Giving birth.....
 

I am 35 years old and have been married for 4 years. My husband and I are thinking about having a baby next year but I am DEATHLY afraid of giving birth. Are most labors that painful?

My best friend just had a baby and she said that the epidural helped her push because it numbs you but she said that the pain was still unbearable. She said she thought that she was going to die!

Well I won't lie and say childbirth can't be painful, BUT once you see your baby the pain becomes unimportant......

On a bright note, some births aren't painful at all......Just do some research and see which method would be best for you......

I won't share my TWO horror stories, but I will say that if you decide on an epidural, MAKE SURE there will be someone there 'round the clock to give it. Babies don't wait for the anesthesiologist to come to work at 8AM!!!!

Even though I ended up having to have an emergency c-section, I thought my gall bladder attacks to be much more painful than the labor pains I experienced. I agree that if you do a ton of research before hand and are prepared for it, it isn't so bad. I know many women who will hire a doula to be with them and she's someone who can really help you through the pain.

good luck.

I'll spare you my birth stories! BUT...I will tell you that what you hear about the pain being forgotten are TRUE! I have no idea of how it happens / works! But... most of us would have only 1 child if it was any other way! I think it is very natural to be afraid...... of the whole thing.... not just the pain!

I adore my babies...*even* (;)) at nearly 14 and 10! I'd do it all again in a heartbeat AND would have had more had my fear of not having enough $ over ridden my desire for a busload of kiddos!

Labor is what you make of it. SOme people don't have any pain, but those that do forget about it after the baby is here. Do your research and know what else is out there in terms of pain management. (I work for OB's that do homebirths with no pain meds). Most of all be comfortable with your decisions, know that there is only one right answer for you and your husband at this time.

I have had 3 c-sections, but the labor I had was nothing I could not have gotten through(my cramps were worse) :angel:

Look at it this way, an awul lot of women have more that one baby so it can't be THAT bad. I believe that the more you worry about it the worse it is going to be. The whole process of having a baby is absolutley amazing and every minute of it should be enjoyed.

Remember, too, that some people just can't stand not to tell you how awful their experience was. Why, I don't know. If you ask me, birth stories should fall under the "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" rule. Follow upswife's advice. Do your research, know your options and you will be fine.

Oh, and my first son was premature. When labor began I thought I just had to go to the bathroom really, really bad. I am convinced that had I been full term and had reason to think those cramps were labor they would have seemed much more painful because I was scared of labor and delivery thanks to everyone's horror stories. That actually made my subsequent labors much easier because I'd had the opportunity to feel that pain without considering all of my preconcieved notions. I was realistic - delivery certainly isn't pain free, and things can go wrong - but I didn't go into them expecting the most excutiating pain imaginable either.

All I can say is that you forget whatever pain you feel. It is immediate once you see your child. I had epidurals w/ both of my children. I felt something but I can't remember! I do remember seeing my children for the first time...

carafre

Originally Posted by :
I thought my gall bladder attacks to be much more painful than the labor pains I experienced.

My mom said the same thing - she'd glady have five more babies, natural, than one more gall bladder attack.

In my prior post, I thought the same thing Jawsmom said
"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" That, in my opinion, shoule be an unwritten rule especially when discussing childbirth.....

I appreciate all of the feedback. I agree that the anticipation of pain can make any situation worse.


Lisa

Lisa: I always thought if I became pregnant I would go through 9 months of horror worrying about the pain. I'm such a baby when it comes to pain (no pun intended, ha!). But I was thrilled when I got pregnant and was so excited to meet my son I just couldn't wait and didn't really think about the birth process at all.

I'd heard all the people saying "Yes, it's painful but you forget about it after you see your child." All I remember was the first part, "yes it's painful" and thought the rest was bs just to keep me from panicking.

But then the day came and my water broke and I headed to the hospital. 15 hours of labor, 1-1/2 hours of pushing and they finally decided to do a c-section. I got an epidural early on and the only time I felt pain was right after all the pushing when the drugs started wearing off and the contractions were hot and heavy. Yes, it was very painful for those few minutes, but then they added more drugs to the iv or whatever it is they do, and it went away again.

You may think drugs are not the way to go and that's a personal decision. If so, remember what someone else said, tons of women have more than one baby, so you can live through the pain. But if you don't mind going the epidural route, DO IT! You'll enjoy the whole experience without having to worry about the pain.

Good luck with whatever you decide! Babies are precious.

