Lena - I don't think you're "namby pamby" at all. My son is 6 and I have also chosen to not spank him. I've gotten crap about it sometimes from my parents and grandparents, but he has turned out to be a sweet, sensitive kid. He has his moments, but no more so than any other child.
Haha, I was just the opposite! My parents would put me in the corner or send me to my room (we didn't have toys or anything in our rooms because my mother ran a day care out of our home when we were little, so we had a "play room" where we kept all toys), and it did NOTHING because I would just sit there and do my time and then go and do whatever it was I was doing again. With a swat on the bottom, on the other hand, I felt physical pain and did not wish to repeat that pain, so it taught me to stop doing that (just like spraying water in a dog's face--it's an uncomfortable feeling, and that discomfort becomes associated with the bad behavior).
Yup. When my mom and grandma both repeatedly admonished us (me, brother and aunt) to stay within hearing distance when we wanted to play in the woods behind the house, we STILL didn't listen. We kept venturing further and further. Thought it was cool. We come down out of the woods and there they both stood with their arms crossed and a tapping their feet. They'd been yelling and yelling for us. Grandma points back to the trees and says "Each of you go get me a switch". As an afterthought, she adds "And don't bother removing the leaves from it either."
I never again went off out of hearing distance. It stuck with all 3 of us. I think it was quite warranted. I think if she'd put us in a corner, it wouldn't have made quite the impression. And perhaps the next time, we may have wandered truly too far.
There are patients of mine at work who seem to be shocked when thier children act like children. They are trying to punish the childhood out of them. Kids are kids. They are going to run around and be full of energy and get into things. The patient in question grabs her children's arms and squeezes really hard, so it doesn't look like she's doing anything, she also has slapped her child repetitively. I told her that if she continues to treat her child that way I would not hesitate to call the authorities. She threatenned to "have my job". She stopped, and I have kept an eye on her when she's come in to the office, she's been fine, but I still worry for that child when they are in other places.
People don't like the meddle. It's easier just to look away. However, those poor kids can not defend themselves, someone needs to do it for them.
As far as spanking goes, I was spanked a few times, because I guess I had too much imagination to be put in time out. I actually ended up looking forward to it, rather than feeling punished. It all depends on the child and the parents. I cried more at the thought of getting spanked rather than the spanking...
To those who slap/hit/punch/smack/berate: They say they know how to parent thier children, and don't need anyone to tell them how to do so. I say that producing a child and parenting a child are two different things.
Almost everyone can learn how to be a better parent. They should want to, to be the best they can be for thier children. If we can always learn more in our occupations, it's the least we can do w/ our children
I've often been made to believe that I'm too namby-pamby for not spanking.
Absolutely not! I agree wholeheartedly with you. I remember when my oldest son (now nearly 19) was about 6. He smacked his little sister. I grabbed his arm and started smacking his bum WHILE saying "we do not hit each other in this house". I mean, what an eye opener that was! I hardly ever spanked him as it was but after that defining moment (talk about a lightbulb!), I vowed never to raise my hand to my children ever again. I'm glad to say they are all reasonably well-adjusted, loving and respectful kids, no spanking required. It is possible to discipline, even in tough situations, without spanking.
I've seen this sort of discussion really get nasty before. I think it's wonderful that everyone can express their differing opinions with such respect!
Oh Lena, I don't think anyone could defend slapping a child repeatedly on the face, even the pro-spankers...I think you are fine.
As a "pro-spanker" I agree completely! Most pro-spankers are NOT supportive of child abuse and very clearly understand the difference between that and a swat on the tush. Personally I was severely abused as a child and I will and have called the police if I see a child being abused. I am sad for this poor little child and disgusted that the authorities were unable or unwilling to do anything about it!
The funny part was, after the women said "Let me teach my grandchild, okay?" back to the mean, the kid screams at the man, "Dont yell at my grandma-ma! SHe a nice lady!" Funny thing was, no one even cared to say anything else. The train was packed but no one was going to approach her for hitting her child.
Actually I find that to be the sad part! Children DO by nature love their parents and grandparents and want to believe they are nice even when they are abusive. Our kids need to be protected and if the parents/grandparents won't do it, someone else needs to step in!
I was spanked...when I deserved it. And it wasn't done out of anger. But that guide you posted Lulu...it makes it sound like ALL spanking is terrible violent abuse and that every kid who is ever spanked will become another Hitler...or worse.
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Yeah, a lot of people believe that all spanking is abuse and is wrong. I think the http://www.nospank.net site is a great starting point, but there are sites all over the net about the dangers of spanking.
I don't know how much you got through on the site, but it has some great points about emotional abuse at schools (like not letting kids go to the bathroom). I believe it is never OK to hit a child. That pretty much sums up my feelings about the matter. Have you seen the Gentle Christian Mothers site? They are much more understanding about the point of view of the spanker, but they still think it is not a good idea.
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Yeah, a lot of people believe that all spanking is abuse and is wrong. I think the http://www.nospank.net site is a great starting point, but there are sites all over the net about the dangers of spanking.
I don't know how much you got through on the site, but it has some great points about emotional abuse at schools (like not letting kids go to the bathroom). I believe it is never OK to hit a child. That pretty much sums up my feelings about the matter. Have you seen the Gentle Christian Mothers site? They are much more understanding about the point of view of the spanker, but they still think it is not a good idea.
Haven't seen the other site and only read a little of the nospank site. I never really cared much about what others thought of spanking. I always figured to raise my kids the way I thought best and let others raise theirs how they felt best.
I've run across kids who were spanked to the point I'd call it abuse, and were scared of their parents, and some who were never spanked, nor disciplined in any manner, and walked all over the parents...and everyone else. IMO, there's a middle ground in there. And if it includes a timely swat that hurts pride more than anything or banishment to a corner for the parent who doesn't want to engage in swatting, either one works.
There are entirely different ideas and approaches to teaching children that dont involve punishment. If anyone is interested Jan Hunt's excellent site on childrearing is highly recommended. http://www.naturalchild.org. Your son is still so young, you might find these sites interesting to explore, just to get an idea of the underpinnings for not spanking.
BTW, I am amazed at your impressive weight loss! Way to go! Maintaining like that after pregnancy is amazing.
The natural child project is a wonderful website..
We wonder why we live in such a violent society when we raise our children with violence. I find it difficult to fathom why our children have less human rights than adults... they are our most vulnerable in society, yet are accorded such little respect.
I don't shame, physically abuse or alienate my friends or other adults when they irritate me - I fail to see why it is appropriate with my child.
Good on you for not letting it pass and saying something...
I always tried to use time out with my kids, which 90% of the time worked. I remember one time though when my daughter was four, she threw a terrible tantrum. We lived in an apartment with pretty thin walls and she was screaming like someone was killing her. I was just waiting for the police to show up! We tried time out, we tried reasoning, and everything else. Finally, my husband went into her room, tapped her on the bottom and lo and behold, tantrum was done! And five minutes later, she was in the living room humming and singing away.
My son is 6 and I have also chosen to not spank him. I've gotten crap about it sometimes from my parents and grandparents, but he has turned out to be a sweet, sensitive kid. He has his moments, but no more so than any other child. 
