now does? Just curious about the change in methods if anyone experienced that.
p.s. I have not witnessed what I considered physical abuse but I can imagine becoming very, very angry and defensive for the child. I have overheard what I considered verbal abuse and that too is awful... I think words can be more powerful than physical force... speaking from my own growing up, I would be very careful what I said to a vulnerable young mind!
Last edited by BerkshireGrl; 03-28-2006 at 02:05 PM.
I spanked my daughter once. We lived in an apartment complex and the laundry was on the exact opposite from my apartment. I had my hands full with two baskets and my daughter (who was about 2 at the time) was heading full-steam-ahead to the road. I dropped the entire two baskets in the grass and ran after her and spanked her fanny. She had on a diaper. But she didn't cry, she just looked at me like I was insane. She also never ran towards the road again. But I think it showed an importance to her that she was in a dangerous situation.
I love Nanny 911 and Super Nanny. The best thing I take away from these shows is the importance of getting to eye level to talk to your kids. My son really comprehends what I'm trying to say to him when I do this. We can talk to one another and figure out what to do about a situation. I've also learned the importance of time out. I've always hated time out and thought it was a really dumb thing. BUT, watching these shows has shown me how it works. And my son HATES time out and the threat of it really works. My husband hates that I do time out...but he's not the one home all day, so if he can come up with a better plan, I'm all ears! BUT, I use my bottom step and the oven timer for 5 min time outs. Works EVERY time. My 11-year-old daughter...the one that was 2 and running for the road...gets her iPod taken away for a day...that works well, too.
I have four kids and we (DH and I) did spank our kids, but rarely. DH wouldn't spank the girls because he was afraid he would hit them too hard. Spankings were a last resort and done only with our hand, didn't want to hit with something that we couldn't tell how hard we were hitting. The girls probably only got two or three spankings their entire life. My son is a different story, I couldn't spank him because his bottom was so hard he would just laugh at me and thought I was playing. Because we didn't hit with anything other than our hand, my husband had to spank him and he probably got closer to ten his entire life. They are all grown now, one has graduated from college, two in college and one a junior in high school. IT didn't scar them for life and they are all very well adjusted and happy. If you were to ask them, they would say that the few times they received a spanking it was the only thing to get their attention.
I have an autistic son ( 3 years old) and was at a rehabilitation facility with him so he could receive speech therapy.. Well he was flipping pages through a magazine and ripped a page out intentionaly, I took it from him and put the mag. up at the reception desk so they could repair it and a woman that was sitting across from us says.. "if that were my kid i would beat his butt for doing that... some people dont know how to teach their children disapline" .. My reply to that way.. "how about I wait until you have a disability and beat the crap out of you" She got up and left mumbling under her breath... The nerve of some people
a woman that was sitting across from us says.. "if that were my kid i would beat his butt for doing that... some people dont know how to teach their children disapline"
WOW. I can't believe the nerve of some people. Sure, I believe in spanking, but not for EVERYTHING. I mean, ripping a magazine page out really isn't such a deplorable offense that it should require you to "beat his butt." Also, just because I believe in spanking, I know there are some people who don't, so I would never suggest to someone to do so (not that I ever would for such a minor, non-dangerous offense in the first place). I bet if THAT woman had gotten enough/better discipline growing up, she might have better manners
[QUOTE=jillybean720]I take it to mean he spanked her--not that he beat her to a bloody pulp or that he whipped her with a belt or anything crazy, just exactly what it said--tapped her on the bottom.
You are right. He spanked her. It was one swat. Not as light as a tap on the shoulder, but not as hard as a whipping. Knowing my husband, he probably had his hand cupped so that she didn't feel too much at all. As far as being in denial, I wouldn't say I was in denial about spanking my kids. I will freely admit that occasionally I have had to give them a swat or a spanking, or whatever you would like to call it. The reason I said tap was that is something we just say in our house. For example, "We have tried time out, we have tried the corner, this is your last warning. If you continue your behavior, you are going to get a tap on the bottom."
My kids are 10 and 15 now and they are both well-adjusted kids. I honestly can't remember the last time we had to spank either one of them and I would say that you could count all of the spankings that they have received on one hand.
We were more a family of VERY LOUD yellers, which, personally, I found worse than the rare spanks. 
(I'm not talking very hot or cold water - warm!)