I agree with the others who said their gall bladder pain was worse than giving birth! OUCH! I would glady give birth another 4 times than ever have to endure another gall bladder attack! I've had four babies and who's to say it is painful. There was pain but it is all worth and as I said I would do it again. My first I was in labor with for 22 hours, not hard labor. It hurt but honestly I was ready to go home the next day-the doc wouldn't let me, darn. The others were more painful but the whole thing only lasted 5 1/2 hours-smooth sailing. Every one is different so what is painful to one may not be as painful to another so who's to say it is. Good luck to you and your hubby!

The best way I can explain how it feels.....your period cramping and achyness....it pretty much like that, but more intense. Its not so much pain as it is pressure your going to feel. I ended up with a totally natural child birth...due to circumstances beyond my control. Id do it again in a heart beat. I cant imagine not feeling when Im suppose to push. Its a pretty specatular experience.

I've doula'd at Hospital births. I chose a home birth for that reason.

I have both of my birth stories wrote up if you would like me to share them with you. In fact, birth photos are here: www.midwifemama.com/darlene
It was a home water birth.
Dar was born 9 pounds 6 ounces 19" and 11 months later, Daphne was born 9 pounds 7 ounces 22" long. Birth is like sex. Its just not the same for everyone, every time can be different, and expect to lose control at some point!
I really recommend Heidi Gocer's A thinking Woman's guide to Childbirth.
An epidural is always your option, but a lot of the time more interventions can equal more problems.
I wish you luck and if you any questions or would like to read my birth stories PM me.

Oh, and also - As soon as they are born You probably will forget the pain. With my first it was like that, with my second...I still remembered it, but I was excited to have the baby in my arms!

Take care,
EM

(PS) Please, do not make What to Expect when your Expecting your main source of reading while pregnant. It could very possibly make you very very paranoid and unafraid to listen to your own voice!

Also, now this will sound weird and totally fruit-cake'ish, but I have met women who have had nearly pain free births! Either naturally or with the help of Birthin from Within classes.

EM: You make me want to have another baby!! I love the pictures!!

Lisa: One thing that made ME feel very excited about giving birth was watching Baby Story on TLC. The worst thing you can do is talk to strangers when you're showing...you know...people in the store and things. I heard the worst, horrific stories about child birth, "I was in labor for three days!!" "I practically had to have my leg amputated to give the baby room to come out!" "I had an episiotomy practically from my navel to my tailbone!" "When I had a C section, they sewed my bladder into the incision and I nearly DIED!!" And I'm thinking...what makes these people think I really want to hear these horror stories at this juncture of my life? These things don't really happen and I'm sure these people are probably laughing at the horrified looks I have them.

In actuality, I love the memories of both of my kids' births. Does it hurt? Absolutely, at least a little. It's a lot like period cramps only you get a nice, beautiful baby after its over instead of an empty bottle of Advil. And it goes in waves, so you have PAIN, then a nice breather to say, "Wow...that sucked!" and get ready for the next. The only warning I'll give you is that when they talk about the 'urge to push'...it's not like you have an urge to do something, like going to the bathroom...it's like your whole body decided to do try and push out the baby without consulting your brain first. Everybody goes..."Don't push! Don't push!" and I was like, "I'm not! I'm not! My uterus has taken over and has developed a mind of its own!" It doesn't really hurt, it just takes you by surprise is all. Nobody warned me about this...I had to figure it out on my own...so now you know.

Anyhow...I took Lamase classes and they helped me TREMENDOUSLY. It's all a personal preference. Some people get really into it and do things all natural and do things at home, like EM, which is totally cool, too. I took Demerol because of the horrific labor stories I heard, but I really didn't need it. To tell the truth, it just made me sleep in between contractions, leaving me only awake during the painful part. I didn't get that...I wanted to sleep through the pain, not the in-between breaks! My second, I didn't have a drop of medication and I was fine. My first labor was about 12 hours with an hour of pushing and my second was 2 hours total. My first was a relaxed, drawn-out experience, till I started to push and my second was a two hour whirlwind of , "Holy crap! The baby's coming out any minute!" The first had a grape head because she was in there a while, the second had a perfectly round head because he came flying out so fast. Which is funny because they're both like that in real life....my DD is kinda lazy and in no hurry whatsoever in anything she does and my son is totally on fire to get things done and runs around like his butt's on fire constantly! Isnt' that funny?

