[Optical Goddess]

Hi..I'm not sure if this is the place to post this, but it seems to be very friendly and supportive and that's what I need right now...

Here's the deal: I will be married for 2 years in May. I have been w/ my husband for quite a while before this. I notice that lately ( last month or so), he seems less than, um.."interested" in me. I've been going to the gym more, feel better about myself...he has said that he thinks that's great and he's supportive of my new healthier lifestyle, but we just dont' seem to talk anymore. It's rather depressing. He flirts and such, but it never goes beyond that. He is makin' the move to go from working for "the man" to working as a partner with another person. They are spending time getting everything in order before he actually quits his current job. He knows that this is cool w/ me and that I think it's a great idea..so there's no resentment there...

Could it be just because he's so preoccupied with all this? He is the kind of person that when he gets something on his brain that's all he really does for awhile..he's a computer networking engineer, and he takes a lot of certification tests, when he sets the date to take on, he's full tilt until he takes it.

See, I think I know what the issue is, but I'm not sure. I figure that there are so many people on this site that have had more and different experiences than I have that someone may be able to offer an encouraging word....

Also, I am sorry for introducing myself w/ such a personal post, but I have been reading all about you for so long that it feels comfortable to me anyway.

Me: I am 27 yrs old, I'm an optician from Wisconsin, I'm married w/ a cat and a guinea pig. I am not ready for kids yet...I'm stepping towards my oven, but it's not preheating and I"m not ready to put a bun in it yet...I'm generally a happy person, but I am bipolar, so sometimes my mental antennae are out of whack. I like to write, draw, knit, read, learn new things and work out.

Currently my "diet" of choice is calorie counting. I just started it but it's working out a lot easier than I thought it would!

If any one thinks i have over stepped my bounds here, just let me know, I promise I will not be offended or upset since I'm the one who put myself out there.

Cheers,

Optical Goddess ( more like optical nerd)

[Tina30]

Hello and welcome. This is the perfect place to ask for advice. I am fairly new here also and it is really nice to have non judgemental people give you advice. Have you talked with you husband about the way you are feeling? It could be that he does not even know he is doing something to upset you. I know what you mean though when you are working so hard you would like to see some enthusasim. I think it could be though that he has a lot on his plate with work. Maybe you could suggest a romantic night out and see how that goes. I think though you just need to keep on improving on yourself and making yourself feel better. It sounds like you are doing great so keep up your good work. I also just watch my calories and it really is simple. I have been on all sorts of goofy plans and they are impossible and never work long term for me. So just try to keep your head up and talk with your husband I bet it will be that simple. Have a great weekend and stay positive.

[kykaree]

I was going to suggest talking to him as well. It's not easy though. I am a fairly sensitive person, and quite good at awkward conversations (I work in a clinical call centre and discuss all sorts of stuff with people) Whenever I talk to my hubby about this sort of thing, he gets terribly upset.

Make sure you use lots of "I feel" statements, and try and make it about you and your needs, not what he isn't doing to meet them. Even write it down so you get your phrasing right.

I know that may sound a bit over the top but sexuality is so tied up to a man's identity that if they think they're not performing to standard, they take it very personally, in my opinion.

He's probably just tired and preoccupied, and perhaps not even aware of how little it's happening. I doubt very much it's anything to do with you and your relationship.

I'm in the same boat as well, but my hubby is 21 years older than me, and it's just a tiredness and a bit of an age thing. 54 year old men have different needs than a 33 year old woman.