In other words...you'll have your own personal labor stories to tell after you have your baby and it'll become as much a part of your life as your wedding, engagement, graduations, etc. It's an exciting thing to go through and if it were totally hellish, everyone would only have one and none of us would have gone back for more. Not only is every person different with their stories, but every baby is different! But they are all blessings and well worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears you put out during labor!!

;)

lol Tech, about the demerol part. I didn't handle natural cb like it was nothing. I beat my pillow and screamed "Take me to the hosp. I want an epidural" & "call 911, this sucks ***!" during my labor with darlene.
Luckily they gave me some wild lettuce, valerian root & something else in a tincture & I could sleep (I'd been up well over 24 hours. It was bed time when labor started). I was thinking alright, sleep!! But, no such luck. I'd sleep between contrax & then I'd be wide awake for the back labor. No fair! LOL
I found laying in bed worsened the contrax 1000 times worse for me, once I got on the birth ball or in the water things were alright until transition. Then "This sucks ***" became my mantra!
You are so right about it becoming a huge day of your life. I love birth, all aspects, the high you get afterwards, the baby...Everything!
Birth Stories are here : Www.mothering.com/discussions and click on birth stories. ALL kinds of birth stories, ceasarean birth, home birth, hospital birth, outside birth...It was really cool to read when I was pregnant and fun for me afterwards. Plus, they are updated daily as women have their babes.
Anyways, Tech was right on ;)

If your really don't want to give child birth,
than why not just adopt a parentless child? This world is over populated anyways. ;)

I had twins girls in November last year. I was in labor 5 hours and was 5 cm. My babies had turned during labor so I had to have a C-section. It really wasn't bad at all. Even though it sounds too good to be true... when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time, you forget the pain you went through! I am not able to have children without major medical help, but if I could get pregnant on my own... I would have another baby all over again in a heartbeat!:D

Just remember... every woman is different! When it's time to deliver your baby... you'll be ready! I promise!:)

I have had 4 great (well 3 great and 1 first) births- didn't even need an epidural. Pregnancy on the other hand...lol. I would much rather give birth! There is definitely a fear/pain cycle and the more prepared you are and the less you fear it the less it will be a negative experience. jmo! :)

Labor does hurt (of course) but my son is 6 now and I truly don't remember the pain of labor. I was put on pitocin so I was having stacked contractions. I remember getting to the point where I felt I needed some relief. It took the anesthesiologist 9 tries to get my epidural in and he had to leave twice because of emergencies. Even with those delays everything was ok. After the epidural was in it was just very manageable pressure. You will do fine. My advice would be to decide what kind of birth you want to have and find an ob that supports that. Then determine what will work for you during labor. I knew I wanted an epidural and when I was talking to the ob I ended up choosing she mentioned that she got one at 1 cm dilation (it was important to me to be able to get one when I felt like I needed it, not at a certain amount of dilation.) I actually only got to 2 cm after 19 hours of labor. After the epidural I got to 10 within 2 hours. Ultimately you decide what you want and it is so worth it! Don't let people scare you off. You never know, you might be one of those women who feel nothing and pop a baby out 2 hours later. Good luck!

I've had two children, and both of them were quick, and while I won't say painless, I will say that having the flu is worse. At least when your labour is finished you've got something to show for having a sore bum!!:D

Both of my kids came within four hours of my contractions starting. I didn't have time to even think about getting any drugs, and all I can say is that it's totally worth it.

I have noticed though, that many women like to tell their birth horror stories, especially as you get nearer to your delivery date. Try and ignore them!!

Everyone's labor is definitely different. I know people who had virtual pain free labor, a little crampiness and a little aching but nothing major. As for me, let me just say that I STILL haven't forgotten the pain (but she's only two so ask me again in a few years). But, on the other hand, it was all worth it to have to most beautiful daughter in the world.

Since you've heard horror stories, perhaps you just need to hear the other side.

With my daughter, I had the epi before I was induced. I never felt a thing...not anything. Granted, this was in 84, and things were a bit different then. So they didn't ask me to push or anything. I just laid there, so numb I had to be turned by the assistants.

With my son, who was just born 10/3, I wanted to see if I could do natural. LOL Yeah, right. Me...the biggest whiner about pain...natural? Uh huh. I made it through about the 10th or 12th contraction and demanded the epi. They had it ready because I'd asked for them to stand by with it. Was gonna try it, yeah, but was also aware that, knowing my low pain tolerance, I wasn't likely to actually manage it. Once I got the epi...bam! I again felt nothing. Zip, zero, nada. Although they did ask me to push this time...or more like demanded I do it. ;)

Now the dentist says novacaine wears off in about an hour. Not for me...it takes about 5 hours or so. And the epi is no different. Doc said I'd get the feeling back in my legs in about an hour. If we had to rely on that piece of advice, doc'd be out of a job. After several leg massages by my daughter, I eventually started to get the feeling back within about 4 to 5 hours.

So...how does novacaine affect you? That might be some indication of how the epi might work for ya. ;)

lifechanging.....
 

I have never posted a response, but have gained much insight and support form this sight. I felt compelled though to share some birth insight. I am 35 and have an amazing 3 year old son. Birthing a child can be so scary and yes so painful , but at the same time it is the most amazing thing you can experience. I thought I had pushed my body and gone to the limit physically and emotionally, but giving birth allows you to go into a whole new part of yourself. It is primitive, powerful, and I swear I connected with women like never before, and maybe for the first time with my mom!
I was gratefully able to birth naturally at a birth center, and felt like I could climb a mountian afterwards, such a high!
It is scary but such a good kind of scary, the kind that offers you new sense of courage, my feelings are don't pass it up, and what a gift afterwards, my son and I gave birth to eachother.

I have to agree with the posts that say it is different for everyone & it is quickly forgotten. With my dd I was two weeks over and had to be induced by a very tired doctor who was up the night before delivering two babies that decided to be nice and come early for their mommas. Make a long story short--by the time we got her back to give me something for the pain it was too late for me to be given anything...I survived and had a beautiful daughter to help me forget. I don't know about the gall bladder attacks, but I had a kidney stone and I never rolled around on the floor in constant pain in childbirth the way that I did with that darn stone.

All I can share is my experience.
I had three babies
The first one I had laughing gas.....took the edge off but I think mostly it was a distraction. The "ring of fire" just as you go into transition hurts!
But the whole thing start to finish was 7 hours......nothing beats the feeling when that baby is out and in your line of vision.
The second baby was an elective section as he was breech. Still wonderful when I saw him
The third baby was born so fast, didn't need anything.
The labour is a journey I felt privledged to participate in. It was wonderful......I would do it over and over.....it hurts, but it has an end......and a wonderful one at that.
The hardest part is not the pregnancy or labour, it is raising your kids and all the uncertainty and pain that goes with it.
Sounds strange to some but that is how I feel about it.
LIz

I looked at it like one bad day in my pregnacy with a realy good outcome.

I had 2 C-Sections. My 1st daughter was 10 weeks premature so it was an emergency. My 2nd daughter was 1 week early. My water broke and I decided to have another C Section. I didnt have any contractions with either baby. So I was spared all of the pain associated with delivering them.

Originally Posted by :
(PS) Please, do not make What to Expect when your Expecting your main source of reading while pregnant. It could very possibly make you very very paranoid and unafraid to listen to your own voice!

I feel the need to reiterate this. :)

Each and every birth is different. Even for the same woman. I labored only with my first and with my third (middle was immediate section after my water broke because she was trying to walk out into the world just like her big sister), and they were worlds different. The first I was induced with Pitocin and so flat on my back in bed. The third was spontaneous labor, during most of which I walked, danced, got in the pool, showered, squatted, etc. Conventional wisdom would have it that labor #1 was more painful, but the opposite in fact was true for me. This is mainly because baby #3 was "sunny side up," which I have since been told makes things about a hundred times more painful than the normal (face to your back) presentation.

There are many things you can do to help minimize the pain, completely outside of drugs (me, I'd have three more posterior babies before I'd let anyone stick a needle in my back again). I'd encourage you to look beyond the mainstream when it comes to pregnancy/birth options. The medical model for birth is not optimal from a biological standpoint (if you'll think about it for a minute, being flat on your back means you're working against gravity to get the baby out), and if you happen to be in the surgery-happy US (where the c-section rate is nearly three times the WHO's goal of 10%) it'll up your chances of needing a surgical birth. I've been there--twice--and, well, there's a reason I fought so hard for my VBA2C. I firmly believe that if I had had the sense to renew my acquaintance with the Bradley Method, which promotes conscious relaxation, I'd have had a much easier time of it with Esther's birth.

Totally apart from that, I tend to think women who go around sharing horror stories with pregnant women (and those who just want to be) ought to be slapped.